Disclaimer- I own only my car, my TV, and the thoughts rolling around in my head.
Pairing- Kate/Jack of course
Summary- Kate thinks about what she meant when she told Jack that she was 'sinking'.
A/N- This is not very long so I'm sorry to all those who like longer stories, I know 'cause I'm one of them. I wrote this quickly after tonights episode, I just got an idea and I had to write it down. I hope you like it.
I still remember the conversation we had on the beach. I told him so much in a few sentences but he didn't understand. He never seems to understand, or if he does, he chooses not to do anything about it.But then again, he might not feel the same way about me as I do about him.
I opened up myself to him, I told him something about my past, and he made a joke. He had been open with me before, when he had told me about his father, and I wanted to show him that I could do the same, that I was trying. He was the only person who knew that it was hard for me to talk about my past and that I didn't like talking about it. And for a second after I told him about my mother and me, I thought I saw a look on his face that meant that he understood what it meant for me to talk about my mother. It was like he understood that I meant to say it, that it wasn't just a slip of the tongue, but then he made that joke.
When he asked what I was doing and I told him that I was 'sinking', I meant so much more than the fact that I was slowly sinking into the sand. I also meant that I was 'sinking' into him, that I was falling for him, if I hadn't already completely fallin' for him? Ever since that day on the beach when he asked me if I knew how to sow, I had been falling for him, a little more each day, to the point that I might be in love with him.
(Now there's irony for you.) Since I've been on the island I've been repeatedly hit on by a man that I ended up kissing, and the man that I have repeatedly hit on and who I have fallin' in love with, I haven't even come close to kissing. Ironic indeed.
Also, when I said I was 'sinking', I meant that I was starting to 'dig in' as he called it. See for the longest time I hadn't stayed in one place for too long, except of course for the farm in Australia(, and look where that got me). But I was also used to not giving up which had always been a good thing when it came to my life, and it was because of this that I couldn't automatically move to the caves with him when he suggested it. It was against my nature to give up and dig in. But lately I had come to realize that digging in wouldn't be so bad, especially if it was with him, but it was still going to take me some time.
Then there was the sentence that followed, 'the water goes out and takes the sand with it, and you sink.' There was so much meaning behind that sentence as well. (Maybe I should have become a poet or a writer.) Anyway, the meaning behind those words was simply that, as time passes, it lessens your fears and hesitations until you can finally give in. Weather it was giving into love or a way of life that I wasn't used to, I wanted him to know that I was slowly getting rid of my fears and my reasons for holding back.
See when you think of a grain of sand you think of something very small, something miniscule, and something that isn't worth measuring. But when you add grain after grain after grain, soon something miniscule can turn into a beach. It takes a long time for something like that to happen and it can be so gradual that you don't notice that there is more until suddenly you look and where there was once only a few grains of sand, there is now a desert. All I wanted to tell him, all I wanted him to know, was that he shouldn't give up on me just yet, and maybe he hasn't.
When I asked him why he was at the beach he listed off a couple reasons then paused. It was then that I thought he was going to say that he came to see me, but then he told me that Claire was going to have her baby soon. Talk about being shot down, but I guess I only have myself to blame, he has never actually hinted or said that he liked me. It was only what I was wishing would happen, if only wishes could come true.
But for now, I will stand with my feet in the sand, let the water slowly take it away, and sink further and further down.
So there it is. It is really, really short, but it is late and my mind isn't working that well right now so I couldn't think of a way to expand this at all. Again I am sorry it is so short but I hope you liked it anyway.