Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. Kenshin. And Battousai. In a drama. Separate people, or separate areas of consciousness, as if they were born at different times or something. Can anything be more annoying?
I think yes.
Kenshin 'turns' Battousai instantly, several times, for no good reason. (Once again, people, this only applies to fics attempting to be serious, parodies and humor off-limits)
Would Kenshin's eyes turn 'yellow' (they're amber!) because Sano accidentally knocked him over? Would he have an argument with Battousai's spirit in his body because Yahiko lost his Shinai? NO on both counts my friends. Why do people do it? Let's watch and see, shall we?
Today's episode of torture includes:
Kenshin and Battousai arguing!
And actually separate people!
Kenshin 'turning' Battousai at the drop of a hat!
Yellow eyes at every turn!
And…
More bad spelling/grammar!
Absolutely no plot!
Or proper dialogue!
More character bashing!
More MS placing!!
And the worst, most obnoxious A/N's you have EVER read!!!!
THIS IS A PARODY!!!!
Delving into the grotesque mind of P. C. A. E. I give you…
Your Archetypical Kenshin/Battousai split!!
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Kenshin and BATTOUHSAIBy PeRfeCt ChiBi AnGeL EliSA
A/N Hey, wazzzzzup, my peeps! I'm SOOOO happy with ALL of the RevIEWS I'm getting! Who knew id be so popular! I hit the 4000 mark today!! Woo hoo! But you have to review this one too, or else I won't write n e more, bihatchs! And don't forget to lay off the hot bee shiiis, you hos. Their mine!!waaaai! ^-^
Kenshin and battouhsai were doing the laundry, only they are stucked in the same body!!!! Then kaoru walked out, and Kenshin though 'oh, I should go get the tofu and battouhsai thought she's so ugly, lets kill her!! They got in an argument and ended up punching eachother! Then kaoru wiped them in the head with her stupid wood sword thing and said
KENSHIN GET BACK TO WORK really loud and it hurt everyone's ears.
This made him even madder, so he went superbattosai, and his eyes turned golden, and he chopped off her head becuz he flipped his revers blade sword around. When she dies, Yahiko cheered. Then kensHin returnd to noramal and said ORO, and thought to battosai why'd you do that, you shouldn't have killed her!
Then they both shrugged.
When sano came back, the ruroni side and the batosai side were stopped arguing, and they was doing the laundry. 'hi sano said ruroni. Stupid rooster said batosai. Sano just shrugged and said hi batosai and ruroni. Hi Kenshin.
Then the birds started singing and a shaft of sunlight beamed down upon the entrance of the dojo, where a beautiful girl stood. Her ankle length blonde hair glistened in the sun, and her long eyelashes brushed her sparkling cheeks. She was so beautiful, Battousai wanted to go and kiss her, and ruroni actually did too. Kenshin ran and opened the gate and said 'hi eliza, you are so beautiful, so much more beatufil than stupid koaru, will you marry me?
Then eliza said in her melodious voice 'yes I will, koishi." Then Battousai took over and his eyes turned yellow and he said "come to bed with me' and then she giggled and went with him, and sano was left staring jealously.
The next morning…..
Elisa woke up to the sun on her face and a warm lump next to her. She sighed happily and shook Kenshin awake. His eyes were purple again, and he looked around and said 'oro'?
Then he turned bright red and ran away to do the laundry.
That was fun! Said abttousai
How embarrassing said the rurouni
Im glad we're getting married said Kenshin
Then when they were walking to the market, a thug grabbed eliza and tried to take her away. His breath smelled like alcohol. Eliza screamed "help kenshin! Save me!!" tears dropped to the ground. Kenshin whipped out his reverse blade sword. ' don't touch my woman' he growled. The thug laughed and said "whats a shrimp like you gonna do to me"? then Kenshin turned inot batosai and killed him easily. haha
At the wedding, everyone came including heko, Yahiko, the ice bitch tomo (who was jealous of eliza and died) sojiro, miaso, Aoshi, sano, Megami, and even yummi came. All of the guys (Aoshi sano sojiro and Enishi) were jealous of Kenshin//Battousai.
Sojiro: I wnt 2 marry her 2!
Misao: y dont u marry me?
Aoshi: cuz ur my wife.
Misao: oh yeah lolz
Enishi: I wish tomo didn't die of jalousy. Oh well
Heko: go stupid apprentice!
Megami: I wish I was as pretty as eliza is. No one else is!
Sano: we'll ur good enuff for me ::kisses her::
Chou: why am I here?
When they got married, the pink Sakura flowers blew all around and eliza looked radiant in a pink silk kimono a with light blue patterns of Sakura on the hem, her shinny blond hair flowing frelly around her and Kenshin, and Her Prussian blue Eyes sparkld prettly on the slight pink of her checks. Then after they exchanged rings, they ran back to the dojo and shut she sougi Then everybody laughed,and went home, because they saw how kenshins eyes were yellow.
!@#$%^&*(THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #$%^&*(
A/n: I hope everyone liked it!! Lolz!!! Hahahahahahahah! ^-^. Review me or die! Im not above begging!!!!!! You suck, I rule!! Hahahahah lolz. Jk.
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Please excuse me while I empty my stomach of this week's contents.
Doesn't anyone know that Kenshin and Battousai are NOT SEPARATE PEOPLE? They're just not. Battousai isn't an individual entity, and the Rurouni isn't a person living in his head. The hitokiri and rurouni are part of Kenshin's soul, who he is. I really hate it when people make it seem like they're two people sharing one body. It's all Kenshin, ladies. (and gentlemen.)
And another thing: Kenshin's eyes don't turn amber at every little nuisance, if you hadn't noticed. (parodies and humor are the exception to these rules, as usual) It takes something MAJOR for him to let go of the rein on his inner demon; no stupid thug will do it, no sir. And I've always hated the damsel in distress bit, anyway.
Yeah, again with the spell check and grammar check. And 'lolz' is possibly THE most annoying word anyone has every come up with. Please, for our sanity's sake, don't use it people. (What's it supposed to stand for, anyhow? Laugh Out Loud Z….ebra? Zest? Zealand? Zymogene?)
Screenplay format is usually NOT a good way to go. Besides, going like this:
Mr. Smith: blah blah
Mrs. Smith: blah blah
isn't screenplay format ANYWAY. I know, my dad's a screenplay writer. For drama or any serious genre, please stick to true story formatting.
Don't forget the usual suspects: don't character bash, don't MS, have some plot, use paragraphs, don't be OOC, don't be too cliché, etc. We've been over these things, people. Show some effort in those fics!!
Oh yeah, I'd just like to note frothing KK fans and frothing KT fans alike: don't bash each other! Tomoe is not an ice bitch, (she's the most heroic character in the series) Kaoru is not an immature brat, (she's built a family in her dojo, after all) and you do not have to fight over it! Instead of flaming because you don't like Tomoe, or someone bashed Tomoe, let's concentrate on flaming OOCness and retarted people like PCAE. If we band together, we can bash them into oblivion!
Hn… I can't think of anything more to lecture on, so see you later. ::walks away. Overhead projector is still on::
ESP
P.S I am above begging for reviews, thankyouverymuch. Couldn't hurt if you did, though. I love to see you're guys' opinions and what not.
P.P.S I recommend reading Against a Sea of Troubles by Haku Baikou for an excellent example of managing Kenhsin's personality. I just love Haku Baikou. She's amazing!