"Hi, Buffy." Said Caitlin O'Connor looking sadly at her sister-in-law. Buffy has never looked so terrible, her eyes red and puffy, her hair looked as though she'd just been asleep, her clothes rumpled and her eyes…they were grey and not the striking green they usually were. Oh, Buffy…
"Hi." Buffy reached out her arms and Caitlin fell into them. "Are you okay?"
"No way in hell."
Buffy gave a short, forced laugh. "Yeah…I know how you feel."
"No, you don't."
"Cate-"
"You'd feel worse." Caitlin pushed back a sob, you have to be strong for Buffy.
"That's not true, you love An-Angel just as much as I do."
"But not in the same way. He's your soulmate, Buffy." Cate pulled herself out of the petite blonde's embrace. "Where are the girls?"
"With him. He wanted to talk to them alone, I think he's-"
"Saying goodbye?"
Buffy nodded, not being able to speak. Cate sighed and looked away from the already grieving wife and mother. What is she going to do once he's gone? Will she be able to move on, or will she destroy herself?
"Do you want something to eat?"
"Cordelia's gone to get food, she was going to take Willow with her, but she didn't want to in the end so Cordy went by herself. I think she wanted to anyway, wanted some time to be by herself, but she's been gone a while, maybe I should go see if she's alright. Where did she go? I'm not-"
"Buffy, stop babbling."
"An-Angel always used to tell me when I was babbling, he thought it was cute."
"He thinks it's cute. He thinks it's cute." Said Cate. "He's not dead yet, so don't start acting as though he is."
"I don't…I-I can't…just leave me alone." And suddenly, Buffy ran from Cate and disappeared around the corner and out of sight.
Cate felt the tears fall from her eyes, she leant against the wall and slid down the wall till she hit the floor. I'm sorry, Buffy, but I'm not going to let you destroy herself. From her spot on the ground, with her knees pulled tight to her chest, her head resting on her knees, Caitlin didn't see her fiancé quietly walk up and kneel in front of her.
"Catie, honey…"
"Oh, Ryan." She sobbed lifting her head and looking into her love's blue eyes. "What am I going to do without him?"
"You'll live, you'll marry me and he'll be there watching from Heaven…and he'll tell everyone up there how beautiful you'll look."
"You don't know that, no one can know that. He'll be dead, and we won't be…" Caitlin wiped her eyes with the back of her sleeve. "He's my older brother and he's always been there, picking on me, laughing with me, raising me, protecting me and I wanted him to give me away…but he won't even be there."
"I'm so sorry and I hate that I don't know him better."
"It's not your fault., you don't have to be sorry."
"It's what everyone says in these situations, right?"
"Yeah, but I think that's because they don't know what else to say."
"Maybe, but I am sorry. It'll get better, I promise."
"How can it?" I whisper. "How can it get better? My brother is going to die!" I yell. "He's lying in that room dying, and it's not going to be okay! It'll never be okay, he's always been there to help me, protect me and pick on me. But he's not going to be here anymore." She sobbed, Ryan once again took her into his arms. "He's not gonna be here, how can he not be here?"
"Oh, Catie. I love you, so much."
"I love you, too. But even you can't make this right."
"I know, but can you let me try?"
Against her better judgement, she smiles as she holds her fiancé close to her. Maybe he can make it better, even if it'll only be a little bit. That's better than nothing.
"You can try, you can try."
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Dawn took the cup from the tray at the dispenser and held it in her hands, it burnt on contact, but still she didn't remove them. It's better to feel pain then to be numb to everything else. Angel had told her that once, when she was very little. He was trying to comfort her because her dog had died, Buffy had hated the little Maltese terrier because it liked her shoes, but Angel had understood that she needed to talk to someone.
She was 8 when he told her that. He and Buffy had only been going out for a few months, but already she could see that he loved her. She also remembered the first time Buffy had told her that she loved him, but with Dawn only being 10, she didn't understand what it meant to them two. And they've loved each other ever since, they haven't been a part for longer than a week and moved in together straight after graduation, then got married a few months later. Sure they fought, but it didn't mean anything in the end, because they loved each other move than anything.
Dawn went and sat down next to her own husband, Seth, he was only a year older than her at 24 and it hurt her to know that even his presence couldn't help rid even a tiny bit of fear, pain and deep sadness that had taken a hold of her.
"You okay?"
"Yeah, I think so anyway."
He nodded in understanding, but does he really understand? She found herself thinking, he's never lost anyone before, his whole family is here in LA and are all still alive. My family has been divided since before I was in middle school, ever since Buffy and Angel got serious. Mom and Dad have never liked Angel, which I have always found weird 'cause Angel is the nicest guy I know. But their defence was that Buffy was throwing her life away to be with someone and to move in with someone and marry someone at such a young age. I'm the only one in the group who has spoken to them since two weeks before Buffy and Angel got married. Even at my own wedding, to which my parents were invited and did end up coming, no one spoke a word to them, but during the reception I did see Buffy crying and being comforted by Angel.
"Is there anything I can do?"
"Just be here for me, I just need you to be here."
"I love you, Dawn."
"I love you, too, Seth." But even you can't make this right.
"Xander and Oz aren't back yet." Said Willow coming to stand in front of the couple. "I wish they'd get here, we don't know when Angel might-"
"Let's not think about that, okay. They'll get here and we can all say our goodbyes." Seth told her. Dawn couldn't get the feeling out of her head that he wouldn't be able to help her. I love Seth, I really do. But what does that matter if he can't make me feel better?
"Yeah, maybe your right. I'm freaking out because I just don't know what to do."
"None of us do, Willow." Said Dawn softly.
"I know that, it's just that…God I don't know anymore. Why did this happen?"
No one answered the now distressed redhead, Willow turned and ran crying towards the restrooms. For one instant Dawn considered going after her and trying to comfort her friend, but didn't move an inch. It wouldn't help, nothing will now. Not even the people we love can help us now. Dawn glanced at her husband and father of their child, how come he can't make the pain go away, not even a little bit?
TBC...Tell me what you think!