I
hate you, I love you
I just can't remember to forget you
Who are you, who needs you?
You make me feel alive, I die, so high
I'm crawling on the ground
I have found I can fly
It's about life, it's about fun
It's over before it has begun
It's about you, it's about me
It's about everything between and I say
I'm saying goodbye to you, I say hi to you with no clue
It's about time that I
Make up my mind
Time is creeping behind me, surrounding around me
Fading the words so desperately
Now give me a reason that I can believe in
Time is something you can't rewind
--
Charlie was pretty much drunk when he heard the door in the downstairs kitchen slam shut. He was sprawled out on the settee in the living room, only a vest and cargo trousers adorning his tired and intoxicated body. Figuring he should go and see who had entered, Charlie rolled off the chair and tramped into the kitchen lethargically. He felt his heart miss several beats as he saw Tonks leant on the table, he arms resting her head as she stared at the surface.
A cough from him made her head shoot up and she stared wide eyed at him for several seconds before Charlie moved across to the sink, leaving his whisky glass on the kitchen counter. In the inky black window he could see his reflection ruffled and red eyes.
"You're not gone."
Charlie spun around to look through bleary eyes at Tonks. She was gazing him… hopefully? No. That wasn't it. Disappointed. She was disappointed.
"Good deduction, Sherlock," mumbled Charlie, reminded of the muggle studies book character he had learnt about.
"Don't sass me. Why are you still here?"
"Thanks ever so for the warm reception." Charlie watched Tonks as she rolled her eyes before sitting opposite her. "Why are you here?"
"Felt like coming home. Parties… you know… not my thing."
She was lying. As he new he needed air to breath, he knew this.
"Your turn. I did ask first."
"I'm going soon. Just felt like… you know… it's going to be hard to leave."
"Mmm," she said with a bored tone.
"Right."
There was an empty silence in which Charlie could feel the tension between himself as Tonks as obvious as though there was a brick wall between them.
"I'm… I'm going to go upstairs now," he said, his voice cracking slightly from drunken disorientation. "Bye."
He was at the door when Tonks called him back. She stood up, her dress ruffling slightly as she walked across to him, meeting him at the edge of the table.
"It… it's nice to see you before you go. I'm glad… you were here. That's good."
She was close to him. So close that he could see the tears on her eyelashes. Wait. Had she been crying?
A jolt, that ran from his cheek to his stomach, seared through him as she reached her hand up to his face and rubbed her thumb over his lips.
"It will be odd without you. I'm going… I'll hate it."
Charlie went to respond when Tonks backed away and look at him in apology. "Shit. What am I doing? Charlie, I'm sorry. I promised I wouldn't… I swore to myself. Damn."
She was by the chair now, her head turned from Charlie to face the window. He could see her beautiful form reflected in the blackness of the window, the night outside causing it to be like a blackboard, Tonks' ghostly figure etched on in chalk. Without thinking Charlie walked up to Tonks and pressed his body against her side, his hands either side of her. Staring at Tonks, he desperately searched for a signal to go further. The waves of desire washing over him were making his head swim with dizziness and the ability to think was fast disappearing from him. How could she do this? Every time she was near him, every time he saw her, every gesture however graceful or clumsy was adored by him.
Still facing the window, Tonks was breathing heavily and Charlie could smell the alcohol on his breath as he matched her breathing. What a mess he had become all because of this woman. He could feel the soft material of her dress against his stomach and breathe the smell of her lavender scented hair. He felt a stirring in his trousers and jumped slightly. He didn't need her to know that she did that to him. Clenching his hand Charlie moved away abruptly from the chocolate haired beauty.
"Damn, Nymph. I can't do this." Charlie moved away, desperate to rid his thoughts of the woman before him. He could see Tonks' face set in a glare and inwardly groaned, desperate to touch the soft skin of her face neck that only seconds ago he was next to.
"Charlie…" Her words brought his crashing to reality and he retaliated, angry that she could affect his sedate nature so much.
"Damn this!" Charlie spat angrily. "This is so wrong. You have a boyfriend for Merlin's sake!" Charlie felt the anger boil in him and hit his whisky glass, on the kitchen top next to him, off. A shot of pain pierced his senses as the glass shattered upwards and for a second Charlie calmed, grateful to have a different pain to the emotional one he was feeling. Tonks cry alerted him to the fact that his hand was now wounded badly, his own blood dripping to the ground in a grotesque scene. Suddenly Charlie froze and a small hand gripped his tenderly.
"Char! What have you done? Let me look--" The fury that Charlie had felt before his hand had become wounded returned in a full torrent and Charlie brushed her off irritably.
"Go away Tonks before you regret ever meeting me," Charlie growled, the urgency to be away from her consuming him.
"I already do."
Something flashed in Tonks' eyes before she turned and ran out of the kitchen, tripping slightly on her long dress. Looking after her, Charlie felt a slab of guilt rest in his stomach. Now alone, he could feel the unbearable pain in his hand rise up and he quickly bound it with a tea towel. The towel stained red within seconds and Charlie swallowed, nervousness at how bad the cut was now beginning to seep in.
Charlie wandered over to the sink and turned on the tap, flinching at the stinging of his hand caused by the icy water force.
Dear godric, I love her.
Charlie was thankful when, 10 minutes later, the bleeding finally subsided from his hand. The gash that was there had now closed leaving a thin red line. Charlie cuts always healed quickly on him. He needed that ability around dragons. Shaking his head Charlie cast a sobering charm which fully calmed him immediately. He was surprised at how clearly his head was now focusing and slowly he stood up and walked to the door. Conjuring every ounce of resolve within him, Charlie moved up the stairs, determined to not end things with Tonks on a bad note.
At the entrance to her bedroom Charlie paused, unsure as whether to go on. Could he really control himself when in a small bedded room with her? Okay he needed a thought, something that would make him so distracted that the excitement she usually caused him down below would disappear immediately. Okay.
Chocolate frogs.
Surely there was nothing erotic about chocolate frogs. Smiling at his complete lack of control around her and his discovery of a word, Charlie knocked a couple of times before a small voice called out.
"Charlie, go away." If Charlie had known what would happen if stepped through the door, he wouldn't have been so quick to enter.
Actually, maybe he would've.
"No. I want to talk." Charlie pushed open the door roughly and stepped inside, pulling it shut behind him. A small scream alerted him that perhaps it had not been the best time to walk in on Tonks. She had just removed her dress and was now clad in only a black corset and matching garters which held up very fine, tan coloured stockings.
Chocolate frogs. Chocolate frogs. Chocolate frogs.
"Charlie! What the heck are you doing?"
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" shouted Charlie, tripping over random boxes littering the floor in his haste to get out of the room which suddenly seemed so much smaller. He noticed the only source of light was from the window at the end of the room and although he could see Tonks perfectly in the cerulean light, the floor was less easy to follow. He could vaguely see the door and in one last burst of energy he dived for the handle. Unfortunately, a box was waiting to waylay him and in seconds he was sprawled across the floor, childhood toys flown everywhere.
"Oh Char!"
Charlie could hear the sound of muffled footsteps pad across the dusty floor before two small hands reached around his waist and helped him stand. Brushing the dust off his trousers he stopped suddenly as he looked at Tonks whose corset wasn't doing a good job at holding her vital statistics in.
"Oh--" Tonks giggled as she followed Charlie's gaze and tried to pull the clothing up.
They aren't exactly small are they…?
Chocolate frogs...
Melted Chocolate frogs…
Melted Chocolate frogs on Tonks…
"Stupid boxes. Mum and dad keep so much junk," Charlie murmured looking at the floor. He could feel his ears and cheeks going red and coughed to hide his embarrassment.
And excitement.
Stupid Chocolate frogs.
"So did mine. I think it's a parent thing." Tonks walked over to her bed (Why did she have to swing her hips like that? Had she always done it? Had she always had such a curvy body?) and grabbed a long satin dressing gown, wrapping it around her and tying the thin belt. Charlie took the time to quickly survey the attic. He hadn't been up there since he was a child and yet the loft looked the same as ever. Boxes, old suitcases and old pieces of furniture lined the walls and at the very end of the room, a large window resided, spreading up the wall and across a small area in the ceiling shaped in a spade outline. It opened onto a beautiful scene that at present showed the many surrounding hills and forests in a moonlight blue shade.
"Yeah," murmured Charlie, desperate for anything to take him away from his current situation. Tonks surveyed Charlie and he saw her visibly swallow.
"Why are you here Charlie? I thought we'd said all that needed to be said." Charlie couldn't help but smile with happiness as she looked as though she certainly hadn't said all she wanted to say.
"I didn't want to leave knowing that you hated me."
Tonks sighed. "I don't hate you Char. You confuse me, is all."
Charlie chuckled and moved closer to where Tonks was standing. "I confuse myself. Friends?" Charlie looked into Tonks eyes and frowned suddenly aware that they were red and puffy. She had been crying.
Please don't have been crying because of me.
"I'll always be your friend Charlie. I don't think I could live, knowing that you were one side of the world and I was the other being hated by you."
Charlie swallowed, feelings of butterflies in his stomach rushing back. "I understand you perfectly."
Tonks smiled and went closer to him.
Chocolate frogs.
Chocolate frogs.
"Don't stay away long."
He could see her soft black eyelashes clearly now.
"I won't. I promise."
Her lips were awfully soft and pink. He vaguely wondered what she would taste like.
Chocolate frogs.
"Please don't."
He could feel her breath and hands as she rested on him, gaining balance as she stood on her tiptoes.
"I won't"
Chocolate frogs.
He wasn't quite sure how it happened but Tonks' arms were wrapped around him tightly and her head was rested on his chest, her scented hair once again clouding his senses. He suddenly felt a stab of realisation and sadness hit him.
He was leaving Tonks behind.
Without thinking, Charlie grabbed her back tightly and held her against his chest, resting his cheek on the top of her head and pausing to leave a kiss on the silky curls that were still piled up in a clip. A soft moan from Tonks made him move away, tears pricking his eyes. Damn.
He was leaving Tonks.
"I've got to go and pack. I'll… I'll see you… well… tomorrow morning probably…" He stumbled again over a box but didn't notice and headed for the door once more.
"What time are you leaving?"
"Oh, I don't know--" Another cardboard box. "Early."
"Will you wake me?"
"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Charlie reached for the door handle and went to escape when he heard a sob from the direction of Tonks. Grimacing Charlie went to step outside and shut the door when Tonks called out,
"It's you!"
Charlie paused and turned his head to face Tonks. Tears were rolling down her face and the shoulder of her dressing gown had fallen over her shoulder with her shaking sobs.
She is so beautiful.
"What?"
"I chose you Charlie. I chose you." Charlie stepped inside again and shut the door.
"What are you on about?"
Tonks was crying openly now but she still stood firmly, a determined resolve in her stance.
"Remus and I broke up this evening. It's you Charlie. It always has been, since the moment I met you." There was a deafening silence. "Charlie. I love you."