A fine line
Slow dancing moving to the rhythm
Of my anger written in stone
There's no reason nobody needs to know
Souls meeting somewhere in the distance
There's no rain or chill in the air
I feel something you always said was there
I'll be waiting when the storm is over
I'll be waiting when the fever is high
Share your anger and swear that you'll never
Take it out on me
Let me see you smile
Let me hear you scream, for a little while
Don't take it out on me
Cause there's nobody else around
Heart's beating flowing like a river
Your safe opening's close to the door
If you feel trouble you don't have to stay no more
Old passions rising to the surface
I look towards the day I was born
I'm so torn
I'll be waiting when the storm is over
I'll be waiting when the fever is high
Share your anger and swear that you'll never
Take it out on me
Let me see you smile
Let me hear you scream, for a little while
Don't take it out on me
Cause there's nobody else around
--
Tonks stepped down into the dusty cellar and strolled over to the boxing bag in the corner of the room intent on only one thing, to rid the day's agony by inflicting physical pain upon herself. It was a matter of hours before the Ministry ball and Tonks had yet to go upstairs and even look at her dress for the evening. Since the events in the forest so many feelings in her were now wide awake and no matter how hard she tried, this time she could not push them away. Why couldn't things in her life work out easily? It was hard enough living with the Weasleys but now she had to go and ogle one of them too?
And now he was leaving her. After months of agony, he was leaving her.
She was going to the ball without her boyfriend AND Charlie.
And when she got back…
…he would be gone.
She needed release. Something that would remove the numbing mental pain (that often caused physical pain in her chest region) for a couple of hours.
SMACK!
"Damn!" Tonks cursed loudly as she hit her fist fully into the bag with a definite punch. Why couldn't she admit her feelings to anyone else? It wasn't as if Remus even loved her anymore. She had been so upset when she had heard of him being hurt but it was no where the fear she had felt when she had seen Charlie lying for dead in the forest. And Tonks wasn't blind. She hadn't failed to notice the friendship between Remus and Hestia growing stronger everyday. Another thud on the bag signalled a new found range and Tonks lashed out, her hands darting back and forth as she pounded again and again into the bag.
THUMP!
It had only been a few months. She had only befriended the red head a few months ago.
I'm Tonks. I don't have feelings for people. I have crushes.
Another hit. Again. Her rhythm increased, her hand thrusting into the bag with a fervent need to achieve completion.
"Either you've had a bad day or you really like the colour red." Tonks looked from her bloodstained hands to the darkest corner of the room where she saw a small flame burn before dissolving in the blackness. For anyone else, this incident would have been feared but Tonks recognised the smooth low voice as soon as it filled her ears.
Charlie.
"What's wrong?" Tonks glared at Charlie, love contorting into hatred as the feelings of affection rebelled against rational thought. Charlie frowned at Tonks' unwillingness to answer and circled her, the newly lit cigarette hanging from his mouth. Tonks wrinkled her nose and strode over to Charlie in a flash, removing the white stick and tossing it to the ground in an annoyed display.
"Do you want to kill yourself while you're young?"
Charlie smiled an annoying, all-knowing smile and continued to circle her like some kind of predator. Growling, Tonks stood on the cigarette and resumed hitting the punch bag. Out of the corner of her eye Tonks could see that Charlie had ceased pacing and was now looking with concern at her valiant attempts to remove her fury.
"Tonks, what's wrong?" Charlie repeated going towards her. Tonks stepped away from him, radiating vehemence.
"Nothing that's any concern of yours."
"What have I done?"
Tonks surveyed him, pondering how to answer that in the most venomous way. "Aren't you supposed to be leaving in a minute?" she finally muttered, throwing a few more punches at the bag until grabbed her arm fiercely and turned her to face him.
"Is that what's bothering you?" Tonks remained silent and Charlie shook his head, smiling in venomous disbelief. "Fine. You know what? Come on. You want to take your anger out on someone? Take it out on me. Come on." Charlie's eyes blazed as Tonks surveyed him reproachfully. He was wrapping his hands up in a bandage, that he had removed from his jogging pants, forming gloves of protection against the brawl that was about to commence.
"Get lost, Char."
"No. You think you have problems? You feel I've wronged you some how? You take it out on me! Come on!" Charlie let out a punch that narrowly missed Tonks' cheek and brush a strand of hair that she soon tucked behind her ear. He wanted her to release what she felt?
Then that's what she was going to do.
With a precise aimed kick, Tonks lashed out, her leg barely missing the top of Charlie's thigh. In a second, Charlie's angry glare was fixed into a determined smile that resembled a smirk and he retaliated, his bound fists lashing out, one after the other, in a fierce attack.
"What's up?" His voice was ragged, breathlessness already overpowering him. "You know you're going to tell me by the end of today," he added in a teasing but dangerous tone. Tonks had had enough. Charlie was taunting her, his very smile - the one she had grown to love - cruel to her heart. Tonks wasn't prepared to answer him - not yet. She lunged at him once more and he stumbled backwards into a shelf of homemade jams.
The fight was nasty. In the back of her mind, Tonks could tell that Charlie was fighting her to prove his point just as much as she was fighting him to do the same. She could also sense that the fight would not end until one of them was hurt but she didn't care. All she could think about was the desire to beat the living daylights out of the man who had turned her world into an unstable mess.
And she didn't like instability.
Tonks dodged just in time as his right hand swung past her waist, missing what would've been a nasty blow.
"Damn Charlie, you trying to kill me?" Tonks smirked bitterly as she realised the impact of those words in their truest form. Charlie obviously had no idea of the things he was making her feel but… dammit, why couldn't he realise how much her feelings pained her. Tonks glared at Charlie, angry that he had even engaged her this far into their combat. Somehow, she could never walk away from anything that he tried to teach her. Why, his was his stupid fault that she was angry in the first place! Why couldn't he see that she was raw inside because of him and the way she felt?
"No," gasped Charlie as he swung another blow at her left shoulder. "I'm trying to make you understand." Tonks blocked a third heavy blow with her arm before kicking out and making Charlie jump backwards to avoid being hit. The sound of bone against bone reverberated through the small, underground room but Tonks didn't flinch once, so intent was she in beating Charlie.
"Understand what exactly?" she hissed, her blood boiling by the second. Charlie was beginning to look calmer now while Tonks felt more frustrated by the second. Furious, Tonks lashed out a ferocious attack of her fists, hitting the side of Charlie's face with a sickening slap and then his bruised waist making the man stagger back in shock. A wave of upset slammed through her and she went to run to Charlie but he held her back with the palm of his hand facing her. He turned his hand into his index finger pointing in an almost reprimanding way and then looked up from his gaze at the polished wooden floor.
Tonks swayed slightly realising that the split lip and horrible purple welt on Charlie's face was due to her. He was also breathing with difficulty and clutching his side. Squinting slightly from the pain Charlie stared Tonks straight in the eye and the young women felt herself shiver at his gaze. It was full of anger and resentment and it pained Tonks to think she had put that there. There was also something that Tonks thought she would never see in the eyes of her friend.
Lust.
"You want me to tell you what you need to understand?" Charlie rasped as he strode up to Tonks. Tonks swallowed, acutely aware that Charlie's chest and pelvis was nearly on hers and she felt herself wishing, no, praying that he would take her roughly in his strong arms and make her his. Trying to focus her resolve, Tonks stared straight at Charlie, almost challenging him to say something that would make her strike out again. Instead Charlie gazed at her, his breathing ragged before shaking his head and turning away. Without pausing to think Tonks called out after him, desperate to have him near her one more.
"You really want to know what's wrong?" she gasped, tears burning her eyes, her centre throbbing inside with the unquenchable burn that it received from seeing, breathing and touching Charlie.
"Hit me," he said, his arms open wide and jovially except there was no mirth in those cobalt eyes.
"It's your entire fault! Your stupid idiotic fault!" she yelled loudly, not caring for the tears that she felt rolling down her soft cheeks. "You. All you! You're… you're leaving--"
"Well Azkaban isn't exactly what I had in mind for my retirement…"
"--You're leaving ME Charlie!"
There was a silence.
"Why do you care?" His response was desperate.
"Because…" she started slowly. "I… thought you cared for--"
Me! Me!
"--your family more than that," Tonks finished with a sigh of annoyance at herself.
Charlie turned around, and closed his eyes before almost whispering, "You can't hide your feelings forever."
Tonks swallowed and frowned before stepping forward. "What do you mean?"
Charlie was shaking now, his face a chalky white colour that was emphasised by the sweaty copper hair that was plastered over his forehead. The white T-Shirt that he wore was sticking to the defined muscles of his back and chest making Tonks have a sudden bolt of desire shoot through her. She was less enamoured to see that it was splattered slightly with blood.
"One day you'll have to choose and no matter how angry you are, you'll only get one choice." Charlie grimaced and Tonks felt a sliver of fear and hurt pierce her. "The only problem is I don't know if I can cope with your choice." The couple stood in silence for several minutes before Charlie shook his head once more and spat a mouthful of blood onto the floor before jogging up to the door.
"So this is our goodbye?" cried out Tonks desperately.
Charlie flashed an angry glare at her before he strode out of the room, slamming the door very loudly behind him. Tonks let out a breath she wasn't aware of holding and screwed her eyes up in a desperate attempt to prevent the new tears that had gathered there from falling. She grimaced and looked at the small muggle time telling device on her wrist which told her that she had 2 hours until the ministry ball. Feeling a huge stab at her chest Tonks dressed quickly and left the Burrow quickly, only wanting to reach the ball and then to get back as soon as possible.
She didn't notice that the hurt inside had caused her metamorphous powers to dim until she looked in the mirror. There, reflected in the mirror, was her true, natural form staring back at her. Brown eyes sparkled out from curly dark chocolate hair that she had piled up on her head with a glamour spell. Her figure was more curvy than usual - more curvy than she would've liked - but attractively so, even if she didn't think so.
--
And so she left the Burrow. It was her intention to enjoy the party as much as she could muster but it was not so. After about 3 hours of agonising niceties with people she trusted to never meet again in her life and only Kingsley to entertain her - Bill had disappeared and Tonks was sure an attractive Fleur Declour was very much responsible - Tonks went to leave. Just as she reached the door however a familiar hand reached out and pulled her behind some tall pot plants.
"I think we need to talk."