Hello! This one's kinda long... xD

Post 71

I walked down the hall towards the Slytherin Common Room on the very last day of school with a jaunty spring in my step. Going back home after an enjoyable year at Hogwarts full of surprises and adventures.

And heartbreak.

It just occurred to me for the first time in the whole two weeks of examinations how much I missed him. I missed the nights we spent out at Hogsmeade, trying out some new dish from the Three Broomsticks, or trying on wacky costumes from the Wizarding Costume Shop or...

I sighed as I slowed to a leisurely stroll, full from breakfast.

"Hey Reine!"

During the first fleeting second, I was thinking of sighing exasperatedly and tell him to get lost, but it wasn't Sirius. It was James.

I turned to face him.

"Oh? James... what's up?" I replied conversationally.

"Can we talk?"

"Oh... sure," I replied, nodding.

"Let's go somewhere else... I can't breathe down here," he said, rather seriously.

He led me out of the dungeons, towards the entrance hall then out the double doors to the grounds. He took the path that led to the lake and walked leisurely, basking in the early morning sunrise.

"So what do you want to talk about?" I asked. Must be something about us. Even if my father has gone out from the picture, it still leaves his father.

"Sirius," he replied, looking at me through the corners of his eyes as we walked down the path.

"Did he kill himself?" I asked brusquely, remembering our encounter a few weeks ago.

James frowned in confusion slightly. "Well... not really-"

"Then did he tell you to talk to me?" I asked again.

"No! I wanted to talk to you because Sirius is my best friend and I care about his sanity," he said slowly.

I let out a small laugh. "Oh really?"

"Reine, can't you see?" He asked, his voice dead serious. I stopped laughing and looked up at him. "It's the last day of school. And after three months, Sirius still hasn't managed to get you back. Nothing like that has ever happened to him before."

"Well, too bad," I shrugged.

"Reine!" Said James a little more firmly. "He loves you, don't you get it? He truly does, why can't you see that?! He told me just last night that you meant the world to him and it would be his last chance to try to bring you back into his life today. Don't you care about him anymore?"

I looked away trying to think of something to say. "I just can't accept him if he can't be faithful enough."

"I know you still love him. I know girls. They don't just forget the ones they love that easily," he pointed out. "Reine look at me. He is going to try again sometime today and I don't want him to return feeling as though his life isn't worth living anymore. He told me he loved you more than life itself and he'd give up everything he had, even though it isn't much, to have you back in his arms. Reine... he cried that night..." he added in a voice I've never heard him use before. Full of concern and sympathy.

I froze when he said that. It can't be true. James is making all this up. Sirius crying? I could barely make up the image in my head. I sensed he could tell I wasn't taking this heavily enough.

"Reine, he did... and it was the first time I heard him cry, behind his curtains," said James. "He didn't know I heard him."

"You're so making this up... Sirius is over it, already," I told him.

James was exaggerating. Sirius had stopped trying to make us a couple again for quite some time. He seemed normal and happy enough. Just like he was a long time ago.

"Sirius doesn't show what he feels to the world, Reine," said James. "He doesn't want other people to think he's some poor, brokenhearted little boy. It's a mask! A mask he puts on in the presence of others."

"W-well... Relax, Sirius wouldn't do anything as foolish as kill himself," I assured him.

"He is severely heartbroken, Reine. It's a wonder if he can manage to scrape enough NEWTs to pass... People can do foolish things when they're heartbroken," he said with a solemn nod. "I just need to ask you one thing and you answer me truthfully, alright?"

I nodded hesitantly.

"Do you love Sirius or not?"

I didn't reply. I looked down at the sandy path. We were almost at the lake now, and a gentle breeze was blowing. I frowned to myself thinking of what to say. What should I say? Should I say what my heart is telling me to? Or what my mind is saying?

I was in denial with myself.

Deep down, I knew there will always be a place in my heart for him. But my mind has been forcing me away, feeding me with nasty thoughts of Sirius and Christella and so many bad things. But how could I deny the feeling, though it is fading, in my heart?

"Do you?" James prodded.

I nodded slowly. "Yes."

The tension between us lessened as he put a hand on my shoulder. "Reine..." He took a deep breath. "Do try to forgive. And if you find you can't do that, at least try to forget. Do what your heart thinks is right."

Do what your heart thinks is right. He turned to leave but then stopped just a second later, drawing out something from his pocket.

"Oh yeah... Sirius wanted me to give you this," he dropped a silver necklace with a curled heart pendant with the letter R in it. "I'll see you later then."

He left me standing there with the necklace in the palm of my hand. I looked down at it and a wave of feelings overcame me. Tears sprung to my eyes, hot searing tears. I dropped to the ground by the lake.

From within my shirt, I pulled out another silver necklace, the one with the letter S in it. What Sirius had given to me for Christmas. I never took it off. I didn't know why... I guess I wore it so long I just forgot it was there. I pieced the two pendants together. It fitted perfectly like it did the last time I put them together. It seemed like such a long time ago, though it had been less than a year.

James was right.

Everyone else was right.

I had been so wrong.

I fixed the necklace with the S back around my neck and slipped it under my shirt. I got up from the ground, glad that I had had that time by myself to think about my life. Gripping the other necklace tightly in my fixed, I made my way back to the castle.

That day, everyone was rushing about the common room, gathering all their belongings, excited that it was the last day of school. I packed all of my things into my trunk while thoughts beleaguered my mind, not letting me have a second of peace.

It was soon ten, and all students were to assemble in the Entrance Hall with all our trunks. I went there with Tina, who was very excited herself. Ready to go home and face the world.

All of us waited impatiently as all the students gathered. Professor McGonagall and Mr. Filch was letting the students in groups of five at a time for them to go into the carriages that will bring them to Hogsmeade train station.

I looked around for Sirius but it was almost impossible to find anyone in the crowd of students.

I got into a carriage with 3 other Slytherin students and Tina and we rode in silence all the way to the station, as various scenarios played themselves before my mind. It started to rain as we headed towards the station and the sky turned gray... it reminded me of the colour of Sirius' eyes...

Everyone rushed into the train, not wanting to get wet. And it left precisely at eleven.

Me and Tina entered an empty carriage. I wondered where Sirius was. I was actually waiting for him to come to me but I was soon having second thoughts as the train started chugging along the English countryside. Where was he?

I knew as soon as he stepped out of that station, he would be walking out of my life forever. I didn't want him to think that he could never be part of me anymore. I was ready to forgive and forget.

Tina had slept. The other two occupants in our compartment, a couple of second years we didn't know were chatting quietly to themselves. I took a deep breath. Maybe it's time I went to him instead.

Plunging my hand into my robe pocket to make sure it's still there, I got up and carefully went over the legs towards the compartment door. I looked up and down the compartment, dodging just in time as an over-excited first year dashed past with a fat green toad in his hand. To the back or the front?

I decided to go to the back of the train first, they always liked to sit back there. My heart thumped painfully in my chest with every step I took. Not knowing where they were sitting, every compartment I approached was filled with anxiety.

The rain lashed mercilessly on the windows of the train, and it gave a particularly shaky wobble. I steadied myself and continued down the train, peeking into each compartment to find people doing all sorts of things. One had everyone just chatting animatedly... the other had girls tying each other's hair... another had a couple making out... and a few others had people asleep or playing a game of exploding snap.

There was a sharp clap of thunder and I jumped slightly with a hand to my chest. I checked my pocket again to make sure it was still there. It was.

I walked on until I was in the last carriage of the train, I spotted their blurred figures through the stained glass and my heart gave a particularly nasty throb.

With a deep breath, I wrapped my fingers around the door's cold handle and pulled it open.

Silence fell upon the compartment like an invisible veil as each and every pair of eyes turned towards me. I smiled weakly, aware that it was trembling.

"Who wants to see what the snack lady's has left?!" Cried James suddenly, jumping to his feet.

"Me!" Piped Peter immediately.

"Me too!" Added Remus, putting down his book.

With a great shuffle, all three of them squeezed past me quickly out the door, looking as if it was rehearsed, leaving only one other person in the carriage, Sirius Black.