Gone Away

By Maddy

Summary: AU; Buffy is successful, happy and loved...then her husband dies leaving her to bring up their two daughters. Will she be able to move on with her life, or will her grief destroy her and those around her?

Rating: PG13 through to R for some language later on, and for major angst.

Spoilers: None, it's completely AU.

Timeline: Los Angeles, January 2004, then continues on from there.

Disclaimer: Don't own the characters themselves (unless you can tell that they're not from B/A verse, then they are mine. Eg, their kids are mine.), but I do own the plot.

Feedback: Love it, it'll make me update quicker too...

Author's Notes: This is the first AU I've ever written, so if I get confused and something doesn't match what's already happened, please tell me so I can fix it. Also, each part will be pretty small, but there will be a lot of them.

This fic is very different to what I have written in the past, not just because it's AU, but because every single character is a main character, there will be several parts from each, but Buffy will be the MAIN character. As this is about her, and her husband being dead.

I'm sorry to anyone who doesn't like death or angst, if you're a person who doesn't that stuff, you should really leave, because there is going to be A LOT of it.

I got the idea for this from the audio-commentary of 'The Body' DVD, it was something Joss said, that when he had lost someone, he noticed the way other people dealed with it, and this is why it's written the way it is.

Prologue

Willow Osbourne: "Buffy, hi. What's up?

Buffy O'Connor: "Will, I-I can't..."

Willow: "Buffy."

Buffy: "I'm at t-the hospit-tal."

Willow: "Why, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

Buffy: "N-no."

Willow: "Are you hurt?"

Buffy: "No."

Willow: "But you're not okay?"

Buffy: "No. it's A-An-gel."

Willow: "Is he okay?"

Buffy: "Th-they do-don't think he's go-onna make i-it."

Willow: "Oh, god..."

Buffy: "Willow..."

Willow: "I'm on my way, what hospital are you at?"

Buffy: "Mem-memorial."

Willow: "Okay, I'll call the others once I get there. I'll be five minutes."

Buffy: "Hurry."

(page break)

"Buffy!"

"Will, I-"

"Shh..." the redhead pulled her best and dearest friend into her arms, the petite blonde held on for dear life. Willow felt her eyes on the verge of tears, don't you cry, Willow, don't you dare cry. You have to be strong for Buffy.

"I-I d-don't know what t-to do."

"It's okay, Buffy. I'll do it."

"Wh-what?"

She chuckled just a second before realising that it was probably one of the most inappropriate things she could do right now. "I don't know, but whatever it is, I'll do it."

"Okay."

Willow pulled out of her best friend's embrace. "Come on, what has the doctors said?"

"I'm not sure, I haven't been paying that much attention." She admitted, "all I keep seeing is-" but she never finished.

"Buffy, where are the girls?"

"At school, they don't know yet. What will I say?"

"I don't know either. But you have to tell them-"

"No."

"Buffy..."

"No, I can't. How can you tell someone that? How can I tell my daughters that their father is going to die?"

Willow had nothing to say, she just took Buffy back into her arms, and tried desperately not to cry. Though, Buffy did cry, she screamed and yelled at nothing. And Willow felt her own tears run from her eyes and down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but..." came an unknown male voice. A doctor was standing behind Buffy a few feet away. He looked about 60 and was dressed in the usual white long buttoned-up lab coat. "Mrs O'Connor. Mr O'Connor has gained consciousness, he has asked for you."

"Oh," came her reply, so soft that Willow barely heard it.

"You should go."

Willow thought she had felt a slight shake of her head, but then just a quickly Buffy had pulled herself away from the redhead and was walking up the corridor towards a room which Willow assumed held Angel.

She might love him more than anything, but she still doesn't want to see him like this. And the mere thought of Oz being in the same-

But Willow couldn't finish the thought, wouldn't finish the thought, partly because she was now on the floor crying, but also because she couldn't bring herself to think of Oz being in that room instead of Angel.