A/N: Hi. Just thought I'd tell you a few things that best be said…some warnings:
This thing is weird.
This is very, VERY OOC, I think.
This song has language in it. (oooh no!)
And, this thing is really depressing. But it is in the angst section, so… Anyways, the disclaimers: The song AEnema (and that's NOT how you spell it) belongs to Tool, I very awesome band and a very awesome song. Go listen to it. NOW. Oh yeah, and The Matrix belongs to the Wachowski Bro's ….but you already knew that, didn't you? Yeah. So enjoy, please, PLEASE review, (please) and try not to get too freaked out by the OOCness.
AEnema
Some say the end is near.
Some say we'll see Armageddon soon.
This is exactly what the homeless man below me is saying. He is standing on a street corner. He's shouting and screaming, people see him ahead of them and they cross the street. He's not like the other ones I've seen, somehow, he doesn't have a little box or cup for you to throw change into. He doesn't have a sign made out of cardboard, with misspelled letters reading "WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE" or "INSANE…SPARE SOME CHANGE". Strangely, I always found those amusing. Even before I was unplugged, before all this happened, I did. Maybe because inside I always knew they were right.
I certainly hope we will.
I sure could use a vacation from this
I can remember times when I would lay for hours, thinking about the end. When I would die, when people around me would die, when the world would die. I find it funny now, because I've seen that, and I'm still here, sitting on a rooftop, thinking about it. Below, a cop car pulls up, and two policemen exit it, and begin cuffing the homeless man. I don't know what they'll do, keep him in jail for one night and release him the next day. They can't charge him, they can't talk to him, and they can't keep him, because he would probably prefer a jail cell to what he sees every night. Why do they even bother?
It seems so stupid.
Bull….shit….three….ring….circus….sideshow….ofLast night a man committed suicide in Zion. I saw it. I couldn't sleep, like every other night. I walked outside, and I saw him, he was leaning over a railing, looking down at the rest of the city. I wondered if he had the same problem as me, if there was someone he truly loved waiting inside the room behind him. He was so far away, but the more I thought about this the closer he seemed. I thought, everyone in this place has someone who loves them, somewhere, don't they? They all have a chance. They are all fighting the same fight I am, all living the same way I am, and eventually, they will all die, like I will. Why am I so special? I'm human too. It just….
It just makes no sense.
And those words were playing over in my head when I looked up and saw the man push himself forward and tumble over the edge.
FreaksHere in this hopeless fucking hole we call L.A.,
The only way to fix it is to flush it all away,
Any fucking time. Any fucking day.
Learn to swim.
I'll see you down in Arizona Bay.
And would you believe, that for a moment, I felt like joining him?
I used to enjoy going into the Matrix. It was somewhere I could think, be alone for a little while. I love Trinity dearly, but its time like now its best when I'm alone. But I just can't take it anymore. I see people in here, committing crimes, killing each other, hurting each other, judging and laughing and loving and dying. This place is disgusting. I don't think I'll ever be able to admit that, even to Trinity. Every one in Zion believes this, and I used to agree with them. But then I realized, that it wasn't the lie that disgusted me, it was the people.
Fret for your figure andFret for you latte and
Fret for your lawsuit and
Fret for your hairpiece and
Fret for your prozac and
Fret for you pilot and
Fret for your contract and
Fret for your car.
I try to think that the people in Zion are different. They are humbled, because they know that those things aren't real, they're just illusions to keep us contented. But, why do they believe in me? I want to stand before them and tell them the truth. I am a lie. I'm just another way to control them, but I cant, because they have to stay happy. They have to have something to believe in, some kind of hope. Its blind and its an illusion, but its there, and it keeps them going. And that's good, I guess.
But how is it different from the Matrix itself?
It's aBull……shit……three……ring……circus……side……show……of……
How am I different?
Freaks in here in this hopeless fucking hole we call L.A.
And the only way to fix it is to flush it all away.
Any fucking time. Any fucking day.
Learn to swim. I'll see you down in Arizona Bay.
So I guess that's why I think about the end so much. I know it's a stupid excuse, just another way to justify the fact that I'm not like them. That I don't have hope. I guess I should ignore the fact that Armageddon is up to me. I can decide whether the world ends or keeps going.
Some say a comet will fall from the sky. Followed by meteor showers and tidal waves.
Followed by faultlines that cannot sit still. Followed by millions of dumbfounded dipshits.
Some say the end is near.
Some say we'll see Armageddon soon.
Well I certainly hope we will cause,
I sure could use a vacation from this.
But why…oh god, not this again. Why me? Why do I have to have this? I tell myself to stop complaining, I'm just avoiding responsibility and being immature. But come on, how can they expect so much from me? I'm human too. I'm human! If they wouldn't be able to handle this then why should I? Why should I try to be more than what I am? I'm human, I'm a man, I'm a lover, and I am a warrior. But I'm still human.
Aren't I?
Silly shit…Stupid shit……
So what would happen if I just…stopped? Simple. The end of the world. Armageddon. I could destroy everything by just not caring. I could end the world, no, our world, the human world, by being human.
One great big festering neon distraction.
And that's why I can't stop. But it's also why I want to.
I've a suggestion to keep you all occupied…Learn to swim.
Learn to swim.
Learn to swim.
I wonder what it would be like if I didn't care. If I put this gun in my belt to my head right now and blew it off. How would everyone fare, until they died?
Mom's gonna fix it all soon…
Mom's comin' down to put it back the way it ought to be……
What would happen to Trinity? To Morpheus? Link? Everybody? All of Zion? What would happen to the machines, and the programs in the Matrix?
Learn to swim.
Fuck L. Ron Hubbard and fuck all his clones.
Fuck all those gun toting, hip gangster wannabes…
What would happen to Smith, I wonder?
Learn to swim.
Fuck retro anything.
Fuck your tattoos.
Fuck all you junkies and
Fuck your short memories…
I hadn't noticed it, hadn't been paying attention, but the crowd below me is getting bigger. The homeless man is fighting back against the cops. I cant hear what he's saying, something about " having a right to be here". I'm smiling, and I laugh a bit. He doesn't have rights. None of them do. I just think it's hilarious.
Learn to swim.
Fuck smiley-glad hands with hidden agendas.
Fuck these dysfunctional, insecure actresses.
Learn to swim.
And I'm so glad I'm alone, because I can barely contain my laughter. I don't know why, either, maybe I'm going insane. It would be a welcome change, and a great excuse. I cant even look at the crowd anymore, people are grinning, smirking, frowning, and laughing at the spectacle. Its amazing what attracts their attention. The people are frowning with disgusted looks on their faces, muttering to each other. And I would love to see, the expressions on their faces, to hear what they would have to say if they knew the truth.
Morpheus told me you can't unplug a large amount of people at one time. Three is the most that have ever been released. I don't see why. If I could destroy the Matrix right here and now and have all these people below me wake up, I know I would.
"Put that fucker in car! Now!"
"He's fucking annoying!" People are shouting.
"Hey! Shut the fuck up!"
Or maybe I wouldn't. Maybe I would just let them stay, and die with their illusion.
Learn to swim Learn to swim Learn to swim LearntoswimLearntoswimLearntoswimCause' I'm praying for rain…
And I'm praying for tidal waves…
I wanna see the ground give way…
I wanna watch it all go down…
And when this place does end…I really, really want to be there.
Mom please flush it all away…I wanna see it go right in and down…
I wanna watch it go right in…
Watch you flush it all away…
Time to bring it down again.
And of course, I can't tell this to anyone. I don't know why, they just wouldn't understand.
Don't just call me pessimist.
Try and read between the lines!
But that's why we have minds. To make sure nobody hears our innermost thoughts. The ones that Trinity wouldn't even be able to understand.
And I can't imagine why you wouldn't
Welcome any change, my friend.
The crowd is moving away, and the thought of death crosses my mind again.
I wanna see it come down
"Neo?"
I turn around. Trinity is standing behind me. Her sunglasses are off, and I can see her blue eyes.
"Yeah?"
"Its time to go."
Suck it down…
"Ok." I get up.
I slide the gun back into its holster, and I leave with her hand in mine.
Flush it down….