As Seen ON TV HamClover
:::::::::::::::::::Author's Note::::::::::::::::::
(Note: This A/N was written on 9/18, so whenever I put this chapter out, this A/N will be a little outdated....)
Well, for those concerned about me from last chapter, I'm fine now, it's just that this (school) year hasn't been going very well for me. I never got a chance to join the equestrian team, which has been a dream of mine since Lord knows when, and then as a second chance, I decided to try tennis. The coach said nobody was going to be kicked off, but something gay came up so people had to be kicked off and I was one of them. Obviously I was pretty pissed. So when the play auditions came up, I saw a distant ray of light. I love to act. I feel right at home being on stage with tons of people in front of me and making them happy, It's just what I love. And I don't mean to sound like a snoot, but every single play I tried out for, I got a part. This was the first time I didn't get a part, even techie, so I felt like cutting my head off with my house key...and I think I almost did. Yeah, okay. On the brighter side, this morning, (I have been up since 6 in the morning, via some evil cold medicine) I was listening to my really old Now CD's and of course I was laughing as I remembered the old days. All my favorite old songs, like Shakira's Whenever, Wherever and ATC's All Around The World. I noticed the CD's all had that little sticker you see on products advertised on TV. They say in the commercials that it's not available in stores, yet it is, that cracks me up, they could get sued for lying like that, but all my Now CD's have that "As Seen On TV" sticker. They're so funny. That's why I named this fic what it is. Those darned "As Seen On TV" stickers always seem to create a false reality, the name just stuck for this fic. There, for all those who were confused to why this fic is named what it is, there you go. Holy fruits, this was a long A/N!
Chapter Nine .:Hot Cross Buns:.Blair and Nero were in quite a lot of trouble when they called Stefan and told him Sparkle had gone missing. Stefan was not at all happy that Sparkle, his only ticket to making his show a hit, had run off somewhere in the middle of nowhere.
"What do you mean she's not there!?" Stefan squeaked through the phone. Blair had to move the phone away from her ear slightly because of all his ranting. "I'm sorry, Sir, but we just entered the room and everything looked like she had been there, TV on, bath full, but no Sparkle."
"That's not acceptable!!" Stefan boomed through the phone. Even little Nero, who was pondering on why there was no Bible in the nightstand drawer, could hear Stefan.
Blair sighed and proceeded to make up an excuse. "Please don't worry, Stefan, Sparkle will only be "missing" for a few more days. She has gone to a theme park to take a break and have some fun. She'll be back soon."
There was a strange silence from the phone for a moment. Blair could hear Stefan bickering to a secretary about the type of coffee he had. "I'm sorry" He muttered. "So Sparkle went to a theme park?"
"Yes," Blair answered.
"Okay, good, so you know where she is. I want her back in time, you hear? Back in time! Not a day late, not an hour late, in time! Ye' hear??"
Blair rolled her eyes and responded, "Yes,"
Click.
Blair sighed as she snapped her cell phone shut. Looking over her shoulder at Nero, she grinned slightly. "Hey," She says, "Let's get our butts moving before Stefan finds out I just lied to him."
Nero looks at Blair as if she was the Purple People Eater. "Okay. But I don't think it's good that you're lying to Stefan."
Blair ignores the intern's warning. "Well at this point, I really don't care. All I want to do is have Sparkle make out with some guy, film the show, and go home on my two week break and do nothing but watch Oprah and wait for Mint to come home!" At that point, Blair's face was pretty red. She was losing her patience; a rare thing for her.
Nero stares at his feet and sighs. One of the reasons why Blair got so irritable suddenly was because of her daughter, Mint. Mint was a very young girl, and when Blair got divorced with her husband, Mint had to go live with Daddy due to Blair's job. It was tough, because Blair usually only saw Mint in pictures sent via email. It's been two years since they've met in person. "Blair," Nero begins, trying to think of the right thing to say, "Let's go. I'd like to go home too."
Blair smiles as she grabs her clipboard and heads out the door. Scratching the back of his neck, Nero quickly followed, but was embarrassed because of the fact that he had to lie to Blair, saying he too wanted to go home. Nero lived in a dorm at some college nobody knows of, and working at a fast food joint across the street. To him, anything was better than having a roommate who was getting lucky in the dorm every other day.
Out in the middle of nowhere, Sparkle was getting to know a complete freakazoid.
The cute guy in the zooming red car was nothing she had expected at first. Her first hint was that the license plat read "N33D 4 SP33D" Who would want that on their sports car? Apparently this guy.
"Uh, hello," She said finally.
The driver didn't respond.
Sparkle waved her paw at him. "Hey you! You picked me up, the least I can get is a hello?" The driver snapped out of his little daze and grinned and Sparkle.
"Yo." He says, reaching his paw across the car for a shake. "The name's Tobias."
Sparkle squeaked. "EEP! Keep your eyes on the road!"
"Ah!" Tobias squeals as he darts out of the way of a 16-wheeler. Acting like nothing happens, he turns to Sparkles and grins his big, toothy grin again.
"So how are you....?"
Sparkle's quite frazzled. "Uhh, I'm Sparkle. I'm fine," She sighs, having no energy left to yell at him for his stupidity. She stares out the passenger window for a moment, then turns to him. "Do you have insurance?" She asks.
Tobias glances at her quickly, but soon looks back at the road, remembering so. "Uh, I don't think I do........."
Sparkle frowned. "You...don't even know what the heck it is...do you?" Tobias held back a sob while shouting "NOPE!" overly loudly.
'Damn,' Sparkle thought to herself, 'and he's probably a total perv like Scout. Oh why do all the cute guys have to either be idiots and pervs?'
Flopping her head over the open window, Sparkle let out a long hard sigh.
Tobias noticed. "What's wrong there, girl?"
Sparkle holds back the urge to chuck him out the window. "Oh, nothing," She responds solemnly. She then attempts to have an intelligent conversation with him; "So, where you going?"
"Oh, I dunno',"
"...You don't."
"Yep. I am a beer' spirit!"
"...you mean 'free spirit'?"
"Exactly!"
There's an awkward silence as dimwitted Tobias turns into a gas station.
"Do we need gas?" Sparkle asks, lifting her head up from the window.
"Nope," Tobias answers, running into the little store, "We need JERKY!"
Sparkle blinks. "Why the hell do we need jerky??" Tobias had already skipped into the store, so he had not listened. Sparkle decided this was a good time to look around at this little red sports car. It looked like it must have cost a lot of money, by the looks of it. Leather seating, nice CD player...Hello Kitty hanging from the rearview mirror.
Tobias comes trotting back with hands full of junk food. Chocolate covered sunflower seeds, potato chips, beef jerky, you name it. He dumps it all on Sparkle's lap.
"Okay! Just dig through and see what you want!" He exclaims like a kid who drank his parents' coffee.
Sparkle hesitates at first, but proceeds to digging through it. All the yummy snacks made her stomach growl. She hadn't eaten since, well, this afternoon. Sparkle liked food, but had to eat sparingly; celebrity code. Suddenly, Sparkle finds something that doesn't belong. In complete and udder horror, she holds it up and shows it to the trigger-happy Tobias.
"Why...is this in here...?" She asks, not knowing if she should slap him or rip his neck off.
Tobias blinks and closely inspects the object Sparkle holds. "Uh, I don't know." Is all he has to say.
Sparkle sighs at his stupidity. "Listen, bucko, I don't understand why anyone in their right mind would buy a bunch of snacks and then buy Red Bull! It's just not right! It can make your heart stop, mister smart-ass!"
Tobias stares at the energy drink and laughs uncomfortably. "Oh, heh, I thought that was Hi-C..."
"How can this be Hi-C!?"
Tobias shrugs. Dumping all the goodies on the floor, Sparkle abruptly stands up and stares Tobias in the eyes. "You, my friend, are a genuine, full certified, idiot!"
So with that, Sparkle stomps off, away from half-witted (but cute) Tobias and his pile of snacks. Still clutching the Red Bull, Sparkle got herself lost again.
"Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn!" She shouts to exactly nobody. Sitting by the dumpster in the back of the gas station, Sparkle gawked at the Red Bull. It made her mouth water, and she was very thirsty. So, with a hesitant shrug, Sparkle opened the Red Bull...
Meanwhile, our friend Tobias had continued on his "journey". Scracthing his head, he says to himself, "Wow. My pregnant sister sure did look a lot thinner than before. But she told me she was in labor and needed to be picked up. I saw her waving and, why did she hate that Hi-C? She loves Hi-C! And why was her name Sparkle? It's Leann! Hm, what a strange place this world is..."
And as he zooms down the highway, she doesn't realize he just passed his sister. Ah, well mistakes happen...
(A/N: Eh, I dunno' about you but that chapter seemed a little jumbled, oh well. Anyways, last weekend wasn't so hot. I went up north (for you un-natives, that means "northern Michigan" and visited my great grandmother, who was in the hospital dying. Saturday night, my cousin calls sobbing, saying her dog Tobias just got his by a car. Ugh, if that happened to Addie, I would DIE. Yeah, so that's why our friend in the hot-rod was named that, in his honor. Of course, Tobias was much smarter than this guy. Yeah, sorry about me babbling, I don't like when people cry a lot, and that's what everyone did all, weekend, long. Ugh.)