The eve of the full moon was nigh and Remus Lupin was restless. Although
the wolfsbane potion let him keep his mind it didn't stop him feeling the
other effects of the moon-curse - the aggression, the violent mood-swings,
the transformation, the pain - they all stayed as potent as they had always
been.
He settled down with a dusty old book to wait for night to fall and his body to change. He didn't trust himself to wander the school even before dark. That was the terrible irony of the werewolf, separately the two halves are sociable, gregarious creatures, but combined they become outcast, left to wander the night alone and unloved. That loneliness and confusion was what drives the animal to despair, despair leads to hatred of all who reject it, that to murder and revenge and this in turn to its eventual extermination.
Yet despite the wolfsbane potion, werewolves were still reviled amongst the wizarding folk and seen as a beast and nothing else. The more they showed their true colours the more they were alienated. Their only recourse was to stay hidden.
Upon these things and more Remus dwelled, staring blankly at the battered pages of his book. He started when a knock came at the door.
'Go away, leave me alone!' he cried, wishing for another to share his pain but not daring to put another in danger.
The lock clicked open as a wand was pointed at the door and the handle turned. Remus was suddenly furious at the idiot that put their life in hazard by disturbing a werewolf this close to the change. He could feel the wolfs' excitement at its impending release and it was already starting to take him over even though the sun was still far above the horizon.
'What the hell do you think.' he stopped in mid-rage when he saw who was framed in the portal. 'Di, what are you doing here?'
'Snarl at me, Remus, and I'll just snarl right back. You know what I'm like. Do you mind?' she indicated two comfy armchairs in a corner.
Lupin hadn't even realised that his lips had curled at the intruder. He led the way over to the armchairs and sat down, feeling rather uncomfortable at having a human near him this close. It was Diana Hooch who broke the icy silence.
'I'm not afraid of what you are, Remus. You don't have to get all squirmy on my account. I just thought you might enjoy some company, at least for a while. The most awful thing is to be alone.'
'I must be alone so as not to put others in danger.'
'Not all are in danger, my friend. But what about the wolf, does he like being alone or does he sing all night for his pack and his friends?'
'Talk sense, Di, I can't let the wolf roam this place at night.'
'Does his pack answer him?'
Remus opened his mouth to answer, but closed it again. Nagging doubts were pricking at his brain. Tiny snippets of a transformed wolfs' memories. Locked away in a wooden shack howling all night long because he didn't want to be alone. Yet one night from a distance other howls answer him, speaking of how they will find him and make him whole. Yet when they do come they can't get to him and he can't get out so he would get angry and distressed. But they didn't leave him, they sang to him. Yet when his friends became animagi he soon forgot his wolfish companions. Until now.
'And they told you stories to pass away the night, grand tales of wolves and men.'
Remus's eyes had become misted with memory, 'Yes, of Lupus, the white wolf and of others. But how do you know?' he snapped suspiciously, shaking himself back to reality.
'Because I heard the stories too.'
'Then you are.'
'No, Remus, I am no werewolf, just one who can see through wolfish eyes.'
The werewolf looked into Diana's golden eyes and saw a haunting quality in them, that of one who can see in two worlds. The two worlds he was caught between.
'There are more than just werewolves in this world, but I know of your pain and I can help you.'
The talk became easy as the two did not have to hide from each other any more and felt a connection deep inside. Just as the sun dipped below the horizon they were disturbed by someone who entered with much fear in his heart and a smoking potion in his hands.
'You'd best drink this quick, Lupin, the sun has set.'
Severus Snape stared in disbelief at the two teachers sitting close, their hands held intimately in each others.
Remus passed a look at Diana, a look which conveyed all his feelings, all his doubts, 'Drink your potion, if it helps you, but think on what I've said. Moony,' she said this name with an amused smile on her lips, 'I shall see you in the morning.' She kissed his forehead lightly and squeezed his hand before whispering in his ear, 'If you need me, sing and I shall come.'
'Thank you, Raq.' There was also a secretive smile playing on his face and a blush on his cheeks as she left him. As she left she winked one of her yellow eyes at Severus, her overlarge canines showing clearly through her parted lips.
Snape's fear had, as usual, mutated into anger and hate. 'How do you do it? Her. With you.? A filthy little werewolf.'
'It seems there is more to Diana than meets the eye, even golden ones.'
'So she is.'
'No, Severus, Diana is no werewolf. She is. something else.' He almost said "my mate" but stopped himself.
Snape stormed out, locking the door behind him. Even a werewolf could get a girlfriend, but he couldn't. Once again the face of a raven-haired girl loomed up in his thoughts, but he banished it as quickly as he could.
Remus drank the potion without even tasting it, for once. He could feel the moon beginning to rise, so he removed his robes and sat down on the armchair. He could feel the burning, prickling sensation that heralded the arrival of a tide of silver hair breaking through his skin, but instead of concentration on the pain he thought of Raq and tried to follow her advice and not to fight it. To accept that him and the wolf were the same person and nothing could ever change that.
The moon was getting higher and he could feel its influence racing through his veins. It felt like a thousand thorns flowing through his veins, as his body contorted into the shape of a wolf, his bones cracking and changing - lengthening and shortening - dagger-like teeth erupting through his gums in a rain of blood.
'Liquid gold,' he repeated to himself, 'liquid gold.' Using his mind to make the thorns melt and his blood changed to liquid gold, the fire feeding strength into his limbs to burn away the pain. When he opened his eyes he was a wolf again, but the pain had not been what it normally was.
And there was a song in his heart for he was not alone.
He settled down with a dusty old book to wait for night to fall and his body to change. He didn't trust himself to wander the school even before dark. That was the terrible irony of the werewolf, separately the two halves are sociable, gregarious creatures, but combined they become outcast, left to wander the night alone and unloved. That loneliness and confusion was what drives the animal to despair, despair leads to hatred of all who reject it, that to murder and revenge and this in turn to its eventual extermination.
Yet despite the wolfsbane potion, werewolves were still reviled amongst the wizarding folk and seen as a beast and nothing else. The more they showed their true colours the more they were alienated. Their only recourse was to stay hidden.
Upon these things and more Remus dwelled, staring blankly at the battered pages of his book. He started when a knock came at the door.
'Go away, leave me alone!' he cried, wishing for another to share his pain but not daring to put another in danger.
The lock clicked open as a wand was pointed at the door and the handle turned. Remus was suddenly furious at the idiot that put their life in hazard by disturbing a werewolf this close to the change. He could feel the wolfs' excitement at its impending release and it was already starting to take him over even though the sun was still far above the horizon.
'What the hell do you think.' he stopped in mid-rage when he saw who was framed in the portal. 'Di, what are you doing here?'
'Snarl at me, Remus, and I'll just snarl right back. You know what I'm like. Do you mind?' she indicated two comfy armchairs in a corner.
Lupin hadn't even realised that his lips had curled at the intruder. He led the way over to the armchairs and sat down, feeling rather uncomfortable at having a human near him this close. It was Diana Hooch who broke the icy silence.
'I'm not afraid of what you are, Remus. You don't have to get all squirmy on my account. I just thought you might enjoy some company, at least for a while. The most awful thing is to be alone.'
'I must be alone so as not to put others in danger.'
'Not all are in danger, my friend. But what about the wolf, does he like being alone or does he sing all night for his pack and his friends?'
'Talk sense, Di, I can't let the wolf roam this place at night.'
'Does his pack answer him?'
Remus opened his mouth to answer, but closed it again. Nagging doubts were pricking at his brain. Tiny snippets of a transformed wolfs' memories. Locked away in a wooden shack howling all night long because he didn't want to be alone. Yet one night from a distance other howls answer him, speaking of how they will find him and make him whole. Yet when they do come they can't get to him and he can't get out so he would get angry and distressed. But they didn't leave him, they sang to him. Yet when his friends became animagi he soon forgot his wolfish companions. Until now.
'And they told you stories to pass away the night, grand tales of wolves and men.'
Remus's eyes had become misted with memory, 'Yes, of Lupus, the white wolf and of others. But how do you know?' he snapped suspiciously, shaking himself back to reality.
'Because I heard the stories too.'
'Then you are.'
'No, Remus, I am no werewolf, just one who can see through wolfish eyes.'
The werewolf looked into Diana's golden eyes and saw a haunting quality in them, that of one who can see in two worlds. The two worlds he was caught between.
'There are more than just werewolves in this world, but I know of your pain and I can help you.'
The talk became easy as the two did not have to hide from each other any more and felt a connection deep inside. Just as the sun dipped below the horizon they were disturbed by someone who entered with much fear in his heart and a smoking potion in his hands.
'You'd best drink this quick, Lupin, the sun has set.'
Severus Snape stared in disbelief at the two teachers sitting close, their hands held intimately in each others.
Remus passed a look at Diana, a look which conveyed all his feelings, all his doubts, 'Drink your potion, if it helps you, but think on what I've said. Moony,' she said this name with an amused smile on her lips, 'I shall see you in the morning.' She kissed his forehead lightly and squeezed his hand before whispering in his ear, 'If you need me, sing and I shall come.'
'Thank you, Raq.' There was also a secretive smile playing on his face and a blush on his cheeks as she left him. As she left she winked one of her yellow eyes at Severus, her overlarge canines showing clearly through her parted lips.
Snape's fear had, as usual, mutated into anger and hate. 'How do you do it? Her. With you.? A filthy little werewolf.'
'It seems there is more to Diana than meets the eye, even golden ones.'
'So she is.'
'No, Severus, Diana is no werewolf. She is. something else.' He almost said "my mate" but stopped himself.
Snape stormed out, locking the door behind him. Even a werewolf could get a girlfriend, but he couldn't. Once again the face of a raven-haired girl loomed up in his thoughts, but he banished it as quickly as he could.
Remus drank the potion without even tasting it, for once. He could feel the moon beginning to rise, so he removed his robes and sat down on the armchair. He could feel the burning, prickling sensation that heralded the arrival of a tide of silver hair breaking through his skin, but instead of concentration on the pain he thought of Raq and tried to follow her advice and not to fight it. To accept that him and the wolf were the same person and nothing could ever change that.
The moon was getting higher and he could feel its influence racing through his veins. It felt like a thousand thorns flowing through his veins, as his body contorted into the shape of a wolf, his bones cracking and changing - lengthening and shortening - dagger-like teeth erupting through his gums in a rain of blood.
'Liquid gold,' he repeated to himself, 'liquid gold.' Using his mind to make the thorns melt and his blood changed to liquid gold, the fire feeding strength into his limbs to burn away the pain. When he opened his eyes he was a wolf again, but the pain had not been what it normally was.
And there was a song in his heart for he was not alone.