Disclaimer: Nothing mine. Everything belongs to Susan E. Hinton, But, well, if she could lend me Soda for some days (or years), I would be grateful...
ONE SHOT
Ponyboy/Johnny - meaning there will be slash...
From the stars
"It's not that easy to hide all this love I was, and still am, feeling for him.
Maybe there are people who won't understand why I fell in love with you. You were always so quiet, so shy, so afraid... But you weren't really this way. You could read me as an open book. You knew all my fears and you helped me fight them all away.
I didn't fall in love with a timid, shy greaser. I loved my best friend.
I would have loved to erase from your memories all those tears you ever shed because of all those people who made you suffer.
I would love to caress your face, just to show you that there are people who love you from the deepest part of their hearts.
I regret now that I wasn't brave enough to admit my love. I had many chances, but... Ah, I was a coward! I didn't take any of them. I was scared of what you may say, terrified that maybe you wouldn't let me watch your body, hear your voice...
Now... Now it's too late. I won't be able to confess what I'm feeling for you. You won't be able to listen to my words. Because you're not in this world anymore.
There was a time in which there was nothing I wanted more in the world than following you.
I wished for my death to wander with you for eternity. To keep knowing about you. To take care of you.
But I'm afraid you'll have to wait a bit more. I'm not ready to go yet. I'm not ready to leave my siblings alone, because, of that I'm sure, they would suffer if I were to go with you.
Will you forgive me? Probably... You always forgive everyone. You're way too good, too gentle. Too beautiful for this world.
Sometimes, many times, I find myself thinking about you as if you were still here, by my side. As if I could feel your dark gaze on my eyes. As if I could feel your hand in my shoulder at this very moment.
Then I close my eyes and try to convince myself that you ARE here, by my side. That you're never going to leave me alone."
Ponyboy left the pen over the notepad for a moment and took in his hands the book that rested aside.
"Gone with the wind"
He smiled shyly and took the pen again.
"I'm still trying to read pass that moment in which the southern gentlemen walk to the battle knowing they can't win.
Thinking about it, I don't know if I'll be able to read throught that part. Maybe I don't want to lose a southern gentlemen. Maybe I don't want to lose you again.
I want to think that somewhere out there Johnny is waiting for me. Waiting just to watch a movie, a sunset, or maybe just to watch the stars...
I wonder if you can watch me from the stars..."
Ponyboy left the pen again and sat on the window, watching the shiny white spots lightening Tulsa's night.
He sighed.
'What are you thinking about?' a voice behind him asked.
The red-head shrugged.
'Just looking at the stars. That's all'
Silence made its way through the room.
'Do you think they're watching us?'
Soda blinked, confused.
'Who?'
The younger one sighed again and burned a cigarrete.
'Don't worry. It's just... that I'm feeling a bit sad'
'I think they're looking after us from up there. All of them' Darry whispered.
Pony turned around to find his oldest brother leaning against the door.
'Maybe they're even watching us right now. Mom, Dad, Dally, Johnny... They're listening. Dad's probably laughing...'
He slowly walked towards his brothers.
'Do you really think he could hear me?' he asked blushing lightly.
Darry looked sweetly at him messing up his hair.
'Of course he does. Johnny was a great listener. Why should that change now?'
The red-head beamed instantly.
'Can I... Can I go outside for a bit?'
'All right. But don't go too far, and if you were to see something weird, come back quickly'
He nodded and ran out of the room with his notepad.
Soda was eyeing Darry with a funny face.
'Do you REALLY think they're up there?'
'Dunno' he admited. 'But if it makes Poni better to believe it, I will move heaven and earth to make it this way'
They sat on the bed side by side.
'Still loves him' Soda said.
'I know'
'Johnny loved him back'
'I know'
'I wish they could be together now. They made a nice couple. They deserved it'
"I cried out your name, clamouring my love for you for the first time.
I hope you could hear me.
It was worth of it, because my heart feel lighter, as if a big weight has disappeared.
Now I know you're ok, Johnny. I guess everybody is looking for you up there.
My heart won't stop loving you. Can't help it, and I guess I don't want to, either. I want to keep you here inside my heart. Always.
I'll stay here, wandering between the people, with your name on my lips.
Maybe I'll date somebody. I don't know, that's why I'm asking you to forgive me now.
Because, come what may, you'll always be my true love. But I need to feel cared for.
I need to feel you in my arms. I wish you could revive again and be here, by my side...
But I know you can't. That's why I'm here now, expressing this love I'm feeling for you, to ask you to wait for me if you love me. To tell you no matter how far away you are from me, my heart cries out your name with every beat.
Because I love you, Johnny.
N/A: An Outsiders One-Shot, short and mushy to the extreme.
I wrote it in a hurry at night. Well, enjoy (if you like it. If not... well, enjoy too).
Please, review this fic, it won't take too long and I'm really looking forward to it! .
Translation: Sorelina - Thank you; it wouldn't have been possible without you! (Zekhen)