Chapter Two

It hadn't started out as a night of passion. It had started as a night of tentatively restoring a friendship. She had seen him at the Pogue…and was surprised to see him. Since the plane crash, he had hidden himself away…in her self-absorption, she hadn't noticed that he and Devan had become a couple. Devan's death had hit him hard. Too much death had occurred in his life…his mother, his dad…now Devan. Jordan hadn't known about it all at the time, but that night, after a few beers, he loosened up. He told her everything.

And he couldn't imagine why he did it. Except that through his losses, realized that something was missing in his life. Her. And while he had no great expectations of renewing anything remotely romantic with her, he did hope to restore their friendship. On some level, he realized he needed her in his life.

She had to close up. He waited on her. He had never liked her walking out of the bar by herself. Her old El Camino wouldn't start. He gave her a ride home. She invited him up for coffee. To be honest, she was afraid to leave him alone. He seemed desolate. Lost. Alone. Just as alone and empty as she was. He followed her upstairs. And she put the coffee on.

They were sitting on the couch, waiting for the coffee to stop brewing, talking. Chatting really. About inconsequential stuff. She wasn't sure why it happened, but suddenly she realized they were sitting very close. She could smell his cologne…feel the warmth of his skin through his shirt. And his blue eyes were looking down into hers.

Sometimes the truth comes upon you gradually, like realizing there's no Santa Claus. And sometimes it rears back and smacks you between the eyes with the force of a two-by-four. That's what happened to Jordan that night….she realized she loved this man….and as scary as love was, for her it was less scary with Woody. He was hurting…in pain, and all she could think of was that because she loved him, she wanted to alleviate some of that pain. She had reached out and gently took his hand, told him everything was going to be okay…that he was going to be okay. They both were.

"I don't know, Jordan. About you and me, that is….being okay. We've both lost so much…parents, friends. How do you fill up the holes they leave in your life? How do you really go on? I wonder if there really is hope for us."

That had shocked her. Woody was the eternal optimist. Or so it seemed. Now he appeared as conflicted as she did. "All I know, Woody, is at the end of the day, you survive. What you make of your survival is up to you. You can become bitter, or you can accept the good with the bad that life throws at you and concentrate on the good," she replied.

He had thought for a moment and nodded. "Is that what you do, Jordan? Concentrate on the good?"

"I try…but I feel really bad about the way I've treated you …. And Devan. Devan told her mom I had been a great friend to her. Truth was, I blew her off. She seemed too eager. And somewhere along my way, I blew you off one too many times, too. And now…well, you're not exactly gone…but things aren't the way they were, either."

He had given her a half-cocked grin and said, "It's my fault, too. I got kind of harsh with you, too. Maybe…maybe we've just both taken for granted that at the end of the day, we'd be there for each other….Maybe…"

He had gotten no further. Who reached for whom first, was really a moot point. All Jordan remembered was his lips were on hers and this time, she didn't pull back. Unlike that kiss so long ago in California, there was no hesitation, no second thoughts.

And he had expected her to pull away from him in a manner of seconds. So when she gently nipped his lower lip with her teeth and slid her tongue in beside his, he realized…she is serious. His arms had gone around her and she had wrapped hers around his neck. And then the coffeemaker beeped.

It had brought Jordan enough to her senses to partially stop kissing him and ask, "Coffee?" as he had licked a trail down from her ear to her neck. He had looked her in the eyes and said "No…that's not what I want or need right now...and neither do you." He picked her up in his arms and purposefully carried her to the bedroom. Then with exquisite slowness he had undressed her…kissing her and softly touching her until she was bare beneath him. Only then had he discarded his own clothes….

And neither one had thought about anything else but each other until the next morning. She had woken up with his head on her breast, her arms around him, as if she was trying, even in sleep, to ease some of his hurt away. He looked better…relaxed. But after last night, she was still boneless herself. He had pushed her until she thought she could go no further, and then held her close as she climaxed, gently stroking her hair and back as she came back down to earth, finally collapsing on top of her and surrendering to sleep.

The next morning….it had hit them both like the proverbial ton of bricks about what had happened. "Are you sorry, Jordan?" he had asked, avoiding her eyes.

"No," she had whispered. "I'm not…are you?"

He had smiled, but the smile didn't reach his eyes. "I don't think so…but I still think it's too soon for me to say anything I may not mean. I care for you Jordan. I really do. At one point in my life, I could have told you I loved you…but now, I've lost so much…I couldn't bear to think what would happen if I told you I loved you and then you pull away again."

It had been on the tip of her tongue to tell him there was no way that she was going to let him go again…she had learned her lesson…she desperately wanted him…when he had abruptly gotten up, reached for his trousers and started getting dressed. She had sat there in the bed, sheets clutched to her chest, watching him. He had gone to the bathroom to brush his hair when it had hit him…no condom. They didn't use a thing last night – at least none he was aware of. And he had been copiously aware of her body enough to know she had no birth control patch on.

He had confronted her. She had told him no…she had used nothing…she had nothing to use….there had been no men in her life…and besides, the doctors had told her that her body's fertility cycle was slowing down already….and she wasn't in her fertile part of the month, anyway. No worries.

He had narrowed his eyes and looked at her closely, but she had already gotten out of bed and was pulling her clothes on. She didn't want him to remember her sitting in the bed, nude, pining for him. Goodbyes had been awkward.

"See you soon, Jo," he had said. "And if something does come of this, I need to know."

She had smiled at him and simply said, "Don't worry."