Chapter Eleven

Noel was crying and wouldn't stop. She had cried so much that she had the snubs. And Woody was beside himself, not knowing what to do.

Jordan had to work a double that night. She had called him and asked if he could keep Noel. Of course, he said yes. It had been a good afternoon, but a shaky evening. Noel was fussy with her bottles. She wouldn't eat. Finally, around ten o'clock, she started crying. He had burped her, walked her, tried to feed her again…changed her diaper. Nothing would satisfy her. Another ear-splitting round of cries broke the short silence in the apartment. Finally, in desperation, he dialed Jordan's cell phone.

"She's been crying for a couple of hours…I can't get her to stop. Any suggestions?" he asked, gently rocking Noel back and forth while cradling the phone between his cheek and shoulder.

"Have you taken her temperature?"

"No…how do I do that? Please tell me I don't have to hold a thermometer under her tongue…or stick it somewhere…"

Jordan chuckled. "No…there's an ear thermometer in the medicine chest in my bathroom. Use it. The directions are on the side of the box."

"It's 103.2," Woody said a few minutes later coming back to the phone. "What do I do?"

Jordan felt a rush of panic spread through her body. "Talk her to Boston Children's Hospital's emergency room. I'll meet you there."

The doctor looked Noel over and checked her vitals. "Well, Mom and Dad…Congratulations…baby has her first earache."

Jordan and Woody looked at each other dumbfounded. "You mean she makes that much noise over an earache?" Jordan asked.

"You would, too, if you'd never had one before," the doctor replied, writing them a prescription for an antibiotic. "Give her a dropperful four times a day…and a dropperful of children's liquid ibuprofen along with it for pain and fever. If she's no better in 48 hours, I will be seeing you again."

An earache. A damn earache…

Woody drove home with Noel and Jordan followed behind. They both collapsed once they reached the apartment. "I can't believe all of that panic was over an earache," Woody said, chuckling at the now sleeping Noel. He had gotten the first dose of antibiotic and ibuprofen in her without much trouble.

Jordan smiled. "Yeah… and you handled it just fine, Woody."

He nodded. "All I could think about was her….how much pain she was in. I just wanted her to feel better…"

"And it worked…look at her now. You're going to be a whiz with PMS in a few years…"

That statement startled Woody back into reality. Noel wasn't going to be a baby forever. She would grow up…and become a woman. Did he want another man helping raise her?

Did he want another man having his arms around Jordan? Hell, no, he thought, watching her as she checked Noel one more time. At least at three months, Noel was finally sleeping through the night. And looking more like her mother everyday. He would have to fight the boys off by the time she was sixteen…His thoughts kept getting more and more uncomfortable. He knew Jordan would never deny him a place in his daughter's life. But where would that place be if another man entered the picture? "Say, Jordan," he asked, "Mind if I sleep here tonight?…I'm bushed."

"Sure…make yourself at home."

He had slept over quite a few times since Noel had come home from the hospital, but not lately….not since she had started sleeping through the night. He rationalized with himself that he was staying tonight because Noel was sick. At least that was what his head was telling him. His heart was telling him something altogether different. Jordan threw him a pillow and some blankets….he guessed the couch was his. He should have expected it.

What else was there to expect with things the way they were?

Damn.

The weeks were sliding by fast…Noel grew quickly. Woody would often find her with Jordan in her office on the weekends or at night. Jordan had this pouch thing she would wear around her with Noel in it. It would allow Jordan to keep her hands free and still let Noel what was going on a round her.

Woody was still finding his bearings…his place as a father. Although he often wondered at the legacy of abuse his father had left him, he didn't worry about it like he did before. He didn't know if he had forgiven his father, as Cal had admonished him to do, but he was putting his past in perspective. The secrets he had kept buried deep within him were out. He swore his daughter would not bear the same ones.

And he was a doting dad. He loved Noel completely and was totally at her mercy. Jordan was right…Noel had him wrapped around her little finger before she could even say "Dada." Oh, God, and heaven help us when she does, Jordan often thought, watching the two together.

She was no longer concerned with Woody's ability to parent. That was crystal clear. He was a good parent. The issue that was cloudy was what place did Jordan play in his life, other than his child's mother. They still worked together…still had the joking banter…and they saw each other after work…with Noel. Jordan wasn't sure how Woody felt about her any longer. That night…nearly a year ago at her apartment, he had told her that once he could have loved her….before Devan. But now….now she wasn't sure. And being the progenitor of his daughter did not make her his sweetheart.

So for now, she was going with the flow. Parenting with Woody….working…being a mom. And was fairly content with the hand that life dealt with her until one day she was working with a new detective…Jeff Chrispens. "Hey, you're Hoyt's wife, aren't you?" he asked, after they had secured the homicide scene.

"His wife? No. I mean, we have a child together, but I'm not his wife."

"Oh, you're his girlfriend?"

Jordan paused for a moment. "No. Not his girlfriend, either. We parent Noel together. That's about it."

Jeff took the information in and said nothing else about it for the rest of the time they were on the scene. Later that day, he came over to the morgue to pick her Jordan's reports. "So…Dr. Cavanaugh…"

"Please. Call me Jordan."

"Jordan. Do you think that maybe we could go out for a drink after work tonight…get to know each other better? I mean, I'm new here to the Boston PD and really new to this town…"

Jordan looked at him for a beat. She hadn't been asked out on a date since…since before Woody landed in Boston and stole her heart. Only she wasn't sure what he was doing with it now. It had been a long time….and Noel was staying with Lily tonight…. Jordan was getting a welcome break. Finally, not really thinking of any excuses, she said, "Yes. That would be nice."

"There's a new tavern over off of Fifth. Want to try it out?"

Knowing that if she brought another man into the Pogue, word would quickly get out, she agreed. "I'll meet you there," she told him.

And she did. She left work, went home, showered, changed into a nice outfit, and met Jeff for drinks. They talked, laughed, and played a couple of games of pool. Nothing extra ordinary…nothing special. Just a nice night out…something that Jordan hadn't really had since she had gotten pregnant.

She didn't realize how much she needed it until she was on her way home. You know, a voice in her head told her, you could do this more often. Woody could keep Noel and let you do this every couple of weeks. But she knew she was lying to herself. For as much as she enjoyed the night with Jeff, he wasn't Woody. And when he had leaned in to give her a kiss goodnight, Jordan had found herself pulling away…just letting him brush his lips with hers.

Jordan drove back to her apartment and went to put her key in the lock when the door swung open. Woody was standing there, his hair in a million directions, the knot in his tie loosened, and the top two buttons of his shirt undone. "Where have you been?" he asked, nearly shouting at her.

"I went out for a few drinks with a friend."

"Who?"

"A friend, Woody."

"Jeff?"

Jordan sighed and pushed past him into the apartment. Dropping her purse and keys on the counter, she turned to face him, arms crossed defiantly across her chest. "Yes."

"How do you think that looks?"

"Woody, I don't care how it looks," she said, now nearly shouting herself. "He asked, I said yes. That's all."

"Do you know he came back to the office after he asked you out and told nearly everyone?"

"No. I didn't. He's a friend and he asked me for drinks…that's all Woody. Lily has Noel tonight and I haven't been out in forever. I thought it might be fun and it was. And that's all it is."

Woody ran his hand through his hair and whirled around from her, pacing to the other side of the apartment. "Jordan," he finally said, in a quieter voice, "how do you think that makes me feel?"

"You?"

"Yeah. Me." He turned back to face her. "Didn't you think it would bother me?"

"I'm sorry, Woody. No. I didn't."

"Jordan, you're the mother of my child. We have a relationship…"

"No. We parent together. I haven't heard a word about us since the night I invited you up for coffee."

He walked over to her and ran his hands down her arms. "Don't you think that means anything?"

She pulled away from him. "I don't know…you haven't said anything…I didn't think you were interested in me anymore, other than being the mother of Noel."

"Jordan…if I wasn't interested, why would I worry about you so much?"

"I'm the mother of your child…"

Woody shook his head. "You're more than that, Jordan. I can't handle the thought of you being with another man."

"Then why haven't you said anything?"

"I didn't think I deserved to…I mean, you went through Noel's pregnancy mostly by yourself. And the birth. Then the C-section. I kind of waffled out on everything because I was dealing with my father…and what he did to me…and what that may possibly mean to Noel."

She went over and put her hands on his arms. "Woody…you deserve whatever you want…"

"Then I want you, Jordan. I don't just want you as the mother of my child… I want you. I've missed you…"

"But I've been right here. All you had to do was let me know…"

"You mean…you still care for me…after everything…Devan…running from the pregnancy…."

"Woody, I love you….I've never stopped. I knew it before Devan came on the scene…I just didn't know how to tell you. We've been through so much, I wasn't sure if you still felt the same, or even if you could love me," her head was lowered and her hair was in her face, so Woody couldn't see her eyes. Gently, he reached out, put his fingers under her chin and raised her face to his.

Swallowing hard, he said, "We've wasted so much time…"

"Well, that's what keeping secrets will do to you, you know. You're so busy trying to keep them secret, you can't live your life."

Woody pulled her to him and softly pressed a kiss to her hair, then her cheek, then lightly brushed her lips with his. "Then I suggest we don't keep anymore secrets…."

Jordan couldn't reply…his lips were on hers and she forgot about everything else but him…"Hmmm?" was all she could manage.

"Hmmm?" Woody teased back, pulling her jacket from her shoulders…. "So Lily has Noel tonight?"

"Until late tomorrow afternoon. Said she wanted to give me a break…and a chance to rest."

"I'm not sure how much rest you're going to get, Dr. Cavanaugh," he said, now working with the buttons on her shirt.

"Probably as much as you're going to get, Detective Hoyt," she replied, sliding his tie the rest of the way off and attacking the buttons on his shirt.

Woody smiled down at her. "No more secrets…between us, okay?"

Jordan nodded and lifted her face for another kiss. No more secrets about their past…or the present….just time to live their lives…together.