CHAPTER TWO:

It took me several weeks to come clean with Bosco on the whole Fred story. In fact, I waited until a day that I'd had an impossibly horrible day. One of those days when you have to look back on and laugh. I'd reached a point with the whole divorce mess that I could look at it differently. I saw it as a positive rather than a negative point in my life.

"You know I never told you the whole Fred story," I began, following up a laugh. I didn't want Bosco to feel bad for me…to pity me in any way. I certainly didn't want him to see me crying over Fred cause I was past that. "I never told you about Caroline."

"Caroline? Who's Caroline?" Bosco questioned this dumbfounded and confused expression on his face.

"You ready for this?" I asked, almost laughing. "Caroline is Fred's girlfriend."

His eyes told me everything. He didn't believe it.

"Yeah I know," I said, understanding his expression as well as his silence. "It sounds crazy but it's true."

"Fred's girlfriend? Fred has a girlfriend?? You gotta be kidding me. Fred Yokas has a girlfriend…bald Fred?"

"Yep…her name is Caroline and she's cute and perky and blonde…"

"Really….maybe I should meet this Caroline."

"Don't even go there," I cut him off. I really didn't need this right at that moment. "Trust me…she's not your type."

"You're right," Bosco admitted. "Cute and blond is one thing. Perky? Perky is annoying as hell. Besides if she's been with Fred…I don't wanna think about it."

We were silent for a few moments while Bosco struggled to comprehend the news I'd dropped in his lap. He made several faces before I had to laugh. Bosco was more confused by why I was laughing.

"You find this funny?" he questioned.

"I was thinking," I said giggling like a fourteen year old. "You think it's his mojo that attracted her to him?"

"His mojo…What're you talking about? Fred doesn't have any mojo. Fred has no personality…he has no...what'd you ever see in him anyway?"

"He wasn't always like…like he is now."

"As in bald?"

"Bosco you know you can be…" I replied, trying to explain without picturing Fred with hair. When I did, it only made me laugh harder. "I was in high school when we met…we were young."

"You were young? That's it? That's your excuse?"

"I was young when we got married."

"Yeah but still. Young only works so long?"

"Well what about you and Cruz…you can't blame that on being young?"

"Hey I was stupid…I admit that. But at least I didn't marry her."

"You got me there," I replied frowning although that quickly gave way to laughter. "Besides you never would have married Cruz."

"How do you know that?"

"I know you…besides do you think I would have sat by quietly while you married that witch?"

"That'd have been a first," Bosco replied, joining me in laughing. .

"She wasn't right for you. How many times did I tell you I didn't trust her but did you believe me?"

Raised eyebrows told me Bosco was smart enough not to debate me when it came to Cruz.

Anyway, I would have kidnapped you, locked you in an abandoned warehouse somewhere…maybe handcuffed you to a pipe or something before I would have sat by and let you screw up your life worse that you already had."

"Handcuffs?"

In typical Bosco fashion, his brain latched onto one word. Once again, his face said it all. I knew that look.

"You're one sick puppy Bosco," I replied, giving me a fake glare. "Don't go getting any ideas."

"What?" he said with a 'trying to look innocent' look on his face.

"You know what?" I stated before taking a different approach. "You know, the more I think about it…I think maybe you're jealous."

"Jealous? Of you and Fred? You're kidding me right?"

"You're jealous that I was married with a baby on the way before you ever had sex."

"No way…no way…" he said, scrunching up his face like he always did when I'd mention Fred and sex in the same sentence.

"No? So you're saying you had sex before age nineteen?"

"No. I'm not….how did this become about my sex life? I'm not talking about me and my sex life."

"Now that would be a first," I said challenging him. "I've heard every aspect of your sex life with the exception of that one detail. What's the big secret?"

"It's no big deal. I just don't wanna talk about it."

I gave in, allowing him to believe that I'd given up…for now. I looked down at my hand, noticing that I was once again missing the ring that I'd worn for many years. I'd stop wearing it when I signed the divorce papers. I knew my marriage was over but I still missed having my ring. It felt like something was missing.

"You know, I bet someday…when you get married…you won't cheat on your wife..."

"I don't think anyone gets married with the idea that someday he or she will cheat on their husband or wife," Bosco said, sounding very profound. He made me smile.

"What makes a person cheat on their spouse anyway? I mean how did it reach that point? Were things that bad? I know I worked a lot but…"

"Faith, don't do this," Bosco said, looking directly in my eyes. It was hard to maintain eye contact with him. "Look, I don't think its anything you did. Things change…people change. Sometimes things change and people change together with them and other times what happens…it tears people apart."

"I know all couples go through good times and bad. But how come some marriages can survive major changes while others can't survive the slightest changes? I went to the police academy so I could support myself. I was going to leave Fred. But I didn't. I stuck it out. How many times did I talk about leaving him? How many Bos? It just doesn't seem fair that he'd leave me without much thought."

"It's not fair Faith…but that's life. It isn't supposed to be fair," Bos began, looking me in the eye again. "Looking back…you and Fred went through a lot. You got through his drinking more times than I can count. You got through Fred and the heart attack. You got through the cancer…Emily's overdose. You had some tough things to deal with but you had some good times too Faith."

"Yeah, I guess we did."

"You know, you're right about one thing. There have been times…times when I was jealous of your family," Bosco explained, pausing a moment to take in my shocked look. I never imagined free and single Bosco could be jealous of my family. "There were times when I wanted a family. Not so much the wife and kids and all but I wished my own family could be closer…my old man…ma…me and Mikey… Sometimes things just don't go the way you want them too."

"You know something," I said, flashing him a quick smile…one that disappeared as quickly as it came. "I was jealous of you…you and Rose…sometimes I'd see you and your ma together and I'd wish that Emily and I were close like you and Rose."

"If you'd seen me and my ma when I was Emily's age, you wouldn't say that."

"I didn't tell you," I said smiling. "Emily is living with me. You believe that? She and Fred were always close but she told the judge she wants to live with me."

"I'm not surprised. Em's a good kid."

"Don't let her hear you calling her a kid," I reminded him. "She's not a kid anymore." He smiled before offering a humorous side to this.

"Of course she's smart. I mean she's finally got her own room now so why not. Besides if I had a choice between living with Fred or you, I'd …"

What Bosco didn't say was obvious. It wasn't so much what he didn't say. It was what I thought of what he hadn't said.

It was several hours later and I was still awake. I should've been in bed but I had a lot on my mind. Maybe not a lot. Actually it was just one thing…Bosco.

I couldn't get it out of my mind his comment about if he had to choose between living with me or Fred. I know it'd been a joke…that he never seriously gave thought to living with me or what that would entail. I'd never given it much thought either especially since until recently I'd been living with a husband. But the thought lingered in my mind.

I know they say you never really know a person until you've lived with him or her. I think Bosco might be an exception to that concept. I mean we spent eight hours a day with each other for a good twelve years or so…sometimes more than eight hours if you include the overtime and paperwork Figure fifty hours a week, five days a week, for twelve years…it came to a staggering forty-eight hundred hours. Like I said, that didn't include overtime, writing reports, time spent in court and time we spent together off duty. It also didn't include time spent at the academy where we'd met in the first place.

When it got right down to it, I probably spent as much if not more time with Bosco than with Fred. I mean I was with Fred for longer but the majority of that time I was either sleeping or getting the kids and Fred out the door in the morning. With Bosco the time was spent sitting in a car, talking and answering calls…and ducking a few.

Working with Bosco hadn't been just about work. He knew more about me than anyone including Fred. I'd told Bosco stuff before I told Fred…important stuff. Sometimes stuff that I never told Fred. There was stuff that I told Fred first…stuff that Bosco eventually found out later like the cancer. Stuff I should have told him about sooner.

With Bosco I had not only my best friend but a true friend as well. I could tell him anything and trust that he'd never tell anyone. I could cry in front of him without feeling ashamed. He could too and had done the same. I knew no matter what happened Bosco would be there for me. He was a good listener. He didn't always offer the best advice but he could make me think…make me see things differently…allow me to figure them out for myself.

I trusted Bosco with my life just as he trusted me. I'd been shot in an attempt to protect him. He'd been shot protecting me. He'd almost died protecting me.

Fred and Bosco were about as different as night and day…as black and white. But they had a couple things in common. Bosco had admitted to being jealous of me and Fred….of the idea of a family. Fred…Fred was jealous of Bosco too…of the bond between us…although he'd never admit it.

There was a time; years ago and not so long ago that I needed Fred. I'd needed him when I was young…when we both were young. In effect I'd escaped my parent's home and way of life by marrying Fred. Turns out I'd only continued to live that lifestyle. I'd still felt I was holding back. Not being true to myself and what I needed for me. That happens when you get married and have a family. But I'd chosen to be a cop for my kids…not for Fred. So, in reality, it was Fred who had been holding me back…making me make choices that I didn't want to make. In the end, he made the choice for me.

Bosco…I needed Bosco. One time in my life when I needed him the most he was lying in a hospital fighting for his life. That didn't stop me from talking to him even if he was in a coma. The funny thing was it helped. It helped saying these things I was feeling…saying them out loud. I'd been able to come to terms with them…to accept them and to move on. It was difficult telling him everything once he was awake…maybe even more than talking to him while he was in a coma. But I did and just as I knew he would, he didn't judge me…he didn't make me feel bad about myself…he didn't make me feel like a failure. Instead he reached out to me…he held my hand…and I'd held his. Before I left he'd made me laugh…making the comment about choosing between living with me or with Fred.

But…how much of a joke was it? I needed Bosco. I needed him to be there for me…to talk to ….to listen to. I liked how I felt when I was with him. I liked who I was when I was with him. I liked that I could be myself and that he wouldn't judge me…that he accepted that I wasn't perfect…that I wanted to do a job that was dangerous. And he was okay with that. I liked holding his hand. I liked him holding my hand. I even liked talking about living with him even if it wasn't for real. I liked being able to joke with him…telling him that given a choice I'd rather live with him than Fred too. I liked smiling as I said it. I liked the smile he gave me after I'd said it. But more than anything…I loved the way it felt when I kissed his forehead and told him "see ya tomorrow".