As Seen On TV By HamClover
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::Author's Note!:::::::::::::::::::::::::
W00T, I survived my first week of high school, go me! Well, I am really nervous at the moment because tryouts for the next play it... tomorrow (9/14)! (The play is Cheaper By The Dozen, and it has nothing to do with the Steve Martin movie except for the fact that they have 12 kids) I have my monologue all ready and I am praying that if I get a part...I won't need to kiss anyone! I highly doubt it, I don't think the director would be that hard of us innocent and naïve freshman!
Thank you all for your great reviews! Keep em' coming!!
Chapter Seven .:The Howard Dean In Everyone:.
Sparkle managed to get rid of the perverted Scout (By throwing him in the back of a passing green truck on its' way to Mexico) and decided to attempt to lose him even more by walking to a nearby diner.
She chose the wrong diner to eat at.
As soon as Sparkle walked in, she had realized this. The decorations in the small roadside diner seemed to be split apart. One side had a lot of donkeys...the other, elephants.
"Oh, shitake!" Sparkle whined. She wheeled around and began trotting towards the door, but was very quickly, stopped.
"Oh, Miss, you can't go!" The hamster blocking her escape begged.
Sparkle rolled her eyes. "Do you know who I am!? Let me leave or I'll sue!"
"Do you know who I am?" The hamster asked back.
"Don't know, don't care!""You don't!?"
Sparkle sighed and shook her head, tapping her foot impatiently.
"Why I am the hamster John Kerry saved a long time ago!"
"...Really?" Sparkle asked, un-amused.
The hamster nodded. "Yes I am! Mr. Kerry is a wonderful man! He saved my life and gave me CPR! President Bush would never do that!"
"Well he might do that if he got the chance!" Sparkle snapped back, attempting to end the conversation.
The John Kerry hamster gawked at Sparkle.
"Traitor!!" He gasped. The hamster pointed to the right side of the diner. "You go over there, you little meanie! Where you belong!"
Sparkle sighed heavily enough for the hamster to hear her, and then dragged her feet over to the right side of the diner. Finally, Sparkle managed to call over a waitress, who was luckily undecided on the diner's problem.
"Yeah," The waitress moaned, "This place is hell during the elections. Just a few weeks ago, a guy called Howard Dean stopped by and caused quite a ruckus." Sparkle simply nodded as she read the menu; the waitress was drying a plate. When Sparkle found what she wanted, she pointed it out to the waitress. Popping a bubble of gum, the waitress nodded and disappeared into the kitchen.
Eyes darting across the table, Sparkle looked around for "unusual people". She managed to keep the politic freaks off enough for her food to be served; coleslaw and some Diet Coke, her fave. The waitress decided to tell Sparkle her whole life story as she ate.
"And then my family had to move out of the country because of that," The waitress babbled, gnawing on her gum.
"Really?" Sparkle responded, trying to hold her patience as best as she could.
"Yeah and then my parents got divorced. And I hated that! They always fought and yelled really bad things to each other, so they split up."
"That must have been really hard on you and your family," Sparkle sighed.
The waitress snorted, "Heck no! I was more like 'halleluiah!' I was glad that my drunk bastard of a dad left!" She popped another bubble irritably. "Yeah and then Mom decided to remarry. What fun that was! I got the worst stepbrother ever! All he ever did was babble about this dumb bar he owned downtown and how he thinks celebrities are hot and how he was going to enter in this stupid dating show! What and idiot he is! Jeez!"
Sparkle gawked at her.
"Your...brother....?" She squeaked.
"Psh, yeah he works here part time. He's such a perv, too. He's tried to make me do the sickest things," The waitress scoffed.
Sparkle blinked. 'Oh...crap...' She thought.
"Is...his name....Scout?" She asked, stuttering slightly.
The waitress hunched her back and letting out a deep sigh, nodded.
"Oh crap!"
The waitress looked up. "What's wrong there?" She asked.
Sparkle jumped off her the stool she was sitting in. "Does anyone who eats here often and has a license plate from another country eat here often!!??" She shouted.
"....Uh, yeah, some weird guy who talks in third person a lot does. He doesn't even live in Mexico and yet his stupid green truck's license plate says he does." The waitress answered, unaware.
Wide eyed, Sparkle stared out a nearby window.
"Oh crap it's coming!!!"
"What is?!"
"Look!!!"
Outside, a green truck was parked in the parking lot. And there was Scout, shaking paws with the driver.
Desperate to get away from Scout, Sparkle scrambled into the kitchen and flew out the back door. The waitress could only stare at Sparkle's urgency as the truck driver and Scout walked into the diner, ringing a little bell along with it. The waitress sighed as she waved to the driver and Scout.
"Hey there!" Scout shouted, waving his paw to his stepsister, "This guy here found me a' sleeping in the back of his truck and decided to drive me here! Nice, eh' sister?"
The waitress rolled her eyes.
"Yes, John Doe loves to help people," The driver, obviously named John Doe, said. Scout nodded, winking at his stepsister.
"John Doe would like something to eat," John Doe began, "John Doe drive very far and is very hungry," The waitress chucked a menu at him.
"Eat up," She snapped. Scout was peeking into the kitchen.
"Hm," He thought out loud, "I could have sworn I saw sweet Miss Sparkle here,"
Sparkle sat out in the back of the diner, next to a dumpster, trying to catch her breath.
"Ugh, that was too close, I have to get home!" She panted.
Slipping into the front parking lot, Sparkle noticed John Doe had left the keys in the truck, unlocked.
With a broad smile on her face she spat, "Playing Grand Theft Auto all those weekends really paid off!" And sped off into the highway.
Back at the motel, Blair and Nero were more than a little confused on why there was a full bathtub...and no Sparkle.