I have nothing much to say here now. Sorry, did I forget to post yesterday?? I think so... Erm... This post is especially wordy as compared to the previous post with Lily. Hardly any dialogue just a lot of feelings. Extremely short, I know and I'm sorry. But I'm moving too fast, and I am not writing much these days!

Enjoy.

Post 40

I awoke suddenly the next morning before the sun rose. I lay in bed, just staring at the dark forest green canopy. I felt extremely comfortable just then, the weather outside was just right, cool and refreshing but not yet freezing as it'll be when winter approaches. The green and white blankets, I drew up till my chest and I cross my arms over them, deep in thought.

Even in slumber, my mind was troubled constantly by the thought of Sirius. I wished it had been like before... we were so happy. I had been the longest girlfriend he ever had, so I knew he was true. What Lily said still lingered in my thoughts.

It was true... he wasn't going to be here. He isn't going to know who I go to Hogsmeade with. He has no way of finding out. Besides, eight months with Sirius till I get out of school to none at all? They say it's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. I'm starting to think they were right.

I wondered how he must be feeling now... Was he as distraught and heartbroken as I was? Did he get my hint when I said there was no other way? Or did he really think I don't love him anymore. Would he accept me back? And what if he didn't?

And then... this wonderful thought of his kiss always managed to lift my heart a teeny bit higher. I could still taste his lips. A touch of heaven I could not possibly explain.

I couldn't fall back asleep so I got out of bed, took a shower and changed into the day's clothes. Clipping the latch on my cloak, and looping the scarf around my neck, I headed up the stairs and pushed the trapdoor open.

The castle was deathly quiet as this time of the day. It was almost unnerving. I headed outside where the sun was just rising from behind the gray mountains, spreading its warm orange red hues across the sky. I sat under a large solitary tree with golden red leaves and faced the lake.

The water was as calm and tranquil as it always was, sparkling like a million diamonds in the morning glow. The wind was fresh and cool and smelt of the sweet scent of flowers. A strong breeze was blowing, blowing my hair back. It seemed forever since I had felt such serenity.

Just west, I could see the tall pillars of the Quidditch Stadium rising above the greenery. Each decked in checks of red and gold, yellow and black, green and silver or blue and bronze.

Birds were chirping merrily and leaves, tiny seeds and little bits of nature fluttered past in the wind. It seemed like a perfect day.

But inside me, there was a raging storm. The chilling wind howled past, raking through my hair, nipping sharply against my skin. Thunder was roaring and lightning flashed dangerously across the steely grey sky. I saw myself sitting in this very spot, but the lush tree was dead and torrential rain pelted onto my skin like sharp ice. The lake was dark and ominous, crashing upon each other as if it were a violent sea. My world was depressed and grey, there was no colour; everything was grey.

When I'm with him... my world seemed to be whole. He was the missing piece in my puzzle, the one who could complete me. He was the one who painted my world with colour. He treated me just like how a lady should be treated. He added adventure and excitement to my dull existence. He showed me how wonderful the world could be... how beautiful it could truly be... lifted me from my old life, not caring who I am, erasing all the boundaries that had constantly surrounded me. Taught me a whole new meaning to life...

I felt as if this wound could never heal...

After the sun rose high up behind the mountains, I got to my feet and decided to have a stroll around the courtyard... just to think things through and clear my mind. Try as I might, there was nothing I could do to put that past behind.

I trudged along the grounds with my hands in my pockets and the scarf wound snug around my neck. I kicked at the autumn leaves as I walked. There were quite a few students lingering around the courtyard now... most of them had brought their breakfasts out. Others were chatting gaily with each other.

I raised my eyes from the ground and I suddenly saw Sirius Black striding across the field with James who was already in his scarlet Gryffindor Quidditch uniform. Before I could turn and avoid his gaze, I could see him glance ever so briefly and our eyes locked. But he looked away as though I wasn't even there and continued on his way.

I stared at his retreating back, hurt. He was mad. I knew it. I sighed despondently and turned the other direction. It was not his fault... I would be mad too. Anyone would. As I walked, I became even more depressed. Maybe if I explained everything to him, he'd understand?

Clearly his heart was broken... And I broke it. He promised not to break mine, I still remember what he said the night of our first date.

"I want you to know that while your heart's in my hands, I promise I'll never break it."

Those were his words, said with sincerity. I felt so horrible inside... so dirty. How like a Slytherin, he must be thinking. But he didn't know so many things...