As Seen On TV By HamClover

::::::::::::::::::::::::::Author's Note::::::::::::::::::::::::::

I'm very sorry if this seems a little late, it may be, anyways. If you've read my profile, you must know what happened and why I couldn't update for so long. (I'm sorry peeps, I'm too lazy to write why, and my friend is making me annoy some girl from another school on AIM at the moment) He he, it's fun to be obnoxious on AIM. Fun-filled fun. Well, back on the topic of this fic, I already have the rest of the whole story all mapped out. Every single chapter summary and spoiler is on this precious piece of paper I wrote while bored out of my mind in English. I have this paper locked away in the confines of my super messy desk. Who needs a safe when you have an out-of-order desk!

Chapter Twelve .:That's Why They Invented A Map:.

The window rolled down and none other than Blair sat in the driver's seat. She didn't look too happy, either. Embarrassed and feeling slightly sorry for Blair, Sparkle tried to smile. Blair kept a straight face. "Just get in," She said, reaching over and opening the door. Sparkle carefully slid in the passenger seat and looked over her shoulder. Nero was sitting in the back, propping his head up with his head. He seemed not to notice Sparkle, and seemed rather bored with himself.

"I wanted shotgun," He sighed, not looking directly at Sparkle, "But Blair said you'd get all pissed off and bitch all the way home." He now has this obnoxious grin on his face, he's looking directly at Blair, who's not amused at all. "Nero! Shush!" She coughed, scowling at the intern. With a look of accomplishment, Nero turned his attention back to staring out the window.

Sparkle smiled, for real this time, and turned to face Blair, who was pulling out of the gas station now. Since Blair was grumpy, and Nero had an urge to annoy the crap out of people, Sparkle stared out her window at the ever shrinking gas station. She started thinking about that worker who had, sort of, helped her. She giggled to herself, just imaging his clueless face again. And of course Tobias was a trip, too. She didn't think that at the time she was with him, but he truly was a genuine idiot. Stoned, maybe?

Another giggle.

Blair notices this time and looks at Sparkle.

"Is everything alright?" She asks, looking rather surprised.

Sparkle turns to Blair and gives her a quickie grin, which quickly fades as she stares at the CD player. It looked as if the radio was on, but no sound. Turning the knob up, she soon hears some tunes. She looks at Blair again. "Why was it muted??" She asked with naivety.

Blair faces the road again. "I guess my paw must have slipped," She answered solemnly.

This doesn't satisfy Sparkle as an answer, and turns around to the spaced-out Nero.

"Hey intern," She calls softly. Nero snaps out of his daydream and stares at her. "What's with the volume?"

Nero blinks. "Oh...I'm sorry, I'll quiet down." And he returns to gazing out the window.

'What an idiot,' Sparkle thought to herself. She soon turned back to staring out her window; thinking time.

Was it worth it? To go through all this trouble? Just for a measly kiss? Is a first kiss that important to her, or was it something more?

Sparkle shakes her head slightly, not wanting to question her goals as much as she was.

But what were the benefits, the risks?

"Stop it!"

Blair and Nero stare at her. "Something wrong?" Blair asks like a worried mother. Sparkle breathes heavily and says, "No, I was just thinking out loud again," A moment later, Nero leans forward into Blair's seat. He whispers, "But she doesn't think aloud very often at all!"

Blair shoos his paw away like a fly. She doesn't respond, and Sparkle ignores Nero's persistence to find an answer to everything.

"How far are we from the motel?" Sparkle asks, wanting to change the subject.

Blair looks down at her lap, where a map sits. Squinting over her granny glasses, she stared at the map. "Well," She began, "I think we're about.......hm, that's strange..."

"Oh great," Sparkle blurted, letting out a big sigh for everyone to hear, "We're lost, right?" Nero leans forward to hear better, and Blair picks up the little map and hands it back to Nero. "Please try and find where we are, Nero," She says. She turns around a gives him a serious look. "And roll down that window too! I don't want the map flying out!!"

"Oh I'm fine, Blair, no worries here." Nero responds, sloppily unfolding the map.

Sparkle gritted her teeth every time the map made a crumpling noise. "Nero!" She shouts, "Just unfold the dang map!"

Whoosh

There's a silence for a moment.

"Nero," Blair begins, breaking yet another awkward silence, there's a definite tone of frustration in her voice now, "Did that map just fly out the window?"

They can hear Nero let out a tiny little sigh. He's got a smile on his face.

"Um, heh, heh."

"Nero!"

The girls scowl back at the poor intern and give him nasty looks. Of course, Blair isn't watching the road...

"HEY! Watch the freakin' road!!!!!!!!!!" Sparkle screams, grabbing the steering wheel and veering out of the way of a sixteen-wheeler.

Blair looked rather frazzled.

Nero scoots up from his cowardly position and leans forward. "That was close," He gasped, eyes wide open.

Blair finally settles down and with one paw on the steering wheel and the other adjusting her bun and granny glasses, she continues driving.

Another hour passes, and finally, she admits it.

"I'm....LOST!" Blair shouts, banging her head on the steering wheel. Her Honda was pulled over on the side of the road, next to what seemed like miles and miles of cornstalks. Sparkle and Nero stood outside the car, getting some fresh air, and getting a break from Blair.

"Oh why oh why didn't I pay attention in college?!" Blair moans to herself, continuing to hit her head on the wheel. Nero ignores her little breakdown as he squats down to sniff a fallen ear of corn. Sparkle walked over to Blair. She'd never seen her assistant this upset before, but she figured she there was always room for more emotional outbursts.

"Um, Blair, I was trying to tell you the whole way here, but there was a spare map in the trunk." She said, trying to make Blair happier.

Blair sighed and turned her head the other way. "I'm don't need the map. I can find it myselffah!"

Sparkle stepped back in surprise. Whoa, Blair was pronouncing words wrong, this was new. Blair snorted as if that was the funniest thing in the world, and rubbed her forehead on the leather part of the wheel, giggling like a schoolgirl.

Nero doesn't notice Blair's acting strangely; he was too busy eating corn off the side of the road.

"Really Blair. Let's use the spare map and get home."

"We're, hiccup, not lost! Hiccup, I don't need that poopy map! Hiccup."

Sparkle leaned forward looking closely at Blair. She now saw the cause of her sudden insanity. Picking it up like it was a dead frog, she carries it over to Nero.

"Look!" She snaps, shoving it in his face. Nero stands up and inspects it. He has his timid face on, an expression common for Nero.

"That's illegal," He says flabbergasted.

"DUH I know that!" Sparkle shouts. She shoves the bottle of vodka in his face again. "If the cops catch us, we're in big trouble, and Stefan will almost positively fire us all!"

Nero takes the alcohol from Sparkle again, sniffing it. "I don't even see why people drink this junk, it's gross!" He tosses out into the cornfield of no return.

Sparkle sighs and puts her paws on her hips. "Well?"

Nero looks back at her. "Well what?"

"Dammit Nero, you know!! What are we going to do with a drunk Blair and us without driver's licenses!?"

Nero whines slightly and walks over to Blair, who's now as asleep as a brick.

"Well how did she get this junk in the first place?" He asks, sitting on the edge of the driver's seat.

Sparkle shrugs. "I don't know, but Blair always is depressed, I mean, she should really perk up sometimes! Geez..."

Nero remains silent and looks over his shoulder at Blair. She doesn't know why Blair's been so depressed yet. Sparkle probably doesn't even know Blair has a daughter, too.

He turns back to the impatient Sparkle.

"I think we should just stay here for the night," Nero says, taking things into his own paws for once.

Sparkle looked more surprised than angry at his words. It was just too freaky for someone like Nero to take charge.

"Okay," She sighs, kicking some dirt up.

Nero smiles and hops up onto the roof of the car. He looks around the road. "Okay well good thing this road is deserted!" He exclaims happily.

Sparkle smiles. For real, too. She'd never seen Nero this enthusiastic before. Well, she's never seen him for this long of a time, either. But it was good to see him happy.

"I call shotgun!" She squeaks, scrambling to the other door. Hopping in, she pokes her head out and teases, "Sleep on the roof, maybe the vultures will have fun with you!!"

Nero snaps out of his Captain Morgan pose just in time to whine, "Hey! Not fair!"

Deleted Scene

Yeah, I thought since you guys are so nice in your reviews, I'd show you a scene from this story that never made it to the keyboard! This is a scene from the beginning of chapter eleven, when Sparkle and Blair were talking on the payphone. Blair is very drowsy because Sparkle called at about midnight, and all that Blair really wants is sleep. But Sparkle has other things on her mind....

"Hey Blair," Sparkle begins.

Sparkle could hear Blair moan through the phone. "Oohh what?"

"You've kissed a guy before, right?"

"Ungh, what? Have I missed the moon before?"

"No! Have. You. Ever. Kissed. A. Guy. Be. Fore?"

Blair's silent, either thinking or sipping coffee. "Well?" Sparkle asked impatiently.

"Um, yes, yes I have."

"Oh really?" Sparkle squeals, "Who. What. When. Where. And why?"

"Um, ooh."

"Tell meee!"

"Just a minute, let me sip my coffee.... hey where the hell did my mug go!? Nero, give my coffee back! Get your own! Go! Go! Okay, ugh, sorry."

"Um, yeah."

"...yeah."

"Come pick me now."

"Ugh, okay."

Click.

Click.