A/N: Thank you, my beloved reviewers, and don't cry, heres anudda chapta fer ya

Jen/Carolyn/Sam/Frodo/Gollum

There was now a loud screeching noise, as if a certain unnamed physics teacher had discovered a dead body while windsurfing (he actually has, I've heard the story like 5 times). Jenneva squeaked, Gollum hissed, Carolyn moaned, Frodo did his little 'i'm under a spell' look and Sam dove under a bush.

"Get under here, it'll see us. Mr. Frodo, hurry!"

The flying dragon-looking-type thing was circling around the marshes, calling for the ring. What, no one knows, though, is what it said. You see, the wraith was quite bored flying around looking for a teensy little hobbit in a big marsh. In wraithian, it was singin a well-known song...

"I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and gay! And I pity, any wraith who isn't me today..."

After the wraith left and Jenneva fended off another attack of presents from Gollum (a pretty stick with some mud on the end of it made for a sucker, apparently. How many licks to get to the slime covered center? The world may never know.), the group proceeded to Mount Doom. They topped a ridge and all of a sudden, there it was. A big thing with gates. Looking quite impressive and evil, might I add.

They were all staring at the immense number of troops marching through those giant gates, when Sam's part of the rock broke away from the face of the little cliff thingy. Frodo gave a strangled cry and chased after him, sliding down the hill to where his friend lay. He covered them both with his cloak as two soldiers broke away form the column and came to investigate the noise. Jenneva and Carolyn tensed as the guards drew closer to their friends and heard them clearly say :

"Look, two hobbits under a blanket."

Carolyn knew she had to distract the soldiers, or they would kill Frodo and she would never get to meet Faramir. She did the only thing she could think of.

"Hey, look up here!!!" she shouted, and proceeded to flash the two soldiers. They were staring at her, awed, when Frodo and Sam popped up and knocked them out. They quickly covered their two victims with Frodo's cloak, and hid under Sam's until the rest of the soldiers were inside the gates.

Frodo began to run towards the gate, but Gollum grabbed him.

"No, master! Too dangerous. Can't let them have the precious!"

"Then how will we get in? You've led us here for nothing!" yelled Frodo (he was obviously a little stressed out over the whole situation)

"There's a back way. Orcs don't use it, orcs don't know it. Come on, master! Follow Smeagol."

And with that, the group headed back in the direction they came from, now that they were sufficiently scared out of their wits.

Kelsey/Gimli/Legolas/Aragorn

Kelsey had been locked in a room while the males what with their sperm and all since they're SOOO much better talked about what the hell they were going to do. Kelsey fumed around her small room, randomly yelling, and then remembered the walkie-talkie.

"Roger, Carolyn, come in, Carolyn."

"Kelsey? Is that you?"

"Sure is, over."

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, how are you, over?"

"Fine, but Kelsey, you don't have to make the krrhh noise, the walkie talkie does it for you..."

"Such technology, saves us time and energy, over."

"So what's up then, why did u beep me?"

"Well, I got kidnapped by orcs, saved by Eomer, DUMPED by Eomer, took over Aragorn as tracking/storytelling person, found Gandalf, told them about Borry and the box, rode Shadowfax, fixed the king, but then he started to talk about women AND THEN THERE WAS A WEASEL!"

..........

"OVER"

"Wow Kelsey, you've been busy...Jenneva is bald."

silence

"Ahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!"

"And my eyebrows got shaved and I have a flock of seagulls haircut."

"OMG.....WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!"

"Over...and...out...can't...stop...laughing....bye...."

After about an hour, Kelsey stopped laughing, and Legolas came to get her.

"We're having dinner."

"Oh, and I suppose that women are ALLOWED to serve the esteemed king's food for him?"

"No, you get to eat in the corner."

"...I'll come."

Kelsey rummaged around in her bag, grabbed something and followed Legolas to the hall, where dinner was about to be served. She sat at the table in the corner, and watched as the males ate in almost perfect silence. They could feel her glares at them and didn't want to talk.

After the meal, Kelsey whipped out a remote control, specially designed. Theoden was talking about helm's deep, when Kelsey pressed the mute button. His lips kept moving, but no sound came out. Theoden drank a glass of water, and Kelsey unmuted him. He talked again, and Kelsey turned up the volume. He was shouting now, and couldn't help it at all. He stopped talking, and Kelsey turned the volume almost all the way down. When he talked again, you could barely hear him. Kelsey turned his volume back to normal, and explored her remote control. Ah, the program button. What would that do? Kelsye pressed it, and Theoden stopped talking and had a blank look on his face. Kelsey whispered 'I like pie', and it immediately came out of Theoden's mouth. Hehehe. Next, she invited Éowyn to dine with the men. Kelsey also thanked Gandalf for his help in exorcising his majesty, and for kicking Grima Wormtongue out. (A/N" I left that out because Kelsey was going up the stairs as he rolled down them) Next, she proceeded to say random things.

"I have a boil on my buttocks."

"My balls itch."

"Does this robe make me look fat?"

"If a man talks and no woman hears him, IS HE STILL WRONG?"

"YES" Kelsey and Theoden yelled at the same time. Gandalf looked at Kelsey, saw the remote in her hand, took into account Theoden's blank look, and started towards her. Kelsey was smart enough to MEEP and run for her life.