Until the End of Time
Chapter 8
Realizing that he'd said too much, Goku scrambled for something to say in the way of an explination. Some of Sanzo's past reincarnations had dreams of different lives. He had been unable to help but ask the question. Sitting next to each other like this, it was all he could do not to wrap his arms around the other. The poem had topped it off. Makoto Hanajima had been the last Sanzo that he'd found, a poetry writer in southern Japan. For fun, Goku had written a poem for him, and Makoto had gotten it published. It had been something very special between the two of them.
"I have strange dreams sometimes," Goku finally stammered.
Sanzo released him, his eyebrow raised.
Turning away so that Sanzo wouldn't be able to see the lie in his eyes, Goku looked over at the blank television. He could use this to his advantage, he knew, in order to stimulate Sanzo's memory. However, he would have to be very careful not to say too much too soon, otherwise Sanzo might think he was crazy and send him away perminantly.
"It's strange. At night, it is like I live an entirely different life. I don't remember very much when I wake up, just a few things. Yet, the dreams remain so real to me that I can never stop thinking about them. The vast years of lonliness, of having noone and nothing. Then, suddenly, joy like I had never imagined. A stranger that somehow fulfilled me in a way that I'd never imagined. I dream of this person, of undying love and loyalty, yet I can never remember more than a whisper."
Goku could feel Sanzo staring at him. He felt his cheeks beginning to burn, and fought the urge to just tell Sanzo everything. It was so difficult to keep his mouth shut that he almost felt tears come to his eyes. Silence stretched between them, a heavy weight on his shoulders. A sense of dispair washed over Goku. What if Sanzo never remembered? What if the situation would force Goku to live so close but to never have him? It would be a fate worse than death.
"I think you should go," Sanzo said quietly, finally breaking the quiet between them.
Goku jerked his head up, feeling the tears come for real. It was as though his worst fear was coming true. Before he could stop himself, he grabbed onto Sanzo's arm. "Please don't make me go. I don't want to be alone anymore," he pleaded, his mind retracing the years and years it had taken to find Sanzo again.
He buried his face into Sanzo's shoulder, forcing his tears back. He had hardly ever cried, at any point in his life, and didn't want to now. However, his emotions had been on a wild up-and-down lately and refused to be snubbed. The pain and lonliness he'd carried for so long spilled out, and he could only cling to Sanzo and cry.
It seemed like forever before he felt something stroke his hair. Choking back a sob, Goku forced himself to look up at Sanzo. The other's expression was blank, but his fingers continued to twine with Goku's hair. A gesture trying to comfort, Goku realized. And he did feel comforted. His crying subsided and he let go of Sanzo's arm.
"I'm sorry," Goku said, embarrassed. He spied a tissue box on the side table and quickly wiped his sniffling nose. "I didn't mean to act like that. I just... I feel like I've found someone special in you. And I've been alone for so long that I just lost my senses for a moment."
"You can stay here," Sanzo said.
"I really didn't mean to put you on the spot like that."
Goku's mouth snapped shut when Sanzo's words sank into his head. He turned wide eyes to his companion, unable to think of something to say.
"Don't get the wrong idea," Sanzo added, scowling. "You can sleep on the couch."
Goku had to remind himself to breathe. It wasn't a declaration of love, but he was certainly getting closer! All it once, it was like every sadness in his body and mind was gone, replaced by a happiness he had never felt before. He felt his hope return. One day, Sanzo would remember, and they would have an entire lifetime to be together.
tbc
Chapter 8
Realizing that he'd said too much, Goku scrambled for something to say in the way of an explination. Some of Sanzo's past reincarnations had dreams of different lives. He had been unable to help but ask the question. Sitting next to each other like this, it was all he could do not to wrap his arms around the other. The poem had topped it off. Makoto Hanajima had been the last Sanzo that he'd found, a poetry writer in southern Japan. For fun, Goku had written a poem for him, and Makoto had gotten it published. It had been something very special between the two of them.
"I have strange dreams sometimes," Goku finally stammered.
Sanzo released him, his eyebrow raised.
Turning away so that Sanzo wouldn't be able to see the lie in his eyes, Goku looked over at the blank television. He could use this to his advantage, he knew, in order to stimulate Sanzo's memory. However, he would have to be very careful not to say too much too soon, otherwise Sanzo might think he was crazy and send him away perminantly.
"It's strange. At night, it is like I live an entirely different life. I don't remember very much when I wake up, just a few things. Yet, the dreams remain so real to me that I can never stop thinking about them. The vast years of lonliness, of having noone and nothing. Then, suddenly, joy like I had never imagined. A stranger that somehow fulfilled me in a way that I'd never imagined. I dream of this person, of undying love and loyalty, yet I can never remember more than a whisper."
Goku could feel Sanzo staring at him. He felt his cheeks beginning to burn, and fought the urge to just tell Sanzo everything. It was so difficult to keep his mouth shut that he almost felt tears come to his eyes. Silence stretched between them, a heavy weight on his shoulders. A sense of dispair washed over Goku. What if Sanzo never remembered? What if the situation would force Goku to live so close but to never have him? It would be a fate worse than death.
"I think you should go," Sanzo said quietly, finally breaking the quiet between them.
Goku jerked his head up, feeling the tears come for real. It was as though his worst fear was coming true. Before he could stop himself, he grabbed onto Sanzo's arm. "Please don't make me go. I don't want to be alone anymore," he pleaded, his mind retracing the years and years it had taken to find Sanzo again.
He buried his face into Sanzo's shoulder, forcing his tears back. He had hardly ever cried, at any point in his life, and didn't want to now. However, his emotions had been on a wild up-and-down lately and refused to be snubbed. The pain and lonliness he'd carried for so long spilled out, and he could only cling to Sanzo and cry.
It seemed like forever before he felt something stroke his hair. Choking back a sob, Goku forced himself to look up at Sanzo. The other's expression was blank, but his fingers continued to twine with Goku's hair. A gesture trying to comfort, Goku realized. And he did feel comforted. His crying subsided and he let go of Sanzo's arm.
"I'm sorry," Goku said, embarrassed. He spied a tissue box on the side table and quickly wiped his sniffling nose. "I didn't mean to act like that. I just... I feel like I've found someone special in you. And I've been alone for so long that I just lost my senses for a moment."
"You can stay here," Sanzo said.
"I really didn't mean to put you on the spot like that."
Goku's mouth snapped shut when Sanzo's words sank into his head. He turned wide eyes to his companion, unable to think of something to say.
"Don't get the wrong idea," Sanzo added, scowling. "You can sleep on the couch."
Goku had to remind himself to breathe. It wasn't a declaration of love, but he was certainly getting closer! All it once, it was like every sadness in his body and mind was gone, replaced by a happiness he had never felt before. He felt his hope return. One day, Sanzo would remember, and they would have an entire lifetime to be together.
tbc