Repeating Memory
Chapter Four
It had taken nearly a month, but after so many hours of laboriously sitting at her computer, both hacking and banging her head into the monitor, Barbara had managed to locate Carolyn's current residence. Barbara wasn't sure whether it should have been easier or harder, but, she really didn't care. All that mattered was that she had found her, and she intended to, if not win her as a lover, then at least convince her that they could still be friends. She had missed the older woman in the four weeks since she had seen her, and she was damned if she would have to go through a longer period of separation.
It was easier said then done. It was nearly a week after she had gotten the information that the redhead had built up the courage to approach the area of her friend's apartment, and another day to actually go. What if she was rejected? What if Carolyn said she never wanted to see her again? She wasn't a stalker, she would go if that was what the other woman truly wanted. But, she wasn't sure if she could survive that.
She went during the day, dressed in semi-casual clothes. 'I look nice, but not overly nice. Don't want to come on too strong too fast.' By the time she was at the building, she was almost hyperventilating.
Just as she raised her hand to ring the buzzer, the front door opened, startling her. An elderly woman stepped out and peered up at her. She smiled nervously and nodded a greeting. "Who are you here for dear?" the woman asked, returning her smile.
"Um, Carolyn Lance." she was trying her hardest not to collapse. She had to get herself under control.
"Oh, that nice young woman. She should be upstairs now. I'm Mrs. Conner, the landlady. You a friend of hers?"
"Oh… yes! We work together, and, I was just in the neighborhood…" she trailed off, swallowing hard and taking a deep breath. She sounded a little desperate to herself and she didn't want to make this woman suspicious.
"Well, why don't you go up and see her. The bell is broken; I was just going to the corner to get my husband some wire cutters so he could fix it. You got lucky, Miss…err, what did you say your name was?"
"Barbara, Barbara Gordon."
"Well, Miss Gordon, why don't you just go on ahead. Don't let this old woman keep you, I'm sure you've got important business." And with that, Mrs. Conner was gone.
Shaking her head, as if to clear it, Barbara walked up the stairs. As she neared her destination, the fourth floor, she began to slow down, doubts swirling around her head, whispering in her ears. 'This was a mistake, I shouldn't have come here.' She turned to walk back down the stairs, but then stopped. 'If I don't do this, I'll never know. And, that is definitely worse then getting rejected. I have a chance.'
She lifted a shaky hand to the door, taking a deep breath to steady herself. 'I'll do it this time,' she assured herself, but dropped her hand again. She had been standing in front of apartment 4B for five minutes; each time she raised her hand to knock, her insides turned to water, and she lost her nerve. This was a lot harder then she had anticipated.
Her hand went up again, but, the door was open before she could psyche herself out again. She was confused for a moment, as she stared at empty air, but then a sound below her line of vision caught her attention. Looking down, she was greeted by impossibly large blue eyes.
"Hello." Barbara said, bending down so she was eye level with who could only be Carolyn's daughter. The resemblance was uncanny, and even though she hadn't known that her friend was a mother, there was no doubt in her mind that this was the other woman's child.
The little girl smiled at her, an innocent, happy smile. "Hiya. My name's Dinah, I'm three. Who're you?"
"I'm Barbara, I'm a friend of your mother's." Barbara replied, trying to decide whether to come back later, or ask to be let in. She seriously needed to rethink this situation. While finding out that Carolyn had a child didn't change her feelings, or even her desire for a relationship, she now had to consider what this little girl would think about her. She suddenly wished she had called first.
"Oh, I thought so. My mommy talks about ya a lot. She's right, you do have really pretty hair. I never saw that color before." Barbara blushed and cleared her throat.
"Is your mother home?" she asked, deciding to forge ahead.
"Nah uh. She went out for milk and cookies… well, she didn't say cookies, but I hope she gets um. My favorite are the ones with chocolate pieces inside. Not the chips, but the chunks, ya know? What are your favorite kind? I bet it's Oreo's-"
"Um, Dinah?" Barbara interrupted, looking around uncomfortably. She really should have called.
"Hmm?"
"Please tell your mother that I'll call her later, okay?"
The little blonde looked disappointed, almost on the verge of tears. Barbara began to panic. She hadn't meant to upset the girl, she only wanted to leave before Carolyn found her there and got the wrong idea. She didn't want the other woman to think she was trying to force her way in, and certainly didn't want her to think that her child was in danger. Carolyn was a frightening woman normally, and Barbara would hate to see her if she thought her child was being threatened in some way.
"Don't go. Don't ya like me?" the question was followed by a sniffle and a small fist rubbing a teary eye.
"Of course I do sweetie, I just… don't want your mom to get mad at me being here, that's all." she reassured, patting the child on the head softly. The storm dissipated almost instantly, and Dinah was smiling again.
"She won't be mad, I promise. She likes you lots, she told me so. She's sad now, I think she misses you. Where did you go?" Blue eyes lit up, as if the girl was struck with a brilliant plan. "She'll be real happy to see you! Ya have to stay! Please!"
"But, she, I-" Dinah's lower lip began to quiver. "You know, asking strangers into your house isn't safe." It was a last ditch effort. She got a smile for that.
"You're not a stranger! You're Barbara!" And with that, she was lead inside, the door closing behind her with a resounding 'click'.
When Carolyn entered her apartment, the first thing she noticed was that the door was unlocked. She distinctly remembered locking it, and that immediately made her both cautious and frightened. She had left Dinah alone. Only for ten minutes, true, but alone none the less.
The second thing that Carolyn became aware of, on the heels of her first observation, was that her daughter was crying. It overrode any logic and sent her speeding into the small two bedroom apartment. The sight that greeted her made her stop, half in shock and half in bemusement.
On her couch sat Barbara Gordon, Dinah's small form in her arms; the older girl looked ready to flee, or join the child in her waterworks. The redhead looked up, first appearing scared, then desperate, begging Carolyn to intercede with her eyes. Sure her daughter was unhurt, the older woman crossed her hands over her chest and leaned against the door, watching her friend go from desperate to downright pathetic. She really did look as if she was about to cry.
With a sigh, Carolyn pushed off the doorjamb and into the room. "What's wrong baby?" she asked, coming to stand behind her weeping child. Dinah immediately disengaged from Barbara and rushed into her mother's arms. She pointed to the small fishbowl on the coffee table. On the surface of the water, which was covered in a thick film, floated the body of a once beloved pet. Carolyn groaned. "Sweetie, I told you not to overfeed her. What happened?" Tearfully, Dinah explained.
Barbara watched in amazement as Dinah happily munched away at a plateful of chocolate chunk cookies. "What did you say to her?" the redhead asked, still in awe. The three year old had been bawling not five minutes before, and now she sat, humming a tune and enjoying desert before lunch.
"I told her that Goldie is in a better place now, and that she could have another fish if she wanted. And, that she could have the cookies before her sandwich. Seems to have worked well, don't you think?" The younger woman could only nod. Carolyn stood beside her, and they were silent for long moments.
"Can I talk to you in the other room please?" Carolyn ask suddenly, startling Barbara out of her thoughts.
"Um, sure," she replied, suddenly very nervous. This was what she had come here for, a chance to talk with the blonde, but, now she wasn't so sure that this was a good idea.
"Good." And with that, the older woman turned and led the way.
Turning as soon as the door was closed behind her, Carolyn glared. "What are you doing here, Barbara?" she asked, barely resisting the urge to grab the younger woman by the shoulders and give her a good shaking. Didn't she realize how dangerous the situation was?
"I-"
"I'll tell you what you're doing here, you're trying to get us all killed, that's what you're doing!" She interrupted, backing the other woman to the couch. The redhead looked startled.
"What do you mean, trying to get you killed? I came by to see you!" The blonde snorted, hands curling into fists.
"My door was unlocked! Do you know how dangerous that is!?" Barbara looked at her as if she had grown another head.
"Okay, granted that wasn't the most intelligent move, but, this neighborhood isn't that bad. And if anything came up, I'm pretty sure I could handle it. I am Batgirl, you know!" the last was almost angry. How dare she think otherwise!
With a disgusted grunt, Carolyn moved away, turning her back. "Another reason why you shouldn't be here. Red hair of that shade isn't that common here Barbara; sooner or later, someone is going to figure it out. What if that time was now, and you were followed. You put my daughter in danger for no reason."
"No, not for no reason, though if I would have known about her," it was said accusingly, and the blonde twitched, "I would have been more careful. But, that's not the point here." Carolyn whirled, eyes blazing.
"Oh yes it is! My child's life was-"
"Just shut the hell up!" Barbara shouted.
They stared at each other for long moments, both equally surprised at the younger woman's outburst. It was so unlike Barbara to lose her cool, especially with Carolyn, and it left them both speechless. Turning there eyes to the door, they both waited, holding their breath, hoping that Dinah hadn't heard. When she didn't come into the room after a minute, they both breathed a sigh of relief.
"Listen to me Carolyn, you owe me that, at least." Barbara said quietly, drawing back her friend's attention.
"I don't owe you anything." the blonde growled, narrowing her eyes.
"God damn it, yes you do! When have I been anything but honest with you? Huh? How many times have I covered your back? How many times have I held you, held you, when you cried? The least you can do is listen to me now!" The older woman opened her mouth to protest, but she was quickly cut off. "I know that those things are a given, and I would do them again, but you at least owe me five minutes." she sounded desperate, at the point of tears. Reluctantly, Carolyn closed her mouth and nodded, moving to sit on the other end of the couch.
"I love you, more than-no, no, no!" the redhead held up a hand to stall protests. "Let me finish please, it's hard enough to get this out without interruptions." The other woman sat back with a nod, almost pouting.
'She's so beautiful,' Barbara though, gathering up her courage again. And indeed it was true, the other woman was stunning. All smooth, pale skin and corn silk blonde hair, it was a wonder that Barbara hadn't just jumped her the moment she had sat down. 'No! I'm going to do this right this time, no more listening to impulses. I'll have to make her see.' She took a deep breath, and began again.
"Carolyn, I love you. I have since…" she paused, suddenly realizing that the truth sounded a bit silly. "Well, for a long time." She mentally rolled her eyes. 'Smooth,' her inner voice mocked, and she resisted the urge to smack her forehead. "We've been working together almost since I… since I took up the cowl, and during that time we've, I think, grown close. I'm closer to you than I have been with anyone else in my life, and I know that you feel it too."
She looked over at her hopefully soon-to-be lover, and her well rehearsed words flew out the window. The older woman was regarding her with a guarded gaze, totally closing herself to the confession. But, she also seemed sad, and scared, as if what Barbara was saying had the power to crush her world. 'God, I did that. I made her afraid… I made her… feel…' And suddenly, Barbara wished she hadn't said anything at all. All that tension, all that pain, she was the cause.
"Oh God Carolyn!" she cried, lunging forward and burying her head in the other woman's chest. "I've loved you since I first saw you, sitting on that gargoyle on Wayne Tower! I've wanted to be like you since then, and I've wanted to be with you since the first moment I heard your voice. You never made me feel useless or stupid, and even when I screwed up, you were there for me! I love you, and I haven't seen you in forever, and I wish that I hadn't said anything, or kissed you, because now I'll never get that look on your face from my head. I love you, and I thought you loved me, but, you hate me, don't you?!" And with that, she began to cry.
The door to the kitchen opened, and Dinah stood quietly in the doorway, unsure of what to do. She knew that Barbara was sad, and that it was because her mommy said something maybe not so nice, but, because her mommy was the best ever, it must have been for the older girl's own good. Like that time when she had tried to see if she could fly off the couch. Now she knew that it would have hurt, but at the time, she cried because she really wanted to, and because her mommy was upset.
After a long moment, the three year old set her jaw and nodded to herself. It must be for Barbara's own good. The redhead whimpered, and the sound made Dinah's lower lip tremble. Maybe it didn't matter; her mommy always tried to make her feel better, even when she was wrong. With that thought in mind, she ran to the couch and attached herself to Barbara's neck.
The older girl seemed startled for a moment, trying to move away quickly to regain her composure. "It's okay, you can cry. It makes me feel better." Dinah assured, hugging tighter. "Mommy says it's okay to cry."
"That-that's nice, Dinah. B-but, really, I'm fine." Barbara stammered, voice thick with tears. It was very obvious to Dinah that she was not 'fine'. The little girl looked at her mother.
"I think she needs cookies mommy. Should I get some?" Her mother regarded her with an odd expression for long moments, before nodding her head.
"Take your time, we have to finish talking." Dinah nodded back almost sagely, before releasing her new found friend and scurrying back to the kitchen to wait for her mother's signal.
Carolyn was quiet as the younger woman collected herself, waiting until she could take a breath without shuddering, to speak. Though, truthfully, she needed to collect herself as well. It wasn't everyday that your partner in crime fighting breaks down in your arms, confessing their love for you. When she later considered it, the pause was more for herself then Barbara.
"There are so many reasons why I left you that night; why I can't do what I know you want, no matter how I may feel. And, you have to know that I don't hate you… that I… feel for you. But, that doesn't matter." Barbara opened her mouth, and it was Carolyn's turn to stall protests. "No, you've had your shot. Now please, let me." After a few seconds, the younger woman nodded and looked down at her hands. The blonde reached over and gently lifted the other woman's chin. "Our line of work is dangerous Barbara, very dangerous." Barbara nodded rapidly, and opened her mouth, but Carolyn shook her head. "I know what you're going to say, but please, let me finish."
"Barbara, I have a daughter, a three year old little girl named Dinah, whom I love very much, and who depends totally on me. My position right now, working undercover within the Hawke Organization, provides her a certain amount of security, but that dangles on a thread. Hawke thinks that she's his, but, she's not. If he had any idea of the double cross that I am planning, he would not hesitate to kill her, and you, if I were to get involved with you."
"He wouldn't find out. Don't you think I know all about keeping secrets and being discrete?" the redhead broke in, roughly shaking Carolyn's hand from her face. "My father is the Commissioner of this City, for crying out loud! I've had to keep secrets. Not to mention that I've been working with you for a while now, and that I all about the Hawke operation. I haven't compromised it yet! Don't you trust me?" the last was said in a pained whisper, and it almost broke Carolyn's heart. Why couldn't the younger woman see that this was for the best?
"I trust you with my life, but anything beyond friendship just isn't in the cards right now. I've got too much to deal with; relationships take a lot of time, and effort, and energy, and I just can't right now." the blonde reasoned, almost pleading with her friend. But, Barbara was becoming angry.
"Just because your last relationship didn't work out isn't a reason to shoot this one down before it takes off. I love you damn it! And don't think for a second that I'm not as scared as you are, because I'm even more so! But, that's what makes this so great! I am willing to meet you halfway, if you would just stop being so bullheaded!" By the end of her tirade, the younger woman was panting. Reining in her own ire, Carolyn tried another approach.
"How old are you Barbara?" she asked, catching the irate redhead off guard.
"Nineteen…" the answer was unsure.
"And, how old am I?"
"Tw-twenty four…" Carolyn nodded.
"And, how old is Dinah?"
"Three… why?"
"Barbara, you aren't even old enough to drink yet. There are five years and a child between us." Now, Barbara understood. Or, at least she thought she did.
"It's my AGE?" she shouted, indignantly. "Are you INSANE? I've grown up more in the my nineteen years than most people twice my age! Don't you dare pull that SHIT with me!" The older woman winced at the profanity.
"You had to grow up fast, more so in the last few years, since you became Batgirl, than anyone should. Do you really wish that on my daughter?" That gave the younger woman pause.
"But, you're THE Black Canary. How is that any different, when it comes to Dinah?" she asked, back to being unsure. Carolyn sighed wearily.
"I've seen things that I wish I hadn't, things that even you haven't seen. I've witnessed some truly ugly things in my life, and I'm tired. After this mess with Hawke, I'm taking a long, possibly permanent break from the Life."
The younger woman looked scandalized, almost horrified. Carolyn forged on. "But, I know you Barbara. I know that this means more to you than anything before. The power and the freedom. I used to feel that way. When I'm with you, I still feel that way; carefree and careless. But, I can't, not anymore. I have a little girl to think about, and my feelings for you and my love and duty to her do not mix. As long as you are in the Life, I can't be with you, but I would never ask you to give it up. You've told me yourself how much it means to you. Maybe, in a few years, when you're tired of it, I would consider it, but, even then, Dinah comes first."
Barbara looked at Carolyn for long moments, mouth moving but no sound coming out. Her eyes were wide, as if they were straining to escape her sockets, and she gasped for breath. To be with Carolyn, to have a chance, she'd have to give up… "Wha…what if I did give it up… what if, after your business with Hawke, I promised to give it all up…" Now it was Carolyn's turn to look scandalized.
"Would you… could you?"
"I-" Dinah chose that moment to rejoin them in the living room.
Helena sat on the fire escape, looking into the dirty window with sullen, narrowed eyes. She had been sitting out there for almost an hour, watching as the people inside went about their business. Helena had known where Dinah's friend lived from months before, when she had gotten curious about where her adopted sister spent her actual free time.
She knew that she shouldn't be sitting outside in the dark, watching like some sort of stalker, but, she just couldn't make herself go inside. She still wasn't sure how she felt about the situation, and until she did… Oh hell, she knew exactly how she felt about the situation! She was angry!
There were so many reasons why she was upset that Helena knew if she confronted Dinah now, she would end up either shaking the girl, or just throwing her from the nearest roof top. The blonde had managed in the short time she had been a part of their lives, to turn their world upside down.
For the most part, Helena could admit to herself, if no one else, that she was being a spoiled brat. She had gotten used to the way things were, and as such, was very grumpy when everything had changed. In her better moments, the brunette could even admit that having Dinah around wasn't all bad. But, the blonde had moved in onto territory that Helena was very protective of.
Helena had been in love with Barbara since she had first seen her, so long ago that she couldn't actually remember not being in love with her. In the months before Dinah had come, she had actually been making progress with the redhead. But, the arrival of the teenager had put any passion on ice. At first, Helena thought it was because Barbara was trying to spare her new ward, who was so damn sensitive. But, now it was something else.
Helena had seen what was happening, she wasn't as oblivious and caught up in herself as people, including Barbara and Dinah, seemed to think. Or, maybe they didn't think that, and she was only adding that to the reasons she had to justify how irritable she had been lately. But, that really wasn't the point. No, the point was that Helena had seen the looks that her partners shot in each other's direction, when they thought no one was looking. It made her green with envy; she had longed to have Barbara look at her like that for so fucking long.
It had started with Dinah, not long after she had moved in. There had been sighing, and staring into space, and all the things that accompanied the mooning of a sixteen year old in… whatever it was that Dinah was in. But then, suddenly, as if she had been hit by Cupid's arrow, Barbara had began doing it too.
But, what was even more disturbing about it was that instead of exhibiting the usual signs of Barbara in love--or even Barbara in lust-- the redhead had acted exactly like her young charge. The pheromones wafting around from the both of them almost put Helena in the hospital. As it was, there were more the a dozen men and women alike in New Gotham whom were still wondering who the tall, dark, and beautiful woman was, and where they could find her again, for another night of wild, almost crazed sex.
Helena sighed, blinking and scrubbing her face roughly with the heel of her hand. Great, she was jealous of a teenager, and her obviously returned love. And, she was an even bigger slut then normal. 'Justifiable homicide,' her mind whispered, tempting her as she watched the object of her envy, laughing at something her friend had said.
It seemed to her almost as if whatever Dinah was feeling was somehow rubbing off on Barbara. It was almost supernatural. "What a minute!" she exclaimed, sitting up suddenly, almost toppling off of the fire escape. 'Maybe she IS rubbing off on Barbara.' She glared, trying to figure out if it was even possible. "That little bitch!"
Tapping her comm set on, Helena interrupted Barbara before she could speak. "I think I know what's going on!" There was a long pause, before the other woman responded, clearly confused.
"Um, okay, that's good. Because, I have no idea what you're talking about." Helena blew out an exasperated breath, ruffling her bangs.
"With you and Dinah." She clarified. She could almost see the cringe on Barbara's face, so, she forged on. "What if she was making you feel the way she feels somehow? Is that possible, I mean, is there any way, with all her other powers, she could do that?"
Silence stretched, almost painful, as Barbara considered the option. "It certainly is a possibility, considering her other powers. But Helena, she wouldn't do that." the redhead replied, not even bothering to deny it. It figured Helena would have noticed, even though they hadn't really discussed it. Her future seemed to be made up of headaches.
"Maybe she's not doing it on purpose," Helena offered, making a sour face. She so wanted to pound the other girl for it, but if she wasn't doing it on purpose, it was no longer justifiable. 'That has never stopped you.'
"Maybe, but, I can't be sure unless I run some tests…"
"Say no more! We'll be right home." The brunette sounded almost wicked, and barely held back a cackle; she knew how much Dinah hated tests.
"Helena," Barbara's voice held a note of warning. "If it does turn out to be true, Dinah will be mortified. Think about how painful and embarrassing this situation could be for her, and please don't tease her."
'Damn, there's that guilt.' Helena thought. "You like to take the fun out of everything, don't you," she grumbled, but agreed none the less.
"Thank you," the redhead replied, and she signed off.
Dinah stood next just inside the doorway of the Lab, observing Barbara quietly as the woman puttered about near the computer. After a moment, she stepped fully into the room. "I guess we'd better get started," she said, moving swiftly over to her most hated enemy, the Neural Pattern Monitor. She had dubbed the infernal machine the 'Migraine Inducing Device', and she hated it with a passion. She ended up in that thing way too often, in her opinion. But, if what Helena suggested was true…
"There's no need for that Dinah. I think we should have a talk." Barbara said, stopping her decent into the chair. The blonde just looked at her for a moment, before frowning.
"I know we have to talk, but, the tests. Helena said-"
"Helena has no idea what she's talking about," the redhead interrupted harshly, and Dinah flinched, unused to being snapped at like that. Seeing this, Barbara softened her voice and expression. "That's not entirely fair, and her hypothesis was sound, given the information that she has. But Dinah, believe me when I tell you that you are in no way influencing my feelings for you."
Dinah now was confused. Helena had dragged her out of her sanctuary and tossed her into the last place she wanted to be, the Lab, with the last person that she could deal with right now, Barbara, and now they weren't even going to do tests, which she hated, but was totally prepared to endure. She did not want to talk, she wanted to fling the brunette into the nearest wall.
Things began to clatter around them. "Dinah, please calm down and let me explain." Barbara said, moving over to the fuming teenager. She reached out to take the blonde's hand in her own, but her ward jerked away before contact was made.
"Not a good idea right now." the girl ground out, trying very hard not to send anything flying. "She lied to me." it wasn't really a question.
"She didn't lie Dinah, she just didn't know any better. You don't have that level of power."
"How-how do you know?" Dinah asked, not quite ready to give up her anger yet. Barbara gave her an incredulous look. "Okay, so you're Oracle, the All Knowing. But…"
"I've been keeping tabs on your developing powers, since your telekinesis presented itself. I didn't want to be surprised again. And besides, I like keeping an eye on your development." It took the redheaded woman a moment to realize how that sounded. "I mean, in a totally professional manner. You.. I… um, okay, not working." The teenager smiled at her mentor's stuttering.
"I understand," Dinah paused, frowning a bit again. "I think."
Barbara sighed, scrubbing a hand over her face tiredly. She really, really wished that she had never suggested a night in. When this was over, she was never taking Helena's advice about relaxation again. Who says that binary code was stressful, anyway? It was certainly more relaxing than this!
"Here's the bottom line Dinah." She made sure that she had the teenager's complete attention before continuing. "What I feel for you, and I won't go into any details, as that would only serve to confuse you, is real. As real as what you feel for me. Maybe a bit different, but, all together real. The only thing that you have been influencing here are my hormones." she paused, blushing a little bit, but started up quickly when she saw Dinah begin to look mortified. "What I mean is, that you have been, subconsciously, influencing the way I react to my feelings."
Oh yeah, Dinah was mortified. "So, what Helena said was true! Barbara, I am so sorry!" Tears filled blue eyes, and Barbara wanted to slap herself. This was not going to plan. She dared to take the girl's hand.
"No, Dinah! Look, you haven't made me feel anything that wasn't already there, just made me a little bit more amorous. Sort of taking what is already there and then cranking the hormone levels to teenager. If you apologize to anyone, apologize to Helena."
That caught the girl off guard. "What? Apologize to Helena? Why?" she frowned. "Um… she started it?" Barbara laughed, and the sound immediately put Dinah at ease. 'She really should laugh more often; she's so beautiful.' She blushed at her thoughts, and felt through the physical connection, that Barbara picked up a bit on where her thoughts had wanted to go. The redhead let go of her hand, but didn't move away.
"Dinah, do you have any idea how hard it's been for Helena around here lately? God, between the pheromones and what I'm sure she views as useless and annoying pining, she's been climbing the walls." This time they shared a laugh. "Honestly, I'm surprised that she hasn't come back with something terminal… like a stalker, or a child."
Dinah couldn't keep it down anymore. She fell off of the chair, holding her sides as she imagined Helena with a swollen belly, creepy man stealing her panties and leaving her dead fish in flower boxes. It was all too much. Tears leaked out from behind closed eyelids, and she was hard pressed to breathe.
"Oh God, that was funny!" Dinah said, trying to stop the hiccups that tightened her chest.
"I haven't laughed like that in a while." Barbara agreed, wiping moister from her own eyes. She sobered quickly, however. "Dinah, now that you know that my feelings are… real, you also have to understand-"
"I know Barbara, believe me, I know." the girl interrupted sadly, sighing and taking the older woman's hand. "And it sucks. But I totally understand why it's necessary, in our case, and in others. And, I understand why you couldn't even if it wasn't illegal. Doesn't mean I have to like it though." she paused, giving the hand in hers a squeeze, and Barbara suddenly had to fight back tears of another kind. Dinah truly was growing up. "It doesn't change how I feel, but, it does change the situation a bit. But, I know we can do it." And with that, she leaned forward, kissing the stunned woman sweetly on the lips, for the last time. They both cried.