Session: 153
Name of Client Señòr Simosinof
Date: July 4 , 11:25 pm.
Notes:
11:25 The Señor is late today. Again. Only by 10 minutes this time. Asked him to sit down, to which he responded with curling up inot a ball and sobbing.
11:26 The couch apparently reminds him of a Polish sausage that once gave him indegestion. Should I be insulted, or gratified that my furniture can strike terror into a mans heart? I shall ponder later.
11:27 I've been seeing this man for more than a year, and I still don't see whats so upsetting about sausages. I also can't cure him of this fear. Now if he was afraid of beng turned [I]into[/I] a sausage, I could have something to work with, but really! Does this reflect badly on me as a shrink?
11:27 I shouldn't call myself a shrink. It sounds degrading. Like hag. Or midget.
11:28 Took out the picture cards. I don't know why I bother, I know he'll see all of them as sausages, hot dogs, franks, bratwursts, whatever, and dive behind my chair begging for them to spare him.
11:29 Heehee, I was right. Why do I find so much vindictive pleasure in using his abnormal fear against him?
11:30 Oh thats why. I can't stand this client. I wish someone would come and kill him off for me. Annoying, frustrating, cantankerous little fraidy cat.
11:30 Oh Merlins Balls. Be careful what you wish for ladies and gentlemen. You know who just walked in
[added note: I just realized that you know who is You-Know-Who….heh…never mind]
11:32 Alrighty, got that sorted out. Lord Voldemort just walked in an hour early. He seems to think….demand actually…that I should arrange my schedule aorund his needs. I told him I was with a client. And I quote:
*Voldemort looks around*: I see no client.
*Señor pokes head out from under chair* *Shouts*: GIANT SAUSAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Voldemort looks mildly injured.*
*I explain his fear of sausages.*
*Voldemort turns the Señor into a sausage*
*Voldemort proceeds to eat the señor on a rye bun from my lunchbag*
Where do I find these people?
11:35 Every cloud has a silver lining…extra hour of lunch today….
11:36 Lets see how much time he can waste complaining about minion problems…..
-'Wormtail can't even make a decent cup of coffee!"
- something about oatmeal and obnoxious blondes [obtrusive scones?]
- 'And Agnes owuldn't give me my Monday footrub' (ugh)
- nuegen luegen du farfegnugan??
11:40 I'll us the picture cards from Señors session for todays excersise. I hope this goes better with him. Or do I?
Card #1- Harry Potter withing in agony
Card #2- Harry Potter falling into a Burmese tiger trap
Card #3- Harry Potter dead
Card #4- Dead Muggle
Card #5 -Oatmeal with blueberries?
Card #6- Me [Voldemort], tugging Dumbledore's beard off his winkled head.
Card #7- Me [Voldemort] ruling the world
Card #8- mummy!
10:45 That last card was actually a cutout of Mrs. Skowers. He sniffled, then shouted at me for 'taunting him with reminders of his nonexistant parental instances', then proceeded to transfigure all my cards into cockroaches and squish them all into the floor.
10:47 Finally got him calmed down with a new squoosh duckie and a bag of fizzing whizbees.
10:47 Let's try a bit of question and answer, thanks to my new Quick Quotes Quill!
Me: Why do you kill people?
He: Some people just need to be killed. [I just can't argue with that logic....]
Me: What is the number one most stressful time for you?
He: July 31st, Harry's birthday, because that means it's been ONE MORE YEAR THAT HE'S ESCAPED MY WRATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But his day will come, I assure you, oh yes. It will be sweet…..
Me: Revenge is a dish best served cold.
He: Like Ice Cream.
Me: Why do you want to kill muggles?
He: Why do we squish bugs?
Me: How are you today.
He: No one's ever asked me that before…..
Me: If you could have the perfect day, what would it be?
He: I'd wake up, eat my blueberry oatmeal and Pop Tarts, then go out to take over the world. I'd kill Harry Potter, then Dumbledore, seize Hogwarts, and make a new school! A better school! One for Dark Arts.
Me: Like Durmstrang
He: Durmstrang would become a department Store for Riddle Unlimited. Then I'd turn all the muggles into merchandise and become rich!
10:51 At this point he discovered my Quick Quotes Quill and nicked it.
I asked him for it back, and he said "What Quill?" He annoys me.
10:51 I annoy him too he says.
10:53 He wants a tour of my department. Okay……
10:59 GOD! He's like a CHILD!!!!! I said no, because he would intimidate my employees, and he [I]threw a temper tantrum[/I]. Merlin's Hemmheroids! My office is a complete disaster, and the only thing thats safe is my fishtank! He's quite fascinated with the crabs. And…….. Oh my lord, my DESK IS A PIG!!!!!!
11:00 I told him to leave. He said only if he could bring his candy. I said fine. He's gone, along with half my candy supply, my fishtank, and my desk/pig. I swear, when this is all over, I'm going to need counseling.
Diagnosis- Severe Case of Meanie-Poo-ness
Name of Client Señòr Simosinof
Date: July 4 , 11:25 pm.
Notes:
11:25 The Señor is late today. Again. Only by 10 minutes this time. Asked him to sit down, to which he responded with curling up inot a ball and sobbing.
11:26 The couch apparently reminds him of a Polish sausage that once gave him indegestion. Should I be insulted, or gratified that my furniture can strike terror into a mans heart? I shall ponder later.
11:27 I've been seeing this man for more than a year, and I still don't see whats so upsetting about sausages. I also can't cure him of this fear. Now if he was afraid of beng turned [I]into[/I] a sausage, I could have something to work with, but really! Does this reflect badly on me as a shrink?
11:27 I shouldn't call myself a shrink. It sounds degrading. Like hag. Or midget.
11:28 Took out the picture cards. I don't know why I bother, I know he'll see all of them as sausages, hot dogs, franks, bratwursts, whatever, and dive behind my chair begging for them to spare him.
11:29 Heehee, I was right. Why do I find so much vindictive pleasure in using his abnormal fear against him?
11:30 Oh thats why. I can't stand this client. I wish someone would come and kill him off for me. Annoying, frustrating, cantankerous little fraidy cat.
11:30 Oh Merlins Balls. Be careful what you wish for ladies and gentlemen. You know who just walked in
[added note: I just realized that you know who is You-Know-Who….heh…never mind]
11:32 Alrighty, got that sorted out. Lord Voldemort just walked in an hour early. He seems to think….demand actually…that I should arrange my schedule aorund his needs. I told him I was with a client. And I quote:
*Voldemort looks around*: I see no client.
*Señor pokes head out from under chair* *Shouts*: GIANT SAUSAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Voldemort looks mildly injured.*
*I explain his fear of sausages.*
*Voldemort turns the Señor into a sausage*
*Voldemort proceeds to eat the señor on a rye bun from my lunchbag*
Where do I find these people?
11:35 Every cloud has a silver lining…extra hour of lunch today….
11:36 Lets see how much time he can waste complaining about minion problems…..
-'Wormtail can't even make a decent cup of coffee!"
- something about oatmeal and obnoxious blondes [obtrusive scones?]
- 'And Agnes owuldn't give me my Monday footrub' (ugh)
- nuegen luegen du farfegnugan??
11:40 I'll us the picture cards from Señors session for todays excersise. I hope this goes better with him. Or do I?
Card #1- Harry Potter withing in agony
Card #2- Harry Potter falling into a Burmese tiger trap
Card #3- Harry Potter dead
Card #4- Dead Muggle
Card #5 -Oatmeal with blueberries?
Card #6- Me [Voldemort], tugging Dumbledore's beard off his winkled head.
Card #7- Me [Voldemort] ruling the world
Card #8- mummy!
10:45 That last card was actually a cutout of Mrs. Skowers. He sniffled, then shouted at me for 'taunting him with reminders of his nonexistant parental instances', then proceeded to transfigure all my cards into cockroaches and squish them all into the floor.
10:47 Finally got him calmed down with a new squoosh duckie and a bag of fizzing whizbees.
10:47 Let's try a bit of question and answer, thanks to my new Quick Quotes Quill!
Me: Why do you kill people?
He: Some people just need to be killed. [I just can't argue with that logic....]
Me: What is the number one most stressful time for you?
He: July 31st, Harry's birthday, because that means it's been ONE MORE YEAR THAT HE'S ESCAPED MY WRATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But his day will come, I assure you, oh yes. It will be sweet…..
Me: Revenge is a dish best served cold.
He: Like Ice Cream.
Me: Why do you want to kill muggles?
He: Why do we squish bugs?
Me: How are you today.
He: No one's ever asked me that before…..
Me: If you could have the perfect day, what would it be?
He: I'd wake up, eat my blueberry oatmeal and Pop Tarts, then go out to take over the world. I'd kill Harry Potter, then Dumbledore, seize Hogwarts, and make a new school! A better school! One for Dark Arts.
Me: Like Durmstrang
He: Durmstrang would become a department Store for Riddle Unlimited. Then I'd turn all the muggles into merchandise and become rich!
10:51 At this point he discovered my Quick Quotes Quill and nicked it.
I asked him for it back, and he said "What Quill?" He annoys me.
10:51 I annoy him too he says.
10:53 He wants a tour of my department. Okay……
10:59 GOD! He's like a CHILD!!!!! I said no, because he would intimidate my employees, and he [I]threw a temper tantrum[/I]. Merlin's Hemmheroids! My office is a complete disaster, and the only thing thats safe is my fishtank! He's quite fascinated with the crabs. And…….. Oh my lord, my DESK IS A PIG!!!!!!
11:00 I told him to leave. He said only if he could bring his candy. I said fine. He's gone, along with half my candy supply, my fishtank, and my desk/pig. I swear, when this is all over, I'm going to need counseling.
Diagnosis- Severe Case of Meanie-Poo-ness