Disclaimer—See Chapter One
A/N: Sorry for the delayed posting with this chapter, I was out of town for a few days. Sorry about that! Thank you so much Quadrantje, Mayra, Melodie568, Mfkngst (It's not over quite yet!), KT (You're right, you don't always need a cliffhanger for an ending, thanks for seeing that! Although now we're going back to them, lol), Fiery Feral, Rain (Things will be stirred up a bit again for you now!), MariShal (thanks for everything!), CatJerica, Jessica. Thank you all so much! Here's a longer chapter for you, giving some answers and even more questions. I hope you enjoy it!
All Things—Chapter Thirteen
Her eyes stared blankly for an impossibly long moment, before finally, slowly, lids swept down in a tired blink. They were coated with ice, Jesse noticed distractedly, rubbing her cold hands between his own for a moment before pulling her red mittens out of his pocket and tugging them over her numb fingers. The bright splash of color looked out of place against her pale, wan features, and he pressed his lips together, forcing a cheerful tone.
"Up we go." He caught her and pulled her upright as Brennan's body finally gave out and his knees buckled beneath him. He tried to pick her up, frowning when Brennan refused to let go of her. Silently, he placed his hand on Brennan's shoulder, reassuring him with his eyes until his fingers relaxed their tight grip around her waist. "Let's go home, Shal." He quickly scooped her up before she could protest as well, and strolled back to the idling sled. He could feel her gaze boring into the side of his face, and he tipped his head down, blue eyes meeting solemn amber.
"You ok?" He spoke gently.
Frozen lashes dipped down again in a concentrated study as she maintained her intense stare.
"Shal?" He tried again.
She reached out a mittened hand, running it down the side of his face. He quirked an eyebrow as she traced his eyes and then his lips, red fuzz catching on his chapped lips. He made a face, spitting out the bit of lint as he almost inhaled it. She smiled at his expression, and he suddenly realized how much it transformed her features, hinting at the confident strength behind the beauty. He smiled back, and her breath fogged as she exhaled, resting her head on his shoulder.
"Jesse."
She sighed his name, and his heart quickened; no wonder Brennan hadn't wanted to let go of her. It wasn't often the feral showed vulnerability, and when she did every protective instinct within him screamed to comply. She could take them both down with one hand tied behind her back if she truly wanted; the trust she placed in them spoke volumes.
He reached the snowmobile and set her down, jogging back over to help Brennan as he labored toward them. "How're you doing?" He braced the man against his shoulder, moving slowly at the heavy weight.
"Been better," Brennan managed to gasp, groaning as Jesse lowered him onto the sled. "We have to hurry, Jesse." Brennan's eyes darted down to indicate the slight form huddled in front of him. Jesse nodded tightly, eyeing the seat; it suddenly looked very small for three people.
Without a word, Shalimar slid back into Brennan, seemingly melting against him so Jesse could squeeze in front. Brennan's arms circled hers to brace against Jesse's shoulders and with a whine of the engine, they spun in a tight loop, heading home.
A sense of familiarity woke her up, a sense of being safe...and warm. She cracked open her eyes, immediately recognizing the soft earth tone colors of her room. She stared at the opposite wall for a moment, sorting through vague memories of being carried into Sanctuary, of Jesse murmuring to her while he worked over her, of being soaked in warm water, of intense pain in her feet and legs as they thawed in the rewarming bath, of being bandaged and cleaned. She slowly blinked, the wall coming back into focus as she carefully tested each limb for pain. A feeling of weakness washed over her, but pain was only a numbness, a dull ache deep down. Cautiously, she pushed up into a sitting position, wincing at the tug of an IV taped to her hand. She immediately shivered as the blankets fell off her shoulders, and she tugged them back up to her chest.
She was alone.
Her brow furrowed.
"Brennan?"
Her door suddenly swung open as she called into her comlink, Jesse bustling through the door. "Hey, you're awake." She couldn't help but notice the way his eyes subtly checked her color or the way his fingers gauged her pulse as he grasped her hand. "How're you feeling?" His hands moved to tug the blankets further over shoulders.
"Ok I think."
"Good." He smoothed her hair back, sitting on the edge of her bed. "You scared me there, Shal."
"Sorry." Her eyes dropped down, stiff fingers picking at imaginary lint on her comforter as silence stretched between them. He waited patiently for her to speak. She took a breath. "What's happening to me, Jess?"
He sighed, "We don't know yet, Shalimar, but we're working on it." He pressed a kiss into her brow. "Let me worry about that, ok? You just concentrate on getting better."
"Jesse," She caught his eye as he pulled back, voice revealing her fear, "Am I mutating?"
"No." He squeezed her hand. "That is one thing I can promise you, you're as stable as any of us can be right now."
She blew out her breath in relief, wincing as her chapped lips protested the movement. "Where's Brennan?" She looked around the room in confusion. He always stayed with her when she was injured.
"Jesse?" Her voice rose sharply when he hesitated.
"He's ok, Shalimar." His hands stilled her when she tried to sit up. "He was hurt before he went after you, and ended up re-injuring himself. He'll be fine, he just needs rest."
She nodded, sliding back down into her bed, wondering why she wasn't in the lab herself.
Jesse smiled slightly, reading her silent question. "I had to bring you here, Shal, it was the only way you would relax. Every time he moaned or moved, you tried to go to him," Jesse shrugged, "It was either tie you down or move you here."
She nodded, hand rising to cup his cheek as she noticed a slight bruise. "What happened?"
Jesse shrugged again, smile widening. "You took…offense when I tried to separate you from Brennan. I had to sedate you to get you here."
"Oh." She looked embarrassed, eyes dropping again. "I'm sorry, I don't remember."
"Hey, it's ok." He pulled her into a gentle hug, rubbing her back. "How many years living with a feral? I should've known better." He laughed at her, shoulders shaking as she groaned in chagrin.
She pulled back, fingers running over his cheek in soothing apology. "I need to see him, Jesse."
"I know." He pulled back, pushing her down against her pillow. "But first you need to rest, Shalimar. You've been through a lot and your body needs time to heal."
"Am I--?"
"You'll be fine. I was worried about your feet for a while, but you again amaze me with your ability to survive and heal."
"Thanks, Jess."
"Anytime." He squeezed her hand, leaving the room.
She smiled, waiting only until the door closed, and then flung back the covers.
Lexa stopped short as she walked into her office, brows raised. Because she had been sick, she hadn't been in her office for a few days. Books were scattered all over the floor, papers from her desk ransacked and drawers left open. Both her hidden compartments were wide open, one revealing her sentimental side with the old snapshot still in it, the other revealing fears she'd rather leave hidden; the serum. "That's how Jesse found out," she muttered under her breath, crossing the disheveled office. One book lay forlornly on its side against the opposite wall, obviously having been thrown in anger. She swallowed as she saw the book's title, realizing it was the one that had been hiding the serum. She knelt, picking it up.
"Were you ever going to tell me?"
"Jesse!" Lexa whirled around in surprise, clutching the heavy book to her chest.
"Sorry about the mess," he continued, arms crossing as he stopped in front of her. "I was a little mad."
"And now?" She raised her chin slightly.
Jesse smiled, recognizing it as a defensive gesture. "I've had time to calm down." He walked up to her, pulling the book from her stiff fingers and tossing it on the floor. Both flinched at the loud sound it made in the looming silence. "When you were sick, I was scared, Lex. I was looking for any possible clue as to what was happening to you." He nodded to the serum. "I found that."
"Yeah," She pressed her lips together.
"Brennan and Shalimar don't know, I didn't tell them." Her head bounced up to meet his gaze as he continued. "But I hope you can trust me enough to tell me why you have it and why you hid it."
She sighed, looking past him at the thick liquid shining in the light. "I don't know if I can explain."
"Try me."
She hesitated, walking past him to finger the vial. "I stole it from that woman's pack that Shalimar brought back from the island."
Jesse's eyebrows shot up, but he stayed silent, watching her.
She didn't turn around. "They were going to just destroy it, and I couldn't let that happen." She turned around, eyes imploring him to understand. "It was a possibility for stabilization, Jesse. Life. I couldn't just let it go."
"But we decided the risks--"
"I know." She waved a hand, cutting him off. "But if everyone, including the Dominion, thought it was destroyed, what was the harm?"
His eyes narrowed. "The harm was you getting infected, Shalimar almost getting killed."
"Yeah." She turned back around. "I know it was foolish."
"So why?"
"Because, Jesse."
"Why?" His voice was harsher than he intended.
"Because!" Her voice rose. "Because I failed Leo. I couldn't risk the possibility of failing you too."
"What?" His hands fell on her shoulders, turning her around, startled at the deep anguish in her eyes. "Lexa?" She wouldn't look at him, so he tilted her chin up with his finger. "You thought you were saving me?"
She nodded, eyes tearing. "You, Shalimar, Brennan. I couldn't risk losing someone else. What if one of us started mutating again or became too unstable?"
"Lexa," He sighed her name, folding her into his arms. "It's not your responsibility to save us."
She sniffed, nose pressed into his chest. "Don't tell them."
"What?"
"Don't tell them what I did; I don't want them to know."
"But--"
"I remember stealing it Jesse, and I think I got infected when I cut myself on the cracked vial, but after that, everything is blank."
Jesse pulled back, meeting her eyes. "You don't remember anything?"
She shook her head. "Everything is vague memories. But someone's been giving me more serum and something made me attack Shalimar. I have to find out why. Maybe it has something to do with the way she's acting."
Jesse nodded slowly, pulling her back into his arms. "Alright, for now. We'll keep it between us."
"Thank you." Her hands slid around his back, eyes staring past him at the remaining serum.
Brennan woke up with an odd sense of déjà vu, opening his eyes to see Shalimar sound asleep and curled up on his chest. She opened her eyes as soon as he stirred.
"Hey."
"Hey." She blinked tired eyes at him.
"I think we've been here before."
She smiled, fingers curling into his shirt. "Yeah." She rested her chin against his chest, loving the feel of his heartbeat, the push of his stomach as he chuckled softly beneath her, smiled fading when she saw him wince with pain. "It's all my fault."
"What?" He carefully raised his arms, running his fingers through her hair.
"You, being hurt." Her eyebrows furrowed with shame. "I'm so sorry, Brennan. It seems all I do is hurt you lately. I don't know what's wrong with me."
"Shal, stop." His arms lowered to circle around her in a hug. You're here, nothing else matters."
She dropped her head, catching his lips in a soft kiss, laughing as they both winced in pain. She pulled back slightly, tracing his cracked lips with a gentle finger. "Guess we'll have to take it easy for a while."
"Yeah." He sighed, eyes darkening slightly. "I know how I feel, how about you? You seem...better."
"You mean normal?" She asked bluntly.
"I mean better," He framed her cheeks with both hands, thumb stroking a frost burn under her right eye.
"Am I going crazy, Brennan?" Her voice cracked as she leaned into his touch. "Why is this happening?"
"We'll figure this thing out, Shal, you'll be fine."
She laid her head back down against his chest.
They were silent for a moment.
"You found me." Her voice echoed her wonderment.
"You recognized me." He ran his fingers up and down her back, pressing his lips against her ear in a soft whisper. "I will always find you, Shal."
She turned her head, kissing him again, ignoring the pain.
"I should have known."
Jesse's disapproving voice broke them apart.
"How'd you get in here, Shalimar?" Jesse crossed his arms as he came to a stop in front of them. "You're not supposed to be walking."
She shrugged. "I needed to be here, Jesse, don't fight me on this one."
"Fine." Jesse threw his hands into the air, "But you're not walking. When you're ready to move, call for me, ok?"
"Yeah." She smiled gratefully at him.
"And you," Jesse turned his gaze to Brennan next. "You're supposed to be resting."
"I am." Brennan smiled at him as well.
Jesse rolled his eyes at both of his grinning patients. "You guys are impossible."
"How's Lexa?" Brennan felt a flash of guilt as Jesse's smile faltered.
"She's fine." Jesse turned to his computer, checking on Brennan's latest stats.
"Any idea how she got infected?"
"Ah, no, not yet." Jesse typed a few more keystrokes then pushed himself out of the chair, heading back to the door. "She doesn't remember anything."
"Nothing?" Shalimar called after him doubtfully.
"No." Jesse turned back around, pointing his finger at them. "You two be good. Call me if you need anything." He disappeared out the door.
Shalimar frowned thoughtfully.
"What are thinking, Shal?" Brennan tugged her chin back so he could see her face.
She shrugged. "Jesse's hiding something."
"What?" Brennan glanced back at the empty doorway. "Nah, I didn't get that sense."
"But I did." Shalimar raised her eyebrows as Brennan continued to shake his head. "What? You don't believe me?"
"I don't know, Shal, it sounds like they're just as confused as the rest of us."
"Confused maybe, but he knows something, I could tell."
"You think he's lying to us? Why?"
"I don't know. To protect Lexa?"
Brennan sat up slightly, grasping her shoulders. "Lexa? But Shal, she's not responsible for what she did; she was infected with the serum."
"Maybe." Shalimar pulled free of his grasp. "But maybe there's more to it than that. I think they're hiding something."
Brennan shrugged. "The real question is how did she get infected? We destroyed all the remaining serum."
"Or so we thought." Shalimar pursed her lips. "We don't know how many vials were actually in that pack. Or maybe the Dominion had more somewhere, who knows. The issue is, they're hiding something."
"I don't think so, Shal."
She sat up abruptly. "You don't think I can sense it? Her voice rose. You think I'm imaging it all?"
"Calm down, Shalimar." Brennan felt a flutter of nervousness. "I believe you."
She narrowed her eyes. "Now I don't believe you." She crossed her arms. "You're just trying to appease me. I can't believe you are defending her! To me!" She growled in her throat. "She tried to attack me!"
"You tried to attack me." As soon as the words were out, Brennan regretted them.
Shalimar's eyes widened in fury. "Oh, so now the truth comes out! You don't trust me, do you?"
"No, Shal!" Brennan struggled to sit the rest of the way up. "I didn't mean it that way. It's just that Lexa--"
"Lexa!" She spat the name. "I am sick of hearing about her. Why is she all you think about lately?"
"What?" Brennan could feel the situation spiraling out of his control, and he shook his head desperately. "You're the one who brought her up."
"You're the one that kissed her!"
Brennan winced, frustrated. "I did not!"
She leaned back, staring him in the face, eyes suddenly cold. "You're telling me you've never kissed her before?"
Brennan hesitated, debating. "Ok, I've kissed her, but not for real. She thought I was Jesse at the lab, and one time when I was undercover, Cole—"
"Cole?" Her brows winged upward. "That's what he meant by more tail?" She braced her hands on his chest, leaning forward intensely. "Tell me, Brennan. Did you enjoy kissing her? Like you enjoyed kissing Allie? Or that Riley woman? It seems you do an awful lot of kissing while undercover, Brennan."
"Allie?" His mind whirled at her confusing rant, trying to keep up. His old childhood friend? "Allie's dead, Shalimar." His voice fell flat. "She died while I was working that case to protect you, or did you forget?"
"How could I?" She seethed in anger. "I watched you kiss her! And Lexa!"
"I didn't kiss them, Shalimar, you know it wasn't like that. I was working!"
"Yeah." She huffed. "You were working alright." She slid to the floor, unable to bear being next to him any longer.
"Wait!" Brennan swung his own legs over the side of the bed. "Don't walk away from this, Shalimar."
"Too late," She staggered as she swung around to face him, "Just stay away from me, Brennan." With a whirl of blonde hair, she disappeared from sight.
"Damn it!" Brennan banged his fist against the bed in frustrated anger as he tried to follow, but his legs gave out.
Shalimar heard him calling after her, but she didn't care, she was too angry, heart pounding as she raced down the hallway. Her muscles screamed in protest, the tender skin on the bottom of her feet coming awake with painful stabs, but she kept going. Betrayal. She shouldn't have trusted him again so easily. She turned a corner, confused when she found herself in another long hallway. White walls. They were closing in around her. She screamed, clamping her hands over her head as raw pain split down her temple, flooding her with overwhelming fear and confusion.
"No, no, no!"
She didn't know where she was anymore, she just kept running. Escape. She ended up outside, feet sliding on the slippery ice coating the encrusted snow. She grunted, elbow digging painfully into ice as she fell, pushing herself back up and running again.
Suddenly she halted, sucking in a deep, rasping breath.
Ahead of her, bare branches twisted in the wind, long bony fingers pelting the gray sky with agony, matching the tempo in her heart. Amidst the grove of maple trees, Lexa stood, meeting a hooded figure. Shalimar whimpered as recognition flooded her senses.
It had been him all along.
It all made sense suddenly.
And she was terrified.
She stifled a scream; fist shoved into her mouth as her dreams came rushing back, the haunting shadows melted away in her mind. The figure sensed her presence, turning chilling gray eyes upon her. Her heart thumped in sudden shock as his mouth tilted slowly upward in a familiar, hungry smile.
"Hello, Shalimar."
The monster had a face.