Meia stood there frozen in the following silence, the empty hall seeming to condense on just the two of them, forming a crystallised world centred on Jayson's revelation.
'Sorceress Adel was your mother?' Meia finally said, her voice faltering.
'Yes.' Jayson said simply, still evading her gaze.
'How can you be sure?' Meia asked, still rocked by the suggestion.
'Oh I'm sure... do you think I'd make it up?' Jayson said bitterly.
'No but you could've been lied to...' Meia said soothingly.
Jayson gave a brief derisorily snort in reply. 'I remember her, I feel her in me, the powers and darkness locked inside. You saw me all those years ago and wondered what could've made me the way I was, well now you know.' He told her.
'So you were locked away in your self enforced loneliness because of your mother?' Meia asked, at loss for anything else to say.
'In a way... she was the most hated and feared individual in the world. A figure of fear and destruction. The world rejoiced when she was gone... if anyone knew the truth about me what do you think would have happened to me?' Jayson told her and then shrugged. 'Not that it mattered, I was still punished for being her son by those who respected and followed her... if they could do that to me then I figured her opponents would do worse. Once I escaped from Pandora I feared I'd be found out, tried so hard to be unnoticed, but my powers found a way out still and now everyone is wondering and afraid of me.'
'That's not true...' Meia said softly.
'I can see it in their eyes... it's the same look I saw in the mirror every morning when I first got here. I massacred a crowd of people all at once when I was a child, I saw the destruction I caused and felt no remorse, only fear that I was going down the path that'd make me just like her. I envied Squall and the others when they made SeeD before me, I was too worried about unmasking my past that I held back... if I'd known what they were to face I would've let myself go and made SeeD, just to have been able to have been in battle against her and kill her myself...' Jayson replied, his eyes burning.
Meia's eyes widened in shock. 'You're not sad she's dead? You're not angry that they killed her only that you didn't do it yourself? She was your mother!' she told him.
'You think I'm heartless? You don't understand. Maybe you should hear my story from the beginning... but not here, somewhere private.' Jayson retorted, walking off briskly, leaving Meia to follow quickly behind.
They returned to Jayson's room where he shut the door behind her and motioned for her to sit on the bed as he leant back against the wall. He closed his eyes and stood in silence, Meia sitting, her legs dangling over the side of the bed, waiting expectantly when Jayson started talking in a flat monotone.
Light, dull white and fluorescent as I first opened my eyes and let out my birth wail. My first memory is my first sight, undulled by the use of Guardian Forces. Odine was there looking through the window of this secret operating theatre, his look of triumph dropping as the midwife announced I was a boy.
'A boy?' a cruel voice asked wearily.
'Yes ma'am.' The midwife answered nervously.
'I suffered this pain for nothing?' the voice asked rhetorically, harshly.
My wails stopped at her voice, my infant mind already attuned to it as I'd developed and even here it was still sharp and cold.
Her greed for power and control had made her more masculine in physique yet there was some femininity left in her face, a small softness that she resented, just like she did me.
She refused to hold me, instead brushing her long red hair from her sweat drenched face as doctors worked to repair the damage I'd caused in my escape from my dark womb. The midwife placed me in a sterile plastic cot and I lay in silence as their words washed over me and I drifted to sleep, the light fading.
No doubt a lot of diplomacy was used in keeping me alive in my first few months. A failure like me wouldn't have been tolerated otherwise. No doubt her supporters convinced her that having a son would provide a most loyal and devoted knight in years to come.
Still my mother remained distant, my day to day care done by numerous nameless servants, always changing as if preventing any attachment. I was only a few months old when I was bundled up in the middle of the night and taken to some strange place. I could sense the fear in all those faceless people around me, the cries of children while I remained silent, unperturbed by this cacophony of emotions. Of course I was only to find out later that this was the formation of Pandora, the supporters of Adel and their families that had fled Esthar in fear after Laguna had imprisoned Adel with the aid of the majority of the Esthar people. They had snatched me just because of who I was, fearing Laguna would kill me, and so they had a hope for the future, a figure to create a leader from and restore their mistress.
Pandora camped in the Salt Lake surreptitiously returning to Esthar to steal food and equipment. And so I was raised in a technological cave cut into the cliffs of salt rock where numerous people came in and out and whispered conversations were held in dark areas.
At eight months when I was able to walk my training for knighthood began. First there was emotional conditioning and brainwashing techniques used on me, trying to mould my impressionable young mind into loyalty to their cause, to instil hatred into me for Laguna Loire and those traitors that had placed my mother in exile. My mind could still remember that cold figure and felt nothing for her, yet pain was inflicted when I failed to comply. Parts of my mind turned inside for safety and I soon learned how to behave convincingly to make them believe I was appropriately conditioned.
They did this to their own children, enforcing their own views and beliefs on them through reinforced teachings. They didn't suffer as much as me, but then they had no reason to resist or disbelieve their parents, they were normal children cut off from a proper society, every other person they met believed in the right of Adel and the evil of Laguna.
Once I seemed to be acting how they wanted me to I was progressed to physical training. Sixteen hours a day of exercise, weapons, tactics, my small frame pushed far beyond tearing limits leaving me exhausted and sore, my sleep troubled by pain as my joints screamed in agony. When I was five and became proficient in the weapons I was taught the physical training became lessened to eight hours a day and my cultural conditioning began.
Until now my life had been centred on the men of Pandora, whose names I never knew as I always had to refer to them as "Sir" or a pseudonym. Except for him, he who was the head of Pandora, he who had been looking and inspecting me my whole life, inflicting pain when I failed to meet his high standards; Kazen Orca.
Kazen had been Adel's right hand man, pretty much overseeing the running of all aspects of Esthar, especially the military and now I was his pet project.
For cultural conditioning I was allowed to mix with the other children and met some of the female members of Pandora. Here we were educated in maths, science, Estharian and other such subjects we would need when we were released into the world again. We were also taught a biased form of Estharian history to instil a form of nationalistic pride in us.
However my training and stature made me stand apart from the other children. My musculature was well defined and I was taller, more imposing than the others. Not only that but I had already isolated myself from the world of other people and so the others were wary of me, avoiding me in class and in the living areas. Fearful of me and in awe of what I was.
As Kazen hoped and expected, I excelled in the intellectual aspects of their teachings as I had the physical training, surpassing the other children my age and leading to further segregation as I was placed with the slightly older children who in their petty jealousy, taunted me, picking on any little trait the separated me from them.
By the age of seven they had nothing more to teach me and so I was removed from the other children, much to my relief as my mind had been burned and scarred by their cruelty, I never asked to be this way, why did they torment me so?
However I was soon wishing to be returned to those dark days as Kazen had decided it was time to awaken my latent abilities. It was then Odine was called in. although he was affiliated with Pandora and was working under Laguna, he still remained neutral politically, only caring about his research which was why Pandora knew they could trust him, After losing Ellone, Odine was just dying to get his hands on some other special child.
I sat calmly throughout his probing, various little pads and rods passed over my body and attached to my head as Odine gleamed over the readings. For saying how well Odine came to know my physiology, it's funny he didn't recognise me recently, though I went to much lengths to change who I was.
I never knew what Odine found out about me that day until much later since I was taken away by one of the anonymous ones as he and Kazen discussed it.
Kazen came to me early next morning ordering me form my bed and to a square room deep in the Pandora complex. It was a seven foot box, padded from wall to wall and as I entered I froze as I noticed the chains and a table of implements.
Hands grabbed me and pulled me to the chains, locking me up in silence so that I stood there my limbs outstretched.
They left me alone with Kazen who approached the table of implements and told me in his dry voice. 'It's time you learnt to use what's in your blood.'
My eyes widened as he came over holding a short knife emblazoned with the sign of those of Pandora, the box and crystal pillar. He tore my shirt from me exposing my torso and arms and cut away the legs of my trousers exposing my legs. He then stood by me as I pulled on the chains frantically.
'Enough!' he snapped, grabbing my chins and tilting my head up so I could se his burning brown eyes.
'You must learn to endure the pain or you will never save your mother or lead us to freedom and redemption. You should not fear injury as you will learn to heal yourself, it is in your blood.' Kazen told me, releasing his tight grip.
I relented in my struggles aware that Kazen controlled me, I was too small to fight back and so I let my mind drift deep into my head where the darkness surrounded me and my body became sort of detached as I watched what was being done to it as if it wasn't mine.
Kazen began to cut my flesh, small shallow cuts that over the daily sessions got deeper and became scars that added to those I had gained during my forced battles against the monsters of the Salt Lake.
Other implements were used; whips, serrated blades, blunt objects, pliers, all inflicting pain that caused me to return to my body from my hiding place as I desperately tried to lock I all away, all the while Kazen yelled and snarled at me to concentrate, to force my body to heal itself, unlocking what it held within.
Years of this torture passed and no one in Pandora did a thing about it, I was given no sympathy only harshness as I failed to fulfil their need. I was starting to rebel, resenting them all as I withdrew deeper in the darkness of my mind as the pain was increased, blood oozing from my scarred torso as Kazen lay into me. He wouldn't give up his dream for me even if I argued against it, refused to comply.
It was when I was ten that I had my epiphany. After being led back to my cell after another gruelling and disappointing "Awakening" session as Kazen blithely referred to it, I lay on the stuffed sack that was my bed, leaking blood and noticed that a wound on my shoulder was closing up rapidly and faded. I hadn't been thinking or concentrating on it, maybe exhaustion was what enabled me to stop my mind getting in the way, allowing my subconscious to tell my blood what to do.
I watched in exhilaration as all the other wounds followed suit and disappeared too. I sat up and ran my hands over my body and they came away blood free... I could heal my wounds just like Kazen had told me. It was then I realised that this power was finally the key to my freedom. If I couldn't be hurt then I had nothing to fear. Tonight I would leave for good and I'd make sure Pandora wouldn't follow.