One more chapter after this. I apologize right now for the overabundance of personified objects and phrases, but hey, that's the type of humour fic this is! Anyway, seeing as there is only one more chapter after this (and I think it's a short one too), you can pretty much guess what's going to happen in this one; so feel free not to fly through it!

Again, leave a review please! I see lots of people added me to their faves list, or author alerts, but no reviews! I'd like to know how I'm doing. But please, for the love of the Universe, do not leave me a spoiler review. I've seen the whole series now, and while I -have- discovered that most fanfictions are clearly wrong with their own facts, I'm not going to go around and leave spoiler reviews for anyone. Ya never know who just might click on a review to read it just to test the waters of a story first anyway.

Anyway, enjoy! Truly a bizarre chapter.

-- This Chapter was updated 9-1-2008 --

Huminshou

By Zelia Theb

Disclaimer: Yu Yu Hakusho is the property of Yoshihiro Togashi.

"Gee, I wonder what this joker's gonna look like," Yusuke grumbled. He and Kuwabara were heading toward a random destination in some huge forest some place in Japan, looking for the demon culprit which would solve another case for Spirit World.

"Prolly pretty ugly," Kuwabara remarked. They were still in their school uniforms, as usual.

"That was one of those rhetorical questions, stupid," Yusuke muttered.

"Yeah, I shouldn't go judging some scumbag right off," Kuwabara figured, "because Yukina isn't a human and she sure is pretty!" The kid then proceeded to ramble on about he and Yukina, discussing how they were going to find her brother and invite him to their wedding. He even plagued Yusuke's ears with a list of names he picked for their children.

"Do you ever shut up?"

"I knew I felt a chill up my spine," Kuwabara teased, watching Hiei jump down from a tree, landing right next to Yusuke.

"Your fear is worthless to me," Hiei stated coldly.

"Hey! Why don't you say that to my face, half-pint!" the spirit-swordsman shouted, clenching a tight yet non-threatening (to Hiei) fist. He started laughing then added, "Oh yeah, I forgot. You're too short to say anything to my fa…Ow! What was that for!?" Yusuke had kicked him in the back of his legs, causing him to fall and hurt himself.

"Your fear is worthless to me," Hiei said, staring Kuwabara right in the face (as the kid was on his knees from the tumble).

"Why are you here, Hiei?" the other boy asked.

"Hn. Boredom." There was some truth to that statement. He had spent every night of the past twelve days at the detective's apartment. After breakfast (if he decided to eat at all) he would take off to train (train, hop around the trees, slice stuff up, same thing). The unrevealed reason was that he also wanted to keep an eye out for Yusuke. He was coming on this mission…

"And we're here to cheer!" Botan shouted, blasting everyone's eardrums out with the sheer giddiness of the exclamation.

"Well, to be more exact, she's here to cheer and I am here to fight," Kurama corrected. He was still in his school uniform as well.

Thus, the whole gang was there, and ready for the impending action.

Kuwabara was the first to go down. He was being tended to by Botan on the sidelines. Kurama had managed to get himself stabbed in the stomach again, so he was also being a weakling along with Kuwabara. It was down to Hiei and Yusuke.

"You know, you boys should really stop taking turns, especially on single opponents," Botan said, her hands hovering over Kuwabara. After Kurama protested such a silly idea, she counter-attacked with all the ways in which multiple targets could reduce injuries and that different attacks could weaken an enemy faster. The intelligent redhead was stumped. She had a point.

The large and rather disgusting demon beast that they were fighting was busy cackling at Hiei, who was having a difficult time finding a chance to land an attack on his enemy. A large claw soon dug into the smaller demon, prompting Yusuke to deliver a nice blast from his Spirit Gun. The blast rendered the beast motionless, and without much energy left; however, it still stood back up on its feet once more.

Everyone, including the demon (who had heard of the events at the Dark Tournament) rolled their eyes when Hiei began unwrapping the ward guarding his ultimate power. At least he had gone more fashionable with it's look lately; black wrappings that almost looked like gothic arm sleeves. No one questioned the change when it occurred a few months earlier.

The Dragon made quick work of their enemy, and they all cheered. However, Hiei passed out (as usual), and it was too late to head back to a town and catch a train. They had to camp out for the night, and heal by themselves. Botan of course, had her own sleeping bag. Everyone else had to sleep on the grass.

Being the only one capable of carrying him anyway, Yusuke took on the job of carrying the injured and unconscious demon. He was resting with his back against the trunk of a very thick tree a few yards away from a campfire that the other three had started. They were already feeling back to normal, and were even roasting marshmallows (Kuwabara had brought those, insisting that one never knew when they'd need to have an impromptu camp-out).

It was no surprise to him that he hadn't just ditched Hiei in the grass. Yusuke coddled him after draping his cloak back around him for warmth (it was only a little dirty, because Hiei almost always insisted on giving his opponents a strip tease before fighting them). Upon looking to see where the other three had their attention diverted to, he cautiously struck the side of Hiei's face with his lips, then slowly pulled away to find that Hiei opened his eyes to the touch.

The demon wasn't entirely aware, though.

"Feeling better?" the teen asked, his own eyes dangerously close to the crimson ones.

"I'm fine," Hiei responded, gazing over to the fire. "What are they doing?"

"Roasting marshmallows," Yusuke whispered, hoping that the other three wouldn't notice Hiei was awake. If they saw, the two of them would never hear the end of it, and it was clear that the demon did not want to move from his place.

"Smells good," Hiei uttered. Like sweet, sweet, candy. He briefly recalled how disappointed Yusuke was with him eleven days ago. Hiei had woken up before the boy that morning and cleared off the rest of the candy.

Yusuke smiled, noticing a smudge of dirt on Hiei's jaw. He wiped it off with his thumb, and Hiei did not bother to cringe away, but instead rested his head back on his body. Yusuke was just going to go for it, he couldn't take it anymore. They needed to talk about what they both knew but refused to speak of.

"Hiei, why do you let me hold you like this, and no one else?"

"I trust you." Hiei listened to how deep his voice sounded as it resonated through the detective's chest. Every flame inside of him wished that the others were gone, or at least fast asleep. Instead, they were laughing it up in the middle of a forest (at least they paid no mind to the two against the tree).

"Then why do you let me touch you like this." He stroked the side of the demon's neck in the same fashion he had the night they walked Keiko home. "And like this." Yusuke then kissed the side of Hiei's face again.

Hiei could not answer. Not with everyone so nearby, not even in words. He could not bring himself to admit it out loud. Not verbally. Hiei didn't admit he liked things, let alone people. Additionally, the shivers of the demonstrated touches were making it harder to speak.

"D…don't look at me like that," the demon said, his voice somewhat trembling due to the piercing lock that Yusuke's eyes had on him.

"Okay," the affectionate boy obeyed, holding Hiei back into him. He found his fingers intermingled in the startling silky non-human hair. The scent of honey, despite their fight today, was very strong in the deep indigo locks of hair.

"I never really noticed that your hair is actually a really dark blue," Yusuke remarked, having thought that Hiei had black hair like his (aside from that strange white starburst).

"You must have good night-vision, Yusuke," Hiei whispered nearly in his ear. He wasn't entirely too sure if that was a compliment, or what.

"The moon's full, and it's right here in front of me."

"The moon?"

Yusuke chuckled as silently as he could (as to not arouse suspicion). He found Hiei's sense of humor to be rather…he found Hiei's sense of humor, period. He responded, "No, your hair is, and it smells nice, too."

"Hn," Hiei complained, blushing from the conversation but happy that Yusuke couldn't really see his entire face. "What are you going to say now, that it's just like your mother's hair? That I've been sharing a bottle of that…whatever that stuff is, with her the whole time?"

"No, only you've used that one, 'cause I got it just for you," Yusuke admitted.

"You stole hair soap for me."

"I never said I stole it!"

"Yusuke! Would you like a marshmallow?" Kurama called, not bothering to look at the boy behind him. "There's not that many left…" To hold up the charade, Hiei immediately fell 'unconscious,' hoping that he could fool everyone.

"Sure…Gimme two then," Yusuke yelled back. He watched as Kurama stood from his grassy seat, holding a stick with two golden roasted marshmallows on it, and walked over to where he was.

"Here you are," Kurama said, bending down easily (so much that if it weren't for the bloodstain on his clothing you wouldn't even know the guy was stabbed in the stomach) and handing his crush the toasted treats.

"Thanks man," Yusuke remarked. Kurama beamed a smile at him then returned to an apparent story telling time with Kuwabara and Botan around the fire. He carefully removed the first puff in line and touched it gingerly to Hiei's lips. He knew that the demon would have a fit if he wasn't able to have any sugar, but that wasn't the only reason. He was a nice guy!

Hiei slowly consumed the marshmallow as Yusuke held it, not saying a word after he finished. Yusuke went to pull the second one off the stick, but Hiei stopped him, and reached for it first, holding the pillow of sugar between his thumb and two fingers.

"You can have it if you want it," Yusuke offered. Instead, Hiei returned the favor and held the marshmallow up to Yusuke's mouth. He ate it at a languid pace, his gaze not breaking from Hiei's, except when he closed his eyes to take another bite. He didn't stop at the marshmallow, either. He took it upon himself to move things along and suck whatever sugar was left on Hiei's fingers. He could be quite the sensual romantic if given the chance to be, if say, people could look past the urge to slap him and all.

Upon allowing Hiei's finger to escape the clutches of his mouth, Yusuke thought about what to do next. He wanted to know how Hiei truly felt, or rather, have a confirmation. The demon had let Kurama do somewhat similar things to him, so in what ways was Yusuke different? He knew for certain that Hiei didn't do hand-feeding as his life's career, but he yearned for another answer. He was ready to send the doubts off without their safety gear this time around.

He noticed that once again, the demon had returned to his pseudo-slumber state, except there was a noticeable tremble in Hiei's body.

"You're trembling, Hiei."

"I'm cold," Hiei lied. Weather and allergies: the best excuses ever made. He would have to prepare the latter if the water in his eye insisted on falling out and soaking Yusuke's shirt, or worse, streaking down the side of his cheek. See, the water would be to blame, not Hiei. Hiei shed no tears. Well, there was that one time a few months ago when he finally found the rare AND limited edition 'Dinosaur's Christmas in Tokyo' snowglobe, but those were tears of joy (just like the fugitive pools of water in his eyes were).

"I'm gonna ask ya again," Yusuke informed him, rubbing his back through the cloak in an attempt to keep him warm. He took a deep breath and asked, "Why do you let me touch you like this?"

Hiei responded by reaching into the cloak wrapped around his body and pulling out an all too familiar piece of somewhat crumpled paper, then handed it to Yusuke. It was the best way to avoid any sort of heart-rending conversation.

After scrutinizing the picture, Yusuke handed it back to Hiei, and muttered, "I see. I'm glad that I could at least help you with the insomnia." He was serious with his words.

A scowl glazed over Hiei's face. He was annoyed. It was perfectly clear what he was communicating to Yusuke, but the ignorant boy was unable to put all of the numbers together. Instead of seeing the fact that Hiei insisted on keeping the incriminating picture, he actually saw what was going on in the picture. This always happened to him. No one would ever understand what he meant, they'd make fun of him and call his words cryptic. Hiei was always very clear, wasn't he? (No, he wasn't.)

"Hn. Stupid human."

"Huh?" There he was, trying to be the nice guy, letting Hiei crash on his body, feeding him marshmallows, and being overly affectionate to him, and what does he get in return? A 'Stupid hu…' eer, a tongue in his mouth.

Hiei's, to be exact. So technically, two tongues (though Koenma often wished that Yusuke had no tongue at all).

The doubts made their daring and final jump, waving at the fugitive tears that were falling beside them. They were soon killed from the crushing force of Yusuke's body, which had shifted to accommodate the sudden flare in passion between he and Hiei. Not only were their tongues twisting and touching, but Hiei had made it a point to suck on Yusuke's tongue (he picked that tip up from a viewing session at the detective's apartment), and Yusuke returned the favor by introducing Hiei to gentle nibbles aimed at lips.

His self-conscious awakened, and Hiei swiftly pulled away from the liplock. He noted the dimness of the fire, and that Botan was laying down in the sleeping bag, sleepily listening to a rather amusing story from the 'lump.' The triad's attention was elsewhere. Meanwhile, Yusuke had continued his lesson from a few nights ago, but was failing to get Hiei's attention.

"Hiei…"

The addressed one blinked, then stated, "Take me, Yusuke."

The boldness of such a request was completely lost on the boy. He perked his head up and questioned, "What? Ya gotta pee or somethin'?" He wondered why Hiei couldn't just get up and go by himself, unless…he was self-conscious about the others hearing him. Yes, that must be it!

"I said…" Hiei grumbled, wondering how lucid a repetition would actually be, "take me."

"Take you? Where?"

Hiei now had a taste of what Yusuke's face had been going through since the beginning of their whole ordeal together. Once again, he would have to show him through actions. The old cliché "actions speak louder than words" was actually a phrase that originated in the Demon World.

Without grasping what was going on (literally), Yusuke lost sight of Hiei, who had disappeared off into the forest, managing to take his cloak with him. He got to his feet, ready to chase after him. Wasn't he the one that was supposed to take Hiei somewhere? Why did it seem like the other way around?

"Urameshi, where ya going?" a hoarse voice asked, stopping Yusuke's feet. The detective turned toward Kuwabara, who continued after stretching his legs. "Where the heck's Hiei?"

"He…" Yusuke fumbled for something that Hiei wouldn't kill him for, "had to take a wicked piss, plus he's mad at me for…helping him out, so he took off."

"Whatta jerk," his friend mumbled.

"Yeah well, after having an ungrateful guy on me all day," Yusuke paused, hoping that Kuwabara didn't take that the wrong way, "I sorta gotta drain the lizard too. Maybe I'll look for him after."

"Yusuke…" Botan yawned, "that's rather vulgar."

"I'll come with you," Kurama suggested, correcting himself before the pause after his statement was too long. "To find Hiei, that is."

"Naw, don't worry," Yusuke shrugged him off. He waved and walked away, hoping that he hadn't lost Hiei. When he was out of his teammates sights, he burst into a run. After only four minutes of the heavy jogging, he stopped to catch a breath.

"Heeee-yay!" Yusuke called out. It didn't take long to get an answer; the runaway was directly in front of him. He was then enveloped by another kiss, leading them to kneel on the grass.

"I was beginning to think that you wouldn't follow," Hiei uttered as they took a breath. He had no idea what had come over him, but it was relieving to get whatever that was out of his system.

"You said to take you somewhere, so I had to know where you wanted to go." Hiei smacked his forehead, which was perfectly safe for the Jagan eye, as the ward protected it.

"What?"

"I didn't want to go anywhere!" Hiei scowled. It didn't have the same effect as usual, due to the fact that he was sitting on Yusuke's knees in his lap.

"So why did ya run off?"

"To get away from them, Yusuke," the anxious demon answered coldly. "I don't exactly take you for an exhibitionist." Yusuke answered with a confused look. Hiei sighed, it was no use. He allowed Yusuke to begin kissing him again, waiting for the right moment to repeat the words. Yes, repeat the very same words that had confused the boy to begin with. Third time's a charm, right?

This time he made sure that they would not be misunderstood. He had to ignore his fear (yes, fear) and take the initiative. As he slid a single finger over the green fabric covering Yusuke's chest, Hiei pulled away and whispered (once more) into the boy's ear, "Take me, Yusuke." He swore that if there was one more inkling of the kid not being a good detective he was going to strangle him (and then possibly mourn over the fact that he killed the guy off before he got what he wanted).

"What do you mea…" Hiei pushed his way in between the end of the word and the end of the sentence by making sure Yusuke couldn't speak. He kissed him more furiously now, devouring his tongue as his finger took hold of the waistband of Yusuke's uniform.

Yusuke breathed once he was allowed to (strangle…suffocate, same thing). The actual meaning of 'take me' had just bit him hard, along with Hiei, who he could swear was trying to draw blood from his neck. A strong prayer that wished all demon's didn't have a libido that rivaled Kurama's was sent up to the heavens, but unfortunately they laughed at him, wishing him good luck because the Universe wasn't going to let him off the hook that easily.

"Damn, Hi…Ei," Yusuke voice jumped from the sudden surge through his neck. "Are you sure you wanna do that?" Hiei hated being interrupted to speak, so he threatened to tear the buttons off of the green jacket with his finger. Yusuke protested, "So soon? I mean, it's like those fan comic doujinshi things!"

Hiei gave up for the moment. He rolled his eyes and asked, "What the hell are you talking about?"

"You know. It's like manga but other people make them."

"Hn. One human writes and illustrates every single comic book ever made in existence. I should meet them and ask them to join my army." Hiei's tone was sarcastic, but moreso than usual.

"No, I mean the fans use the manga characters and then make up their own stories…eer never mind!" Yusuke grumbled, "Basically, really hard-core fan comics show two people who would never get together ever or something and like two frames later they're bangin' each other's brains out."

"I didn't say that I wanted you to spill my brains," Hiei informed him. "And how do you know about things like that?"

Yusuke's eyes shifted shadily. He looked to the side and remarked, "Oh, no reason. I've never actually read one before…"

"Don't lie. You have a stack next to that television in your bedroom."

"And how do YOU know that, hmm Hiei?" the boy retorted accusingly. Silence.

"I don't care about those things," Hiei stated, changing the topic from exotic comics to physical smooching.

After discovering that his jacket and the top of his pants were undone, Yusuke jerked away again and squeaked, "But what if you're a screamer! Are you a screamer?" He was seriously starting to freak out. It wasn't as if he didn't want to do it. He had just never done it with a guy before, nor had he ever thought of doing anything to any guys about a year ago, well, not of this caliber. He was nervous and extremely stressed out by the abrupt change in Hiei's personality.

"Grr…I don't know, and who cares!" Hiei growled. He tried to go in for another 'attack,' yet was stopped by Yusuke's hands on his shoulders.

"I care! What if someone hears us?!" The boy shook Hiei roughly, as if believing that answers would pop out of his ears.

"We aren't near them anymore! That's why I moved!" Hiei explained, utterly frustrated.

"But they're only a two minute run away and…"

"It's a damn forest, Detective!" Hiei yelled. "Who CARES. You're ruining the romance!"

A burst of laughter forced its way out of Yusuke's body. He pointed out, "Did you just say romance, Hiei?" Yusuke wished that he had a camcorder, for obvious reasons. He also wished that he had a tape recorder so that he could have taped the words himself.

"Uh…uh…. No!" Hiei faltered, "I said 'row pants,' idiot."

"So I'm ruining the row pants."

"Yes."

"Really."

"Hn."

The row pants were not ruined. In fact, they were strewn in the grass along with other various articles of clothing that night. Unfortunately for them, they were left behind when the two got dressed an hour afterwards due to the chilly temperature. The only items that were 'ruined' was Yusuke's green jacket, which was crumpled up into a ball underneath his head, and Hiei's cloak, which the two had slept on.

This time, both of them woke up to the clicking sound of a camera. Though it was morning, and they were still a bit groggy, Yusuke held Hiei down firmly, knowing full well that Botan would soon have to escort herself to Spirit World if he didn't.

"Botan! What the hell!" Yusuke screamed at her.

"Well, we've all been out looking for you this morning!" Botan explained. "Plus, I lost that other picture I had of you two!"

"You're going to die, Botan," Hiei warned. "I'd be careful not to turn your back to me if I were you."

"Well, unless you want your little insomnia secret out, Hiei, I suggest that you two get up before Kurama and Kuwabara catch up to me!" The shortest one scowled at the girl. She glared right back at him and added, "If that is the reason why you two didn't want to sleep near us last night…"

"If you're insinuating what I think you are, you should consider hiring yourself a bodyguard," Hiei threatened the apparition again. "There is no reason I would want to lower myself to consort with a human, fool." Yusuke was hurt. Deeply hurt. Sure, Hiei was just lying to cover up the fact that they had… done… that… last night, he just wondered how the guy could lie so easily about something that he was the most adamant about doing. Either way, Hiei was the first one to get to his feet, and Yusuke was the first one to stumble on them after Hiei tugged at his cloak (which Yusuke had stood up on).

"Well someone's pissitivity is certainly high today," the girl noted.

"There you guys are!" Kuwabara called, emerging from the forest with Kurama.

"You never returned last night, Yusuke…" Kurama said, stating the obvious.

"It turns out the demon had some other minions around!" Botan burst in, lying for the two of them despite her anger, "and they finished them off while we were asleep!"

"Oh, wow guys, and all while we were sleepin'? That's pretty cool of you two," Kuwabara commented.

"Yeah, well, you know," Yusuke stammered, ruffling the hair on the back of his head. "Yusuke saves the day again!" Hiei grunted for a dramatic effect.

"Well, let's head home, shall we?" the oldest boy suggested.

To Be Continued...

Author's Note

Yes, they did it. Might seem soon to a few, but reasons which aren't obvious are explained in the story anyway. One more chapter, as I've said, then on to work on Chapter 2 of the sequel.

A big thanks for all the reviews!

-Zelia