Zander woke with a start, his brow moist with a cold sweat. He tried to shake the nightmare he had, as his body quivered and his breathing erratic. He tried to catch his breath as he sat up against the headboard of the bed. It had been a while since he had one of those kinds of nightmares. He took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his coal black hair. He reached for the glass and bottle of Jack sitting on the nightstand next to the bed. The red numbers on the clock read 2:00am as he glanced towards the window to see the neon sign flicker "Jake's". He poured himself a shot of alcohol hoping it would calm him down enough so he could fall back to sleep. He swallowed the liquor with a hard gulp and set it back on the nightstand. He could feel it all the way down his throat as he rubbed his face with his hands. He laid back down and rested his head on the pillow, he pulled the covers up over his waistband and placed his hands behind his head. He stared at the ceiling for what seemed like an hour before he slowly closed his eyes and drifted back off to sleep.
The corridor was dark and gloomy, there was a musty smell in the air, it was cold and brought a chill to him as he heard voices in the distance. He stood back in the shadows as he watched the two figures embrace, his anger burned inside him at the sight of them, he followed as they walked back towards the opening in the wall. He stood in the dark corridor as he watched them through the opening, they embracing, kissing, groping each other like animals. He stepped from the shadows with his gun raised, he was ordered to permanently remove him and he was there to complete his mission. He startled the two of them as they quickly turned to face him. He thought he had it all planned out, but something went terribly wrong. His target approached him, not afraid to die and came face to face with him. He shouted at him but his mind racing, he didn't hear the words, just saw his mouth moving. He pointed the gun at him and he didn't flinch. She didn't stay back like she was suppose to .... shots rang out. Blood on his hands, now down on the ground next to her. "Nooooo! Emily!!"
Zander sat straight up in the bed in a cold sweat. His breathing was hard and erratic, his body quivering with fear. He slipped from the bed and went to the bathroom. He turned on the faucet and ran cold water into his hands. He splashed his face hoping it would snap him out of what was happening to him. He could never forget that night, but he wished the nightmares would stop. It had been a nightly occurrence to relive what happened, but they seemed to subside once he moved to Miami. He guessed they were back because he was back to the scene of the crime. But it wasn't a crime, it was an accident, yet he never got over the feeling of guilt of doing the deed. The night that he was suppose to remove Nikolas permanently didn't happen like it was suppose to.
Zander walked back to the bed and sat down on the edge. He grabbed the bottle of Jack and chugged it down. One way or the other he was going to get a night's rest, voluntarily or passed out. He soon finished the bottle and laid out cold on the bed.
He awoke to a banging on the door. "Zander! You awake?" the voice shouted from the other side of the door. Zander groaned as he rolled over and hid his head in the pillows. "Go away!" he mumbled loudly. His visitor wasn't going away and knocked on the door once more. He stayed laying hoping who ever it was would get the hint and go away like he wanted them to. "Come on, Zander! Open the door!" Zander slowly climbed out of bed and went to the door. His was all disheveled as he rubbed his face with his hands as he opened the door. Jack stood on the other side with coffee in his hands and pushed his way inside. He set the coffee down on the desk as Zander closed the door.
"Rough night?" Jack asked with a chuckle. Zander reached for a cup of coffee and smelled the aroma in the air. "You could say that." he replied before he took a cautious sip. "Want to talk about it?" Jack asked as Zander went to the bed and sat on the edge. He looked up at his partner who stood there concerned for him. "Um, no." Jack grabbed the wooden chair and sat in backwards in front of Zander. He straddled the chair and sat down with the cup in his hand. "It might be better if you do. Talking about it can help sometimes." Jack was seriously concerned and worried about Zander. His mysterious talk out on the water the day before had him curious.
Zander took a sip from his cup and sighed. "I guess you deserve to know the truth." Jack raised an eyebrow. "That serious, huh?" Zander got up from the bed and began to pace. It helped him in some way to walk the floor and it became a habit. "Eight years ago, I worked for this woman here in Port Charles. Her name was Faith Roscoe. I was young, stupid, and out for revenge against my ex and the guy who stole her away from me. Faith knew that and used me to get what she wanted." Zander stopped pacing and looked towards Jack. "I see." he replied as he suckled on his coffee. "Anyway, Faith wanted something that Nikolas had. A brand new freighter. She wanted to transport her drug shipments with it and Nikolas wasn't about to give her his permission to use it, even though he owed her millions of dollars. Faith told him she'd take it in trade for the money he owed her. This back and forth went on for a few months, and finally Faith was just sick of Nikolas's stalling. She ordered me to remove Nikolas permanently. I went to Wyndamere fully aware of what I was doing and why I was there. I found Emily and Nikolas in the catacombs that run the full dimensions of the mansion. I followed them to the study and waited for the right time to appear. What happened after that wasn't suppose to happen. I had it all planned out, down the last detail, nothing was to go wrong. But something did go wrong, and I have held the guilt ever since." Jack listened to his partner re-live that night that had him so shaken.
"Zander, what happened after you appeared to them?" Zander rubbed his hands over his face and stared coldly at Jack. "I don't really remember what Nikolas was shouting at me, it was really all a blur till I heard the shot. She wasn't suppose to get hurt, Jack!" The tone in Zander's voice changed, from calm and cold to painful and agitated. Jack got up from the chair and went to him. He stared into Zander's eyes. "What happened?" he said calmly hoping to keep his partner calm enough to tell him the rest. "She died in my arms, Jack!" Zander broke down and sobbed as his knees buckled and he went to the floor. "You shot her? You're ex?" Jack went to comfort him and went down on his knees to the floor. "She was so vibrant, full of life, Jack. I took that all away that night. My stupid mistake took her life!" Zander sobbed uncontrollably as Jack wrapped his arms around his friend. "It's okay, Zander. It was a long time ago, you've changed your life for the better now." Zander looked up at Jack and wiped the tears from his face. "I shot her Jack and I can't take that back! God I wish I could, but I can't! I have tried so hard to forget but it's been nearly impossible." Jack helped Zander to his feet. "First thing you have to do is forgive yourself, Zander. You can't keep this inside of you, it's going to destroy you from the inside out." Zander stumbled to the bed and sat down. "Don't you think I know that, Jack! I do! I just don't know what to do anymore, it's eating at me for the past 8 years. I just can't shake it!" Jack didn't know how to help him, he sat and listened to Zander, hoping it would be enough.
"Tell me about her Zander. What was she like? I assume you love her still, tell me about your life together." Jack didn't know if would help but remember her in life might help him move past not having her in his life now. Jack noticed the empty bottle sitting on the nightstand. He got up from the chair and went to throw it away. "Is this how to solve the problem, Zander?" Zander looked at the bottle in Jack's hand. "It's the only way I know how, Jack." Jack threw the bottle against the wall and it shattered onto the floor in a million pieces. "Not any more it's not!"