Thank you for the reviews, I have laughed very hard at the ones about Renee. Interesting words some people called her, all true though LOL!! I am still sick (nothing new there. :P), but it was my doing, I decided to jump in the pool on Sunday. Though it is warm in Florida, it's not pool weather anymore, esp without a heater. Add to that that my best friend's BF, her brother and her sister-in-law (all of which I hung out with this past weekend) have some sort of cold. But that all together and you'll feel like you are in the 9th circle of hell. . .Ok, that is awfully dramatic, but when I am sick, I am. . . moody, annoying and close to worthless. Throw me in a corner and stick a fork in me. At least, today, I wasn't laying around all day. I went out, to CVS and got more drugs. Woo Hoo! ahem anyway. . . . enough self pity.

Enjoy!

Jackie who is spraying all e-mails with Lysol before sending them out. ;)

PART 2 – Soon, But Not Tonight

0210 Zulu
Mac's Apartment
Georgetown

Soaking wet and with a shattered heart, Mac drove home, to an empty apartment that mirrored the emptiness in her heart. Fate was un-relentlessly cruel to her. She felt sorry for Renee and her father's passing. She felt guilt for wishing it had happened on another day. She felt remorse for that spark of hope that came alive when Harm's warm voice invited her into his home. She wasn't sure what would have happened, but still wanted him to comfort her. In turn, she would be able to comfort him and maybe ease some of the pain from their plunge into the Atlantic. What she really wanted to do was to tell him she was sorry for not being more sensitive to his needs. One of those needs being that he had to get away from the reality that she was going off to another man. She felt the pain in the kiss that they shared just a few days prior when a goodbye kiss escaladed to a dangerous level. Sighing, she unlocked her door and looked around for some trace that Mic had relented and returned. There was nothing, it was if their relationship had never happened.

"Alone again." She said, chuckling at the absurdity of it. She looked good for being in her thirties, did her best to stay fit. She fought to not be consumed by her alcoholism and strived to be the best she could be. Then why did she always wind up alone? "Because I am meant to be." Mac said, as she removed the layers of clothing and left them scattered in a trail to her bedroom. At the moment she pitied herself and didn't give a damn at what people would think about it. Stripping completely, she walked into the bathroom and took a good look at the woman staring back at her. The tears she had shed outside of Harm's apartment had left her eyes red. "It wasn't supposed to happen like this. . . I was supposed to be on my honeymoon. . . I was supposed to be happy."

Mac fought hard to keep what was left of her dignity, but eventually her sorrow consumed her and the tears ran freely. Even as she prepared the tub for a hot bath, the tears ran free. She felt so alone, so vulnerable, unlike her Marine counterpart who never broke down. Sarah slid into the tub and closed her eyes letting the hot water have it's soothing effects on her, but not even that would help. "I wish I'd died." She said, referring to a time when life with Joe MacKenzie had gotten so difficult that she longed for an easy way out. A teenaged Sarah made her way to the medicine cabinet and picked up the pain killers her father had been prescribed after a minor accident at work. A handful of the prescriptive went into her mouth followed by glass of vodka. But, when she woke up in the morning, it had all been a dream and the nightmare that was her life would start, once again, with an early morning hang over.

As Mac scrubbed at her skin with rose scented gel, she thought about venturing out into the streets of Georgetown and to the liquor store that she knew was nearby. What would a bottle of vodka cost her these days? Back then, she never paid for her liquor and usually just stole whatever her father would bring home. $20, $30, $50? Hell, with her state of mind, she would easily drop $100 for a bottle. Deep inside, she knew it would be a mistake and throwing away her years of sobriety over a man was foolish. But, it wasn't about one man anymore, this time, she longed to drown away two men. The one that left and the one who remained. Shrugging, Mac finished her bath, got out slowly and started putting on dark colored sweats, something that fit her mood. She grabbed a baseball cap and put it on, there was no need for anyone to recognize her.

Mac searched through her emergency stash of money, grabbed three $20s and then headed out to the living room. She retrieved her keys, did a once over at the apartment and then stopped. For a brief moment, she thought about the consequences and the what ifs that would spring to mind once that strong, clear liquid flowed down her throat and into her veins. She sat down on her sofa and stared into the darkness of her apartment as she hesitated. Right when her decision to drown her sorrows was firmly in place, she heard it. There was a faint knock on the door. Slowly, Mac rose, moved across the room and, without looking out the peephole, opened up.

"Mac." And there he was, as if out of a dream, looking back at her. He was soaking wet, still wearing the same clothes she'd seen him in earlier and still gripping onto the cane so that he could walk. 'It must have been hell for him to climb the stairs outside.' She thought, cringing at how long it must have took him, without help and being rained on. "Mac? Can I come in?" He said, his voice strained and aching.

Mac broke out of her reverie and nodded, holding the door for him to enter. Closing the door behind them, she saw Harm hobble to her sofa and wince as he sat down. "I'm going to go get you a towel." Heading towards the bathroom, she let out a shaky sigh. What would have happened if he hadn't appeared when he did? Still, he was hurt, broken and in no condition to be out and about. "You shouldn't be here." Mac said, handing Harm a towel.

"Renee and I. . . we uh, had a fight." He said, looking at her directly in the eye as he said it.

"Oh." Mac said softly. She wrapped her arms around her body and held on tight. Tears again started fighting their way free and soon, they were running down her cheeks again. "It's my fault isn't it? She thinks. . .you and I, we have. . . something?"

Harm nodded slowly. "It doesn't matter."

"But, she's grieving." Mac couldn't believe he was here. It wasn't in Harm's personality to leave when someone was obviously hurting as much as Renee was. "You should be with your fiancé." Saying those words put a bad taste in her mouth. Fate was a cruel mistress, she deduced, figuring he'd probably felt the same way whenever he would talk about Mic. Did he also feel the same pain in the center of his chest as she did?

Harm sighed and looked away. "We had a fight. . . she said a lot of things. . ." He thought back a moment, out of everything that she said one thing had hurt him the most. '. . . bitch. . .' He shook his head and sighed. "Please don't turn me away. . . I know why I am here."

Mac moved across the room and sat on the coffee table, directly in front of Harm. "Why are you here?"

"For the same reason you came over to my place." He said, hoping that, for once, they were on an even keel. "I care for you, Mac. . .." They locked gazes, both caught under some sort of magic spell. Her eyes held his captive. Wincing slightly from the slight shift in his body, Harm leaned forward capturing her lips with his own.

The kiss was warm and sweet. Mac never thought that Harm's lips would feel this soft against her own. That kiss, the one on the Admiral's porch had left her wanting more. It left her fighting to keep control and remember that she belonged to someone else. She shifted herself forward and slid into the sofa next to Harm. As the kiss deepened, her hands moved up and ran though his hair, his wet silky strands tickling her finger tips. She pulled away from the kiss and looked at Harm as he smiled back at her.

Mac's fingers touched lightly the scrapes and bruises on his face. She frowned at what she saw because she knew he did it for her. He could have died in her arms, as the seas tossed him about. But, something spared him, he was home and he was safe in her arms. Mac felt the tears start to swell again and was pleased when his mouth took hers again, easing away her thoughts. God, how she wanted to make love to him. "We have to stop." Breathlessly she murmured against his lips. "I'll hurt you."

Harm took a deep breath as his hand moved up to cup her face. His thumb stroked her cheek. "Mac, I need you and you won't hurt me." His mouth took hers again and before the kiss escaladed, she broke it off.

"I can't do this tonight, though." Mac said, cursing herself for saying it. There was a reason for it, she just couldn't handle things and add a sexual relationship to the mix. His eyes registered the hurt from her rejection. With a quick kiss, she smiled and assured him. "Soon, but not tonight."

Harm understood that it wasn't just about him. It was about her getting over another man and about her needing to feel loved and safe. He knew he could and would give those to her without question. And he would also give her one more thing, time. "I'll wait, forever if I have to."

"I won't make you wait that long." She said, snuggling towards him, ever careful of his injured knee.

Harm smiled at her gesture and pulled her closer to him, as he whispered. "I won't break, Mac." She resisted for a moment and then let him move his arms around her, holding her against his body. Still, her body was tensed, rigid as he tried his best to soothe the wounds that couldn't be seen. He felt her body shake when the sobs escaped. With each one, he felt desperate.

"Love me." Mac said in a choked voice. Her eyes looked up to his and held his gaze captive. "I just want you to love me. . .to hold me."

"Oh, Sarah." Harm brought his thumb to the side of her face, brushing away the tears. He took a deep breath, gulped down the knot at his throat and spoke from his heart. "I do love you." He said, before his lips came down to hers, giving her a soft kiss, which she returned. This time, it felt right to kiss. This time it wasn't a goodbye, but the start of something which they both needed.

"I'm in love with you." She said in a soft voice, as if speaking out loud would make him vanish from her side. Mac was pleased when she received another kiss before Harm.

They held on to each other, just reveling in the feeling of finally having something that was once just a dream. They broke apart so that Harm could shower and get into some warm clothes which Mac had 'borrowed' and never gave back when she'd forgot to pack overnight clothing during a case. Mac pulled him into bed with her, made sure that he was comfortable before falling asleep safely in his arms.
--