Disclaimer: I own nothing of the great creation that is Final Fantasy IX. But I do happen to own the new character I introduced! Read to find out!
She was as lost as anyone who was lost could possibly be. After that battle, that horrendous battle in which the dead had reawakened, she had run aimlessly through the maze of corridors and tunnels. Whenever she reached a dead end, she simply broke through the walls, venting out her rage on the cold stone, leaving a path that a blind man could follow. She could tell that Garland was furious with her, but she didn't care.
At last, after running for what felt like an eternity, she curled up at another dead end, its narrow walls bearing down on her. Sighing, Dagger leaned back, relief flooding through her as the cool surface touched her flushed skin, her tired and heated body finally relaxing. Bringing her knees up to her chest, she sniffed like a little girl before beginning to cry piteously.
I was so wrong, she thought bitterly. I was such an idiot to think that I could possibly love my friends without being weak. Look where it got me! I couldn't kill him even though I knew he was an imposter. Not even that I couldn't, I didn't want to! She gave another heart wrenching sob before burying her face into her knees.
From this day forth, I will never let anyone weaken me, she swore. I was and still am a fool to believe that love for others couldn't be used against me. She wiped her tears away roughly, Nor will I cry. Not a tear shall touch my cheeks even when I do become strong! Crying shows pain, pain is weakness… she thought darkly. There's no room for error if I want Zidane or Vivi back, no place for mistakes if I want to pass Garland's requirements. So she sat there, curled up tightly and staring blankly at the heartless walls.
Abruptly, there was a crunch of gravel, and several foot steps before the person slowed and stopped in front of her. She didn't raise her head, knowing who t was without looking, instead, continuing to examine her boots which were encrusted with grime and blood.
Still he didn't take the hint and go.
"You're about the last person I want to see right now," she said quite conversationally after a few tense moments.
"Master Garland didn't tell me who you are," he replied, refusing to leave. His voice had lost most of its harsh quality, he would have sounded exactly like Zidane, had it not been for the sadness, the loneliness and the pain in his tone.
"That's nice," she said, sounding as bored as she could make herself sound. Dagger waited several seconds more, sincerely hoping that he would go away. Sadly, what we want isn't always what we get. And she certainly didn't want to be hopelessly lost in a series of catacombs, being confronted by an enemy whom she was supposed to kill who just so happened to resemble the man she loved.
"You didn't kill me even though you could and should have," he observed, now appearing curious.
"I noticed," she replied calmly, glad that Steiner and Beatrix weren't there to listen to her rudeness.
Again another long awkward pause.
"Why?" he finally asked.
"Why do you want to know?" she countered, looking up and immediately wishing that she hadn't as she forced back the pain she felt when she stared into his familiar face.
"You're lost aren't you?" he asked persistently.
"Gee. Really. How observant you are!" she exclaimed, her voice dripping with sarcasm, her temper flaring from the torment that her soul was receiving. She felt surprised at herself, for sounding so entirely out of character, so un-Queen-like.
"I –I'm sorry, I … shouldn't have come," he mumbled, suddenly seeming so different from the fierce challenger in the field and the curious stranger that was there moments ago.
"Wait," she called out, just as he was beginning to back away. "I – I apologize. Kindly pardon my manners… I was rather… disturbed by your presence."
"You sound so much… stiffer and polite now," he observed, not in a joking way as Zidane would have, most likely teasing her as well. But he merely appeared thoughtful. She tried to stand up. Holding on to her Rod and nearly falling down again, from numb legs and her wounds. "You're still hurt," he said, sounding …emotionless now. He paused, as if he wasn't quite sure how to behave before stepping forward cautiously, he held on to Dagger's upper arm, helping her to support her weight. Dagger gasped in pain at his vice-like grip, seeming like he'd never held anything fragile gently before. "My room is nearer, come, I'll help you."
Slowly, they trudged along to some unknown spot in the maze of passages, but she didn't notice. The only thing she did care to notice was how warm he was, despite his rough hold… so like Zidane… so like Vivi…
……
Dagger now sat on a simple bed in rather small quarters, nothing like her own room. The walls were sparsely decorated, there was no furniture except for the small bed that she was on. The rest of the space however, was occupied by different kinds weapons, several that she had never seen before.
He then came out from the bathroom, holding several large bottles of medicine. She took them form him silently and gulped it down, deciding that she'd clean up later, after she settled her curiosity that was triggered by him. Suddenly, this thought bought back a short memory from about a day or two ago.
"-Besides, if it helps. It wasn't me who cleaned you-"
"You were the one who stripped me when I was unconscious!" she accused, flushing furiously, glaring murderously at the silent figure. "Where the hell is your decency!"
"Umm…" he muttered, lost for words and a tinge of pink invading his pale face. He started to shuffle his feet. "I –I really didn't… I mean – you know… Master Garland told me to… so-"
If Dagger hadn't been so insulted, she would have giggled at his nervousness. Normally, had she been in the castle, still doing her faithful duty as Queen, she would have had him punished… but now… What was the point? What could she do? After all, what kind of Queen associates herself with a delusional idiot who tried to destroy her world?
"I'll let it slide this time, but if it ever happens again, you will live to regret it," she threatened, trying to sound serious, but failed as she lifted her hand to cover her smile, her heart lighter than it had been for many months.
"A-alright…" he said uncertainly, as though he wasn't used to her light behavior, or anybody's light behavior for that matter. "However… I still want to know why you didn't kill me."
Dagger felt her smile fading and her heart sink. She shook her head like she was trying to clear it, "You… you reminded me of someone," she said at last.
So, bit by bit, she told him all of it. She didn't know why, she hadn't even told Eiko how she felt about Zidane, though she supposed that it was pretty obvious by now. As she continued her story, she felt a connection with the stranger. She told him of how she had run away from the palace, receiving help from a wonderful group of companions, how they had defeated Necron, and finally, how they had all abandoned her in some way or other… until she was had desperately resolved to doing this in order to get the group back together, hoping that having everyone there would at least revive some of the memories and joy they shared of a year ago. She didn't tell him all of it, just the outlines, most of the story was concentrated on how much she loved that thief. While she spoke, she studied his expression, observing how emotionless he seemed.
"You are the Queen of Alexandria," he stated, a slight look of surprise flitting across his blank face.
"Umm… yeah, I did tell you that," she replied cautiously, raising an eyebrow.
"Master Garland was fuming at me for leaving a few strands of my hair in a hairbrush weeks ago," he added thoughtfully. "Apparently, he had to brush away a few of the strands that were caught in you hair in the pretense of pushing you hair back. I think that he was afraid you'd find out about me before the battle… Now I see why he wanted to keep everything so secret." Her eyes widened as she remembered herself picking out the golden hairs from the brush, and herself wondering why Garland had pushed back her hair in the corridor.
"Oh…" she looked down sadly, "I guess you're right… he did that because he wanted that fight to come as a surprise… to see whether I'd falter like during my fight with the Epitaphs… Why!" she exclaimed suddenly, feeling the pent up frustration come out, "Why? Why do you look so extraordinarily like Zidane! Why-"
"Zidane?" he echoed, his entire face darkening fearsomely, his tone becoming harsh, just like during their fight. "You mean the second Angel of Death? The Genome with a given soul?"
"Yes," she answered in surprise, realizing that she hadn't mentioned Zidane's name in her story, mostly seeming quite vague and babbling about how he cared for her. "How do you know him? I thought you said you didn't know who he was."
"I – didn't," he growled with gritted teeth, his fists clenching tightly. "At least not by name, but there is only one person whom I resemble. Throughout your story, I suspected it, but your outburst has confirmed my suspicions. When I was in Terra, he was known only as 'Kuja's Successor' or 'The Next Angel of Death'. As for why I look so much like that- that-" he snarled, trying to find a name mean enough to call Zidane, "-that Genome," he spat, with no better idea, "It's not something I'd like to talk about."
"Wait a second!" she snapped, offended by the way he was referring to Zidane. "I told you my entire story! And there you are, refusing to tell me a thing! I spared your life earlier! Don't you at least owe me the truth!"
"Well I don't fear death!" he snapped back, his green eyes shining with fury. "And I never asked you to spare me!"
"But I told you what you wanted to know! And I think you value honor," she shouted, impatient to find out more, "I recall that you refused to attack me when I didn't fight back! If you are a man of honor and values fairness, you'll tell me right now, who you are and what the heck is going on!"
He stopped at her words, breathing hard. "Fine," he said finally, letting out his breath and sitting down, gesturing at her to do the same. "I'll start from the beginning. Firstly, my name is …Arbron."
"Arbron?" she repeated in puzzlement.
"That – that's Terran," he sighed. "It means disgrace, unwanted one, worthless being… and other things such as that. Master Garland gave me that name."
"But… why?"
"For that, I'll need to go a little further back," he continued, though reluctantly. "I – I was and am merely a test model… Master Garland wanted to create the perfect Second Angel of Death after he discovered that the first one had a streak of rebelliousness in him, so, he designed a body, namely me. After I was finished, I happened to be unusually weak, even for a Genome. So, he… he threw me away. For many years, I was ignored, just living in this dark room, going outside only to scavenge for food. I was just a vessel, like the other Genomes… but unlike them, I was unusually bitter. Even though I hadn't much of a self, I knew that this was unfair."
"Hold it," she interrupted. "He's been that horrible to you, and you're still here? Why?"
"I'll get to that later," he said, waving it away. Anyway, through my bitterness, I gained… I don't know how, but I gained a personality. Albeit it was a dark, sad one, but it was still a personality, my being left alone like that allowed it to grow. So… I achieved a soul when I was still quite young."
"Getting your own soul," Dagger muttered. "Just like Zidane did at Branbal."
"Stop comparing me to him!" he burst out angrily. "All these years, I've been second to him! I was created just to ensure that he was perfect! I was left alone in the dark, weak little me, so that I didn't get in the way of his training! All that time, I was ignored while Master Garland concentrated on training him and Kuja!"
"Look! You are insulting the man I care about dearly!" she yelled, feeling the need to defend him. "I know how you feel, but you can't just blame him like that! He didn't ask Garland to make you! He didn't want you to be like this, he-"
"You don't know how I feel!" he shouted back. "How could you? After all, you're this pampered little Queen, living a life of luxury and perfection! While I'm-"
"Pampered little Queen? Life of luxury and perfection?" she echoed poisonously, seething. "Oh, and what do you suppose I'm doing now, huh? Sitting on my silk throne wondering which of my servants would be a more appropriate footstool! You don't know how it was traveling the four continents! You-"
"I fought death every single day of my miserable life till only several months ago!" he snarled. "Pray tell, what may your hard task as a Queen be? Oh, let me guess! Which dress should I put on today? Light blue? Or maybe Robin's egg blue?"
"You think that I haven't fought before?" she shrieked loudly, her entire face flushed. "Were you listening to nothing of my story! I watched two sets of parents I loved die! Then the man I loved, and then my best friend!"
"Really? Your story? Despite the outline of what happened, most of it consisted of how you ranted on and on about your comrades! What you've experienced isn't even close to anything I've faced! I didn't even have friends or parents to watch die!"
Both of them shut up abruptly, taking deep breaths. His stone mask was back in place. They faced each other stubbornly, waiting for the other to break the silence. Dagger sighed when she realized that he wasn't going to budge.
"Alright… I may not exactly comprehend what your life really was like…" she said at last. "But if you'd just calm down and explain, maybe I'd be able to understand."
He looked thoughtful for a moment before nodding. "Maybe I should start again," he began wearily. "Like I said before, I was created to ensure that the next special Genome was physically perfect… In other words, I was just created to make sure that he was talented in every way."
He paused, some of the resentment that he'd displayed crept back into his eyes. "When they finished making checks on my body and had the entire layout of him ready with various improvements, I was sent to Branbal to work like the other Genomes…" He sucked in a breath and closed his eyes. "However… however, it was discovered that I was too weak. Far weaker than any of them due to the hasty design of my body. I was deemed to be… worthless. That was when Garland named me before sending me away."
Dagger covered her mouth again, but this time from astonishment caused by the emotion he was displaying in his manner of speaking, much more than in the first telling.
"I already told you how I gained a soul," he said after a short pause. "I had the ability to think, to believe and to acquire things and goals to value and hold on to. I knew one thing for sure… I wanted to be strong," he paused again and gazed deep into her eyes, Dagger stared back unflinchingly, feeling a peculiar bond between them.
"So, I trained. Master Garland had all but forgotten about me. Everyday, I would watch how his pupils trained, and I would copy their methods in private while they rested… Nobody noticed… no one remembered that I had existed. I suppose they wanted to push me out of their minds, like the failure I was. I kept trying of course, to make others realized that I was there… I don't know why I found it so important… it just was…"
Now, he seemed like he was talking to himself, like Dagger wasn't even there. As if he were simply repeating aloud a conversation that he'd had in his mind with himself many times before. "Everyday there was a struggle, for food, for sanity… and for my life when I trained. I understood what they meant, I had very little strength, absolutely no endurance and barely any durability. I found it amazingly hard to lift even the lightest of weapons at first, so I started off with the easiest I could find. Before progressing to more difficult and harder ones. I guess that the Master would have been right in his calculation that I was useless, but he hadn't counted on the fact of myself getting a personality. I practiced everyday of the Terran year, sometimes becoming a stowaway on the ships that the three of them used when he brought them to Gaia for training missions. I did everything I could, hoping to get his attention and praise.
"Then, Kuja and his successor left, and I thought that I could finally achieve some amount of notice, but… instead, everyone was too absorbed in the bloody plan to revive Terra to even care about my efforts, not that they knew me. But I wanted to remind them, to show them that I wasn't the weak Genome that had died helplessly without their care. So, I waited. With him gone there were more opportunities for me to train. I grew stronger, but I knew that it wasn't enough. And then, finally, that day came," he closed his eyes, savoring the words. "Kuja returned. I knew that something big was going to happen. I hid aboard a ship for days, at last, just as I suspected, everyone was to evacuate.
"I followed the other ships filled with Genomes to Gaia. After talking to a few who were to dim to realize who and what I really was, I discovered all that had happened, that the master that I had worked so hard for fourteen long years to impress was dead and gone. I refused to believe it, leaving the Genomes, I continued my training by fighting monsters on Gaia, wandering around till I found a passage to the Mist Continent. As I had been there when I had followed them down before, I knew where to go.
"After a few months, I suddenly began to hear rumors of a mysterious stranger who frequented a pub in Alexandria. There had been many such rumors before, but my intuition told me to follow this one. So, I waited every night till the pub closed for a week until he showed up. I was right. In the beginning, he mistook me for the Angel of Death, but I put him right, reminding him of how he had abandoned me two years after I was created. I believe he was desperate, and to make it up to me, he took me in and gave me training just as he had the two before me."
There was a silence after he had finished. He had opened his eyes and blinked several times, like he'd just remembered that she was there. She was more than slightly stunned by the harshness of his life story… Before she had come here, she would probably have declared him mental and asked whether he needed help. But now… she felt like she understood… Oh God, maybe I'm going mad, she moaned inwardly.
"How could you go back to Garland after the way he treated you? He left you to die!" she burst out, indignant on his behalf.
"You don't get it," he answered, his eyes the only feature that betrayed any emotion. "It is and was my life long goal… to have the Master look at me and be proud… to be better than Tribal."
"He wanted to kill you!"
"If I had failed, it would have been no fault of his, it is my own responsibility if I am not good enough. It was because he left me that I could become what I am today."
"Sad and hurt without a happy past to speak of!"
"Strong and independent!"
"But he-" she began, but falling silent at the look on his face, clearly showing that he wouldn't tolerate anything that dampened his ambition. "Umm… I mean… Well, what do we do now?"
"Now, we go see the Master," he replied, shrugging his shoulders.
……
As expected, Garland was not happy. The only good point was that he had at least had time to calm down slightly when they got to him. After yelling himself hoarse for a few minutes, he just snapped that training would be much harder from then on, clean herself up or her cuts would be infected and go and eat dinner. She would start training with Arbron the next day.
They had a quiet dinner. Dagger was inclined to talk and find out more about Arbron's past, as depressing as it was, but he was quiet, like he was afraid that he had said too much earlier. Even she could sense that he hadn't mean to tell her everything. The very next day, Garland introduced her to different weapons, all of which she had used before. She began with a pair of daggers, strangely, just like her namesake, she performed considerably well for a beginner.
As soon as she was competent in their use, which took almost a week's worth of hard work, they moved on. She struggled through broadswords, (finding them hard to lift.) taking her two weeks to master, the almost killed herself many times with Forks, taking even longer with those than the previous weapon. She was fairly good with Mage Staffs, Spears and Claws, and had done wonderfully with flutes. First training against regular monsters, before engaging in a light battle with Arbron, if he hadn't been weighed down as well, she highly doubted she could survive. At any rate, she lost a good deal of fights, she was only allowed to progress to a different weapon when she had finally beaten him.
Time passed, the days didn't seem to go by quite so slowly anymore. The training had gotten harder, true, now, Dagger could barely remember a single day in which her body didn't ache. Not only that, Garland had begun to punish her. Every time he found that she wasn't good enough with the weapon, she would be locked in with the monster until she was unconscious. The moment she awoke, she would drink a few Potions, and go right back to the field.
However, for the first time she had been there, she had a companion other than a grouchy old man who disappeared at night. Although he wasn't the most cheerful person in the world, his presence alone was comforting. They each knew something about the other. At nights, if she wasn't too exhausted, she would make her way down to his room and talk with him, sometimes the conversation was rather one-sided, (mostly her talking) at times there was none at all. She would just sit by him, polishing weapons, or reading notes on techniques and information on creatures, asking him questions from time to time.
Though she wasn't sure… she could have sworn that when she was too tired to go visit him, he would come to her room to sit with her. She suspected this because she had once woken up (still half asleep) and had seen a lithe figure dash out of her room, or there were some nights when she would sleep better than others… some times maybe a few strands of golden hair on the ground. At any rate, she was grateful for company.
Three days before the play, she decided that it was time to go home. She went to Garland, he just looked at her impassively and nodded, telling her to go back to the spot where she had first come in. She packed up her meager belongings and walked confidently, by now, she knew the place like the back of her hand. But when she actually got there, she realized that she hadn't the faintest idea how to actually get out. She yelled Garland's name a few times, going around looking for him, but he was no where to be found. Obviously this was anther one of his twisted tests.
"Garland! I'm serious! I need to go home!" she shouted, staring at the blank white ceiling.
"You already know that this is a test, what's the point of yelling? He's not going to help you," came a voice from the shadows.
She didn't jump, somehow, already knowing that he was there before he had spoken. "You're not helping." She stated sulkily, used to his comments by then.
"He wants you to learn how to teleport, like Kuja did. It's easier to get around," he added.
"I don't know how to bloody teleport!"
"Have you tried?"
"NO!"
"Then how do you know that you don't know how?" he asked, infuriatingly calm. Sometimes, she found it soothing, but right now, it was just plain annoying.
"Fine, how do I do that?" she asked, forcing herself to speak slowly.
"Learn yourself."
Biting down her increasingly short temper, she walked up slowly to him. "Teach me? Please, Arbron?" she inquired pleadingly, making her large eyes as sad and as pitiful as possible.
He frowned like he wasn't sure what to do, never having encountered this sort of situation before, nor seen her act like this. She smiled inwardly, taking another step towards him, she clasped her hands together and turned her face up slightly so he could receive the full blast of her hurt puppy-dog look. "Pretty please?" she added softly, acting like a small vulnerable child who desperately needed a lollypop.
"Huh?" he replied, getting more confused by the second.
Sensing weakness, she took another step forward and held one of his hands lightly. "Will you please help me?"
A hint of a smile crossed his face briefly, if Dagger hadn't been so preoccupied with acting pitiful, she would have dropped his hand in shock. That was the first time she had seen him smile. "That is pathetic," he said, his mouth corners twitching, "But it's working. Come on."
She grinned triumphantly and let go off him. He walked behind her and put his hands on her shoulders. "Alright. This technique can bring you back here after the play. Firstly, close your eyes and imagine where you want to be," he spoke soothingly, his breath whispering against her cheek. She closed her eyes obediently, thinking about Alexandria castle. "Think of everything in detail, exactly where you want to be in that place."
She closed her eyes more tightly in concentration, thinking about her bedroom. But, long minutes passed and nothing happened.
"I can't do it!" she wailed.
"Yes, you can," he argued, tightening his grip on her shoulders. "I know that you can. Think of a place that you value… that you treasure, it's easier if you know every single detail of it."
Slowly, she thought of the Garden where her father, two mothers and Vivi were buried. She imagined the breeze bringing the sweet calming scents of mingling flowers to her, the warm sunlight kissing her face gently, the breeze playing with her hair, the flowers with their tiny petals, rustling in their safe perches. Hey, this is pretty realistic, she thought in surprise. She could practically feel herself relaxing like she always did. She opened her eyes in astonishment. She was right. The dank cave was gone, it was exactly like she imagined.
She collapsed to her knees in joy and relief.
She was home.
A/N: Hi… I know that most of you want to murder me right now… I haven't updated in over two or three weeks, but I have an excuse! I swear! I was staying with a friend for a long time, Lord, it was bliss at her house, no bossy mothers to ruin my day. Well… I'm going to say that I haven't written out the next few chapters yet, so… it might take me an even longer time to update… I mean, I know roughly what I want to happen, I just haven't pictured it in my mind yet.
And I'm feeling very grouchy because there happens to be a LOTR carnival which I should be attending today, but I'm NOT! Because of the stinking drama class I had to go to! I don't mind it, but of all weeks, why this week! Hmph, if it weren't for the stupid class, I wouldn't have had to fly back. Anyway, I wanted to apologise, but you know, I shouldn't even be able to use the computer right now, because my annoying brother took the mouse with him when he left for holiday, but my mom doesn't know that I can use the com without the mouse, DOES SHE! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Alright, I'm done.
Ooh, before I forget, I might decide to put this story on hold, I'm not abandoning it, I just want to work on my other Harry Potter story and finish writing the draft for this first. I mean, my exam year is next year, so I'll need concentration, so it's better if I scribble out everything, then I can try to update regularly. Well, I haven't quite decided yet, sooo… I'll e-mail you if I do.