INVADERTK's Spoof Corner!!!!
Today's Spoof: The Matrix
Note: I do not own The Matrix or any of its rights. All of these belong to The Architect…I mean the Wachowski brothers. This is my first so don't beat me too hard.
Matrix Revolutions
Spoof on…Scene 4: Down Here I'm God.
Trinity, Morpheus, and Seraph walk in to a subway and see a scruffy looking man
Seraph: That's him.
Scruffy "Trainman" looks at them jumps up and draws a pistol
Trainman: Get away! Get away from me!
Seraph: We don't want any trouble.
Trainman: Get the heck away from me!
Seraph: We need your help.
Trainman: I can't help you. No one can help you!
Trainman pulls on the emergency brake and car comes screeching to a halt door opens and he runs away. The whole group chases Trainman through a train station. Soon the Trainman, gun in hand, runs up some steps with the group following. Halfway up the steps the Trainman shoots his gun. Water sprays out all over Morpheus who is close behind with the rest of the group, chasing Trainman
Morpheus: You idiot! I just bought this coat!
Trinity: Quit whining you only have about a thousand more to download!
Seraph: Forget about it, he's drawing a different gun.
Trainman shoots at them with another pistol. This one has a "BANG!" flag
Trainman: Darn it! Why can't I get this?
Pulls out a third gun. A cork shoots out of it on a string
Trainman: What the heck?
Pulls a fourth and it makes a cheap machine gun sound
Seraph: How many of those things do you have?
Trainman opens his coat, revealing several hundred guns. He whips out one more. He shoots it and Seraph doges the bullet by jumping to one side. The chase continues as the Trainman runs and jumps over the ticket gate. Seraph and Trinity do the same. Morpheus tries but as he jumps his leg gets caught on the gate and he trips
Morpheus: What the heck?
Morpheus gets up and joins his group as they chase Trainman even further down a corridor. Trainman shoots at them and they all dive behind different pillars. Morpheus tries to dive, literally, behind a pillar but accidentally dives up against the pillar and is knocked down. He gets back up and walks behind the pillar instead. Trainman shoots at the group but instead hits the pillars because that's where they are, remember? Morpheus pops his head out from behind
Morpheus: Ha, you missed, dummy!
A rock flies at Morpheus and hits him on the head. Morpheus gets knocked over yet again, and gets back up yet again. Trainman looks at his arm, which is covered in watches and looks on the subway rail to see that a train is coming. He runs to the edge of the rail to jump across. As he does the train hits him
Trinity: Well there goes our help.
Cut to Neo at a different train station with an Indian (As in from India. Not a guy with Tomahawk andface paint)man in a suitand his family. His wife and a small girl, Sati
Neo: So, when is the train due?
Indian Man: It is already late. It is not like the Trainman to be late
Neo: Then when is the snack cart due?
African Man: I cannot say. Who knows such things? Only the Muffin Man.
Neo: You know the Muffin Man?
African Man: Everyone knows the Muffin Man. I consulted with him before I met the Frenchman. He promised to watch Sati when we go on our vaca-uh…business trip.
Neo: Where is this, as you call it, "business trip"?
African Man: The Bahamas.
Neo: A business trip at The Bahamas?
African Man: We have, uh…business deals in many foreign places?
Neo: Well this is quite the conversation.
Sati: Papa, the train.
Trainman walks out of the train
Trainman: Get in. I'm already late.
Neo: Didn't you die earlier?
Trainman: Shut up. No one notices these things, especially incheesy movie spoofs.
African Man gets on train with his family. Neo tries to get on but Trainman stops him
Trainman: You can't get on. I've got a dress code.
Neo: Let me on. I need to get back.
Trainman: My orders were to keep you here until Merovingian says otherwise, and if I know him you're going to be down here for a long, long time.
Neo: I don't want to hurt you.
Trainman: You don't get it. I built this place. Down here I make the rules. Down here I make the threats.
Trainman punches Neo and sends him flying against a tile wall. The tile shatters and the wall is modestly smashed
Trainman: Down here I'm God.
Trainman gets on train. As the door closes Trainman gets his hand stuck in the door. The train drives off leaving Neo in the station. He tries to run along the rail after the train but he comes out the other side of the tunnel, back where he started
Neo: Should have seen that coming.
(End)