For Me This Is Heaven
Chapter 19
Enjoy!
JJ
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The castle felt empty to Sirius. Susie had been gone for a little over a week. Without Susie, Sirius' remorse and grief hung heavy over the castle.
How can I just let you walk away
Just let you leave without a trace
When I stand here
Sirius now felt an empty kind of loneliness. The pathetic truth was, with Susie missing, his life was incomplete. He didn't really feel like doing much of anything. His grades dropped dramatically and he spent many a lonely night up thinking what Susie was doing at the moment.
Taking every breath with you
You're the only one who really knew me at all
His worried friends tried to get him to get back to his normal routine. One day, they got tired of his gloominess. They were all sitting in the common room after classes.
"Sirius, you need to stop this. Susie will be coming back in a month," Remus told him. No one wanted to bring up the fact that Susie had ended things with Sirius till further notice.
"You guys have no idea do you? I need Susie. She's like oxygen to me. I can't live without her."
How can you just walk away from me
When all I can do is watch you leave?
'Cause we shared the laughter and the pain
And even shared the tears
You're the only one who really knew me at all
"Sirius, when she gets back, she'll be alright, hopefully! But like she said, you need to move on. She wanted you to move on, she even told you to."
"I don't want to move on. How could I just date another girl? I'd be betraying Susie!"
"Look mate, she flipping told you to date other girls. She was very specific when she set that stuff out for you." Sirius stared at the fire.
"I can't do it James. I'm not strong enough to move on."
So take a look at me now
There's just an empty space
There's nothing left here to remind me
Just the memory of your face
Take a look at me now
There's just an empty space
You coming back to me is against the odds
And that's what I've gotta face
James shook his head.
"Look Sirius, if you two are really meant to be, she'll come back to you, but you really need to move on. You can move on, that's the easiest part. The hard part is getting over her." He glanced briefly at Lily. He had stopped bugging her for a while.
"Why don't you follow your own advice Prongs?" Sirius muttered as he got up and left the room.
I wish I could just make you turn around
Turn around and see me cry
There's so much I need to say to you
So many reasons why
You're the only one who really knew me at all
Remus was walking Elisa to her Astronomy class, her books in his hand. She sighed happily as he glanced at her, throwing her occasional smiles. This was probably the longest, happiest relationship he had been in. They had been dating for almost 2 months. It was almost April.
She smiled as Remus stopped at base of the stairs and stared into her eyes, in the way he did before he was about to kiss her. He leaned down and kissed her, but something made him continue, kissing her like he had never before. The two had never actually had a full out "snog session" before and Remus slowly pushed her against the wall, wrapping his arms around her petite waist, her books dropping from his hand.
Elisa wrapped her arms around his neck as his tongue ran along her lips, begging for an entrance. She opened her mouth and his tongue entered, exploring the crevices of her mouth. Someone cleared their throat behind them. It was Nicky, who looked slightly uncomfortable.
"Remus, sorry to interrupt, but I thought you should know that class is about to start in a minute and you're going to be late." Remus glanced at his watch and picked Elisa's books up, putting them in her arms and giving her a quick kiss on the cheek.
"Bye love," he called as he dashed down the hall. Elisa smiled as she went up the stairs, followed by Nicky.
Meanwhile, Sirius had lately been talking to Ana more, confiding lots of stuff to her that he would never tell James or Remus. She was a good listener, rapidly reading his lips as he told her many secrets, many times he talked about his fears and how much he needed Susie. Ana never complained and one day Sirius brought up quidditch.
"What? I didn't see what you said," she said.
"I said, so you like to play quidditch?" Ana nodded slowly.
"I do, it's my dream."
"Well do you want to try out?"
Ana gaped at him. "Are you serious?" Sirius nodded slowly, smiling. She jumped up and threw her arms around him.
"Sirius, I'd love to!" she said excitedly.
Remus came out onto the Quidditch pitch. Ana was trying out for Susie's spot, at Susie's request and her team mates honored their former team mate's last simple wish.
Ana got on her broom and got up in the air, deciding how she would be able to signal the other players. It might be too fast for her to read lips, so she'd have to do that briefly, but mostly rely on some kind of system.
After the tryouts, James announced, with a grin, that she had the spot. Sirius and the rest of the team mates all hugged her, chattering excitedly. Elisa was waiting by the front of the quidditch pitch when Remus came out.
Taking her hand, they walked back towards the library but Remus stopped.
"Do you really want to go study, Elisa?" he asked her slyly. She giggled and shook her head. Remus led them towards an empty classroom.
Sirius trudged into DADA. They had been learning different charms they could use and today they would be getting dueling partners.
The Professor clapped her hands to get everyone's attention. Professor Dana McCarthy was a young woman with blue eyes and brown hair. She was quite attractive for a professor.
"Now students, today you will be receiving your dueling partners and testing out your new found knowledge on Charms. Today we will be working on taking down harmless subjects with easy spells. We'll be getting harder by the days." Sirius groaned. DADA was not really that interesting to him anymore, then again, what really was?
"Sirius Black, Chase DeSantos," Professor McCarthy announced, going down the list in her hands. Sirius looked across the room. DeSantos was in this class and he hadn't even known it. Chase trudged over to where Sirius was sitting. Professor McCarthy appeared behind Susie, clapping her hands, startling Sirius. He tumbled off his chair.
"Mr. Black, up! We're going to the quidditch pitch for some extra practice." At the quidditch pitch, Sirius and Chase stood facing each other. Professor McCarthy stood at the beginning of the line of students. Tapping her throat, she said "Sonorus."
"Class," she boomed. Her voice echoed in the pitch. "Begin by trying to stun your opponents, unarm them, stop their spell, or do something amusing. Begin." Her voice returned to normal.
"This is for hurting Susie," Chase muttered under his breath and he pointed his wand at Sirius and shouted "Stupefy!"
Sirius blocked the attack. "Finite Incantatem" Then he fired his own spell at him, getting all his frustration out. "Rictusempra", causing Chase to fall over, laughing hysterically and twitching. He was trying to stop laughing and inch over to his wand.
He picked it up and pointed it at Sirius. "Tarantallegra".Sirius' feet started to move, moving wildly. Professor McCarthy approached them. Neither could even get to their wands anymore. Sirius was dancing wildly all over the place and Chase was laughing too hard.
"Finite," she said with a smile, stopping both spells. "Good job boys, you can go now."
Chase picked up his wand and stuffed it into his robes, glaring at Sirius and then stalking off.
Lily and Vicky sat in the common room, reading a letter from Susie.
Dearest Lilikins and Vicky,
St. Mungo's is alright, not like Hogwarts at all. I miss everyone terribly! I've met a few people here, crazies like myself. I'll be coming back in 2 weeks. I've been marking the days down on my calendar. I would write a letter to Remus, but I only have one more piece of parchment and I'd rather save that for something else. Just send Remus my love and lots of hugs from the psych! I actually met some guys who had been injured and they wanted to take me out. I of course, declined, simply because I'm still completely and totally devoted to Sirius, although he doesn't know it, exactly. I'm sure he'll figure it out someday. By the way, Lils, how's James treating you? Does he still ask you out? I told him he should act normal around you and stop bugging you and maybe you'd like him. Vicky, found a boyfriend yet? You need a man in your life! How's the relationship going between Remus and Elisa? Those two are just too cute together, reminding me, sadly, of how things USED to be between me and Sirius. The therapy is fine, it's helping me immensely. Talking about something used to be the alternative I'd rather not take, but I found that talking about it and getting it all out is great. We do all sorts of things. I've met a bunch of other girl's like me, who have the same 'condition' as me. They all understand how I felt. One girl said she used to dress in tight shirts and mini skirts all the time and that's why she thought she got raped. Now she wears skirts that go way down to her ankles and sweaters. Poor thing, she's still in mourning of losing her boyfriend. I told her I could relate, I lost the love of my life all because he didn't believe that I had been raped and I didn't tell him I'd been raped. Anyways that's enough of that, I'm off to write another letter and then it's visiting hours. Ronnie's coming in 2 hours! Till my next letter, love you all.
Fondly,
Susie
At the moment, Sirius had been lying on his bed shirtless when Susie's little white owl fluttered in and landed on Sirius' bed, hooting. Sirius sat up, surprised to see Mestizos in his room. He untied the letter and opened it up, recognizing Susie's flowing script on the page.
Dear Sirius,
I know you must think this is weird and awkward, but here I am writing you. I should be writing Remus back because he sent me a 3 page letter, but I'm writing you. So life is hard here, the therapy is hard to go through. It's a nightmare having to relive everything. Many a times, I end up going to bed without dinner, because I feel sick just thinking about it. Yesterday I told the psych all about you. She wanted to know what I loved about you, why I fell in love with you. I told you the first thing that I fell in love with was your charm and how romantic you are. Then I described how you looked, saying you were probably the best looking boy in Hogwarts to me. She wanted to know how I felt when you found out about the rape. I first told her that the horrible memory that I kept retained in my mind; the one that played over and over again in my mind was the look on your face when you walked in and saw me. I told her that it broke my heart to see you in pain like that. She explained to me that was only natural because of the strong bond we shared. I must say that I miss you terribly. I know I said we should wait, but I can't wait to see your face again because frankly, I'm having a hard time not having you in my life.
This letter is turning out longer then I thought. Please ignore the water spots on the page, I'm having an emotional moment. The psych is helping me get over my emotional outbursts. She's giving me tons of notebooks to write in so that I'll get my feelings out on paper instead of keeping them bottled up and then letting it all out, no matter where I am. Anyways, I hope you write back. Miss you tons and tons.
Love,
Susie
This was a short chapter, but don't worry, the next one is a nice long one. Also, im-an-angel-in-disguise, your character is in the next chapter, I already finished it up, I did 2 chapters at once, not an easy thing to do, but I did! And moonlight ;) getting a little action there eh? ;) heh heh. Also, I did the whole spell thing cause one of my reviewers said I don't do enough magic or spells, so there you go!
Song: Against All Odds-The Postal Service
Candice: sorry lol, I know, their simply adorable! But don't worry, they'll be back together soon!
Im-an-angel-in-disguise: I'm sorry, don't worry, it'll get happier! You'll see!! And thank ya!
Moonlight1111: hehe, you got some action! I hope you're happy with Remus, you'll probably be with him till the sequel cause I can't have anything else bad happening to anybody and I didn't plan on getting Vicky and Remus together till 7th year so you'll fit just perfectly! Yeah it is pretty terrible, I'd hate for that to happen to me, so sad '( And I saw your review for my new story, thanks!
Waterfairy-rose: awww I'm glad you liked your surprise and like I told you on MSN, there WILL be more quidditch probably in about chapter 23 or so. Eck slash shudders Did you say Sirius will fall for Remus? O.o if so, AHHH those stories scare me! whimpers like a baby Lol. Hmmm that's quite a situation you got there. Frankly, I think you should keep those feelings to yourself, for now. That would so mess up your friendship if you said anything! And thanks!!
theQuibbleringQuibblerer: ahhh thanks!!! Haha actually yes, that is the song 1985 by Bowling For Soup. That's where I got the idea! Lol but later on in the story, I found out that this all took place in the 70s so I had to change it, but I'm glad you liked the beginning, I rather liked it myself. I hope you enjoy the rest of the story!
J'adoreblondie: Ahhh yes, I love that song, it's great, I was like asking ALL of my friends if they had heard it. Omg really?? LUCKY! Green Day is so flipping awesome man! Yeah, that's what I was gonna do, I think maybe on my other story Against All Odds I was gonna put Boulevard of Broken Dreams, it would seem to fit more, ya know? But if I can, I'll incorporate one. Do you have any suggestions for one? If you do, tell me, I haven't really listened to much of the old Green Day songs as much as the new ones. Hmmmm that's a rather good idea. Maybe at the end of the series or something, but Susie's comin back, she's not gonna stay in there forever, lol. Thanks for the idea!
Prince Kazaf: OoOo okay I will! Haha that's alright, I'll await your next review! And, ack! I just read your story, I was so shocked about the engagement thingy!!