As Seen On TV By HamClover
:::::::::::::::::::::::Author's Note::::::::::::::::::
Many apologies for this chapter being updated so late, and here's my excuses (we all have em')
I'm a lazy bum
Damn school
I don't live on my computer
And now its time for the show!! (Also, I noticed I had made a pretty big mistake back in chapter seven, I had a guy named John Doe. Ugh, I don't know where the hell I got that name from, but it was supposed to be Bob Dole. Bob Dole likes to speak in third person. Yes, Clover is sorry for mistake. Clover hopes you don't get mad. Clover.)
Chapter Sixteen .:Bachelor Party!:."This can't be happening..."
Blair turned around from the folding chair she sat in. "What do you mean?" She asked, her arm across the back of the chair. Sparkle sighed and flopped her head back. "You don't know yet!?" She asked in a whiny tone.
Blair blinked. "No...what's wrong?"
"Did you see who the Bachelor was!!!???"
"No I haven't. Have you?"
"Of course!!!!!!!!!! And you know who it is??"
"I just told you Sparkle, I don't know."
"It's no other than—"
"Ah, welcome, welcome!" Blurted a hamster strutting towards them. He looked eerily similar to the host of the cheesy dating game show Sparkle suffered through. He walked forward and shook Sparkle's paw quickly. Letting go, Sparkle lifted her paw in disgust; his hands were really sweaty. As Sparkle wiped off the sweat on her paw, the hamster explained to Blair what was going on.
"Yes, yes." The hamster said. "Miss Sparkle here will first meet who the bachelor is, then we will begin filming."
Blair looked over her shoulder at Sparkle, who was scowling angrily at both of them; she looked like she was trying to cast a curse upon them.
Turning back around, Blair said, "Well Sparkle said she already knew who the—"
"Oh! Oh! You've already met the Bachelor?" The chubby hamster interrupted, looking at Sparkle. She looked around her, as if looking for someone else to answer his question.
"Um, yeah, unfortunately," Sparkle muttered, lowering her head and glaring off sideways like a grumpy child.
The fat sweaty hamster whooped. Blair and Sparkle didn't know whether he was dying or laughing, so they let him be. Coughing slightly, she hamster wiped his face and turned to face Blair again. "Get Miss Sparkle ready in about ten minutes, okay?" Blair looked from Sparkle, to the fat hamster, and then to her clipboard. Assuring herself this was a wise choice, she nodded and smiled. The hamster seemed satisfied and left, taking his faint scent of sweat with him.
After he was out of sight, Sparkle looked up at Blair and moaned one very long whine.
"I don't want to do this!" She cried, giving Blair her best puppy face; it didn't work on Blair.
Blair shook her head. "Sparkle, this was pretty much your idea. Just go through with it, okay?"
"No! You don't understand, dammit!"
"What don't I understand?"
"What you don't understand Blair is who the Bachelor is!!!"
"What? Is it Larry King or something?"
"Noooooo!" Cried the ever-frustrated Sparkle, who covered her ears and shook her head angrily.
Blair rolled her eyes as Sparkle let her frustration out on her pigtails. When she realized she yanked out some hairs, she studied them for a moment, and then chucked them on the ground. Getting back to her senses, Sparkle looked up at Blair.
"Okay, Blair," Said Sparkle, trying to keep her ever wasting away sanity, "The Bachelor is Scout, okay? Scout a dirty little pervert and all he wants is me!"
"Sparkle I know who Scout is." Blair said, tapping her fingers on the metal chair she sat in.
"See my point now?" Asked Sparkle.
"Yeah, yeah."
Abruptly, Sparkle sat up and looked over Blair. "What is it?" Blair asked, looking in the direction she was.
"Guess." Answered Sparkle in a monotone voice. Blair squinted over he granny glasses and realized what Sparkle saw. "Oh..."
Along he came; and came straight to poor Sparkle.
"Sparkle!" Scout shouted, making sure the whole world knew that he was acquaintances with a celebrity, "Long time, no see!!"
Sparkle snorted, amused by Scout's antics. She quickly folded her arms and looked the other way. Scout grinned and reached out to grab Sparkle's arms. With a tight grip on her paws, he attempted to give her the best speech he could,
"Oh, how I was worried about you...! I couldn't stop thinking about you...! And through all those painful night without you...! Um........."
It was no use for anyone to hint at Scout. His speech was just too horrible, and the only way to make his words even more sickening, was to quote a movie;
"...you complete me!"
Sparkle's paw balled up into a fist. She wanted to cream him again, but with Blair sitting right there, she just couldn't.
Scout noticed Sparkle fist. He hadn't realized that she had freed herself of his grip.
"Listen, Scout," Sparkle began, not in the mood to shout her head off, "Do you really wanna go through with this whole damn reality show thing? I mean, it's so...fake!"
Scout scratched his chin, and he actually seemed to be considering what Sparkle had just said. His light bulb lit.
"Aha!" He shouted, pointing his finger in the air. "I've got it!"
"What is it?" Said an eager Sparkle.
"I choose you!"
"What!?"
"Screw the whole show, girl! I want you!"
Blair and Sparkle were speechless.
"N-no...!"
Scout grabbed Sparkle's paws again, this time, a little less tight. He leaned forward into her face and grinned a wide grin. Sparkle was in too much of a shock that her plan did not work to break away.
"Are you wondering why?" He whispered. "It's because of your darling little face..."
Scout, being the risk taker he was, leaned forward even more,
SMACK
From the impact of the hit, Scout stumbled back into some of the metal chairs. With a loud rattling noise, he fell into them, knocking them down, a very angry Sparkle fell with him.
"Oh great! Sparkle...!" Whined Blair, who jumped up from her seat to help Sparkle up. She was lying on top of a very dazed Scout.
Helping Sparkle up, Blair asked, "Are you all right???"
Sparkle chuckled to herself and brushed her sides off. She looked up at Blair. Her mouth opened like she was about to speak, but she hesitated. And all she had for an answer was a simple shrug, and she took off. Blair decided not to chase after her.
"Ooooohhhh, my head..." Whined a very dizzy Scout, who sat up and rubbed his cheek, which was red with a paw mark on it. Blair looked down at him, but didn't help him up.
She looked off to where Sparkle had run off.
"Oh man," Blair sighed to herself, checking her clipboard. "That was close."
"Close? Unh, close for what?" Scout asked, now sitting up.
Blair looked at him and glared at him.
"None of your business, m'kay!?"
Scout rubbed his cheek again, but decided not to respond to this. Some things, he thought, should just be left alone.
Funny, if you think about it.