Reading Between the Lines
by Dreamality
The final collection of drabbles that I wrote following the episode "Confidence Man."
Disclaimer: Lost and all related characters, settings, plots, etc. belong to J.J. Abrams and ABC. I claim no ownership and make no money from this venture.
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Punctual (Kate POV)
"Don't you feel sorry for me"
Was it a question? Was it a statement? Maybe a warning? Did it need a period at the end, or a question mark, or perhaps an exclamation mark? Kate didn't know, and even though it seemed a trivial matter, she couldn't stop thinking about it after she had left the tent with Sawyer's angry shouts following her as she retreated.
Don't you feel sorry for me? If it were a question, the answer was yes. Kate felt terrible for him for too many reasons to name. She felt sorry that he had been tortured for no reason and she felt sorry that his mother and father were dead. She felt sorry that he felt the need to push everyone away and she felt sorry that he seemed beyond redemption.
Don't you feel sorry for me. If it were a statement of fact, that would make sense, too. Kate was sure her pity was quite evident on her face. Since Sawyer didn't seem the type to enjoy being pitied, she hoped it hadn't been a statement. She didn't want Sawyer to know the extent to which she pitied him. She didn't want him to see how much she cared and how badly she wished she could help him. Sawyer must not get the upper hand. Of that Kate was sure.
Don't you feel sorry for me! A warning seemed most likely. As in, do not feel sorry for me because I do not need your sympathy. Sawyer was proud, too proud, and even when there were people around him who wanted to do the right thing and wanted to extend a hand of friendship, he kept them at arm's length or pushed them away altogether. If Sawyer had glimpsed Kate's feelings he would have been angered to the point of rage and warned her not to feel such things. It was too late, though, because Kate had read the letter. Kate had seen his tortured soul drawn out in childish scrawl on a wrinkled piece of lined paper.
It was probably a mixture of the three, Kate decided after much deliberation. After all, as Sawyer himself had put it, he was a complex guy.
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An Issue of Trust (Kate POV)
"I can't think of a better person to do it than the only one I trust."
As Sayid walked away with his backpack slung over one arm, Kate wanted to yell a million things at his retreating back. None of them ever made it out of her mouth. Sayid was a frown man and Kate felt foolish for worrying on his behalf, yet she could not shake the feelings of anxiety she had as she watched him walk away, alone on the beach, his footsteps leaving the only evidence of his presence.
Sayid was a proud man, just as Sawyer was, but he showed it in more subtle ways. Rather than acting hard and keeping everyone at bay, Sayid showed his pride in the way he spoke, the way he carried himself, the way every movement seemed to be part of an intricate dance. Kate admired his self-assurance, his confidence, and the fact that he masked his aloofness so well.
Sayid was not cocky, as Sawyer was, but they did share the similarity of keeping their distance from everyone around them. Kate hated that. She wanted to get closer to Sayid, to get to know him and find out how this man worked, what he thought about, and what his past was like. Yet he pushed her away, gently of course, but firmly. No matter how she tried, Sayid remained an enigma. Someone to be admired from afar but never touched or seen close up.
Now he was walking away from her, and while his kiss on her hand had been tender, his eyes had remained closed to her. The drapes were shut so she could not look within and find his soul. Sayid did not trust her, Sayid did not trust anyone except himself, and as much as Kate wished it to be different, her chance to change that was gone. Sayid was walking away, and she might never again have the chance to get any closer to Sayid.
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The End.
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