Hello, my name is Lorelai...
Love
"Hello, my name is Lorelai..."
One second. One split second. She entered like a storm. She came straight to him, impulsive and wild with her long black hair, blown by the outside wind and he felt it.
It is the first thing - the only thing. He felt it once... it fills you, defines you, consumes you, it flows like molten pitch through your veins, it illuminates you, uplifts you... and now he felt it again. You think once that it burnt you, it will never burn you again. You are so wrong!
Her name, Lo-re-lai... like a song of an unseen exotic bird among forest trees.
" ... and I want coffee, please! Coffee, pretty please"
For the first time he looked straight in her eyes... starry blue eyes like the sky on warm nights of summer. He felt like the breeze over the waves of the ocean.
All he could tell her was to wait her turn. She didn't listen and she just kept talking and talking: inn... Sookie... illness... caffeine frenzy... and she followed him everywhere, and he only wanted to tell her to stand still and shut up.
And then she smiled at him. Just like that! And he couldn't speak anymore! He looked at her and everything around him melted.
"Please give her coffee and she will go away"
And he snapped back to reality! He didn't want her to go away! The unexpected power of these new feelings reminded him of somebody else...
Sadness
Rachel. He hid her in his Dark Side, so that no one could ever find her not even him… and so a bit of original magic of their relationship might have been lost. It was long time ago (an eternity he might say), but even now he could hear her whispers or feel her perfume in his apartment.
He felt the touch of her thoughts and only in that moment he truly became aware of her fears, her unreadiness, but also of her deep love for him. Knew what had happened.
"Fear not" he said to her but it was too late. She already chose to leave, so he never had time to tell her how much he loved her. It was one of those life-altering events and he then realized what it means to enter inside of loneliness. There is nothing louder and suffocating than the silence of an empty home.
So, alone in his truck he ran away from home. He saw it as a solution, the only solution to survival.
"Give. Me. Coffee!"
Fearless
And once again he chose to ignore her, curiously waiting for her reaction. With a pouty face, in the middle of the dinner, she took a newspaper from one table and she asked him.
"When is your birthday?"
It was his turn to remain dumbfounded - in the middle of the dinner, with the coffee pot half empty in his hand - completely taken by surprise by her question. He wouldn't tell her. She wouldn't stop talking. Finally, he gave in and told her his birthday. Then she opened up the newspaper to the horoscope page, wrote something down, tore it out and handed it to him.
Completely amazed, he looked at that piece of paper, where under Scorpio, she had written few words.
"You will meet an annoying woman today. Give her coffee and she'll go away"
Inside himself, he smiled.
Love has too many faces and shadows and rooms. Love isn't always a warm fuzzy feeling. Love can leave us cold. It can be tough and sometimes cause irreparable damage because we love imperfectly. Sometimes we can even love too much. That can be worse than not loving.
Maybe that is what it means to attain what not everyone can - we choose love, love doesn't choose us. That's what matters, and it's something we all have to accept.
In that moment, he knew that his body and soul were at the beginning of a beautiful song. He knew that he wasn't afraid... not anymore, he was fearless and strong.
So when he saw her later, running down the street, bumping into people, with the coffee cup in her hand, mumbling about inn, Sookie and food... all he could say was:
"Hello, my name is Luke..."