AN: I'm warning you now, if you can't take a joke, get the hell out!

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Chapter 1: Cemetary Snogs

Harry struggled to maintain his expression of solemn sadness.

It was difficult.

But the rest of the Weasleys were there and Harry couldn't very well show his true emotions in front of them. He heard Mrs. Weasley blow her nose behind him. He rolled his eyes and kicked at the dirt near the grave.

This was just as boring as all the other funerals he had been too.

Pretty soon people began to take off. Mrs. Weasley was the last to go and the only two people left were Harry and Hermione.

They looked at each other at the same time and burst out laughing.

"I was trying so hard not to look at you while that wizard priest was going on and on about how great that red-headed bloke was," Hermione said between snickers.

"Yeah," Harry said, smiling at his love.

"What was his name again?" Hermione asked frowning. "John?"

"Ron," Harry muttered. "I don't know why you can't remember it. Just remember RON – Ringleader of Nastiness."

Hermione nodded. "I always forget that."

Harry chuckled. "You'd think you'd remember him a bit. He was in love with you…and you seemed to return his feelings up until sixth year."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Harry, be sensible. No one falls in love while they're in school."

"What about Mr. and Mrs. Weasley? What about my mom and dad?"

"Quit being logical," Hermione snapped. "That's my area of expertise. You're just supposed to go around doing random acts of heroism and smile when people mention that you have your mother's eyes."

"Oh yeah," Harry said, remembering his purpose. "Do I get to do anything else?"

"Yes. You get to snog me and describe how I've changed to become a sexy model so that you could finally fall in love with me," Hermione read off of a piece of paper.

"Sounds about right," Harry agreed. He checked his watch. "Do you think we have time for a quickie?"

Hermione answered this by kissing him softly on the lips. They collapsed on Ron's grave and began snogging each other silly. Harry was amazed that he was doing this with Hermione, his best friend, the one he had deemed the thing he would miss most in his fourth year-

Oh, that was that other bloke.

-but still this was Hermione. Her long chocolate tresses were no longer bushy or frizzy because people with bushy hair couldn't be sex symbols and certainly weren't good enough for Harry Potter. Her eyes were the color of a newborn deer and since anyone over eighty pounds was the work of Satan, Hermione, of course, weighed less than this while still maintaining full, large breasts.

She was perfect.

They rolled around on Ron's grave making animal noises and assuring each other that they were, in fact, the best either one of them had ever had.

Not that had had anyone else. They were soul mates, after all.

Hermione stared into Harry's emerald, jade, olive, sea-turtle-colored orbs of wonder. He was so beautiful. Hermione treasured every second with him and only wished that she had discovered her love sooner.

"Ow!" Harry yelled.

"What's wrong?"

"You slammed me up against Ron's tombstone," he answered.

Hermione looked at the stone and read aloud, "Ron Weasley, The Boy-Who-Didn't-Live, 1980 – 1997." She paused. "Did you get that written on there?"

"Yeah."

"Nice."

Harry smiled at her. They had their entire lives to devote to each other…and their future offspring. It was going to be wonderful.

Suddenly the ground began to shake beneath them. Harry grabbed his sweetheart and held her protectively. No danger would befall her whilst he was there. The grave began to rumble and Harry and Hermione took a step back. They watched as Ron's tombstone spilt in half and right before their very eyes….

Ron appeared.

AN: Please review! More chapters coming soon!