For Me This Is Heaven
Chapter 17
Okay hello people! First of all, I've decided to do this chapter as Sirius' point of view, just so you're not confused. Anyways, so enjoy!! Just so you know for the next few chapters, I got the date wrong so I'm changing it back to the '70s like it's supposed to be. And now the long anticipated next chapter! Ciao!
JJ
Note If you would like to be a character in my story, just email me your name, house, description, role in the story, favorite subject and possible love interest.
Disclaimer If you know who it is, I don't own it!
Sirius' POV
I watched her run out of the dining hall, clutching the necklace I gave her back. The necklace that companioned to the same one that hung around her neck. I still see her wearing it. Remus told me that she never takes it off. It doesn't glow anymore. I've cut off all connections to her. If that thing ever glows, it'll be black.
So I have to admit that I am putting up a bit of an act, pretending like I'm perfectly alright. Truth is, I'm broken inside. I'm a miserable wreck. No one sees it, unless they watched me at night. The way I act now, I act like I'm totally alright. I wished I had never seen that. I hate her now, for doing this to me. For making me feel like this. She was the only girl I'd ever loved and I thought she was the ONE. I honestly did.
Seeing her with Rabastan Lestrange, that completely crushed me. It felt like she had taken a 18 wheeler and ran over my heart a thousand times, over and over again till it was nothing but a black hole in the ground.
"Sirius, Sirius, earth to Sirius," James shook me out of my reverie.
"What?" I asked.
"Do you wanna go? We've gotta get some studying done in the Library." The library. My heart clenched. That's probably where Susie had run off to, probably run to Remus. I wasn't bitter towards Remus. At least he had admitted about the whole sleeping with Susie thing. She never even told me that, let alone that fact that her and Remus snogged tons of times while me and her were on break. I shrugged.
"Alright whatever." Following James to the library, we went up the third level of the library and sat down at a corner table.
"Go find some books," James ordered, pulling out some parchment. He started scribbling furiously. I wandered in and out of the rows, looking at the spines of the books. The words seemed to blend together as I kept looking. My mind wandered to Susie again. I wondered where she was at the moment. Off crying, I suppose. She looked close to tears when I gave her back that necklace. James, once again, interrupted my thoughts. I had been staring at the same book for the last 5 minutes.
"Sirius, maybe you should go back to the dorm and rest or something. You don't look well." It was true that I was feeling kind of clammy.
"Alright, I will. See you later Prongs." I had been mindlessly wandering down the halls when I bumped into just the person I didn't want to see. Susie.
I don't feel the way I've ever felt
I know.
I'm gonna smile and not get worried
I try but it shows.
She was accompanied by Chase DeSantos, who had his arm affectionately around her shoulders. I knew she was too broken up to be dating him, or was she? I had noticed one thing about Chase, he always watched out for Susie, he was always there for her and this time, him, not me, was there to pick her up when she fell.
Anyone can make what I have built
And better now
Anyone can find the same white pills
It takes my pain away
I coolly glanced at them, pretending not to care that I saw them together. Inside it was killing me. My demeanor seemed to tick Chase off. As I walked down the hallway, I felt someone tap me on the shoulder. It was Chase.
"What's your problem?" he asked.
"You tapped me. Tell me what you want."
"Look at Susie," he pointed at the miserable wreck standing around the corner in the form of my ex girlfriend.
"I'm looking, what about her?"
"She's not herself anymore and she never will be. You know why?"
"Cause she lost me and she'll never find a guy that's half as good as me again?" I joked. I guess that wasn't a good thing because it obviously provoked him. All I remember is Chase whipping out his wand and firing a spell at me, causing me to go flying backwards into the wall.
"I'm sick and tired of you and your stupid arrogance," Chase shouted. "I'm gonna teach you a lesson once and for all and next time you'll think twice about ever hurting anyone again." A wand was pointed at my face and the tip started to glow. I could feel the anger radiating off of Chase. But the wand was pulled away, gently. By Susie.
It's a lie. A kiss with opened eyes.
And she's not breathing back
Anything but bother me, It takes my pain away.
Never mind those are horrid times
Oh oh oh I can't let it bother me.
"Chase, don't. There's no point," she said. She pulled him away, talking to him quietly. He looked over at me and then exclaimed, "He deserves it! I should've taken him out long ago!" Susie frowned and continued talking quietly. Finally Chase put the wand away, but still glancing at me.
"I hope you learned your lesson Black, and learned never to mess with a Slytherin," he growled. Susie led him away, watching me as she left. She was still beautiful, even in sorrow, she was beautiful.
It wasn't just her beauty that I loved about her. It was her wit, her charm, the way she said my name, the way she always made me feel like I was in heaven with her in my arms, the way she was nice to everybody, the way she managed to find friends in all the wrong places and befriend the worst people but managed to stay the same wonderful girl she was. I just wished for one more moment, I could take her in my arms again and kiss her and make her feel safe and loved. Just one more time.
I never thought I'd walk away from you
I did.
But it's a false sense of accomplishment
Every time I quit
Someone appeared behind me. It was Susie again. She had come back. Clutching my hand, she helped me up. She was silent as she helped me back towards the Gryffindor common room. Stopping right before the portrait, I leaned up against the wall.
"Are you hurt?" she asked quietly. I couldn't come up with a snappy remark so I just nodded my head. She turned me around and pulled off my robes, lifting up the back of my t-shirt. I heard her gasp as she saw the bruises that adorned my back. I struggled to control myself as she ran a finger down my back. I quickly reached behind my back and grabbed her hand.
"Don't do that," I whispered huskily. She gulped and pulled her hand out of my grasp.
"Sorry," she said, in her quiet way. Ever since the break up, she had become quiet, shut off from the world. There was one thing I couldn't understand, why were Lily and Vicky treating her like this? They were supposed to be her best friends. It was true what they said then, that your true friends shine, even in the darkest moments of your life.
Anyone can see my every flaw
It isn't hard.
Anyone can say they're above this all.
It takes my pain away.
When she finished checking and nursing me, she pulled my shirt back down and handed me my robes.
"I'm finished," she said. "I suppose you're gonna go in there and ignore me again, so I'm just gonna go." She turned to go but I grabbed her arm. She looked at me, surprised at my action. I was surprised that I had done that myself.
"Let me hold you one last time," I whispered as I pulled her into my arms. I choked back a sob as I felt her warmth in my arms again. I could hear her silent sobs as I held her, for probably the last time. Turning to go, I reluctantly let go of her. My mind was telling me to get the hell away from her, but my heart was telling me to take her back up to my room and hold her for the rest of the night.
It's a lie. A kiss with opened eyes.
And she's not breathing back
Anything but bother me
It takes my pain away
Never mind these are horrid times.
Oh oh oh, I can't let it bother me
She closed her eyes briefly before looking up at me with those gorgeous blue eyes of hers.
"I have to go," she whispered quietly. Then she disappeared down the hall. I couldn't get it out of my head. It had felt so good just to hold her again. I came into the common room where James, Remus and Lily were sitting. I sat down next to them.
"I heard you out there," James said bitterly. "You just can't stay away from her can you?"
"I've stayed away from her for long enough," I snapped. "I get her once and you're already on my ass."
"Well she cheated on you! Doesn't that mean anything to you?" I shrugged. I didn't care. I could tell Remus looked like he wanted to say something but he didn't.
I can't let it bother me.
It takes my pain away.
"Moony if you have something to say, say it." He looked up from what he had been reading.
"What I have to say, I know you guys don't want to hear." James shrugged.
"Okay drop it." I stopped James.
"No I want to hear it."
Remus looked up. "Why would you want to hear what I have to say anyway? You never want to hear what Susie has to say. I've tried time and again to get Susie to tell me exactly what happened, but she just won't. She just shakes her head or sometimes she'll tell me she doesn't want to relive the memory, it's too painful. Doesn't that sound just a bit suspicious? She doesn't admit that she wasn't cheating but she hasn't admitted that she has and she refuses to talk about it."
"Moony, what the hell are you talking about?" James demanded. Lily frowned.
"I think I know exactly what he's saying," she said quietly. "You think she got raped."
"That's absurd!!!" James exclaimed.
"Is it really absurd?" Remus countered.
James looked at Sirius and then Remus.
"Everything fits, in the cases of rape that I've read about, the girl's refuse to talk about it, often hiding it for months on end, many thinking it's their fault that they were raped."
"I don't believe that," I said. He was talking nonsense. There was no way that could happen. "Unless the words come out of her mouth, I won't." Remus stood up, putting his book down. Pulling his wand out, he floated it back to his room.
Switch to third person POV
"I'm going up to visit Elisa," Remus said abruptly. Leaving the group behind, he picked his way up the stairs to the girl's dorm. He had found a way to get up, which Elisa had told him about. He remembered Susie mentioning something about it earlier in the year. Pushing the door open, he peeked his head in. Elisa was up, writing in her diary.
"Hi hon," he said as he came in, closing the door behind him. She looked up when she saw him, smiling.
"Hey," she said quietly. "Come on in. Quiet though, most of the girls are asleep." Elisa's bed was right next to Susie's, which was surprisingly empty. He would've thought that Susie would've come back by now. Laying down on the bed next to her, he put his head on her stomach.
He sighed, reaching up to take her free hand and kiss it. She tightened her grip on his hand.
"Remus, are you thinking about Susie?" she asked him.
"I think she was raped," he said. She looked down at him.
"Are you serious?" He nodded. She sighed.
"I'll talk to her." He smiled his thanks.
Back to Sirius' POV
I finally went up to bed, tired of James and Lily's incessant whining and arguing. They were always at it. One day those two would get married and have tons of kids. They'd just have to realize that they were meant for each other.
The dreams I dreamt weren't pleasant. They were full of memories, memories of Susie. Then the last one was where Susie was ripped out of my arms by a rushing torrent of pain and hurt. I woke up in a cold sweat, my sheets soaked from my perspiration. I got up, pulling a shirt up over my soaked body. Heading down into the common room, I found one person awake. It seemed I always ran into Susie. She looked up when she saw me, her face illuminated by the dancing flames in the darkened room.
"What are you doing down here?" she asked.
"Had a bad dream. You?"
"I never sleep," she commented, then turned away from me. I sat down across from her.
"Susie, Remus brought something up to my attention." She looked at me. "Susie, were you raped?" She sucked in a breath and got up.
"No, I wasn't," she snapped. I stood up also.
"So you admit that you cheated on me, that you wanted it!"
"I didn't want it," she practically screamed at me, tears running down her face. I drew back from her. She had been raped.
This just makes me incredibly sad to write these chapters, but it's all part of the MASTER plan lol. Anyways review and I'll be happy! Sorry about the short chapter!
Song: Pain-Jimmy Eat World
REVIEWERS! Gosh I love you guys )
Lttlered: Okay I'll do this in order since you reviewed every chapter. And I'll check out what you updated!! Don't worry, I'm not sure if I have already, I'll check. Haha, well some say that lol. And of course, James had to come back someday! Lol I'll look you up in the public records when you change your name to Lily Potter! Hehe okay I'll put more James and Lily action in and I def cannot forget Remus and Vicky, although he's dating someone. And wow, I'm glad, that was my intention! But sorry about making you cry and here's your update!! Thanks, I like the twist too, stop crying! hands you a tissue Hehe
Moonlight1111: Hehe yes you are Remus' girl and you will be quite a while! Don't worry! Hehe thanks for reviewing and that's quite alright!
Adam Brosy's Babe: Hehe you spelled Adam's name wrong but that's alright! Adam Brody is a majorly hot! I have a pic in my magazine, I'm just like O.O DROOL ADAM BRODY. Phantom Planet rocks!! YOU MET THEM?? O NOO YOU SUCK! But you don't cause you reviewed and I changed the dates already if you read the a/n at the top!
Waterfairy-rose: Oh thanks! I know that, don't worry, she will be. That's good, I'm glad I wrote such an emotional chapter!
Prince Kazaf That's alright, I'm going to answer everything you said in order! Yes drama, that's my middle name, because frankly something bad HAD to happen, I couldn't be all butterflies and rainbows and such. It gives the story depth, I like to think. Hehe. Oh thanks, a lot of people didn't like the Holiday thing, but a few did. It added to the drama and added something new to tie in with the plot, you know? And yes California is beautiful, I love it here D. oh I know! I read the name part over again and I was like awwww this is cute, I'd love for my boyfriend to talk to me about that, but he doesn't like to think about the future, mine. He just wants to live things day by day shrug. Haha don't worry!! The whole Elisa thing, it's all a tie in (yes another one) into the MASTER PLAN big booming echoing voice P And she'll come, just not right now, but soon enough! Patience my young padawan, no lol j/k, but patience is a virtue!! Oh don't worry, I plan on adding more James/Lily action. Rabastan IS evil!! Don't worry, he'll get what's coming for him! And of course Rainzzi is gonna be in it more. Dur! Hehe, since you're such a faithful reviewer and send me wonderfully long reviews, I'd love to keep your character in the story! Haha well William will come back, dun worry. Not at Hogwarts, probably at the end and then in future stories in the Series. Haha, don't worry William is quite a guy, once Susie gets to know him! About the Mary Sue thing...haha I know she's a mary sue! I hate making my characters flawed, maybe because I think of myself as such a flawed person, I can't think of something that'll make her flawed. I don't know... I suppose I can TRY and make her less mary sueish, note I said try. I'll do my best. Aww thanks! And hope you liked this chappie!
SiriuslyPadfoot'sGal: Awww thanks!! I'm glad you love it! Yeah I know, it was sad, everyone is telling me that! Lol, and I can put you in the story, that's a GREAT idea, I was brainstorming about how I was gonna do that and then you send me that wonderful idea and I was like "Aha! I'll do that! It's brilliant, brilliant professor igor voice Haha!
Nicky Black: Ohhh I'm sorry! But that's a good thing, it's emotional!! And thank you! I thought that song would be great for the chapter! Thanks! Remus is not over You'll see in future chapters!!
Im-an-angel-in-disguise: Awww I know! Lestrange will get his! Later though, and I'm glad this was a really emotional chapter, I was opting for that! I'm EVIL!!! Thanks for reviewing though!
Moonlight1111: Awww I'm sorry, but she will, don't worry. He'll find out anyways! And your welcome, I reviewed! Sorry for making you cry!!! Eck! It was an EMOTIONAL chapter!!
NEXT CHAPTER: What's going to happen to Susie? Find out next chapter... D