Top of Form
(We fade to an extremely cartoonish background, thin trees with tons of leaves, child drawn clouds puttering in the sky, a big VW Beetle drives by. We pan to see Pepper Ann with Klaus, Germany's Jeep Driving Uber-Monkey, near a fountain shaped like a Hummer.)
Klaus (perplexed) : What do you mean? What is wrong with Monkey City?
Pepper Ann (miffed) : The name! It's so dumb! I mean, we don't call our places Human City or People Town, do we? Do you apes have absolutely no imagination or is it a tradition to demean your society with lame city names only a three year old could come up with?
Klaus (uber riled) : I didn't name it! Don't you bring that up with me!
Pepper Ann : You have a voice! Then get some guts to speak with your ape overlord an' suggest the community come up with a decent name that doesn't sound like a vacation spot in a Robert Munsch book.
(Klaus hisses ominously, PA shows her teeth in an angry "grr" face as they stare at each other with murder in their eyes.)
Klaus: Sleep with one eye open, Ausländer!
(We cut to reality; P.A is up in front of her class. A meter stick clutched in her hand as she taps the blackboard; with crudely drawn pictures of Klaus the Uber-Monkey and Fuzzy. She has her eyes on Dieter.)
Pepper Ann: And that is why Fuzzy is way better than Klaus.
Dieter (annoyed) : I said I was sorry!
Pepper Ann: You knew I wanted that last parfait! But you just had to have a third helping; you make me sick.
Dieter: I didn't know it was the last one! I thought they were making more.
Pepper Ann (darting a finger at Dieter) : You lie!
Ms. Blader (arising) : Okay, there's so much asinity a person can cope with. Pepper Ann, your topic of choice was one sided and extremely inaccurate so as much as I would like to give you an F I have to remind myself that Random day is a day not run by grades but the opinions and crazy realities you brats regularly pull out of your asses in hopes people will think of it as an enrichment of the mind or hip expressions of the future which I may add looks like is going straight to oblivion.
(The class is silent as they mull over their teacher's obscene insults as P.A sits down, obviously embarrassed.)
Ms. Blader: Peter Ogilve, your up. Let's see if you can surpass Miss Pearson's inane excuse to finish her petty beef with the glutton.
(Pink Eye Pete rises up, looking quite pleased as he comes to the front. A yellow ball cap in his hands. He points to the white t-shirt he is wearing with Stephen Baldwin's name written on it.)
Pink Eye Pete: This shirt was signed by Stephen Baldwin when I went on my trip to New York City. I met him while he was mailing kitty litter to Leonardo Dicaprio at a subway.(He then shows the hat) And this is Billy Baldwin's hat also signed by Stephen Baldwin. (He drops the hat down and then pulls his shirt up to show his chest which has Alec Baldwin written on it in blue ink.) He also signed my chest but I asked him to sign it "Alec Baldwin".
(The class is silent at Pink Eye Pete's bizarre presentation. Everyone exchanges perplexed faces at what was just shown.)
Crying Girl (in disbelief) : That's the saddest thing I have ever seen.
(She gets up and leaves the room in tears.)
Ms. Blader (jadedly) : Okay, we got a new winner.
Pink Eye Pete (pointing to the class) : Admit it! You are all jealous!
(We cut to a new scene, PA is tiredly waiting by Principal Hickey's door, clad in her grass stained gym uniform. Nicky approaches her.)
Nicky (tiredly) : All this over parfait?
Pepper Ann (she turns away) : I have nothing to say to the usurper.
Nicky: I know your pattern Pepper Ann, I had to break off the fight to save you from further degradation which you would realize too late as the wrong thing to do thus beginning your brief period of moping before unknowingly redoing the same crazy cycle with different shenanigans.
Pepper Ann (Ignoring) : I swear Dieter is such a pansy, like he's never had a snake down his shirt. You'd think he was a little girl.
Nicky: Pepper Ann, it's a proven fact that men fear snakes more so then women and don't tell me that the other guys weren't screaming just as loudly. I though Shelf McLain would have puppies AND kittens.
Pepper Ann: Oh yeah? Well it's a proven fact that brainy friends of redheads experience epileptic ulcers more so then tax cut issuing Republicans.
Nicky (giving up) : Okay, your babbling nonsense I'll take that as you'd like me to leave but I am calling you tonight though.
Pepper Ann: Sounds good. Take some Pepto.
(Nicky exits as the door opens; Vera views PA.)
Vera: Come on in Pearson.
(We cut to a new scene: PA and Milo are sitting at Freezy Pleasy's. Milo is doodling with his finger on an empty ice cream dish, the condensation his canvas. PA tosses a spoon in her empty dish.)
Pepper Ann: I appreciate the parfait Milo.
Milo: It's okay; I did it mostly for me so you would stop talking.
Pepper Ann (semi-shocked) : Hey!
(Dieter walks by them and he gives a wave.)
Dieter (happy) : Hello Pepper Ann, Hello Milo.
Milo: Hey.
Pepper Ann: Hi.
(Dieter exits, PA's face flashes with alarm of what she just did. She turns quickly in her seat and points at Dieter's back.)
Pepper Ann: Hey! Your headin' to the wrong washroom lady! Wouldn't wanna embarrass yourself any further, would you? Plus, the tampon machine is busted; just a head's up!
Milo (disgusted) : God, what is wrong with you!
Pepper Ann: He's got some nerve even saying "Hi" to me after the atrocity he did.
Milo: You're gonna be thinking of suicide once you realize how childish you really are.
Pepper Ann: I think I'll be planning on voting myself as citizen of the year more likely.
Milo (satirical): Oh I can see it, Pepper Ann Pearson is given key to city and bag of quarters for humiliating German kid in public.
Pepper Ann: That sounds like a great headline. Although they should add that I am the smartest being alive as well.
Milo (sighs) : PA, by tomorrow your grudge will be gone as quickly as your other warpaths have. Remember how you tried to sell Alice Kane to a Mormon?
(We cut to a flashback of PA raking leaves in her yard, a clean blond man in white shirt and black pants approaches her.)
Mormon: Is my bride ready yet?
Pepper Ann (confused) : Bride?
Mormon: You said she has skin like a porcelain doll.
Pepper Ann: Oh yeah, that, listen I'm sorry to tell you this but I recently beat Alice Kane's sorry self at an Improv showdown, so, we are even now. I may call you later should she do something else. I really appreciate how cool you are about this though, I really do.
(PA resumes raking leaves as the Mormon walks away dejectedly.)
Mormon: What will I do with those Anne Green Gables and Raggedy Anne uniforms for the time being?
(We return to reality at the ice cream shop. PA rolls her eyes.)
Pepper Ann: This is Dieter we are talking about, he needs to learn some self control and get his act together. He even thinks I'm his friend.
Milo: You must be going crazy cause that's all I hear that's coming out of your mouth you know very well Dieter always tags along with you whenever your crazy schemes are too outlandish for even Nicky and I. May I remind you about the time you wanted to kill all the rabbits?
(We cut to a flashback of PA and Dieter watching TV on the couch. A Bugs Bunny cartoon is on; he views his audience.)
Bugs Bunny: Heh, heh, ain't I a stinker?
Pepper Ann (rising from her seat, pointing at the TV) : You sure are you hell bound hare! Bucked-tooth abomination! Crazy cottontail!
(Dieter looks puzzled at PA's sudden flash of anger.)
Pepper Ann: That's proof! Rabbits are evil! We need to kill them all!
Dieter: Uh, Kill all the rabbits?
Pepper Ann (gungho) : Good! I'm glad we are on the same wavelength Dieter. In fact, I am way ahead of you! (She shows a black shirt she reveals underneath her purple shirt, a doodle of a rabbit with X's for eyes and "Kill Da Wabbit" underneath it.)
Dieter (complying) : Well, I am more of a Daffy fan to begin with.
Pepper Ann: I as well comrade! Let's go!
(They begin to leave but Dieter's mom pops up in front of them.)
Mrs. Lederhosen (cheerful) : Where are you off to so quickly? Dinner is almost ready! I made Hasenpfeffer, which is rabbit stew for our ignorant American friend!
(PA and Dieter's faces flash astonishment.)
Pepper Ann (intrigued) : Is that so?
(We cut to the dinner table. PA maliciously chews on the meat with a nasty smile. She glances at Dieter who is happily munching away as well.)
Pepper Ann (smug) : This'll teach 'em!
(Dieter nods and they continue to eat, PA snickers softly. Mrs. Lederhosen views both of them with bewilderment.)
Mrs. Lederhosen: Gott im Himmel…
(We return to reality with Milo and PA.)
Milo (confident) : And the rabbits were spared (he pauses, then sounding more sympathetic); except for that one at least.
Pepper Ann (fidgets) : Fuzzy, I was really gonna do that? Milo, you're right I am hooked on crazy! I mean, I have to find out what's really wrong with me! It can't be just the typical growing pains spiel the books talk about.
Milo: Oh it is, don't feel too bad PA, I have to say I'm being a bit hypocritical as well. Remember when I tried to get into the movies for free by dressing up as a seeing-eye dog?
(We cut to yet another flashback as Milo trots over to the movie clerk in a poor dog costume with harness and all.)
Milo: One for Fuzzy and the Dilapidated American Economy, please.
Movie Clerk (forking the ticket over) : There ya go lil' doggy.
Milo: Thanks.
(We return to the PA and Milo. They stare at each other.)
Milo (shakes his head sadly) : That was truly a sad sight to see that it actually worked.
Pepper Ann: Maybe "Dumb" will be classified as an illness from now on.
(We go onward to a new scene: PA arrives home. She promptly slumps down on the couch. Clicking on the television with a remote.)
Pepper Ann (calls out) : Hey mom!
(Lydia comes in the living room, clad in a smart looking suit.)
Lydia: Hi Peppie, I won't be home till ten. I need to go to the courthouse to bail your aunt Janie out. She was arrested for disturbing the peace for ranting about how people abuse the rights of seeing eye dogs by impersonating them to watch free movies. Honestly how dim can people get these days? Arresting normal people with common sense, like no one in town has ever done it.
Pepper Ann (not really listening) : Okay, me and Moose will do whatever.
Lydia (frowns) : Oh, you will not be doing "whatever".
Pepper Ann (huh?) : What do you mean? I said I was sorry for making pudding in the washing machine at least twenty times.
(The front door opens, Dieter and Moose, who is happily perched on Dieter's shoulders, enter PA's home. Both are clad in their Pup Scouts uniforms.)
Dieter &Moose: Pup Power!
Pepper Ann (surprised): Wha! What's this?
(PA bolts to her feet and grasps her mother's hand and hauls her to the kitchen.)
Pepper Ann: What the Fuzzy is this? You know the fridge will be empty by the time he leaves. What about that other sitter we got before?
Lydia: I asked Dieter to stay tonight and look after the house when he offered to bring Moose home; I'd rather have an empty fridge then that .. that thing you call a sitter be in my house again. What were you thinking when you hired him?
Pepper Ann: Oh he wasn't that bad!
(We cut to the past as Moose is on the couch putting on her skateboard gear. Loud retching is heard from the kitchen followed by a few coughs. We see a grungy looking guy over the kitchen sink, he spits into it to get the taste of vomit out of his mouth. He runs the water to rinse out his mess.)
Creepy guy: Hey, you got any more liquor in the house?
Moose (grossed out) : Ah, no. We just had the cough syrup and Scope.
Creepy Guy (snorts) : That's just fine and dandy… Hey kid, you eva' had a hangover?
Moose (revolted) : Um, no.
Creepy Guy: Ya don't know what your missin' kid.
Moose (sarcasm goes here!) : I can only imagine the fun.
(Moose jumps from the couch, grabs her board and is proceeding out the front door.)
Creepy Guy: Hey, you wanna pick me up some cigarettes?
(Moose slams the door ignoring the weirdo's request. Gone. The guy turns off the water and opens some of the cupboards.)
Creepy Guy: Ah hell. Maybe they got some sardines in here.
(We return to reality in the Pearson home. PA sighs guiltily.)
Pepper Ann: It was short notice! How was I to know Pink Eye Pete sprained his wrist at the last minute during the Hungry Hungry Hippo tournament? I was the only replacement that's actually good!
Lydia: Well, maybe I can count on you to be a more reliable and responsible sibling to look after your sister appropriately next time.
Pepper Ann (liking the compromise): I promise!
Lydia: You behave with Dieter, all right?
Pepper Ann: As long as he doesn't touch the lime Jello he'll keep both of his lungs.
(Lydia shakes her head as she and PA enter the living room. Dieter and Moose are looking at plant books.)
Lydia: Bye kids! Enjoy yourselves.
(Lydia departs. PA glances at Dieter and Moose, who are checking some papers along with the plant books.)
Dieter: What did you get on the leaf and tree trivia?
Moose: I got a hundred.
Dieter (playful dejection): Aw, I only got ninety-five.
Moose: That's still really good though!
(PA returns back to the kitchen. Her reflection appears to her on the kitchen counter.)
Reflection: What's up?
Pepper Ann (miffed) : Oh like you don't know already.
Reflection: Just apologise to him already! It'll only be more awkward should you wait.
Pepper Ann: Not with Moose out there! I'll just lock him in the bathroom and tell him through the door. That way I don't need to look at him, and the fridge stays full as well.
Reflection (sarcasm!) : Oh that just sounds so clever. You're such a chicken.
Pepper Ann: Fine! I'll do it right now!
(PA walks out briskly into the living room. Dieter hands a badge to Moose, its adorned with a syringe surrounded by silhouettes of animals.)
Dieter: I'd like to give you the Rabies Prevention badge, your zone has been rabies free for a whole year. It truly is a remarkable accomplishment.
Moose (yay!) : Cool! Thank you Dieter!
Dieter: You earned it!
(Moose happily begins to sew the badge onto her Pup Scout sash; already covered with plenty of past badges. PA frowns at the chummy behavior.)
Pepper Ann: Stay cautious Moose, he's giving you badges today but tomorrow he'll be abandoning you in the forest as quickly as you draw a breath, forcing you to wander in panicked misery sustaining yourself on berries and the occasional shrew and as the isolation drives you mad you will begin to eat yourself and dig your grave.
Dieter (mad) : Stop that!
Pepper Ann (ominously) : And then he'll dig you up and make you watch Pearl Harbour.
Dieter (defensive) : I would NEVER make a human being watch such vivid trash.
Pepper Ann: Picture a delicious parfait Moose. Vanilla and chocolate ice milk drowning delicious peanuts and toffee chips in a quagmire of whipped cream and marshmallow goo then having it taken away from the monster you see before you.
Moose (tiredly) : Peppie, really, this is the ninth time you scared me this week. Can you please make it up to me and be normal for the rest of week? That's not too much is it?
(PA pauses. Ashamed of letting craziness possess her again. She itches the back of her head and fidgets a bit.)
Pepper Ann: Um, okay… I should go to my room. I think I left… a .. food in the oven. An imaginary oven of course. (pauses) Since ovens are in kitchens.
(She takes off up the stairs and retreats to her room, diving under her blankets. Her reflection pops up onto her wall.)
Reflection (clapping) : Such a distinguished lady!
Pepper Ann (muffled) : Quiet! The impenetrable shield of my blankies should repel both monsters and consciences.
Reflection: Sane people wouldn't botch apologies so easily, why don't-
Pepper Ann (singing loudly) : Believe it or not I'm walkin' on air I never thought I could feel so free-eee-eee!
(Her reflection glares at her immaturity. We cut to Dieter and Moose exchanging quizzical glances as they hear PA's singing.)
Pepper Ann (off camera, natch) : Flying away on a wing and a prayer who could it be? Believe it or not it's just meeee!
(A new scene: A shopping mall full of weekend shoppers. Two old men watch a TV near an electronics store. A debate is on featuring two forty-something guys in dusty suits.)
Left guy: Oh please Mr. Beal! Are you actually arguing that TV forces people to be violent?
Right guy: Listen here, all I know is I ran down at least six kids on my way to work today. Do you want to be the one to explain that to their parents?
(PA and Nicky walk into view as they pass them.)
Pepper Ann (admiringly) : I thought that was pretty cool how you got our money back from those theatre hags.
Nicky: John Travolta and firefighters don't mix. I'm sorry I even suggested we see that cinematic salmonella.
(We cut to an hour into the past as PA and Nicky watch the movie. A mighty blaze is destroying many buildings, Travolta gives a sneer of helplessness as he watches on. Another firefighter runs toward him.)
Firefighter: Captain! We have no more water!
Travolta: Damn! Isn't there any liquid we can use?
Firefighter (sighs) : Nothing…nothing but.. the gas in the tank.
Travolta (determined) : Lets do it!
(P.A, Nicky and the rest of the audience gape as more flames explode and screams are bellowed through the speakers. We return to the girls walking through the mall.)
Nicky (mocking bravado): Oh please Mr. Travolta! You are killing me with talent! You are so cool! (She reverts to her normal self.) It was so bad I would have suggested we watched that putrid sequel to Hamlet again.
Pepper Ann: Honestly, I liked it better than the original despite all the plot holes, most of them relating to time travel and all.
(Cut to a scene from the Hamlet sequel. Hamlet, now a withered and ugly looking corpse, stands at the top of a mound of dead bodies and points to a well dressed man holding a sword and striking a fighting stance.)
Hamlet (burbling evilly) : Indeed Fortinbras, you may now be the royal king of Danes, but I am Hamlet; undead king of pain!
(We return to the girls again. Nicky glances at her watch.)
Nicky: Are you sure you don't want a ride? My mom is picking me up in a minute.
Pepper Ann: No thanks; I think I'll loiter around here some more. Maybe I'll find a cool yet useless thing I need to have.
Nicky (giggles) : Alright, see you at school on Monday.
Pepper Ann: Will do.
(Nicky exits. PA enters a clothing store; she looks at a poster with a happy looking sun with BUY SOMETHING OR WE WILL FLY YOU INTO THE SUN printed at the bottom. She proceeds to browse the clothing. She does a double take at the poster and then notices a smirking employee begin to approach her. PA makes a brisk exit from the store. The employee watches her.)
Crazy employee lady (calling out) : Nothing will save you next time!
(PA sighs and eyes an elevator. She enters it as everyone else gets off.)
Familiar voice: Hi Pepper Ann!
(PA looks toward where the voice came from. Dieter waves and walks toward her.)
Pepper Ann (apprehensive) : Aw Fuzzy….
(PA rapidly presses the "Close" button but the elevator shuts at a snail's pace.)
Dieter (approaching closer) : Hold the elevator for me please.
(PA continues to press the "Close" button. Nothing. Dieter enters the elevator.)
Dieter (oblivious to the awkwardness): Thanks!
(PA ignores him and looks the other way. The elevator closes and begins to descend. After a number of seconds of silence a shrieking screech of metal on metal contact overwhelms the two kids with pure fright and the elevator trembles to a stop. Alarm crosses the faces of PA and Dieter.)
Dieter (worried) : Wh..What has happened? Why have we stopped?
Pepper Ann (her hands over her face) : Because God hates me!
(We go to a crowd of annoyed people waiting for the elevator. Some keep pressing the buttons in a futile attempt to get it working again.)
Man: Oh, what now?
Woman: I got shoes to buy!
Some lazy kid: Like I'm gonna use the stairs!
(A mall security guard watches this tiny uproar. He pulls out his walkie-talkie and presses one of the buttons.)
Security Guard: Hey Rick looks like there's a problem with the elevator, would you get Gordon to check what's up?
(We cut back to PA and Dieter. PA is tapping the buttons frantically.)
Pepper Ann: I don't freakin' believe this…This kind of thing only happens in cartoons and lame sitcoms; I definitely have no time for this what so ever.
Dieter: It should only be a few minutes, it can't be that serious.
(A ring of a telephone is heard, which startles the two kids, PA opens a little door underneath the line of buttons to unveil a phone. She grabs it.)
Pepper Ann: Hello? Are you gonna get us out?
Male voice: Us? How many are there with you young lady?
Pepper Ann: Just one other person sir, a guy around my age.
(Dieter comes closer to PA so he can hear what the man has to stay.)
Male voice: Okay, listen up, I want you kids to stay calm, maintenance has been contacted but the elevator system is in a real
mess so I can only promise that they'll eventually get you guys out but I can't give you an estimate. I'd like you to give me your phone numbers so I can tell your parents the news at least.
Pepper Ann (mad!): Woa, woa, what? You have no idea when we'll get out? What kind of thing is that to say? I could be having a seizure or giving birth or Dieter could be a crazy man ready to beat me to death!
(Dieter winces at PA's exaggerations.)
Male voice: Look, I know it sucks but we are working as quickly as we can with this predicament I would like to be courteous so your parents don't get a lynch mob after us for not informing them sooner.
Pepper Ann (complying, though still miffed) : Fine! Fine!
(We cut to PA's home. Lydia returns a phone to its cradle. Moose approaches her mother.)
Moose: How can they not know when they'll get out? What if it drops?
Lydia: They haven't bothered to refurbish that elevator for a long while, from what they told me the rust is supposedly as thick as their heads; it doesn't seem to be moving at all. This should convince those cheap fools to actually do some renovations instead of saving for that clown pageant. (she becomes sarcastic) Yeah that just brought in a big wave of tourists to the town.
Moose: I just hope Peppie behaves herself. We all know how unpredictable she is when stuff happens unexpectedly.
(We return to the elevator. Classical Music is playing inside. PA snorts impatiently.)
Pepper Ann: Like music is gonna be a decent apology. Why aren't they doing anything? I haven't heard any attempt of work since we got stuck.
Dieter (brightening) : I have an idea.
(PA turns to him, a bit of hope in her eyes.)
Pepper Ann: Really? What?
Dieter: What do you have in your pockets?
(PA digs into them and shows the contents to him.)
Pepper Ann: An old shopping list, bunch of string, some change and six paperclips.
Dieter (pleased) : That should do!
(Dieter takes the items and turns his back to her.)
Dieter: Alright, I'll just use a nickel here and unravel some of the paper clips and stick it into the paper, then I can wrap the string here…. done!
Pepper Ann (curious) : What? What is it? A James Bond invention that we can use to get out of this place?
Dieter (cheery) : No, it's a little Fledermaus. (He shows a bat made out of the things PA gave him.) See? (He bobs it up in down to make it "fly" as he makes bat sounds.) Skee, Skee!
(He hands the bat to her. PA stares at it in disappointed silence.)
Dieter: Now I'll make the other one so we can both play!
(PA drops it to the floor and glares at Dieter.)
Pepper Ann (low and irate) : I don't think you understand the situation that we are in Dieter. It puzzles me how you can just naively make little bats and stay calm when those people specifically told us that they don't even know how long it'll take for them to get us out of here. (She gives the bat a little boot.) Does it not faze you that in a hundred years they will find our dust and bones in this tomb? How they'll put our remains in a museum to remind the public of the evils of dumb people who prefer extra dollars in their pockets to working and safe elevators? How one of us may become a cannibal just to stay alive for another two months?
(PA slides down the elevator wall and sits on the floor.)
Pepper Ann (choking up a bit) : Oh man, we've been stuck up here for only an hour and I'm already about to lose it. Why isn't anyone doing anything?
(Pity crosses Dieter's face as PA becomes upset.)
Dieter (sympathetic) : Please don't be sad Pepper Ann, I am sure everything will be okay again. It will take time but all will work out in the end since most problems are not as bad as they seem to be... I am not afraid of what will happen because… (he seems to hesitate, but continues) because you are here and… and you are my good friend.
(PA looks up at Dieter, quite surprised of what he said.)
Pepper Ann: Really?
Dieter (tentative): Ja.
Pepper Ann (bemused) : Even…. even after all the weird and selfish stuff I've done to you? You still think of me as a good friend?
Dieter (fidgets): Ja. Sometimes I feel that you are my best friend.
Pepper Ann (touched, yet a bit confused) : Oh…. Why?
Dieter: Because you are such a unique person Pepper Ann, you have no idea of how many people you help just by being you. Yes your brutal honesty may hurt some people but they'll end up respecting it in the future because truth is more important to them then a gift wrapped lie that will not hurt them as much. You are also so open to others, you admit your mistakes and learn from them in the end, you experience setbacks but you keep going onward to take on life with more determination than before. Others dismiss it as recklessness or even insanity yet they don't mention how healing it is to them, your integrity and adventurous personality gets people to think: "Why can't I be that honest and gutsy?" "Why didn't I just say that in the first place?" "How come I'm letting the past bug me so much when others have done crazier things then me?"
(PA blinks with astoundment.)
Pepper Ann (semi-doubtful) : Come on, it's not as if I'm an altruist or something.
Dieter: No, but they are very moral traits. Many will not realize it but if people would pursue your habits more often and everyone displayed your candid ways only a few times each day we would avoid many problems, either it being an awkward misunderstanding or unnecessary conflict. (He then pauses for a moment.) Do you remember the first time we met?
Pepper Ann: Sure I do. I met you and your mom at the hospital; she delivered Moose and you gave her her nickname. Milo and Nicky were there too.
Dieter: I remember it well, it was the first time I didn't feel lonely anymore.
Pepper Ann: What do you mean?
(She scoots over and pats the wall letting him know to take a seat, Dieter sits next to her.)
Dieter: Back in Germany we lived in a wealthy area of other doctors and important businessmen so naturally there were only private schools to attend.
(We fade to the past as a young Dieter, at least 4 or 5 years old, bounds to the school. He opens the door and hops in.)
Dieter's voice over: I was so excited to start school but the atmosphere was so wrong, parents dressed their children up in latest fashions as if they were in some kind of competition of who had the best dressed kid.
(A mother straightens a sleeve on her son, who is clad in a black suit and attractive leather loafers, gold cufflinks wink in the light as well. A girl in a designer shirt and dress pants passes by.)
Dieter's voice over: The teachers seemed to prejudice children who lived with an income below one hundred thousand.
(A teacher gives a shopping bag to Dieter, which is full of expensive looking clothing. He looks up confused at the teacher, who only gives a cruel smirk and hands Dieter a paper. It's a picture Dieter drew for art, a greenish brown seahorse floating gaily in the ocean. The word Scheiße is written over it in big black letters.)
Dieter's Voice over: And the children did not act like children, killing their Kinheit with emulated adult mannerisms.
(Dieter bounds toward a group of children, holding a large purple ball, he gestures to them for them to play. The kids glare athim with hate. We see that they are reading newspapers filled with stock quotes and capitalist ideas to make more money. Dieter's face falls, he lets the ball drop from his hands and he walks sadly to a corner of the room, he notices a number of boxes of wooden blocks, puzzles and learning games haven't been bothered to be open. The toys appear to be totally forgotten. He sits down and sniffs sadly. We go back to Dieter and PA in the elevator.)
Pepper Ann: Man, that sucks.
Dieter: When my mother was offered some work in America for a few months both of my parents agreed I would go with her. I was afraid to leave Germany but I thought it would also be amazing to leave the continent and go on an adventure as well.
Pepper Ann (impressed) : Holy man, that takes guts. I don't know if I could handle traveling that far away at such an age.
Dieter: I surprised myself though, I cried only once because the jet lag confused me severely. How could I be so tired when the sun was out and everyone was doing their everyday errands?
Pepper Ann: Heh, that'd bug me too. I remember the next time I met you was two weeks after Moose came home,(she laughs) I was being a brat and already I tried to barter her off in exchange for a Cabbage Patch doll. My mom set up a play date with you, Milo and me so I could keep out of her hair.
(We waver into the past, a little Milo, PA and Dieter are happily colouring with many supplies. Crayons, markers, pencils, pens, paint, chalk and pastels.)
Milo: Do what ever feels right. Your muse is happy when you allow it to play.
Pepper Ann: Mom didn't think it was right for me to allow my muse to play, Moose would have wanted me to have a Cabbage Patch Kid.
Milo (frowns) : Muses abhor it when people blame them for lame bouts of sibling rivalry as well.
Pepper Ann: Feh, some friend it is.
(Dieter turns in his seat to face Milo and PA.)
Dieter: Milo, Pepper Ann, I am having a bit of trouble with this camel
(He shows a decently drawn camel to them)
Milo: That's a great camel Dieter!
Dieter: I think I did a good job but I am feeling that there may be something missing.
Pepper Ann (frowning with thought) : I don't know it looks pretty good to me.
(PA stares at it more intently. Inspiration sparks in her eyes.)
Pepper Ann: Oh, wait! I got it! Gimme your pen.
(Dieter hands it to her. PA begins to do her adjustments. She finishes quickly.)
Pepper Ann: That should do it.
(The camel now has ferocious fangs, demon wings and a lightning bolt above it. A speech balloon is below the camel with "ROAR! FeeR me OtheR CAmelz!" written in it. Milo and Dieter look at it questioningly.)
Pepper Ann: Now it's better.
Dieter: Well…
Pepper Ann (mad) : What's wrong? You don't like it?
Dieter (worried) : I … I know I asked your advice.
Pepper Ann (no longer mad) : Ah, don't worry about it. I think it's brilliant but it is your drawing so you do whatever with it. Maybe I was supposed to do it so you could see that your camel was fine the way it was.
Milo: Yeah! I can see that happening!
Dieter (smiles) : Ja!
(Milo rummages in a pencil box and gets an eraser. He proceeds to erase PA's upgrades.)
Milo: This is a magic eraser that gets out ink, we can bring back Dieter's camel in seconds!
Pepper Ann: Yay! Welcome back normal camel!
(We return to the elevator.)
Dieter: I was sad that we had to leave. Although back in Germany my parents were transferred to the other side of the city since they were needed at the larger hospital and I could go to a public school with normal children. I appreciated the positive changes but I still thought about the town of Hazelnut.
Pepper Ann: You really liked it that much?
Dieter: It is interesting. The only day I did not think of Hazelnut was the day my mother told me that we would be going back. Suddenly I was frightened that we would return. What if Hazelnut changed? What if it was not so great anymore? I mean I was only five when I came and anything can impress a five year old. When we arrived it was so comforting to see that the town did not change much at all and that the other kids I have met still remained.
Pepper Ann (apologetic) : I could have given you more of a welcoming.
(We enter the past again. Dieter is walking through the park with some other kids
Lamar: So, you'll be going to the Hazelnut Middle School?
Dieter: Ja, I am very eager for the summer to be finished so I can get started.
Cissy: Hey, are there unicorns in Germany?
Dieter (?) : Uh..not that I know of.
(Dieter glances at a park bench and sees PA , she drops what appears to be a donut but quickly picks it up from the floor. She spots Dieter and gives a wave.)
Pepper Ann: Hey, German kid…uh, I mean, Dieter!
Dieter (to the others) : Excuse me please.
(Dieter meets PA. She holds the donut up to him.)
Pepper Ann (all smiles) : You want a donut?
Dieter: No that's all right, I saw you pick it up from the floor.
Pepper Ann: Yeah, but it wasn't there long. Doesn't the five second rule exist in Germany?
(Dieter thinks it over and accepts the donut.)
Dieter: I guess it wouldn't hurt.
(Cut to PA laughing next to a port-a-potty, muted retching is heard as Dieter is sick off camera. Milo approaches her.)
Milo: What gives? The five-second rule is a sham? I always believed it.
Pepper Ann: Nah, before he saw me drop it I had it sit in a pile of garbage for six seconds. The science fair will be mine and the school shall be my empire once they witness my brilliance.
Milo: But school is still a month away and the science fair isn't till January.
Pepper Ann (confident) : The pious prepare early.
(We return to reality back at the elevator.)
Pepper Ann: Others would have avoided me as if I were Christina Aguilera herself. First impressions are not one of my best.
Dieter: But you forget that that wasn't the first time we met. You imprinted your true good side to me when we were younger, people are allowed to have imperfections, it helps us realize our humanity. I… I know I may not be as cool as that eighth grader Craig Bean or rational like Nicky Little but I do appreciate your friendship immensely Pepper Ann.
Pepper Ann (contrite) : I'm sorry for spazzing out on you Dieter along with the other fanatical accusations I've been ranting this past week and .. thank you.
(PA faces Dieter with serious warmth.)
Pepper Ann: Thank you for being my friend.
(Dieter smiles, PA smiles as well. They reach for each other and hug.)
(We then cut to a few maintenance workers reviewing blueprints of the elevator.)
Worker 1: Okay, if we try to haul it up to the second floor we can get this over with. Barry was able to get a bunch a' rope should we have to open the elevator's ceiling so we can pull 'em out this, should be easy-peasy.
Worker 2: The reporters aren't coming still are they?
Worker 1: No, Gordon put a red herring out for them to chase, he told them that Ted Danson was scoping the east side of town for plans to shoot a Becker movie.
Worker 2: They fell for it?
Worker 1: Like pigs to the slaughter.
Worker 2: God I'd hang myself in a second if that were to really happen; I hate that damn show. Ted Danson is so not funny anymore.
Worker 1: Hey, wanna have some fun?
Worker 2: Sure, what?
(Worker 1 motions Worker 2 to follow.)
Worker 1: Come on.
(We return to the elevator, PA and Dieter are talking comfortably with each other.)
Pepper Ann: And they had these fifty-dollar faux-faded T-shirts, like something you would find at a thrift store for a quarter.
Dieter: Or the shirts that practically say "Look at me, I am trying as hard as I can to be different."
(The two laugh happily. At ease with each other's company.)
Pepper Ann: I saw that new Travolta movie with Nicky today, it was really bad but as sick as this sounds I'm glad we saw it just to see the angry disappointment on her face. Not only did Nicky get our money back she even admitted that she would have rather seen the Hamlet sequel again!
Dieter: Really? That definitely says something! How did she get the money back?
Pepper Ann: All I could hear what she told them was that she had connections with people and to expect a surprise in the mail; most likely bloody.
Dieter (gasps) : Furchtsam!
Pepper Ann (prideful): I bet she can form her own mob if she wanted to. I'm so proud of her corruption!
Deep Menacing Voice: It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again!
(PA and Dieter freeze at the unexpected surprise. They glance at each other nervously.)
Dieter: Who… who was that?
Male voice: Is it safe?
Pepper Ann: Who said that?
Male Voice: Is it safe?
(Dieter points to one of the elevator speakers, the music has turned off, and the voice is coming from them. PA frowns.)
Pepper Ann: Look, pal we are not in the mood for this kind of thing.
Male Voice: Is it safe?
Pepper Ann: I think we should be asking you that question.
Male Voice: Is it safe?
Pepper Ann: What are you referring to anyway?
Male Voice: Is it safe?
Pepper Ann (angry): Yes, its really safe here! My friend and me are very cozy and secure! Patiently waiting to be rescued!
Male Voice: Is it safe?
Pepper Ann (mockingly) : The dummy says what?
Deep Menacing Voice: Put the lotion in the damn basket!
(PA and Dieter scream as a piece of the elevator ceiling falls. A basket tied to some rope falls to the floor. Laughter is heard above.)
Worker 2: Heh, you like that babies?
Worker 1: We'll be hauling you guys up; you will be out soon enough. You didn't freak out to much did ya? I could warm some bottles up.
(They drop rope down to the kids. Their soft snickers still heard as PA and Dieter glare with contempt at the "rescuers".)
Pepper Ann (mad) : What a bunch of jerks..
Dieter (mad as well): Disgraceful indeed, lets hope they get Tetanus from being cut on the rusty machinery.
(PA bursts into giggles at Dieter's unexpected wrath. Dieter gives a sheepish smile before the two of them start climbing.)
Worker 2 (off camera, concerned) : Hey are we even covered for vaccinations?
(We go to a new scene: The mall is closing and many workers are underway to fix the elevator. Dieter watches some of the construction. PA pops up.)
Pepper Ann (relieved) : Sweet Fuzzy I thought I would be minus a kidney for awhile. I've never been so happy to see a bathroom since beating Wayne Mcabe at that laxative eating contest. (She sees the construction.) Well, looks like they're getting started with the work.
Dieter: Ja.
Pepper Ann: You know, I won't forget this experience we had Dieter I believe it will cause me to appreciate our friendship even further.
Dieter: Thank you Pepper Ann. I believe in that as well.
Pepper Ann: Which brings me to ask you if you are interested in being my co-conspirator to fill Trinket's room full of mice.
That spoiled socialite has got some nerve for calling Constance and those other girls mousy the other day. THEN she'll realize who the real mousy one is. (She laughs at her "brilliant" ethics.)
Dieter (smiles at PA's sense of justice) : Just try and stop me.
(The two friends exit the mall, PA's arm slung over Dieter's shoulder amicably.)
Pepper Ann: Now here's how it will all go, Trinket and her parents are going to some snooty car show for the afternoon, the butler will let us in and disable the security cameras so the only real difficulty we have is to find more vermin with the extra time
that is given what with such a simple entrance.
Dieter (surprised): The butler is in on it too?
Pepper Ann: He sure is! Remember last week when the St. Blaire's found their car soaked in pig's blood at the Viola concert? He did it.
Dieter: No way!
Pepper Ann: Yes way, so anyway, after we place the rodents we lock the butler in one of the closets. No witnesses to link us, we give each other our alibis, burn the clothes we wore and we continue on with our day with whatever we want. It's the perfect crime.
(The two exit out of our view as they walk down the street. Their voices still heard.)
Dieter (off camera, intrigued) : Schadenfreude is already filling my head. It sounds so easy.
Pepper Ann (off camera, eager) : I know! And it's gonna rock too!
END
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