Note: The good thing about your brother visiting your sister while she's still down the road from you: they have your two oldest kids over for a slumber party, so you can type up more of your story after your twin babies are sleeping. Enjoy.

Chapter 4: We're All Mad Here

Teal'c smiled pleasantly at Carter and Jack as they approached, Jack carrying a bag and a leash, at the other end of which was a very strange looking little dog wearing clothing of some sort.

"O'Neill. Major Carter," he said, nodding a greeting to them as they all stopped next to the car Teal'c had requisitioned from the base. "That dog is most unlike the one you gave to Cassandra, O'Neill."

"You can say that again," Jack muttered as Jonas, his eyes brighter than ever before, grinned down at the dog like he was posing for a toothpaste commercial.

"Wow, he's cool!" Jonas said. He had heard the word from Colonel O'Neill on several occasions, and decided to incorporate it into his own vocabulary.

"I was under the impression that canines of your world did not wear clothing, O'Neill," Teal'c stated, obviously puzzled. Carter laughed.

Jack scowled at her and said, "They, ah, usually don't."

"You can pet him, Jonas," Carter said, noticing how hard her friend was trying to restrain his enthusiasm.

Jonas grinned at them both and happily crouched down next to the friendly dog, who sniffed him cautiously and immediately started licking his face. Jack assumed there were traces of food on him, as the man was almost always eating something or other.

"What is this animal's name?" Teal'c inquired.

"Waffles," Jack said.

Teal'c and Jonas looked at him like he was crazy for a few moments. He realized it was probably very bizarre to them that someone would name a dog Waffles, but found he had no way to explain it himself, so he merely shrugged and said, "Okay, kids, let's go to Petsmart!"

In the car, Jonas asked Jack about a thousand questions about dogs in general, and Waffles in particular. Jack tried to be as patient as possible with the man, whose only real crime was an unnatural amount of curiosity. But he was quickly losing what little patience he had, and Carter and Teal'c both intervened to keep Jack from losing it and snapping unnecessarily at Jonas.

Carter tried to steer the conversation elsewhere. Teal'c went for the less subtle approach, turning up the radio loudly to bar further conversation.

When they got to Petsmart, it was very crowded, as it was Saturday. There were many people there with their dogs. Jonas admired each one and asked many questions about the different breeds and everything. "I'm going to go find a book for you, Jonas," Carter announced with a grin. She turned her smile to her CO and it took on a slightly wicked look as she said, "Have fun with the Colonel."

Before Jack could object, she had wandered off to the book aisle and Teal'c had wandered off as well without a word.

"This is so exciting. All these families and people, all with different pets to take care of. What are we here for?" Jonas asked.

"Dog food," Jack answered, gripping Waffles's leash tighter as he strained to go hang out with a pair of Golden retrievers nearby. "And a dog toy."

He and Jonas quickly found the dog food. Jack loaded a case of it into the cart Jonas was pushing, and then they went to the toy aisle, where a little girl and her dad were picking out toys for an obviously new St. Bernard puppy. The puppy, upon seeing Waffles, squirmed out of the little girl's grasp and ran over to them.

Waffles got nervous and peed, at the same time trying to jump into Jack's arms. The result was Jack getting dog pee all down the left leg of his trousers and on his favorite pair of shoes.

"I'm so sorry," the girl's father apologized, scooping the puppy up quickly.

"Ah, no problem," Jack insisted with a forced smile, handing the leash to Jonas. "I'm going to go clean myself up. Go find Carter," he instructed Jonas.

When he came out of the bathroom ten minutes later, he quickly located Carter, who was no longer looking at books but was in the toy aisle (which had been cleaned up already by an industrious employee) with Waffles.

"Where's Jonas?" Jack demanded.

She shrugged. "He wanted to check out the rest of the store. Here, I think Waffles likes this toy best," she said with a grin, squeezing a squeaky ball.

"You're having too much fun with this," Jack said grumpily.

She glanced down at his leg and bit her lip to keep from laughing. "Got a little excited, sir?" she asked finally, unable to restrain herself.

"Cute, Carter," he said sarcastically. "Now. Let's round up the rest of the gang and get out of here."

"Teal'c was over by the hamsters last time I saw him," Carter offered. "But I still haven't decided on the best book for Jonas."

"All right, I'll go get them. Want me to take Waffles?"

"No thanks, Uncle Jack," she said, hurrying off before he could counter that one.

When Jack found his two alien teammates, he burst out laughing, because both had their faces practically pressed against the side of the giant cage of hamsters. Jonas looked predictably intrigued, but it was Teal'c who made Jack laugh.

The huge man was laughing heartily, a deep belly laugh, as he watched the scurrying little animals. Were he not a gruff military man, Jack would have called the tableau "cute."

"Having fun, boys?" he asked with a grin.

"O'Neill," Teal'c said, snapping up to his full height and looking as stoic as ever. "Jonas told me of your mishap. Are you all right?"

"Not the worst thing I've ever had on my pants," he replied with a shrug.

"You guys almost ready?"

"I would enjoy the opportunity to explore the rest of this facility, O'Neill," Teal'c said evenly.

Jack shrugged. "Suits me, I'm in no hurry. Jonas, you good?"

"Yes, sir."

"All right then. I'll go tell Carter."

This time he found Carter in the book aisle, as she had said she would be. She was reading a book, not about dogs, but about cats.

"Shopping?" Jack asked.

She jumped; he had startled her. "Shopping, sir?"

He took the leash from her and nodded. "You like cats, right? Better than dogs?"

"Not really better, sir. They're just a lot more convenient when you're barely at home."

"You miss your cat? Schroedinger?"

She shrugged and looked around for a change of topic. "Waffles does like it here. Mrs. Tucker's lucky to have you to take him out for her."

"She takes him for little walks herself when it's not so cold out. But when there's ice on the streets and sidewalk she prefers to stay inside. You didn't answer my question. You want another cat?"

She shrugged. "I think about getting one sometimes."

"They have cats here, you know. From the shelter. At the back."

"I didn't know that."

"Come on," he said, gesturing her to follow.

He was right. There was a large pen area set up with cats in one section and dogs in another, all hoping to be adopted today.

They also found something else they weren't prepared for. "Guess Murray beat us here," Jack said quietly to her.

They both looked in shocked amazement at their largest friend, who was sat in the middle of the cat pen surrounded by a variety of cats in all colors and sizes. They were practically worshipping him, and he looked blissfully content. One was sitting contentedly on his shoulder, another three crawled all over his lap, and the rest were all mewling for those prime positions. The volunteer from the shelter was smiling at them all fondly.

"They must sense how calm he is or something," Carter muttered. Jack wasn't sure if she was explaining that to him or to herself.

As she spoke, the volunteer noticed them and came over, smiling. "Good afternoon. Are you two looking for a cat?" she asked hopefully with a bright smile.

Instinctively stepping apart from each other, they both shook their heads vigorously. "No, we're not… shopping… together… we're just… shopping… together," Jack said lamely.

The woman narrowed her eyes at him and shrugged. "Hey, Murray, you taking root there or something?" Jack called to Teal'c, desperate to change the subject. He knew, rather than saw (as he dared not look over at her) that Carter's cheeks were glowing bright pink.

Teal'c regarded them both calmly and said, "These animals are most interesting, O'Neill. Major Carter, did you now own one at one time?"

"Yeah, I did…"

Waffles chose that moment to notice that there were a lot of cats in the area. Rather than wanting to chase them, as most dogs did, he was terrified, and before Jack could grab him, he had run around in a few crazy circles, effectively tangling Jack up in the leash.

"Wait, Waffles, stop!" Jack ordered as the little dog took off. Stumbling and trying not to fall as the leash tangled him even further, Jack only just managed to avoid falling on the tiny dog.

Unfortunately, his altered trajectory as he fell put Carter directly in his angle of descent, and they both crashed loudly and clumsily to the floor. Waffles, thinking Jack had hurt his new buddy, immediately jumped on him and grabbed the loose fabric of his coat, trying to pull him off of her.

Untangling himself from the leash and Carter, Jack stood up, pulled her to her feet, and they started brushing themselves off. Teal'c quickly stepped out of the cat pen and grabbed Waffles's leash.

Jack looked around and noticed many people watching the situation and laughing, or trying to look as though they hadn't just been laughing at them. "Sorry," he apologized sheepishly to Carter.

"Not your fault, sir," she assured him, still slightly pink in the face. "I didn't realize coming to Petsmart with you was so dangerous though," she said lightly.

"Very funny. But true. And on that note, let's round up Jonas and get back home."

"Good idea," she agreed. "Mrs. Tucker might get worried about Waffles if he stays out too late with his Uncle Jack," she added in a teasing tone of voice.

He rolled his eyes and said, "Just wait, Carter. One of these days, I'll get your dad to tell me something juicy."

Teal'c shook his head slightly as he followed them through the store as they set off to find the newest member of SG1.

They found him in front of the fish tanks. He looked completely mesmerized. "Look how pretty they are," he said quietly to Carter when she leaned over next to him for a closer look.

"They are," she agreed.

"They're so peaceful looking."

"Lots of people keep them around because they're relaxing to watch," Carter explained. "That's why they often have fish tanks in doctor's offices as well."

"Really? That's interesting."

"Yeah," she agreed. "I picked out a good book for you about all the different breeds of dogs."

"Great! Thanks, Major Carter!"

"No problem, Jonas." She stood back up and stepped away from the tank, but Jonas didn't move. After several moments and a significant look from Colonel O'Neill, she asked gently, "Um, Jonas, are you about ready to go?"

"Oh! Yes. Of course. Sorry." He quickly followed them to the checkout but kept looking back towards the fish tanks until they were out of the store and into the parking lot.