School stress, arrrrgh! Currently I have 3 group projects assigned. WTH right? Urgh, okay... so here is today's post. Still short, I know! But maybe I'll write more during the weekends...

Post 42

We spent many weeks apart. My life too was falling to pieces. Schoolwork was torture... I hardly managed to get everything done and had to resort to copying off someone. We were constantly bombarded with tests, which I wasn't really passing with flying colours.

What was worse, I've seen Sirius hanging around very closely with Christella. It broke my heart to see them laughing and flirting with each other. But it crushed my heart to pieces to think that Sirius had already put our past behind him and forgotten all about it.

Because he still lingers in my thoughts. Seems I wasn't in his.

Depression turned to anger. Every time I see them making out openly in the courtyard, or getting very intimate behind a bush or giving quick kisses on her cheek.

But every time he flashed her a heartwarming smile, I felt the painful tug of regret. Utter regret.

That smile used to be mine. It had always been for me. Full of sincerity, with love everlasting, warming your heart and making you feel so good inside. It was gone now...

Sometimes, I even accepted Avery's company in a desperate attempt to make Sirius feel jealous. But he accepted my friendliness as an agreement to be his girlfriend.

More occasionally, I'd go up to the lonely balcony just to enjoy sheer peacefulness that kept me in touch with myself. I felt like it was my own secret place now... Just for me.

Not that late winter's night though.

It was a cold night. I conjured a small ball of fire to keep me warm as I sat there. Above the low wall, which came up only to my knees, I could see the tiny golden flickering lights of Hogwarts.

I jumped when suddenly, I heard the door click and swung slowly open. I squinted at the dark silhouette until his face came to the light of the torch that burned as merrily as ever in its bracket. I glared and quickly turned back, staring determinedly out front.

"Lily told me you'd be here..." he said.

I kept quiet. I wasn't quite sure of what I was feeling. Part of me wanted him back, but the other burned with fury and jealousy.

"She said you had something to tell me," he said again, walking closely.

"Like you'd listen," I snapped.

Silence.

"I don't think your girlfriend likes you seeing another girl late at night," I uttered coldly.

"Well, I'm surprised you and your Slytherin goon aren't trying to dig each other's throats out," he replied just as frigidly.

I got to my feet but I never could be as tall as he was. The ball of fire that was hovering by my foot disappeared in a wisp of smoke, but the reflection of the flickering flames burned in my eyes.

"You seem to be having a fun time yourself!" I spat.

He walked to the edge of the low balcony walls and stared out for a second. Then he turned. I marched up towards him boldly.

"Well, seems funny how you're trying to make me jealous by surrendering yourself to that idiot! I'm sure you'd be glad to hear I overheard him the other day, saying how all your galleons are in his bag now."

I faltered.

"W-well, as if that wasn't your intention too in the first place!" I shouted back, not knowing what I had said, my brain didn't tell me to say that. It was the anger who did it.

Sirius stared. His look was one of disbelief and shock.

I realized I had made the biggest mistake of my life. I knew it wasn't true. Of course it wasn't, Sirius loved me for who I am.

"How could you say that?" he demanded angrily.

"I... I..." I stuttered, quailing under his furious stare.

"We made a promise! You were the one who dumped me, you were the one who broke my heart!" He burst suddenly, shouting. I flinched but held my ground. "And now you're mad just because I gave it to someone else!"

My voice broke. The anger in my heart was replaced with the heavy weight of guilt. "I didn't... dump you," I said dejectedly. "My father made me. I couldn't forgive myself if he ever did anything to you..."

"Oh... of course," he said, and every syllable dripped with ice. I knew he didn't believe me. "I should never cross the paths of the rich and vengeful right? I should've followed that rule from long ago."

Tears burned in my eyes. Without thinking, I gathered all my strength and shoved him hard against his chest.

"I HATE YOU!" I screamed.

My head was churning with thoughts, I didn't know what was happening. But a second later, Sirius wasn't there anymore.

I remembered a shout. My head was reeling. I couldn't fit the pieces together, I didn't know what was happening. I hurried towards the edge and got to my knees, gripping the stone tightly.

Blinking the tears away, I gasped in horror as my desperate eyes searched the inky blackness of night.