The Dance
Chapter Four: The Dance
There are a circle of chairs surrounding the dance floor for those of us who are not dancing, which, at the moment, includes me. Touya however is currently being unceremoniously strangled by... okay, he's slow-dancing with that girl who keeps hitting on him, whatever her name is. Either he's completely oblivious or he's pretending to be. You never can tell with Touya... My hands trace the warm part of the chair where his body had graced it a few songs ago. Touya's warmth is a beautiful thing. It's subtle, very subtle, but once you train yourself to notice it it's definitely there, always lurking under the surface of his cool facade. I often wonder if I'm the only one who can see that.
Finally the song ended and Touya returned to his seat. That is, he started to, before stopping and staring down at his chair. Wondering what could possibly be wrong with it since I'd spent the last three songs making sure nothing happened to it, I followed his eyes to the seat of the chair. Oh. My hand was still there. "Heh, sorry." He still won't sit down; oh, that's 'cause I haven't' moved my hand yet. Wake up Yukito, this is your Real Life speaking. If you insist on remaining in Lovesick Fantasy Land, you must at least make some semblance of being physically present on Planet Earth. I finally figure out how to make my muscles listen to my brain and move my hand away. Touya looks at me strangely before taking his seat again. "That stupid brat. She bugged me for so long to dance with her, then she just talked to her friends over my shoulder! I should've known... Hey, Yuki! Are you listening to me? You seem kind of spaced out lately... Are you okay?" I shake my head. "Oh, I'm fine, don;t be silly. Just a little tired, I didn't sleep well this afternoon." He laughed. "You, Yukito, are the only person I know who talks about afternoon naps the same way they talk about sleeping at night." I laugh too. "Yeah, I sure love to sleep!" And I sure love you, but you can't seem to see that...
"Yuki?" My head snaps up. "Huh?"
"Um... Is there anything you want for Christmas? I mean, I haven't gotten you anything yet because I've been really busy, but if there's' something you really want, I'd like to be able to give it to you."
"A kiss." I'm so out of it, I don't even bother to think before I respond, "A kiss would be nice." Crap. I need to learn to censor my thoughts out of my speech... I'm sure I'm blushing like crazy right now.
Touya looks confused. Crap crap crap. Oh well, I guess there's nothing left to do except try to explain myself. Here goes... "Just... a lover. I want someone to care about me, who I can care about, too, and I..." This is *not* coming out right. "...You, that is..." He's gonna hate me, I just know it. "...Please forget everything I just said." I sighed as my head fell toward the floor. From the look on Touya's face, I had some explaining to do, and there would be no way out for me until I'd done it. Gently, he coaxed, "No, you can tell me." "But..." "Tell me. Now." Yep, that's my Touya. Stubborn exactly when you don't want him to be. But, I have to admit, when you need him to be. ""But, well... Fine. At least not here. Let's... go outside for a bit." I stood up, grabbed him by his jacket sleeve and headed out the door into the cold.
He's panting, his breath making thick clouds in the frosty air. "We'd better be able to get back in..." His glare turns quickly to a teasing smile when he sees my guilty face. "Just kidding. But seriously, why'd you have to drag me out here? I..." I place my finger on his warm lips and feel his heated exhale. "Hush. Well, you asked me what I wanted most for Christmas, and... I'm not sure how to say this..." I'm blushing even harder. "I want... you to kiss me." he stares in shock. "That is, just one kiss, and it would be the greatest present you could ever give me..." He looks me straight in the eye. "Yuki..."
"F-forgive me," I stutter incoherently, "I know you obviously don't want to, don't feel pressured like you have to do it, I was just... Sorry. It was a stupid request and there's no reason you should honor it." I look sheepishly at the snow as I kick it about nervously with my feet. Why do I always have to go too far? He places his now-chilled hand under my chin and lifts it to face him. My eyes are still looking down, until, "Look at me, Yuki." I have nothing to do but respond. I look up, not knowing what to expect.
"Is that true? is that the one thing you really wan for Christmas? That's what you want. Just one kiss." I nodded, or tried to, but his hand was still under my chin. Guess I have to talk. "...Yes. That's what I most want." He lowers my hand. "Okay." His eyebrows are raised, curiously, making it evident exactly how awkward he feels. "Um, I'm not sure how to kiss a guy, exactly. I mean I never really though about it, but..." He places his arms around my waist and brings our faces together. His lips touch mine, and my heart explodes.
I leaned into him, willing the moment to never end. I'm moaning softly against his rough, manly lips, pressing us together harder, a steaming kiss in the frozen night. they say that when warm air and cold air meet, it causes a tornado. I'm not sure exactly what we made out in the snow that night, but it felt like, at least to me, some kind of incredible tropical storm. I know my emotions were a hurricane, calm and peaceful in the eye but whirling violently all around it in a confused haze of passion and spent hope. For the few seconds it lasted, I thought I felt both our souls meld together. Then we parted, and the world was still again. But somehow, I'm more confused than when everything was spinning.
"Well," he said awkwardly, "Merry Christmas." We stood there silently for a bit, shuffling our feet, before he suggested that we'd better get back to the dance. I agreed, and followed him in. I returned to my seat and sat there the rest of the night, only coming out of my trance to refuse a few girls' requests to dance. I was both happy and hurting. He kissed me. He kissed me. I should be happy... And yet, h he looked so uncomfortable and out of place, I wonder. I made him feel like he had to, I coerced him into doing it, and now he feels weird and I feel weird. This wasn't the sensation I'd been craving. When I'd fantasized about that kiss, everything had been perfect, and all I'd felt had been love, love, and more love. I never dreamed I'd be so confused ad even in pain, anguishing over the kiss I'd wanted for so long. Was there something I didn;t do? What could've gone wrong? I never thought I'd find myself wondering if I'd be happier if it never happened. This sin;t how it was supposed to work. It's not at all what I had imagined!
Touya never came back to his chair beside me until after the dance was over, when he shook me and grunted something about having to go home. Good thing, too. If he hadn't, who knows how long I would've sat there... Anyway, as for that night, there isn't much left to tell. We climbed on his motorcycle and he drove me home, waving goodbye before leaving me alone yet again. I trudged inside the house, up the stairs, and into my room where I threw myself onto my bed and fell with difficulty into a violent but dreamless sleep, never bothering even to change my clothes or turn off the lights.
Chapter Four: The Dance
There are a circle of chairs surrounding the dance floor for those of us who are not dancing, which, at the moment, includes me. Touya however is currently being unceremoniously strangled by... okay, he's slow-dancing with that girl who keeps hitting on him, whatever her name is. Either he's completely oblivious or he's pretending to be. You never can tell with Touya... My hands trace the warm part of the chair where his body had graced it a few songs ago. Touya's warmth is a beautiful thing. It's subtle, very subtle, but once you train yourself to notice it it's definitely there, always lurking under the surface of his cool facade. I often wonder if I'm the only one who can see that.
Finally the song ended and Touya returned to his seat. That is, he started to, before stopping and staring down at his chair. Wondering what could possibly be wrong with it since I'd spent the last three songs making sure nothing happened to it, I followed his eyes to the seat of the chair. Oh. My hand was still there. "Heh, sorry." He still won't sit down; oh, that's 'cause I haven't' moved my hand yet. Wake up Yukito, this is your Real Life speaking. If you insist on remaining in Lovesick Fantasy Land, you must at least make some semblance of being physically present on Planet Earth. I finally figure out how to make my muscles listen to my brain and move my hand away. Touya looks at me strangely before taking his seat again. "That stupid brat. She bugged me for so long to dance with her, then she just talked to her friends over my shoulder! I should've known... Hey, Yuki! Are you listening to me? You seem kind of spaced out lately... Are you okay?" I shake my head. "Oh, I'm fine, don;t be silly. Just a little tired, I didn't sleep well this afternoon." He laughed. "You, Yukito, are the only person I know who talks about afternoon naps the same way they talk about sleeping at night." I laugh too. "Yeah, I sure love to sleep!" And I sure love you, but you can't seem to see that...
"Yuki?" My head snaps up. "Huh?"
"Um... Is there anything you want for Christmas? I mean, I haven't gotten you anything yet because I've been really busy, but if there's' something you really want, I'd like to be able to give it to you."
"A kiss." I'm so out of it, I don't even bother to think before I respond, "A kiss would be nice." Crap. I need to learn to censor my thoughts out of my speech... I'm sure I'm blushing like crazy right now.
Touya looks confused. Crap crap crap. Oh well, I guess there's nothing left to do except try to explain myself. Here goes... "Just... a lover. I want someone to care about me, who I can care about, too, and I..." This is *not* coming out right. "...You, that is..." He's gonna hate me, I just know it. "...Please forget everything I just said." I sighed as my head fell toward the floor. From the look on Touya's face, I had some explaining to do, and there would be no way out for me until I'd done it. Gently, he coaxed, "No, you can tell me." "But..." "Tell me. Now." Yep, that's my Touya. Stubborn exactly when you don't want him to be. But, I have to admit, when you need him to be. ""But, well... Fine. At least not here. Let's... go outside for a bit." I stood up, grabbed him by his jacket sleeve and headed out the door into the cold.
He's panting, his breath making thick clouds in the frosty air. "We'd better be able to get back in..." His glare turns quickly to a teasing smile when he sees my guilty face. "Just kidding. But seriously, why'd you have to drag me out here? I..." I place my finger on his warm lips and feel his heated exhale. "Hush. Well, you asked me what I wanted most for Christmas, and... I'm not sure how to say this..." I'm blushing even harder. "I want... you to kiss me." he stares in shock. "That is, just one kiss, and it would be the greatest present you could ever give me..." He looks me straight in the eye. "Yuki..."
"F-forgive me," I stutter incoherently, "I know you obviously don't want to, don't feel pressured like you have to do it, I was just... Sorry. It was a stupid request and there's no reason you should honor it." I look sheepishly at the snow as I kick it about nervously with my feet. Why do I always have to go too far? He places his now-chilled hand under my chin and lifts it to face him. My eyes are still looking down, until, "Look at me, Yuki." I have nothing to do but respond. I look up, not knowing what to expect.
"Is that true? is that the one thing you really wan for Christmas? That's what you want. Just one kiss." I nodded, or tried to, but his hand was still under my chin. Guess I have to talk. "...Yes. That's what I most want." He lowers my hand. "Okay." His eyebrows are raised, curiously, making it evident exactly how awkward he feels. "Um, I'm not sure how to kiss a guy, exactly. I mean I never really though about it, but..." He places his arms around my waist and brings our faces together. His lips touch mine, and my heart explodes.
I leaned into him, willing the moment to never end. I'm moaning softly against his rough, manly lips, pressing us together harder, a steaming kiss in the frozen night. they say that when warm air and cold air meet, it causes a tornado. I'm not sure exactly what we made out in the snow that night, but it felt like, at least to me, some kind of incredible tropical storm. I know my emotions were a hurricane, calm and peaceful in the eye but whirling violently all around it in a confused haze of passion and spent hope. For the few seconds it lasted, I thought I felt both our souls meld together. Then we parted, and the world was still again. But somehow, I'm more confused than when everything was spinning.
"Well," he said awkwardly, "Merry Christmas." We stood there silently for a bit, shuffling our feet, before he suggested that we'd better get back to the dance. I agreed, and followed him in. I returned to my seat and sat there the rest of the night, only coming out of my trance to refuse a few girls' requests to dance. I was both happy and hurting. He kissed me. He kissed me. I should be happy... And yet, h he looked so uncomfortable and out of place, I wonder. I made him feel like he had to, I coerced him into doing it, and now he feels weird and I feel weird. This wasn't the sensation I'd been craving. When I'd fantasized about that kiss, everything had been perfect, and all I'd felt had been love, love, and more love. I never dreamed I'd be so confused ad even in pain, anguishing over the kiss I'd wanted for so long. Was there something I didn;t do? What could've gone wrong? I never thought I'd find myself wondering if I'd be happier if it never happened. This sin;t how it was supposed to work. It's not at all what I had imagined!
Touya never came back to his chair beside me until after the dance was over, when he shook me and grunted something about having to go home. Good thing, too. If he hadn't, who knows how long I would've sat there... Anyway, as for that night, there isn't much left to tell. We climbed on his motorcycle and he drove me home, waving goodbye before leaving me alone yet again. I trudged inside the house, up the stairs, and into my room where I threw myself onto my bed and fell with difficulty into a violent but dreamless sleep, never bothering even to change my clothes or turn off the lights.