Tales of Destiny
You Were Supposed to Be Mine
"Rutee? Can I come in?" A childish voice said from behind Rutee's door.
"Sure..." Rutee replied with absolutely no emotion whatsoever.
A young boy, maybe five or six years old, came through the door. He was an orphan of the Belcrant's attacks on the world. He was taken in by Rutee's orphanage soon after the final battle with Kronos ended, and has been there ever since. He always looked up to Rutee like a big sister, in fact it was the Katrea woman who suggested he come to Cresta with her. Now he lived peacefully here, or rather he did until Rutee apparently came down with a serious illness. The boy looked Rutee over. She was sprawled out on her bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. Her complexion was very pasty, her hair was a tangled and knotted mess. Her clothes were wrinkled and dirty, and smelled kinda funny...
"Rutee, please say you're going to be ok..." The boy pleaded.
"I'm fine..."
"You're not fine!" The boy shouted, trying to control his emotions. "Come on! Tell me what's wrong!"
"You wouldn't understand..." Rutee muttered as she turned on her side, facing away from the boy.
"You don't know that until you try!"
Rutee cringed. Those words...those were his words. Rutee balled her hands into tight fists.
"Are you done?" Rutee spat coldly. The boy stepped back in complete devastation. Rutee had changed alot since she came back to Cresta. At first it was barely noticeable, Rutee just didn't seem to have as much energy as she did before. She'd still make time to play with the children and help around the orphanage, but she seemed...distant. Then things took a turn for the worse. Rutee never played with the children anymore, all she did was mope around the orphanage, staring blankly into nothing. Every time someone asked her what was wrong, Rutee would either change the subject or just walk away with a emotionless sigh. Some thought it was shock from her Swordian, Atwight's death, but how could Rutee still be depressed about it after two years?
Atwight died a heroine, Rutee should be proud... The boy thought to himself.
Rutee WOULD be proud, but any sense of that was masked by this grim feeling of helplessness, a feeling she didn't want to share with anyone else.
"This isn't like you Rutee..." The boy muttered, trying to choke back tears.
"People change kid, deal with it..."
"...Give her back..." The boy managed to say through his oncoming sniffles.
"...What?"
"Give Rutee back! Who are you?! Where's the Rutee we know and love?!"
Rutee said nothing, just scoffing in reply. The boy ran out the door, his cries trailing in the air behind him. Rutee sat up and rested her head on her arched knees.
"Stupid kid..."
There was another knock on the door. Rutee fell back to her bed, giving the visitor a callous, "What do you want?"
One of the orphanage workers came in. She was in her mid forties, but she still held a vigorous energy about her, most likely from working around all of the children. But this vigor wasn't as evident today, for this woman too was quite downtrodden with Rutee's affliction.
"Rutee, we need to talk." Said the worker concernedly.
"I'm not in the mood..." Rutee said disdainfully.
The older woman shook her head in reply, and made her way over to Rutee's bed, taking a seat at the end.
"I'm sorry, but we're going to talk anyway."
"Whatever..."
The woman put her hands in her lap and organized her thoughts. She was trying to find a good way to begin this conversation so that Rutee wouldn't turn her away like she had everyone else who attempted to reach out to her.
"We're all concerned about you Rutee. I know you're a strong woman, you're one of the people that saved our world, but we all have times of weakness in our lives. You don't have to isolate yourself from us. We're a family here, and that includes you too."
"My family's dead..."
"......" The older woman stayed silent.
"Look." Rutee said, facing her. "I appreciate the concern and everything, but there's nothing wrong. I'm not sick or anything like that, I just...""Just what?"
"...forget it..." Rutee said, turning away again.
"Rutee, please, don't do this to us. We love you very much."
"Hmph...love..."
"Hmm?"
"Nothing..."
Now things were starting to get a little clearer...
"That young man...Stahn, I think his name was, is all of this about him?" She couldn't remember very well, she only saw him once, and that was when the group stopped by to pick up the Lens that was buried in the shed across from the orphanage. But that was all it took. She saw how Rutee looked at that boy. Hidden behind those tough-girl looks and attitude of hers was a woman in love.
Come to think of it, Rutee first started acting like this once she had disbanded from her journey with her friends... The older woman said in her mind.
"Go away..." Rutee's monotonous voice interrupted her thinking.
"So that is it."
"Leave me alone..."
"I can't do that Rutee, not until you tell me what's wrong."
"Everything's wrong!" Rutee screamed as she shot to her feet, storming to the corner of the room. "Stahn's wrong!"
"What is it that makes you say that? Have you tried talking to him about it?"
"Talk to him...? Talk to him?! How am I supposed to do that?!"
"Rutee, please keep your voice down..."
"He never comes to visit me! And you know why?! It's because of her! She keeps him wrapped around her finger all the time! How could I ever get through his rock hard skull when it's so full of lovey-dovey thoughts of that damn Ilene?!"
"I see...so Stahn found another?"
Rutee's shoulders drooped and she slammed her closed fist against the wall.
"...she took Stahn away from me...he...he was supposed to be mine..."
The older woman got to her feet and walked over to Rutee, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.
"Come now Rutee, don't think like that. Even if he did find someone else, do you really think he'd never want to see you or talk to you again?"
"Well..."
"You're still one of his best friends. He entrusted his life to you during your journey. That's a sign of true friendship, nothing less."
"I don't want that..."
"You don't want to be friends with him?"
"No..." Rutee muttered lowly. Now she was going to bear her soul for the first time.
"I was always alone..."
"That's not true Rutee..."
"Before I came here I mean...my father was always so engrossed in his work, he rarely ever made time for me. My brother...I can't even remember what he was like when we were younger...my mother and Atwight were the only real things in my life that I could call 'happiness.'"
"Chris Katrea and Atwight loved you very much." The woman reassured.
"Yeah...I know. I just wish things could have been different...but...they're not. I have no real family left anymore..."
"Don't think about that Rutee..."
"It's the truth..."
Rutee buried her face in her hands.
"When Mary's husband, Dalis, survived, I was really happy for her, but deep down...I was jealous...Mary, like me, had everything taken from her, everything but Dalis. He's all she'll need to be happy. But me..."
Rutee withdrew her face from her hands and looked at the orphanage worker before her.
"I could never thank everyone here enough for what they've done for me, but it's just not enough...I can't...I can't..."
Rutee could feel her voice beginning to break.
"I need Stahn...it's not fair...Ilene shouldn't be the one to have him, it should be me...I need him alot more than she does..."
"That may be so, but if he does indeed return her affections, can you really be the one to judge? Love isn't always fair, you just have to learn to move on."
Rutee smacked the hand on her shoulder away.
"You've still got us Rutee."
"I told you that's not going to cut it!"
The older woman sighed heavily. Rutee tried to go back to her bed to brood some more, but the woman grabbed her wrist.
"Forgive me for doing this but..."
-slap!-
"Ow!!" Rutee screamed as she put her hands to her cheek. "What'd you do that for?!"
"Pull yourself together Rutee Katrea. You're scaring the children acting like this. If Stahn has moved on, why shouldn't you do the same? Does he have that much of a hold on your heart?"
Rutee bowed her head and simply nodded.
"He's the only guy that sees me for who I really am..." Said Rutee.
"Rutee, at the very least, you should tell him how you feel. Even if he still cannot return your affections, you will feel much better seeing that he knows. If you won't do this for us or for yourself, then please do this for Stahn. I'm sure he'd be hurt to see you like this. If you truly love him, then don't make him suffer like this...even if it makes you suffer more..."
The woman went to the door and exited, leaving an emotionally distraught Rutee still standing there. Rutee cupped her hands on her chest.
"Tell him...? How...? How can I?" Rutee said to no one.
Tears once again began to fall from Rutee's eyes. She was torn inside. She wanted to tell Stahn how much she loved him, but could she bear to see that look of shock, or even worse, rejection, on his face? That would surely drive her over the edge. But was Stahn really the type to do that?
Of course not. Stahn Aileron was not that type of man. But even if she was able to work up the nerve to tell him, what about Ilene? How would she react to all of this?
All of these "What If..." scenarios made Rutee's head hurt, so she tried to push them out of her mind.
"Stahn..."
She had to tell him, and he had to know.
Rutee made a decision then and there. She would tell Stahn that she was deeply in love with him. Whether or not he accepted this didn't matter now. Rutee didn't want to be bound to helplessness by the simple thought of rejection any longer. She'd tell him and get it over with, and hopefully move on with her life. She'd then forget about everything she felt for him, and finally become herself again.
But was it really that easy? Stahn had captivated Rutee since the day they met. At first it was his immature and overbearing recklessness and his childish reactions to her taunts. That was just "Puppy Love." But during their latter travels, that minute love soon grew into true love. True love for the man who never submitted to despair. True love for the man who fought against countless odds and led the revolt of the surface dwellers. True love for the man who was never afraid to show his own feelings of hurt and pain. True love for one person and one person only: Stahn Aileron.
I'll tell you once and for all...
It's alright if you turn away...
If you don't say anything...
As long as you know...
That's all that matters...
But I'll never forget...
That you were supposed to be mine...
One hour later, Rutee stood outside the orphanage, her personal stash of Gald in her hand. Her destination was Fitzgald. She was about to set off for the port town of Darilsheid when she saw someone coming toward the building, her silver hair flowing freely on the wind...
"You..." Rutee mumbled in disgust.
"Hello Rutee." Ilene Rembrandt said with a courteous bow.
Author's Notes: What could Ilene possibly want to talk to Rutee about? Stay tuned!