Disclaimer: I don't own.
Author's Note: Okay, this is possibly the most random one-shot I have ever written. I have no idea where it came from but there you go, my brain works in a very strange way. This is a little bit of humor and a little bit of angst. The two work well together. Oh okay, it's a little more angst.
::Trip::
Charlie lay back on his sagging bed, the smoke curling above his head, stopping at the ceiling. He was alone; Casey was out with Boyfriend of the Week. He didn't bother to even learn their names now. If he wasn't well on his way to getting stoned silly, he would have had half a mind to worry about his mom, whose only standards for a boyfriend were a pulse and the y chromosome. Charlie licked his lips, enjoying the taste of the smoke.
The music that he had put on felt strange in his ears and Charlie dug a finger into his ear with an asinine smile on his face. His eyes felt hard like marbles and were glassed over. Charlie could imagine them rolling around and around in his sockets. Around and around and around….Wait a minute, there was something by the foot of the bed. Charlie cleared his throat; it felt full of a strange mixture of glass shards and grass. Whoa, wait a minute that was a someone standing at the foot of the bed.
"What the…" Charlie sat up and tried to focus his eyes. The c.d. that was blaring through the speakers had finished but he didn't make a move to replay it. He coughed into his fist and used the same hand to rub at his eyes that stung from the smoke in the room.
"Aargh," he moaned, as he rubbed his palms against his eyes. His eyes started to tear up and when he pulled his hands away from his eyes, he could finally focus, somewhat, on the figure standing at the foot of his bed.
"Hello Charlie." It was Adam, dressed in what appeared to be a strange white garb. Charlie shook his head.
"What the hell are you doing in toga, Adam?" he asked, his voice still scratchy. Was he tripping? Damn this was weird.
"Come with me, Charlie," his old friend said, and reached for Charlie's hand. Charlie drew it back.
"Wait a minute, where?"
"I can't reveal that, Charlie."
"Damn, why are you talking to weird?" It was getting hard for Charlie to concentrate on Adam's words. Was that really Adam? If so, what was he doing in a toga? He appeared to be barefoot. Charlie tried to shake the thoughts out of his head. It hurt to think.
"I don't want to go," Charlie finally said, woodenly, sounding like a child even to himself.
"Come Charlie." Adam grabbed his hand and Charlie screamed at his friend's hot touch. Steam seemed to rise from Adam's fingers and where they made contact with Charlie's skin. Charlie jerked his wrist away from Adam's grasp and examined it. The skin seemed to be untouched. Charlie looked at Adam with an open mouth.
"What the fuck did you put in the pot, Jesse?" he wondered out loud. Adam still stared at him impassively as Charlie tried to snap out of his drugged stupor. This has never happened before. This wasn't supposed to be happening. Did Jesse slip something else in? Jesse had been talking about dousing the joints in mercury for an extra high. Maybe his friend had unwittingly killed him.
"Do you promise not to fight me anymore, Charlie?" Adam asked. There was a familiar trace of an impish grin on his face and that's what made Charlie let him take his hand. It didn't burn this time.
"So where are we going again?"
"On a little trip, Charlie. Just trust me." The words rang through Charlie's mind but he was too stoned to remember their importance. Just trust me. Charlie shrugged and let Adam guide him, realizing a little off-handedly that neither of their feet touched the ground. They flew effortlessly through the short hallway outside of Charlie's room and right out the door into the dark, silent street.
"Ahaha, I'm like fucking Dumbo or something," Charlie said, giggling.
"You should really listen to what you say," Adam muttered. "And watch your mouth. I hardly think you meant to say that you're copulating with an elephant."
"What? Did you say something Adam?" The blonde boy didn't answer and they kept gliding down the dark street.
"So, are you going to tell me why you're in my house looking like the Virgin Mary? And why we're flying? Or wait a minute, how are we flying?"
"Now you're becoming more lucid," Adam said. They made a right turn and seemed to be headed for the old drive-in movie theater that the local community kept for sentimental sake.
"What the fuck are we doing here?"
"Language, Charlie." Adam led him through dark cars and no one seemed to notice the two silently gliding boys. Adam halted, suddenly, and Charlie vaguely recognized the blue car they were standing next to.
"Holy shit, that's Casey's car." Adam was silent next to him and Charlie peered into the car.
"Hey Casey! Casey, look at me! I'm flying!" Charlie knocked on the glass of the car window several times but it made no noise. His mom appeared to be sitting rigidly in the car as the faceless man sitting next to her was obviously trying to convince her to be a little more fun.
"What the hell does he think he's doing?" Charlie said. He glanced at Adam who still looked back at him, expressionless.
"Fuck if you tell me," Charlie muttered, and looked in again. Casey was mouthing the words "Stop it." If he strained, Charlie would make out the words.
"You know you want to. Or how about we go back to your place?"
"I have a son, David. Remember?"
"It's not like you even want the little bastard. Just get rid of him and we can live the way we want." Casey slapped away David's hand that had reached up to play with her hair.
"Get out."
"What?" he said.
"I said, get out. You want me to make a choice between you or my son? Do you honestly think there's a choice there? Get. Out." Charlie turned away and looked at Adam.
"I don't get it," he said.
"What don't you get, Charlie?" his friend asked.
"I don't know. Why you brought me here. What are you trying to show me? That I should be nicer to Casey or something?" Adam seemed to shrug slightly.
"I don't know, Charlie. You take what you get from all of this."
"I'm not in the mood for one of your introspective answers," Charlie muttered. Adam took his hand again and they glided away from the drive-in movie. Charlie looked over his shoulder to see David stalking away from his mom's car and grinned to himself.
"Where are we going now?" Adam just tugged a little bit on Charlie's hand.
"We're going to go visit the Ducks." They were flying higher now, over the roofs of houses.
"Since when did you know where all of us lived in the slums? You've like never crawled out of Edina."
"Thanks, Charlie," Adam said, dryly. He suddenly swooped down and Charlie was forced to follow since Adam still held his hand. His friend cocked his head at the door and gently pushed it. The door seemed to open without a protest and Adam went in, Charlie at his heels.
"Hey…hey! This is Guy's house," Charlie said, recognizing the house. Adam led him upstairs where all the doors were closed and dark, except for one where light spilled out from the crack in the bottom. Adam pushed that door open too, with ease, and Charlie looked over Adam's shoulder.
Guy and Connie were in the room; Connie was sitting cross-legged on a chair, Guy, sprawled across his bed.
"I swear sometimes he doesn't even recognize me when he sees me," Guy was saying.
"He does, Guy. I mean, we've known him since kindergarten. How can he not?"
"You tell me, Connie. He's totally changed ever since…well you know what I mean." Connie ducked her head to hide her overly bright eyes.
"Well, it's been hard on all of us," she said.
"But we have each other and our families to pull through with. Charlie doesn't."
"Charlie has us," Connie said, emphatically, thumping the desk with a frustrated hand.
"Hey Adam, they're talking about me," Charlie said, pulling on his friend's hand. Adam just watched the scene impassively. They heard footsteps behind them and Adam pressed Charlie against the wall as Averman passed by them without seeing them.
"Whoa, is this a bad time?" Averman asked, looking at Guy's long face and Connie's bright eyes.
"No," Connie said, shaking her head and wiping her eyes a little.
"We were just talking about Charlie and how he's changed." Averman made an understanding noise and pulled up a chair. Connie pulled up her legs and rested her chin on her knees.
"What the fuck? Why are they talking about me like that, Adam?" Charlie asked. "Why are they acting like I've gone psycho?" Adam looked at him a little sadly.
"Do you want to keep watching, Charlie?" he asked. Charlie scowled.
"No way. They're being lame. Let's go check someone else out." Adam turned away from their old friends and pulled Charlie back out of the house, albeit a little disappointedly. Still, Adam led Charlie up higher into the sky as before and seemed to be searching for one house in particular as they flew from neighborhood to neighborhood. He finally found what he was looking for and led Charlie through a house that he hadn't seen before. But he did recognize the figure standing, stooped, at the window, a phone clutched to his ear.
"You can't find him? When did you last see him? What? Is it that bad?" It was Bombay. His whole face seemed to have aged too much in a very short period of time.
"No, he's not here. He doesn't…he doesn't really come to me anymore, Casey. He doesn't trust me anymore. No, I'll come out. I'll help you look for him; I think I know where he is. I'll be there in ten minutes." Bombay threw the phone down on a couch and pulled on a jacket. He was out the door, leaving Adam and Charlie standing in the deserted living room.
"Well what the hell was that about?" Charlie asked his friend. Adam didn't answer.
"What do you think?" he finally said.
"Of what? Of Bombay? Of what he was saying?"
"Just anything."
"How the hell should I know? I haven't seen the bastard for at least six months." Charlie took a good look around the room, realizing that this was Bombay's new place since he had visited him in his old home many times. He started for the fireplace mantel when he saw several pictures there. In the dim light, Charlie could make out a picture of him and Gordon, one taken right after they had won the Junior Goodwill Games, and one strange, candid picture that Charlie had never seen before that must have been taken during some party. The picture showed Charlie laughing, his head thrown back, Adam with his hand on Charlie's shoulder, appearing to be amused as well. When Charlie recognized the event where this took place, he turned away.
"So what? We're going to be sitting around and twiddling our thumbs in Bombay's living room all night?"
Adam led his friend back out the door and out the neighborhood. They were flying again, through the deserted downtown when Charlie recognized a hunched figure who was sitting in an alleyway.
"Holy crap, that's Fulton!" Charlie screamed. They flew down to the alley and Charlie was right.
"Fulton, what are you doing here?" Charlie asked. Like before, the other boy gave no notice to Adam or Charlie. He was drinking from a bottle in a paper bag.
"Yeah, like anybody wouldn't know what he had in there," Charlie scoffed. "You're supposed to fucking hide it in a thermos or something." Fulton had bloodshot eyes and had the appearance of a bulky guy who had lost an unhealthy amount of weight in a short time. He appeared shrunken and the veins bulged in his neck and arms.
"What's wrong with him?" Charlie asked. Adam shrugged.
"You always kept him in line, Charlie. You always made sure he kept up in school; you always pushed him to keep working at hockey instead of becoming some sort of thug in the streets. Now that you're gone…Fulton doesn't have a reason to do all of that." Charlie looked at Adam incredulously.
"You're trying to tell me that I kept Fulton in school? He didn't listen to a word I said!"
"Yes he did. He's just good at hiding it. He does have his pride, you know," Adam said, with a wry grin. The smile disappeared.
"Look at him now, Charlie." Charlie turned away.
"No, let's go." Adam hummed and sighed as though disappointed and led Charlie away. The downtown seemed to melt into the horizon as they headed for what appeared to be fields, washed silver in the moonlight. When Adam descended slightly, Charlie started to recognize where they were.
"Hey, this is where Bombay got married, right?" It was. There was the small chapel standing still in the night. Charlie remembered the day clearly, how he and Casey stood side by side in the third row. He remembered how he watched, partly bitter, partly happy for his coach and how stoic his mom was as they watched Bombay lean in and kiss his happy bride.
But he had let himself forget what had happened in the reception. He let himself forget about the reception completely; it was then that picture on Bombay's mantel was taken.
While he had lost himself in his short reverie, Adam had floated a little ways away from him, over a pasture that was a bit ways away from the chapel, behind tall evergreen trees.
"Whoa, Adam, wait!" Charlie glided after his friend and when he caught up, Adam appeared to be staring at a piece of twisted metal on the grass. Charlie looked at it, his stomach started to twist as he was unpleasantly jerked out of his stoned state.
"Holy crap," he whispered. He remembered now. He remembered what he had made himself forget.
The reception was a lot less formal than any of them really expected. It was fun and everyone was enjoying themselves, more so than anyone really expected. Charlie watched, grinning widely, as Julie accepted a dance from Karp and Dwayne was trying to line dance without couples running into him. Charlie watched Connie and Guy spin each other around the dance floor, eyes locked on one another. It was too much, seeing Portman and Fulton, with matching mischievous expressions, start to twirl each other around the dance floor, batting their eyelashes and cooing compliments. Charlie started laughing, throwing his head back. He could hear Adam laughing helplessly as well, his hand on Charlie's shoulder for support.
Charlie stopped laughing abruptly when he saw Bombay spinning around his bride, looking at her as though there was no one else in the room. It wasn't that, to be precise, that made him stop laughing completely but it was seeing his mom, Casey, sitting at a table, a half-empty wine glass in her hand, looking at Bombay with that same expression. It's more painful when the emotions are unrequited.
Ever the observant one, Adam tugged on Charlie's arm and asked him if he wanted to take some time away from people for a little bit. Charlie thankfully agreed and he and Adam excused themselves from the reception, sitting out behind the evergreen trees in Charlie's old car, each taking swigs from a flask that Charlie brought with him.
"So how do you feel about Bombay marrying?" Adam asked, carefully.
"I think my mom's taking it harder than me," Charlie admitted. "But it really hurts. If I was to ever call anyone "Dad," it'd be Bombay." Adam nodded.
"I know, I'm sorry." Charlie shook his head.
"Don't be. Come on, I'm getting bored and depressed." Charlie jangled the keys in his hand and grinned.
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Charlie asked. Adam grabbed the keys out of Charlie's hand.
"Only if I drive. You're totally wasted."
"Like you aren't!" Charlie said, laughing. "Are you sure you're good?"
"I'm fine. Just trust me." But he hadn't been fine. The joyride ended with a crunch of glass and death splayed across the field that day.
Charlie looked up at Adam and felt tears sting in his eyes.
"Why are you doing this?" he whispered. Adam was still watching him with that annoying, impassive expression.
"Why the hell have you come back after all this time, Adam? Why the fuck did you decide to come back?!" he screamed. He reached out to hit Adam in the shoulder, who took the hit. Charlie was glad. He was scared that now that he remembered, his hand would sail right through his insubstantial body. Adam was looking at him sadly now.
"I didn't…" Adam hesitated, his toga flapping around his knees. "I didn't do this to hurt you, Charlie; I did it to show you."
"Show me? Show me what, Adam?!" Charlie screamed. "That I killed you? Is that it? Have you come back to shove it in my face?!"
"Charlie, no. I wanted to show you that it wasn't your fault and that everyone's worried sick about you," Adam said. There was still a little bit of a bite under Adam's voice like there always was when Charlie was being unreasonable and Adam's patience was being tested. He was alive then, though.
"Worried sick about me? Why should they care, huh? They don't give a flying fuck about me after what happened!"
"Did what you see today teach you anything, Charlie?" Adam asked. "Charlie, they love you, all of them. Casey. Connie, Guy, and Averman. Fulton. Bombay. Every single one of them." Charlie suddenly seemed to deflate. And he started to cry. The tears seemed to hover in midair, winking at him in the moonlight.
"Charlie." Adam had his phantom arms around Charlie and Charlie sagged into his friend. Adam felt cold.
"I don't want to have to live with this. I don't want to have to live without you." Adam hummed, sympathetically.
"I don't think we really wanted things to work out the way they did," Adam said, with a half smile. "But you have to move on. Forget me a little, if that's what it takes."
"Forget you?" Charlie repeated, aghast.
"Charlie," Adam said sternly, just like how he did when he was still alive. "I mean, you have to let me go."
"But I miss you," Charlie said, pathetically. Adam's phantom face turned sad.
"I know, Charlie, me too." Charlie realized that there was solid ground underneath his feet now and only Adam was hovering above air.
"You're leaving? Already?" Fresh tears were in Charlie's eyes. "Don't go, please Adam. Let me come with you." Charlie gripped Adam's hand so hard that his own cramped up. Charlie realized that he could hear people shouting his name from a very long distance away.
"Please, Adam, take me with you. Don't leave me here. Please for the love of God don't leave me here alone." Adam looked at Charlie's hand for a long time.
"I can't…I can't do that, Charlie," he finally said. "You have to…learn."
"Learn? Learn what? Tell me what I have to know and I'll learn it. I'll do anything if you stay."
"It's not…" Adam hesitated. "You have to learn how to live without me."
"Why are you saying this?" Charlie asked, angry again. "Do you really want me to forget you? I did, didn't I? I forgot you, I forgot what happened; I fucking forgot how to live. Then why am I still feeling this way, Adam, huh? Tell me."
"You can't change what happened, Charlie," Adam said, with a sigh. "None of us can. But you can change how you're going to live the rest of your life." Charlie kept his eyes trained on the ground, where his tears were still glimmering and winking at him, mocking him.
But Adam was right; he was always right. Charlie couldn't live holding onto the memory of his dead friend, obsessing about it every lucid moment of his waking life and dreaming about it in his unconscious state. If he kept this up, it would drag him down to his death. When he looked up, he saw Adam give him a slight, irreverent grin.
"So, I trust this trip has been educational?" Adam said sounding more like himself than he had all night. Charlie tried to smile through his tears and Adam reached up to wipe them away, slightly.
"Will you come back?"
"That kind of defeats the purpose of moving on, doesn't it?" Adam said, smiling wryly. "This was a one-time thing, Charlie. But…well, we'll see." Charlie looked up, hopeful.
"No, Charlie," Adam said, laughing. "I have to leave now." Charlie grasped Adam's hand. He wanted to plead and beg his friend not to go and not to leave him here in his hellish world. But Adam was right. He couldn't put his life on hold forever because Adam was dead. He'd be furious if Charlie let that happen to his life. Charlie couldn't help smiling at the thought.
"Goodbye, Adam," Charlie said, softly. It was then that Charlie realized that Adam was crying too. That was what the strange glimmer in his eyes was. Charlie reached up to wipe them away when he realized Adam had already left, leaving him alone in the middle of the field. Charlie pressed his lips together, a sob starting to tear at his throat. Charlie didn't know how long he was standing there but he realized that people were still shouting his name.
"Charlie! Charlie!" The voices seemed to take a long time to reach him. Charlie cocked his head, his thoughts clear now; all traces of the drug were gone. He turned around to find Casey and Bombay running towards him, across the field. He reached out to meet them. Their arms were warm and their embrace was real.
::Fin::