For Me This Is Heaven
Chapter 16
Thanks for reading people! ) Your reviews make me one happy camper! Bye all!!!
P.S. I've finally decided to throw in the major twist that I've been secretly hinting at all along. Hope you enjoy this chapter cause I'm gonna have a ton of fun writing this! Even though it's kinda sad (
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Remus was finally happy with someone. He had been happily with Elisa for a month now. Sirius and Susie were still the happy/sickening couple, the couple that everyone loved to hate. Remus was in the library when Elisa came in, smiling with a few friends. She saw Remus and bid them good bye, going to sit next to him.
"Hey," she said, flashing him a smile as she sat down. He took her hand and looked at her solemnly.
"Elisa, there's something I have to tell you," he told her. She nodded slowly, allowing him to continue.
"A long time ago, in the beginning of the year, way before I even got to Hogwarts, I lost my virginity." Elisa nodded, not quite understanding why he was telling her this.
"I feel like I have to tell you this, because I don't want any secrets in between us that could drive us apart. The girl that I lost it with, that girl was Susie." Elisa pulled back from him, her hand over her mouth. He had lost his virginity with Susie?
"And Susie?" she asked.
"She was a virgin too. We only liked each other for a little bit, and then we were just in her room one day and we started fooling around and one thing led to another and yeah."
"Does Sirius know?" Remus shook his head.
"She didn't want to tell him because I'm his best friend and that wouldn't of been right. It's Susie's choice not to tell him and she made me swear I wouldn't tell him, but it was my choice to tell you." He looked at her hopefully, hoping she would understand and not be angry with him.
"Okay Remus, I'm glad you told me," she told him. He let out a sigh of relief and put his arms around her, kissing her. They were interrupted by someone clearing his throat. It was Rabastan Lestrange.
"Oh Rabastan, what an unpleasant surprise," he told him.
"So sorry to interrupt you and your mudblood girlfriend," Remus stood up, pointing his wand at Rabastan.
"What do you want Lestrange?"
"I want you to know that I already knew all about you and Susie, your little fling in the summer."
"How could you possibly know?" Remus asked incredulously.
"Does it matter? All you must know is that I have these." He waved his wand and there was a picture of Susie, at her window about to close it, with Remus behind her, kissing her neck. Remus tried to grab the picture but Rabastan waved his wand and the picture disappeared.
"What's the point of this Lestrange?" Remus asked him.
"The point is, I want Susie and there's nothing that you can do to get in between me and her. I'm going to get rid of Sirius if it's the last thing I do. I've lusted after her since the beginning of the year and I grope her every time I see h-," His words were cut off by Remus slamming him into the wall, his fist raised. Elisa jumped up, trying to stop Remus.
"Please Remus, don't do this," she said.
"How dare you! I knew it!" he shouted. "Stupefy!" Rabastan yelled, causing Remus to go flying back. A female voice came from the back of the library.
"Locomotor Mortis," the voice shouted, causing Rabastan to fall over. Remus looked over to where the spell had come from. Rainzzi stepped out the shadows. She went over to where Rabastan was lying, pointing her wand at him.
"Confundus," she said, causing Rabastan to blink several times at her, and then look around, confused. "One more should do it," she said to herself. "Stupefy," she finally said, causing Rabastan to fall asleep. She looked up at Remus.
"Think you cast enough spells on him?" Remus said dryly.
"I saved your life, the least you could do is thank me," she said coldly. She looked at Rabastan.
"He's knocked out cold," she told Remus. Remus put his wand away.
"Thanks for your help," he said.
Rainzzi shrugged. "It doesn't matter. I did that mostly for me and Susie of course, she needed her dignity saved. But I can't say I'll be there if he tries to do anything to Susie, so you better watch her."
"Wait, are you and Rabastan dating?"
"Nah I broke up with him like a month ago when he confessed that he wanted Susie in bed," she said, putting her wand away in her robes. Then she left, leaving Remus and Elisa alone in the library with Rabastan's unconscious form. They quickly left, pretending like they had never been up there.
Later on, Susie was walking down to the Quidditch pitch when someone grabbed her from behind and dragged her off. Someone's hand was clamped over her mouth before she could scream.
At first, she thought it was Sirius but seeing how this person was handling her, she knew it couldn't be Sirius. Finally they let her go when they reached an empty classroom. The classroom was locked and her kidnapper put a silencing charm on the classroom. She finally turned around, coming face to face with Rabastan Lestrange.
"What the hell do you think you're doing??" she yelled. Rabastan came closer to her, his wand held out.
"To get what I want, what I've wanted all along," Susie reached into her robes but before she could, Rabastan got to it first.
"Accio wand," he said calmly and the wand flew into his hand. He stuffed into his robes, coming closer to her still.
"Leave me alone Rabastan! What do you want from me?"
"I want you, simple enough. And I'm gonna get you if it's the last thing I do." He lunged at her, knocking her to the floor. He started to tear off her robes. Susie whimpered as he undressed her. She wished Sirius was here.
Sirius was at the Quidditch pitch for quidditch practice.
"Sirius, where's Susie?" James asked. Sirius shrugged.
"I have no idea. That's unusual for her to be late, ever." James turned to the rest of the team.
"Team, how about today a mock game of quidditch, 3 on 2. Me and Sirius are gonna go find Susie." They headed back to their dorms where James pulled out the marauder map.
"I solemnly swear I am up to no good," he said, tapping the paper. James traced a finger along the lines until he found Susie.
"There she is, with Rabastan Lestrange. Why would she be with him anywhere?"
"No idea, all I know is that Rainzzi broke up with him a month ago." They stood up and followed the map until they stopped at a class. The door was locked.
Susie was trying to get Rabastan to stop, but it was no avail. He had gotten all of her clothing off and had entered her long ago, violently pushing into her. Rabastan conjured up a blanket and pulled it over them.
"Wouldn't want people to see everything," he said as he hungrily stared at her body. Suddenly the door knob rattled. Susie screamed, but the door didn't shake again.
"It's locked Susie, and no one can hear you."
"Please just stop," she begged. He leaned down by her ear.
"Keep begging, I love it when you beg."
"You're sick," she spat out, but gasped as he kept pushing into her.
"Don't deny that you don't like this. I know you do Susie my sweet."
Suddenly the door burst open, revealing James and Sirius. Sirius took one look at Rabastan and backed out of the classroom, shaking his head. James stepped to look in and his jaw nearly dropped to the ground from what he saw. Rabastan was on top of Susie, with a blanket over them. He was moving up and down in a motion that there was no mistaking what he was doing. Rabastan had put his hand over Susie's mouth as he kept moving to prevent her from crying out what he was doing.
Sirius shut the door. Throwing a look at Susie, he closed the door, calling through it "I'll leave you two alone."
Sirius backed up against the wall. There was no way this was happening to him. Susie was supposed to be his forever. And now he had just found her shagging with Rabastan Lestrange in an empty classroom. He felt his heart breaking. James looked at him.
"Hey mate you okay?"
"James do you really think I'm okay? I just found, my girlfriend, the girl I'm head over heels in love with, in an empty classroom, shagging a guy that I thought she hated. Yeah I'm just dandy," he said sarcastically.
"Maybe you're mistaken..."
"Mistaken? How could I be mistaken, unless that was some kind of illusion, I mean you saw that too James, didn't you? This isn't just a bad dream and I'm gonna wake up and laugh it up with Susie in the common room tomorrow."
"No mate, I'm sorry but I saw it too."
Sirius was a miserable wreck for the rest of the day. He refused to talk to anyone and wouldn't eat or do anything besides just sit and stare at the walls. Susie came staggering into the common room, clutching her ripped robes and crying. Lily ran to her.
"Susie, what's wrong?" she asked worriedly. She shook her head, trying to talk, but nothing was coming out.
I was raped!!, she was screaming in her head. So far, she still couldn't say anything. Vicky came over to her and Lily was trying to soothe her. After 15 minutes, Remus and James came in, finding Susie in a state of hysteria. Remus went over to her immediately but James stayed glued where he was, looking at Susie coldly. Lily looked up from where she was sitting.
"What the hell is wrong with you? Look at her," she said, pointing at Susie, who was lying in Vicky's lap, silently crying and rocking herself.
"You wanna know why she's like that? Cause she just slept with Rabastan Lestrange." Remus looked up so fast, his head spun. He blinked and then stared at James.
"She was with who...?"
"Rabastan Lestrange. She slept with him! And you know what else? Sirius found her! He's a wreck right now. She should be just fine, she's probably just guilty that she couldn't be satisfied with Sirius, and so she had to run to the guy that we all thought she hated." He continued to talk horribly about her right in front of Susie. Susie didn't say anything, but Lily and Vicky were starting to listen to him. Vicky frowned with James' last statement.
"She's just like any of the girl's Sirius used to spend his nights with; a dirty tramp."
"James," Vicky said slowly. "I think that's a little harsh."
"I can't help the truth," he exclaimed. Susie was still crying when Remus got up.
"I have to go, I'll be back." He hurried out of the common room, Rainzzi's words echoing in his head. But I can't say I'll be there if he tries to do anything to Susie, so you better watch her. He found Sirius in the library, staring at something in his hand. He closed his hand when Remus approached.
"So have you heard?" he asked bitterly. Remus nodded.
"I have."
"So you know that Susie slept with Rabastan Lestrange and she hasn't even tried to deny it?"
"Sirius, I think you're wrong there-,"
"No Moony I don't think so. My eyes didn't deceive me. I saw what I saw and I saw Susie shagging with Rabastan."
"No Sirius. I think you need to listen to me. Earlier this week, Rabastan Lestrange went after me in the library and after Rainzzi took him out with a spell I didn't know she told me 'But I can't say I'll be there if he tries to do anything to Susie, so you better watch her'. It's like she knew something."
"Why'd Lestrange attack you? You know, I bet he was meeting Susie in the library and they would shag there when we were on break." Remus gulped.
"Sirius, I have a confession to make. Now I need you to listen. You remember those days when I would go to Susie's house a lot before school started? Well something happened." Sirius looked warily at him, not sure if he wanted to know. "I lost my virginity with her." Sirius felt his world crashing down around him. His best friend.
"And she was a virgin also right? That's why she wouldn't tell me who was her first, cause you were." Remus nodded, remembering exactly what had happened that day.
Remus had come into Susie's room, where she was sitting on her bed.
"Hi Rems," she said smiling. Remus joined her on the bed, sighing. He was still unsure about some things. He looked up at Susie.
"Susie are you a virgin?" he asked her suddenly. Susie seemed taken aback by his question.
"Yeah I'm a virgin, are you?"
"I'm a virgin," he said quietly. Then he had leaned over and kissed her. She had seemed surprised at first, and then she had kissed him back. She didn't resist him at all as he ran his tongue along the seam of her lips, begging for entrance. After a while, Remus stopped his assault on her mouth, working on her neck. Susie got up, closing all the windows in her room. She had been closing the last one when Remus had come up behind her, kissing her neck, trying to get her back to the bed.
He didn't know why he was feeling like this, but all he knew was he wanted her. She had finally closed the last curtain and let Remus push her towards her bed. They discarded of each other's clothing, the clothes in piles around her bed.
When he finally pushed into her, Susie cried out in pain. Remus looked at her concerned.
"Are you okay?" he asked worriedly.
"I'm fine, just keep going," she had told him, running her hands down his back. When they had finished and Remus had pulled out of her, they had just lain there together, lost in thought.
"Remus," she had said, "I don't think we should tell anyone about this." Remus looked over at her.
"You didn't feel anything when we had sex?" Susie slowly shook her head. Remus breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that he didn't like her anymore.
"Me either," he said.
Remus came back to reality. Sirius looked bitter and if looks could kill, Remus would've been on the floor, twitching.
"Is there anything else you'd like to tell me?" Sirius asked.
"Well actually, when you and Susie were on break, me and Susie snogged a few times. But never after that." Sirius jumped up, unable to bear hearing anymore of this. And here he had thought he had a faithful girlfriend, but she had to go screwing their enemy and his best friend.
Susie knew that it was over between her and Sirius. He refused to talk to her and even James, Lily and Vicky were a little distant. They still talked to her, but they didn't hang out with her like they used to. Susie found herself alone at so many times. The only one who was still there for her, out of her usual group of friends, was Remus.
Somehow she just couldn't bring herself to tell anybody about the rape. Remus had been trying to persuade her to tell him what happened but she didn't want to relive the painful memory. She knew if she just told someone what really happened, then all this wouldn't be happening to her. James, Lily, and Vicky would still be her close friends; Sirius would still be with her; Remus wouldn't be feeling guilty that he was one of the causes that Sirius refused to talk to Susie, or even look at her.
It broke Susie's heart every time she walked into the common room and it got silent from Sirius' end of the room. She knew Sirius had a right to be angry, thinking what he thought, but her own friends barely even speaking to her? That was horrible.
The reality of what had really happened dawned on her the last time Sirius even looked her directly in the face.
Susie sat down in the dining hall, eating breakfast and not tasting any of it. She was only eating cause Remus had made her come down, promising he'd be down in a few minutes. Tears welled up in her eyes when Sirius came into the dining hall.
When you're on, I swear you're on
You rip my heart right out
You rip my heart right out
I think the whole room can hear me clear my throat
You rip my heart out
Your rip my heart out
Sirius had sat down on the other end with James, talking animatedly about something. After that melancholy day when he had seen Susie, he had gone back to normal, it seemed to Susie. Here was Sirius, looking completely normal, laughing it up with his friends, and Susie was a miserable wreck, barely able to eat, she couldn't even start doing her homework without breaking into tears. It especially broke her heart when Sirius would throw flirtatious glances at other girls, acting every the person he used to be, the person before Susie had entered his life.
If you still care at all, don't go, tell me now
If you love me at all, don't call
Then out of nowhere, put me right back there
Rip my heart out, you'll rip my heart right out
Susie was sitting there when she heard someone behind her. It was Sirius. She looked up at him, but looked down quickly. He sat down next to her.
"Why?" was the simple question he asked.
And we know what happens when we get to your house
Rip my heart out, you'll rip my heart right out
Susie shook her head.
"I didn't-," that was all she managed to get out. Sirius slammed his hand down on the table.
"Bull shit, I saw you and you know it. I just want to know why. I thought you loved me, I honestly did. Wasn't I enough for you?"
"Of course you were and I still love you!"
"Then why'd you sleep with Rabastan??"
If you still care at all, don't go, tell me now
If you love me at all, please don't, tell me now
If you still care at all, don't go, tell me now
If you love me at all, don't call
"Sirius, I-," Sirius held a hand up to stop her.
"I really don't want to hear any more of your crap Susie. If you'd just stop denying it and make this a little easier on the both of us."
I throw away everything I've written you
Oh anything just keep my mind off of it, thinking how I had you once
No, I can't forget that
Sometimes I wish I could loose you again
You're winning me over with everything you say
You rip my heart right out
Susie looked into Sirius' eyes and really saw how hurt he was. That front he put up, it was all masquerade.
You rip my heart right out
When I let you closer, I only want you closer
You rip my heart right out
He pulled something out of his pocket and dropped it in front of her. It was the necklace he had. It wasn't the orange glow of guilt but the sad hue of blue. Sirius barely noticed. One tear slipped down Susie's cheek as Sirius got up.
You rip my heart right out
If you still care at all, don't go, tell me now
If you love me at all, please don't, tell me now
Yeah, if you still care at all, don't go, tell me now
If you love me at all, don't call
If you love me at all..
"Good-bye Susie." And he was gone. Just like that, his unfazed mask put back on as he joined James again, laughing about something else that they liked to joke about. Susie got up from the table, clutching the necklace in her hand as she ran out of the dining hall. The tears were already threatening to fall. She had to get out of there.
Omg that was so sad, I was crying just writing that. I hate breaking them up, but that's just part of the plot. Oh by the way, the song is called Your House by Jimmy Eat World.