NOTE: This chapter does have more perverse and foul language than the last
chapter, hehe.
*The Weakest Link theme plays*
Winterfall: Welcome back to The Weakest Link. Once again, I must tell our contestants: Please, try to think before speaking. Now, let's meet our eight contestants. First we have Jin "Easy to master" Kazama!
*Jin looks at Winterfall*
Jin: Easy to master? Do you have any idea how long it took you to master my Tekken Tag moves?
Winterfall: Three years and counting. But really, you are easy to master.
Jin: Don't make me go devil on your ass.
Winterfall: Great. Next up we have Ling Xiaoyu.
Ling: Oh my god! I'm standing next to JIN! *screams with delight*
Jin: Why did you do this to me? What did I do to deserve this crap?
Winterfall: You decided to talk back me! Next up we have Lee Chaolan.
Lee: Did I ever tell anyone that I actually was supposed to be the sixth man on "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy"?
Winterfall: Only so many times to make people commit suicide. Next up we have Heihachi Mishima.
*Heihachi is talking to somebody on the phone*
Hei: You tell that ungrateful son of a bitch that if he doesn't sell the stock to my company, he'll never see his kids again!
*Heihachi slams the cell phone onto the floor. It breaks into a million pieces*
Winterfall: Have you ever seen a therapist?
Hei: (Calm now) Why would I need one?
Winterfall: Oh, no reason. Next up is Nina Williams.
*Nina takes a long drag off a cigarette*
Nina: God I wanna shoot someone.
Winterfall: Why?
Nina: It's the 12-step program to my killing addiction. I kill 12 people a day, and work down from there. I'm on step four now. I haven't touched a gun all day! I mean look at my hand!
*Nina holds up her left hand. The index finger is twitching as if it is squeezing a trigger*
Winterfall: Please seek some counseling. Next up is Hwoarang.
*Hwoarang is busy chugging down an oversized bottle of Jack Daniels. He finishes and chucks the bottle into the audience. A shatter can be heard.*
Hwo: WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Yeah baby! Haha!
Winterfall: Ladies and Gentlemen, this man can be found in the dictionary under the term "alcoholic" or "Raging drunken asshole".
Hwo: (slightly slurred speech) Hey, I heard that! *burp*
Winterfall: Sure you did. Next we have Steve Fox.
Steve: Come on, let's get this going. I have to go take my mom to her KA meeting.
Winterfall: KA?
Steve: Killer anonymous.
Winterfall: Ahh. And finally King is also here.
*King apparently has the voice of Antonio Bandaras*
King: Aye carumba!
Winterfall: Great. Let's get going with the game. You all have one minute to answer questions I ask each of you and after one correct question, you'll have a chance to "bank" the money you've earned. The highest amount you can achieve is $125,000 or the salary you're receiving for Tekken 5. So Jin, the timer will start after I finish reading the first question.
Jin: Shoot.
Winterfall: This famous rock band sang "Uncle John's Band".
Jin: How the hell am I supposed to know that?
Winterfall: No. The answer was The Grateful Dead. Ling? Kermit the Frog is one of these.
Ling: *staring at Jin's ass* Oh god! I so want my strap-on right now!
*Jin shudders*
Winterfall: No. A muppet. Lee? Nicholas Cage and John Travolta starred in this 1998 action film.
Lee: Blow Job.
Winterfall: Wow. Face-off. Heihachi?
*Heihachi somehow got a hold of another phone and is threatening to kill someone again*
Winterfall: This is only Tekken game where you can tag.
Heihachi: ...you fucking cunt bag motherfucking son of a...
Winterfall: No. Tekken Tag Tournament. Nina? This appliance brand starts with "Ken".
Nina: *takes a drag off the cig* Walther.
Winterfall: Kenmore. Hwoarang? This Tom Clancy novel has Jack Ryan looking for the "Red October".
Hwo: *He is busy humping his podium while singing the Nine Inch Nails song "Closer"* I want to fuck you like an animal!
Winterfall: No. "The Hunt for Red October". Steve? This boxer likes to bite your ear off.
Steve: Evander Holyfield.
*the audience gasps*
Winterfall: Mike Tyson. King?
King: Senor?
Winterfall: This is a common macaroni dish that typically ends with "And Cheese".
King: I will not speak of such fattening American foods!
Winterfall: Macaroni and cheese. Jin?
*Buzzer sounds*
Winterfall: You happened to not bank a dime, because you could never answer the FUCKING QUESTIONS! *Pounds his fists on the podium*
Hwo: *Obviously drunk* Hey man, chill. *pulls out a half-filled glass of scotch* Here, have some of this. You'll feel great!
Winterfall: Did I ask you a fucking question?
Hwo: No hatin'.
Winterfall: *long pause* Let's vote off the Weakest Link already.
*That whispery voice comes about*
Voice: Everyone happens to be the weakest link this round. They all answered their questions wrong.
*Everyone writes something down*
Winterfall: Let's find out who's getting voted off, and who actually gets to stay and lower their IQ score even more.
Jin: Winterfall007
Ling: Winterfall007
Lee: Winterfall007
Heihachi: Fuck me? Well, fuck you asshole! (very quickly) Winterfall007
Nina: Winterfall007
Hwo: Winterfall007
Steve: Winterfall007
King: Winterfall007
*Winterfall's jaw can be seen dropping on the floor*
Winterfall: You all can't vote me off! I'm the host!
Jin: We don't care! Bring back Anne Robinson!
Winterfall: She went home to England after NBC denied her a raise! You still can't vote me off.
*The Voice returns*
Voice: Little does Winterfall know, but they actually can.
Winterfall: I heard that. And no they can't.
Voice: Yes, they can.
Winterfall: Uh, no.
Voice: Uh, yes.
Winterfall: *sharp, quick sigh* Join us after the commercial break for the all-new, star-studded, Match Game '76!
*The Weakest Link theme plays*
Winterfall: Welcome back to The Weakest Link. Once again, I must tell our contestants: Please, try to think before speaking. Now, let's meet our eight contestants. First we have Jin "Easy to master" Kazama!
*Jin looks at Winterfall*
Jin: Easy to master? Do you have any idea how long it took you to master my Tekken Tag moves?
Winterfall: Three years and counting. But really, you are easy to master.
Jin: Don't make me go devil on your ass.
Winterfall: Great. Next up we have Ling Xiaoyu.
Ling: Oh my god! I'm standing next to JIN! *screams with delight*
Jin: Why did you do this to me? What did I do to deserve this crap?
Winterfall: You decided to talk back me! Next up we have Lee Chaolan.
Lee: Did I ever tell anyone that I actually was supposed to be the sixth man on "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy"?
Winterfall: Only so many times to make people commit suicide. Next up we have Heihachi Mishima.
*Heihachi is talking to somebody on the phone*
Hei: You tell that ungrateful son of a bitch that if he doesn't sell the stock to my company, he'll never see his kids again!
*Heihachi slams the cell phone onto the floor. It breaks into a million pieces*
Winterfall: Have you ever seen a therapist?
Hei: (Calm now) Why would I need one?
Winterfall: Oh, no reason. Next up is Nina Williams.
*Nina takes a long drag off a cigarette*
Nina: God I wanna shoot someone.
Winterfall: Why?
Nina: It's the 12-step program to my killing addiction. I kill 12 people a day, and work down from there. I'm on step four now. I haven't touched a gun all day! I mean look at my hand!
*Nina holds up her left hand. The index finger is twitching as if it is squeezing a trigger*
Winterfall: Please seek some counseling. Next up is Hwoarang.
*Hwoarang is busy chugging down an oversized bottle of Jack Daniels. He finishes and chucks the bottle into the audience. A shatter can be heard.*
Hwo: WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Yeah baby! Haha!
Winterfall: Ladies and Gentlemen, this man can be found in the dictionary under the term "alcoholic" or "Raging drunken asshole".
Hwo: (slightly slurred speech) Hey, I heard that! *burp*
Winterfall: Sure you did. Next we have Steve Fox.
Steve: Come on, let's get this going. I have to go take my mom to her KA meeting.
Winterfall: KA?
Steve: Killer anonymous.
Winterfall: Ahh. And finally King is also here.
*King apparently has the voice of Antonio Bandaras*
King: Aye carumba!
Winterfall: Great. Let's get going with the game. You all have one minute to answer questions I ask each of you and after one correct question, you'll have a chance to "bank" the money you've earned. The highest amount you can achieve is $125,000 or the salary you're receiving for Tekken 5. So Jin, the timer will start after I finish reading the first question.
Jin: Shoot.
Winterfall: This famous rock band sang "Uncle John's Band".
Jin: How the hell am I supposed to know that?
Winterfall: No. The answer was The Grateful Dead. Ling? Kermit the Frog is one of these.
Ling: *staring at Jin's ass* Oh god! I so want my strap-on right now!
*Jin shudders*
Winterfall: No. A muppet. Lee? Nicholas Cage and John Travolta starred in this 1998 action film.
Lee: Blow Job.
Winterfall: Wow. Face-off. Heihachi?
*Heihachi somehow got a hold of another phone and is threatening to kill someone again*
Winterfall: This is only Tekken game where you can tag.
Heihachi: ...you fucking cunt bag motherfucking son of a...
Winterfall: No. Tekken Tag Tournament. Nina? This appliance brand starts with "Ken".
Nina: *takes a drag off the cig* Walther.
Winterfall: Kenmore. Hwoarang? This Tom Clancy novel has Jack Ryan looking for the "Red October".
Hwo: *He is busy humping his podium while singing the Nine Inch Nails song "Closer"* I want to fuck you like an animal!
Winterfall: No. "The Hunt for Red October". Steve? This boxer likes to bite your ear off.
Steve: Evander Holyfield.
*the audience gasps*
Winterfall: Mike Tyson. King?
King: Senor?
Winterfall: This is a common macaroni dish that typically ends with "And Cheese".
King: I will not speak of such fattening American foods!
Winterfall: Macaroni and cheese. Jin?
*Buzzer sounds*
Winterfall: You happened to not bank a dime, because you could never answer the FUCKING QUESTIONS! *Pounds his fists on the podium*
Hwo: *Obviously drunk* Hey man, chill. *pulls out a half-filled glass of scotch* Here, have some of this. You'll feel great!
Winterfall: Did I ask you a fucking question?
Hwo: No hatin'.
Winterfall: *long pause* Let's vote off the Weakest Link already.
*That whispery voice comes about*
Voice: Everyone happens to be the weakest link this round. They all answered their questions wrong.
*Everyone writes something down*
Winterfall: Let's find out who's getting voted off, and who actually gets to stay and lower their IQ score even more.
Jin: Winterfall007
Ling: Winterfall007
Lee: Winterfall007
Heihachi: Fuck me? Well, fuck you asshole! (very quickly) Winterfall007
Nina: Winterfall007
Hwo: Winterfall007
Steve: Winterfall007
King: Winterfall007
*Winterfall's jaw can be seen dropping on the floor*
Winterfall: You all can't vote me off! I'm the host!
Jin: We don't care! Bring back Anne Robinson!
Winterfall: She went home to England after NBC denied her a raise! You still can't vote me off.
*The Voice returns*
Voice: Little does Winterfall know, but they actually can.
Winterfall: I heard that. And no they can't.
Voice: Yes, they can.
Winterfall: Uh, no.
Voice: Uh, yes.
Winterfall: *sharp, quick sigh* Join us after the commercial break for the all-new, star-studded, Match Game '76!