For Me This Is Heaven
Chapter 21
Aha, next chapter! Hope you all are enjoying this!
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Sirius and Susie hadn't spoken in a week. The only time she had was when they had bumped into each other in the halls. After their little episode in the Room of Requirement, Sirius had gone back to his old ways and Susie had decided that she was going to move on. If it was so easy for Sirius to break her heart, she would break his too.
It was the day of a quidditch game. Gryffindor was the undefeated champions, with their record of beating Hufflepuff 3 times and Slytherin twice already. Now they just had to beat Ravenclaw. Susie followed Remus, Elisa and Lily through the stands to find a seat. Vicky was sitting on the other side with new fling, Michael Worscher, a 7th year Ravenclaw.
This was the first game Susie had been to for a while. The last one she had went to had been against Hufflepuff, and that had been when she had played. She hadn't been there for the 2 Slytherin games, which, according to James, had been Slytherin's defeat by a landslide.
The game started and Susie watched as the team handled the balls expertly. She marveled at the way Ana found her way in the game. She was an excellent choice for the spot, Susie thought to herself gleefully. She was glad Ana was finally living her dream, to play quidditch.
Then the game was over, with a close defeat of Ravenclaw, by 17-16. The team gracefully accepted their defeat and one particular player caught Susie's eye. He was a good looking guy, with nice hair, not too short, not too long, just perfect for him, and vibrant greenish-blue eyes. Under his robes, he looked well built. Elisa poked her.
"Who're you staring at?" she asked playfully. "Sirius?"
"Yeah I just can't keep my eyes off him," Susie said sarcastically. "I'm staring at that guy," she pointed him out.
"The Ravenclaw Beater? You always go for Quidditch players huh?" Lily asked.
"Not Remus," Susie said, playfully socking Remus in the arm. Elisa giggled and Remus pretended to look hurt and rub his 'sore' arm.
"Hey, that hurt," he said. Susie scoffed.
"Weakling," she muttered. Remus rolled his eyes and looked down at the guy that Susie had been ogling.
"You should meet him," Lily said with a smile.
"I should!" she said, formulating a plan for how she was gonna do this.
The next day, in DADA, she finally spotted him. She found out his name was Johnny Welling (A/N: heh heh, now can you guess who this hottie with a triple T is modeled after).
James had noticed her staring at the back of his head and chuckled. She looked at him.
"What?" she asked.
"You're staring at Johnny Welling's head," he whispered back. She laughed and nodded.
"He's a total hottie, I wanna meet him," she told him. Sirius was listening to their conversation.
"You wanna meet him? Just look at him," he said with disgust. Susie sighed.
"Yeah I know, hot ain't he?"
After class, Susie had her plan all formulated up; she gathered up a bunch of her books and found which way Johnny was going. She was going to meet this guy and she was going to get over Sirius if it was the last thing she did.
Sirius saw Susie piling a bunch of books in her arms. He was about to go over there and help her, but James stopped him.
"No don't. She told me specifically not to help her," he told Sirius. They watched as she went bumping into Johnny, the books going flying out of her hands. They heard her gasp and apologize profusely while she picked up the books.
Susie stuck her hand out.
"Susie McFasley," she said. He took her hand and shook out.
"You're the girl who got raped right?" he asked suddenly. She shut her eyes and nodded. He put a hand on her shoulder. She winced involuntarily, but he didn't notice.
"Look I'm sorry," he pulled her up. "By the way I'm Johnny." She smiled and looked into his eyes.
Sirius could not believe it; here she was, flirting her head off with another guy right in front of him. He stalked off, throwing dirty glances at Susie. James hurried after him, waving at Susie.
"That your boyfriend?" he asked.
"Ex boyfriend," she corrected. "Sirius has gone back to dating every girl in this school, just to make me jealous." Johnny nodded and handed her half the pile of books.
"Here, lemme walk you to your next class," he said kindly. She smiled and graciously accepted, walking off with him.
Susie came into the common room, one night, after hours, where Lily and Sirius were sitting and quietly talking. Sirius had been talking about Susie, but immediately shut up when she came in. She looked absolutely exhilarated.
"Johnny just let me ride his broom," she said with a smile, running a hand through her hair.
"You've been awfully happy Susie, is something going on that I don't know about?" Lily asked.
"Oh, nothing really, he hasn't asked me out or anything. But he's really sweet and nice and funny and cute and..."
"Okay, okay I get it," Lily said with a laugh. She stood up then. "I'm gonna go to bed, I'm wiped." She threw a look at Sirius that said be careful. Then she went up to her dorm. This left Susie and Sirius alone in the common room.
"So," Susie said carefully. Sirius looked at her.
"How can you just date someone else?" he demanded.
"Me? First of all, I wouldn't be talking if I were you. Look at you, trying to date and sleep with every girl you see here. And second, I'm not even dating him!" she said angrily. He got up and began to pace.
"I don't sleep with any of them," he said slowly.
"Yeah right," she retorted.
"Want me to prove it?" he asked.
"Be my guest," she answered. He reached forward and pulled her up. Pressing her against the wall, he looked into her eyes.
"I swear, I haven't slept with any of those girls," he said. She blinked, closing her eyes.
"You still haven't proved it," she told him. He growled angrily and pressed his lips against hers, surprising her. At first she resisted him, but then she kissed him back and didn't even resist him when his tongue slid against her lips. When he started to reach up her shirt, she pulled back, turning her head to the side. Sirius groaned and Susie could feel his desire against her thigh. She looked scared.
"Sirius, I-," she started, but he silenced her again, turning her head back towards him and kissing her again. After a few more minutes, Sirius started to push Susie towards the couch, reaching under her robes to undo her jeans. She pulled herself away from him, wrenching herself out of his tight grip.
"Sirius, I'm sorry," she sobbed, as she fell onto the couch. Sirius looked at her and sat down next to her, soothingly rubbing her back.
"No, I'm sorry, I'm the one who went too far," he told her. After 20 minutes or so, Susie stood up.
"I'm going to bed, I'll see you in the morning," she told him.
The next morning, James came into the Common room where Susie was sitting for breakfast.
"Susie, Johnny's waiting for you outside." Susie stood up and waved bye to James and disappeared out the portrait hole. Sirius came down just as she disappeared out the hole.
"Where'd she go?" he asked, frowning.
"Off with Johnny," James answered.
"Damn! I'd think after last night, she wouldn't go off with him."
"Why, what happened last night?" James asked suspiciously. Sirius told him what had occurred between him and Susie. James frowned.
"Yeah, but what about that whole, you love her, but you're not IN love with her?" Sirius shrugged.
"Bull that I made up so I could get over her, but I can't!" James patted his shoulder.
"Try not to think too much about her that it distracts you. Full moon in 2 days." He left the room. Sirius ran a hand through his hair and was about to leave the portrait hall when he bumped into an attractive girl with green eyes and blonde hair, streaked with teal blue.
"Hi," she said. He looked her over.
"Hey," he said casually.
"So you're Sirius Black huh?"
"The one and only," he said with a grin, running a hand through his midnight black hair. "And you are?"
"Desire Watson," she said. (A/N: Prounounced Desiray, like that! I'm sure you knew that. Just making sure.)
"Nice to meet you. Did you know that your name means temptation?" he asked.
"Oh I know that, I'm your temptation," she said with a wink. Sirius chuckled and held out his arm. She took it.
"I like you," he told her, "wanna go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend?" She shrugged.
"Only if my cousin can get to go with James Potter," Sirius raised an eyebrow.
"He's gonna have to meet her," he told her, "and like her a lot, because he's like obsessed with Lily Evans." Desire frowned.
"The prefect?" Sirius nodded. "Don't worry, Brit's way better looking then her."
"Is she a blonde?" Sirius asked. Desire nodded. Sirius grinned. "I love blondes."
Desire looked thoughtful as they walked towards the breakfast hall. "But you dated Susie for a long time, and she's not a blonde."
"Uhm that was a different case, sort of. Let's not talk about her," he said.
James and Remus stared at Sirius as he escorted a blonde girl into the breakfast hall. Susie looked up at what they were staring at. Her jaw dropped as she saw the slutty looking blonde who was attached to Sirius' arm reach up and kiss him swiftly on the lips and then nod. Sirius grinned and leaned over to kiss her, knowing fully well that Susie was watching. She would regret the day she refused to take him back.
But she's doing it for your own good A little voice in his head said. She knows that you can't touch her without her shaking or wincing or pulling back. She's doing it for you, fool! Sirius shook his head, trying to clear his conscience out of his head. Then, letting go of Desire, he strode over to where his friends were. Remus was just shaking his head. He was looking quite pale. James had a frown on his face, but was silently eating his breakfast, and Susie had her head on the table. Lily was leaned over, trying to talk to her.
He sat down and put his shoes up on the table. Remus pushed them off.
"That's rude," he told him. Sirius shrugged. He looked at Susie.
"What's wrong with you?" he asked. She lifted her head weakly.
"Nothing," she snapped. Someone tapped her on the shoulder. It was Johnny. She lifted her head and gave him a weak smile. She stood up and he slipped an arm around her waist as they walked out of the dining hall. Johnny turned around and shot Sirius a look and then disappeared. Sirius was fuming.
"How dare he," he fumed, his fists clenching.
"Sirius Black, you have absolutely NO right to say that! Have you ever looked at yourself?" Lily scolded. Sirius shrugged and folded his arms over his chest.
"Tell me oh wise one," he said sarcastically.
"Take for example, that girl, well slut actually that you just snogged in front of all of Hogwarts," Sirius interrupted angrily.
"Hey, how dare you say things like that about Desire!" he said, raising his voice.
"I'm just telling the truth," Lily said with a shrug. "You think you're bad, I hear her bragging about whom she's bedded, name after name after name, she goes on. She only uses guys for sex and then she leaves them. That's all. Why do you think she decided to talk to you? Because you're the Hogwarts Casanova and she knows that once you two sleep with each other, one of you will dump the other and then brag about your bed conquests!"
"I think you've got it all wrong about Desire," Sirius said angrily.
"You'll see, mark my words Sirius Black, you'll get what's coming for you. I warned you, but you refuse to listen. She'll be in your pants after the first date," Lily retorted, getting up and stalking out of the Dining Hall.
A few days later, Susie came in from a date with Johnny. She sat down tiredly on the couch next to Lily, who was talking to Remus. Remus was sitting with Elisa in his lap and Sirius was snogging with Desire.
"Well we snogged for a while," she told Lily, "but I ended things. I told him that because of the rape, it was hard for me to get intimate with anybody and I didn't want that to hinder our relationship. We're still friends." She looked in disgust at Sirius, who was on top of Desire, snogging her. Everyone was ignoring them, but Susie just couldn't tear her eyes away from him.
James was walking down to Gryffindor Tower, when he was intercepted by a pretty blonde girl.
"Oh my gosh, James Potter, I can't believe it," she gushed. James grinned, his hand running through his unruly hair.
"Hey," he said.
"I'm Brittany Howard," she said, trying to compose herself.
"I take it you know who I am then, considering you knew my name before I knew yours," he said with another grin. She smiled.
"Well yeah. And Desire, Desire Watson? That's my cousin."
"Ah, the girl Sirius is with." Brittany nodded. They continued their small talk as they walked back towards Gryffindor Tower together. Stopping at the portrait, James said the password and it swung open.
The picture was very, very weird, well to James anyways. Lily was talking to a distracted Susie. Susie kept staring at Sirius. Sirius was on top of Desire, snogging with her. The only thing that didn't look out of place was Remus and Elisa; Elisa was sitting on Remus' lap and they were cuddling like they always did. And Vicky? Probably off with her new boyfriend. They always snuck out after hours.
"I'll see you later then," he told her, indicating at his friends. She reached up to give him a hug.
"It was nice meeting you," she told him as he wrapped his arms around her to return her hug. He noticed Lily staring at them. Susie waved her hand in front of her face.
"Lily, Lily," Susie called. She was lost in la-la land, well more like staring jealously at James as he hugged the blonde girl he had come in. What was with these guys and blondes??
James plopped down next to them, slinging an arm around Susie, in a friendly way of course.
"Hey ladies," he said smoothly, looking at Lily.
"Shouldn't you be off with you girlfriend?" Lily snapped. Susie looked surprisingly at Lily, who was staring at the floor.
"What's this? Lily Evans, jealous?" Susie asked with a chuckle. Lily scoffed, trying to cover up for her earlier slip up.
"Puh-leese. Don't get your hopes up Potter," she said, getting up and leaving.
"I hate when she does that," Susie commented. James nodded. Susie kept looking at Sirius out of the corner of her eyes. He had stopped snogging but she was sitting on his lap, and she kept touching his upper torso. Susie growled, quietly she thought, but not quiet enough.
"What's up Sus?" James asked.
"Nothing," she retorted quickly.
"Bull, I can tell you're lying, I've known you for years Susie, my dear, I think I'd be able to tell. Even when you were a kid, I could." He got up and helped her off the couch, dragging her out of the common room and up the stairs to his dorm. Then he sat her down on his bed and sat next to her.
"It has something to do with Sirius huh?" Susie nodded slowly. "Tell me what it is. I'm here to listen, since Remus is pre occupied with Elisa right now. I know you normally confide in him, but I'm his replacement tonight."
"Well," Susie said slowly, "It's just that ever since he started dating Desire, he LOVES to do stuff with her right in front of me. And it just makes me SO mad, I just hate that she gets him and I don't."
"Well Sirius has told me that he's begged for you back several times and you denied him each time. He was pretty angry about that." Tears sprung into her eyes.
"Why can't he understand that I'm doing it for him! I can't even be touched without flinching." James frowned at her.
"I think that's all in your mind. Whenever I touch you, you don't do anything. Now when you first came back, it was different, but not anymore. Lemme try something." He got up and quietly went behind Susie. Then he tapped her. She didn't do anything. He did it again. Then he grabbed her arm. Still nothing from her. Susie turned around, a huge smile on her face.
"James! I can, I mean, I don't flinch anymore!" She jumped up and jumped on James, knocking him over on to the floor. She was on top of him, giggling.
"This is great!" he exclaimed. She was still laughing.
"Thanks James, you did it. I don't flinch anymore, or draw back." The door to his dorm flew open and Sirius, with Desire attached to his lips, stumbled into the room. Then they tripped over the duo on the floor. Susie sobered up as Desire went stumbling over them.
"Ow!" James exclaimed as Desire's foot went into his side. Sirius accidentally kicked Susie in the ribs as he went flying over. Susie yelled out in pain. The couple landed on the floor next to James and Susie. Susie was still on top of James, holding her ribs and James was rubbing his side.
Sirius looked up, finally untangled from Desire. He noticed Susie on top of James.
"What the hell is going on?" he demanded. James sat up, rolling Susie off of him.
"Sirius, I-," she started excitedly. Sirius interrupted her.
"Why exactly were you on top of James?" he asked suspiciously.
"I was about to explain before you rudely interrupted me," she told him. He waved his hand, letting her continue.
"Well I was up here talking to James and he helped me realize that I don't flinch anymore when anyone touches me! Now I should be asking you the same thing. If you two needed some privacy, we'll leave," she said angrily, pulling James off the floor and storming out of the dorm.
Sirius stepped back from Desire, the moment ruined.
"I'll see you in the morning," he mumbled. She got up and left, rather huffily. He sat on the bed, thinking about what Susie had told him.
The next day, a Saturday, Sirius found Susie snuggled up on the sofa, reading a romance novel. She sniffed as she turned the page. Sirius chuckled to himself and headed over to where she was sitting. He plopped down on the couch next to her. She didn't even look up from her book.
"Susie," he called. She glanced up from the book. "How are you?" he asked casually.
"Leave me alone," she told him harshly. "Why aren't you off with Desire?" she asked, emphasizing Desire.
"I ended things with her," he said sheepishly. "Sent her an owl this morning, telling her why I was breaking up with her."
"And what'd you tell her?" He moved closer to her.
"That I only dated her to make you jealous," he said quietly.
You used to captivate me
by your resonating light
but now I'm bound by the life you left behind
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
"Why didn't you realize that I did that for you?? Couldn't you see that I just couldn't be with you, and you still thought you had to make me jealous!" She stood up and strode towards the portrait hole. Sirius followed her.
"Susie, please," he called after her.
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
but though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
"No don't 'Susie please' me. This is it Sirius! No more!" She stopped right in front of him and spun around. "You thought that I would just come running back to you, falling at your feet. You were wrong." He grabbed her arm and violently pushed her against the wall.
"Get the hell away from me Black, don't touch me," she yelled, struggling in his grip. He didn't release her, only picked her up and threw her over his shoulder, heading towards a broom closet. This had been one of the only ways he could talk to her. She saw the door of the broom closet.
"No Sirius! No!" she exclaimed, beating on his back with her fists. He practically threw her in, grabbing her wand and stuffing it in his robes. Then he locked the door. He looked where they were; they weren't in the broom closet from before.
"Susie," he called, hearing his voice echo. This wasn't an ordinary broom closet. Then, stumbling over a mop, he tripped and fell into a hole that had appeared in the floor. The hole closed up and he landed with an 'oof' on the floor.
It was dark and he pulled his wand out.
"Lumos," he said. A light appeared on the end of his wand. He held it up to see where he was. He noticed Susie sitting in the corner. He jumped back.
"Whoa, what the hell Susie?" he exclaimed.
"We're stuck in here," she said.
"Where are we?" She pointed at a plaque on the wall. Sirius went over to read it.
"I wasn't able to read it, cause I didn't have my wand!" she said angrily.
The plaque read 'You have now entered the Room of Remission. This is where you work out your problems. You will not be returned to where you originally were until you fix what you have broken. Only the strong help the weak ones. The weak ones just leave everyone behind.'
"Well this is just great," he muttered, raising his wand. He pointed his wand at a chandelier that hung from the ceiling.
"Incendio," he said, lighting the candles. The room lit up, revealing a stony looking room with no doors and no windows. There was a bed, a couch, and a few tables scattered around the room. Sirius gave Susie back her wand and she went over to inspect the plaque.
"Sirius, it says here that-,"
"I know," he interrupted, "we won't be returned till we work out our problems."
"No, it says that no time will pass between the times that we left until the time that we come back."
"That's kind of freaky."
"Yeah," she agreed, "now what?"
"Remission," he said simply.
Ahh the freakish room of remission. Well anyways, I'm off to write the next chapter now! Bye all!
Song: Snippets of My Immortal-Evanescence
REVIEWERS!
Shortiibabi: hehe thanks a lot! Lol ooh I'm glad you like it ) You're right, boys CAN be pretty dense! Don't worry, it'll end up working out in the end. Thanks for reviewing!
Moonlight1111: I'm sorry ( Don't worry, their gonna make up!! It's all gonna be better later! Yeah I know I do, but it's my fanfic ( But it's okay, I realize I did and I'm willing to admit that I altered his carefree rebelliousness to fit my story )
ZumZumZoo: Aww thanks and yeah, it's pretty sad writing them! ( Ack! Broken is one of the BEST songs EVER!!!!!!!
J'adoreblondie: Oooh! Thanks a lot!! ) I'll be sure to look into that!
Im-an-angel-in-disguise: Of course I did! I said I would, didn't I? Don't worry, Sirius was just bein a bit of a grouch! You know. Yes it's sad how easily moods can change at the striking of a tragedy. Thanks for updating )