As Seen On TV By HamClover
::::::::::::::::::Author's Note:::::::::::::::::
School has begun, and that only means this fic will be taking even longer to make! Oh well, it adds suspense; and cliffhangers! And I know everyone loves cliffhangers! Yay for cliffhangers! Cliffhangers for all!
A pack of angry readers have thrown Clover out the window for her obsession with cliffhangers. She will be with us in just a moment. We apologize for any inconvenience. Have a good day. :)
Chapter Five .:Don't Drink Sparkle's Diet Coke:.
"Oh, Nero," Sparkle called to this intern.
He timidly ran to her side.
"...Yes?"
"Remind me to kill you as soon as this is over."
"Uh, what?"
"NERO! YOU DAMN IDIOT!"
Nero stepped back and twiddled his thumbs nervously.
"Did I do something wrong again?"
Sparkle sighed and slid off the tall chair she was sitting in.
"Listen, Nero," Sparkle began, trying to calm her as much as she could, "When I agreed to do your plan B, I did not plan for you to...put me in a stupid dating show!!!!!!" Nero gazed at the ground.
"But I thought you'd think it was a good idea," He stuttered.
"Good idea!? Good idea!? Nero, this is the stupidest thing you've ever done...other than drop Stefan's Viagra into my Diet Coke!"
"Oh..."
Sparkle paused for a moment and stared at the sand-colored hamster.
"...Um, why did you have Stefan's Viagra in the first place...?"
"Ooohh! Look, they're almost ready!" Nero shouted, pushing Sparkle in the direction of her chair on set, "Let's go!"
Sparkle sighed and decided to not scream at Nero, just this once. She made herself comfy in the tall director's chair and glanced over to the wall where "the lucky bachelors" were waiting. What joy.
Nero trotted backstage. He stopped at Blair's side. She decided to come along for the ride, and to make sure Sparkle wouldn't "accidentally" strangle Nero.
"So?" She asked, not an ounce of excitement present in her voice.
Nero looked up at her; Blair was taller than he and Sparkle, and said, "So...what?"
"Did Sparkle take this well?"
"...No..."
Blair smirked rather snootily and snorted, "Thought so," Nero sighed and stared at his feet. "It's not all that surprising, Nero,"
"Ugh, I know that,"
"You sure do."
A plump hamster wearing a tacky suit scrambled past the two. He skipped up to the stage, and being the host, began the show.
"Annnnd welcome to 'Mucho Smucho!' The dating game where you, the audience, chooses our young bachelorette's love!" He shouted.
"WHAT!?" Sparkle squeaked suddenly.
The host turned around and hushed her.
"Yeah, the audience chooses, we wanna' make this thing interesting!" He whispered through his gritted teeth. Sparkle crossed her arms and grumbled something her mother would wash her mouth out with soap for.
The host went back to his act.
"Yes, we have three great, and handsome, young bachelors who just can't wait to meet our Sparkle!"
The crowd roared.
'They must find pleasure in torturing me!!' Sparkle thought to herself, frowning.
"Ookay!" The host began, shouting very, very loud. Her gestured his paw to the first of three chairs. But Sparkle couldn't see them.
"Here is bachelor numero uno! From the city, this man enjoys a nice bike ride in the local park. He also likes drinking milkshakes and playing chess! Presenting...Elias!"
Once again, the crowd roared, this made Sparkle whine even more.
"And now to bachelor number two! He likes long walks on the beach, and enjoys a girl with good taste and a bright smile," The host pretended to cough, and muttered, "Cough, and is very cliché, cough. Presenting, Ross!"
The crowed cheered yet another time. 'Can they just shut up!?' Sparkle thought to herself.
"And now for bachelor number three, last but not least.....he is a bartender and also likes good parties, full of drinks and hot chicks!?" The host smacked his cue card, with no regard towards the audience.
"Who the hell wrote this shitty cue!?" He screamed backstage. A crewman backstage shouted something very muffled, but the host seemed to understand and continued as if he did nothing wrong at all.
"Ahem, well....presenting, Scout!"
The crowd ignored the potty-mouth host and cheered once again.
The host winked and pointed his finger to the ceiling. Up there, was a counter for each bachelor, and Sparkle could not see it either.
"Now, studio audience, it's your chance to determine our Miss Sparkle's fate. Will it be Elias? Ross? Or...Scout? It's up to you! So start voting!"
Sparkle covered her face with her paws.
"Dammit, Nero!" She cried to herself. But realizing she was still on air, slowly lifted her head and sniffled, acting like she only had a runny nose.
The host paced around the stage. He noticed Sparkle and elbowed her pretty hard.
"Hey, Missy, perk up! We're live!" She snapped.
"I'll do what I want, bastard!" Sparkle sneered, giving the host a menacing look.
He slowly backed up and paced around the corner to talk with the "lucky" bachelors.
"Yeah, you walk away, jerk-hole!" She shouted, while giving the sweaty host The Finger.
A few seconds later, the host jumped to center stage and clutched the microphone.
"Okay! It seems that everyone has voted!" He exploded, "Now let's see who the lucky man is..."
A crewman handed the chubby host another cue card. He squinted as his eyes darted across the small piece of paper.
"Okay! The results are in!"
"Ooohhh nooo!" Sparkle mumbled, shaking her head. She looked uneasily at Nero and Blair backstage; they just gave her a thumbs-up.
"Annnd the bachelor going out of this building paw-in-paw with Sparkle is..............."
(A/N- BUWAHAHAHA! Cliffhanger! Cliffhanger! I gave you guys a cliffhanger! Oh, I'm so mean! I'm so evil! MUWAHAHA!!)