Disclaimer: I do not own yu-gi-oh

To: dear dead mum

From: your loving son

Re: why?

dear mum. heh. mum. haven't said that word in a long time. so how have you been. oh I forgot. you're dead. please forget my stupidity. it must be the beer. Yeah. beer. oh, did I forget to tell you? I'm drowning a whole six-pack right now. yes, you heard me correctly. your perfect little son is drinking beer. You would probably turn over in your grave if you knew. but, you cant know can you? would you even care? I wouldn't know. you left me and dad, then died before I knew you. why did you leave? did you get bored of me and dad? did a young fitness instructor catch your eye and you ran after him? guess we'll never know will we? but the question still haunts my dreams, eats me up inside. why?

To: the person formally know as mum

from: Ryou

Re: Truth

I guess you wonder why I am writing e-mails to a dead person who cant even write back. heh. I am wondering the same thing. but, I must admit that it is nice to get everything off my chest. for example, my so called friends. yeah, your perfect little son has friendship trouble. no one is perfect mum. not even me.

why don't I have friends mum? I bet that is what you are wondering. why don't I? I guess you don't know of the monster that lives in me. yep. there is someone else in me. someone call a doctor! he has gone nuts! he thinks he has something in him! Lock him up and throw away the key. yeah, I have those thoughts too. I wouldn't have this monster in me and I would have 4 nice friends that I could invite over for tea, if it wasn't for your hubby. yeah, dad gave me this. I bet you don't believe that I would ever blame your never-makes-mistakes husband to give me this. but he did. I bet now you think that I am a monster. blaming others for my mistakes. the real Ryou would never ever think of blaming others. that is what you would say if you saw how I act. you see, dearest mother, every day from the moment I wake up to the moment I lay back down to sleep, I must put on a deadly facade. I must act like nothing bothers me and that everything will be hunky-dory in the morning. but you see, mummy, that is not how I act on the inside. in the sanctity of my mind I can think how I want to think and act like I want to. you see, I am not very happy. in fact I am very much depressed. did you know I slit my wrists today? it felt nice to see all my pain, all my anger, slide down the bathroom sink. dark and crimson. heh. that seems to be the color of my life. but of course, how would you know that?

To: mummy

From: a stranger

re: gone

wassup mummy? this will be the last e-mail I sent you. I admit that letting my feelings out onto the computer screen was very pleasing, but I must say, that I did nothing to solve my problems. in fact, I think they heightened them by bringing them out into the open.

did you know if you mixed sleeping pills with alcohol you die? I do. the alcohol feels like liquid fire in my mouth. I am getting very sleepy. but I cant fall asleep until I get this all down. all of it. First of all, I still think you are a bitch for leaving, but now I know why.

dad lied to me. you never went away. you stayed right here and died slowly. you committed suicide.

why? why would perfect you, leader of the church congregation, den mother of the eagle scouts, volunteer at ever fucking soup kitchen, crack rehabilitation, and humane society, want to kill herself?

could it be we are not that different?

did you feel like the inside of you was a deep void that could not be filled?
did you think that there would be no end to the pain you suffered?
did you cry ever night before you went to bed?

well, I guess I will find out from you when I get there.

here I come mom.

your little boy is coming to see you.