Disclaimer?: I own nothing. If I did, I wouldn't be sitting here writing this. I would be in New York City pointing and laughing at dumb Yankees fans. And anytime one tries to attack me my secret ninja bodyguards would jump out and save me. Just so you all know: Johnny Damon is Jesus.

Authors Note?: What time is it? TOOL TIME!!!!! Today we will be building a chapter 2!....Hey look! I'm done!

Chapter 2: More stuff happens…

Hermione had learned a lot of things since the beginning of the year. She had learned several handy potions, how to manipulate almost any boy, and that Draco Malfoy happens to like them.

Hermione had found some fun in seducing anything with a dick and doing some stuff with them, like play Monopoly, Hopscotch, hang out after class, and of course fuck like cute little bunny-rabbits. After this she would stop talking to the person, except that deaf fourth year because she never spoke sign language in the first place. Why she had a date with that Slytherin fifth year, Mike Something or other…the guy who was overly obsessed with chickens and pro wrestling. Never mind, his name wasn't important anyway. Why did she do this you ask? Maybe it was because her shoes were too tight. Or maybe her head wasn't screwed on just right. But probably the most likely reason of all- was that maybe her thong was two sizes to small. Or that the person she really cared about was as dumb as a post with a rusty nail sticking out of the top at a 37.926 degree angle in the middle of a ferocious lightning storm, being gnawed on by an oversized weasel, and would only consider going for you if you were part vela or tricked him into it (he was that dumb). Speaking of weasels, one was in Harry's pants right now if you catch my drift… (Oooh yea! Go Harry!) Anyways, this made her sad, but hey, she was hot. She could get almost any other guy she wanted or didn't want.

Hermione was getting worried though. Was it just her imagination or was Ron staring at her a lot? Well more than usual anyway. And Harry… when she had talked to him in the common room he had acted as though he knew something… no ... Couldn't be. Ron was to busy starring at anything with breasts and Harry couldn't even find Canada on a map. One of North America no less!

Although it was fun seducing all these boys, it was all just a mask. Inside she just wanted someone to love and love her back. Isn't that what we all want? Well… most of us anyway. You get a few weird ones in every breed. Like me for instance… but that's a different story. "If only Ron wasn't so… Ron-ish… oh well… who gives a care anyway…" Well she does for one but that's beside the point. "I can't keep moping… I got a date tomorrow… with Mike what's his name…" And so Hermione went to sleep. She needed to look hot for chicken-man.

The classes the next day went pretty uneventful until potions, 'cause everything always happens in potions. Unless it happens in Transfiguration or Herbology or Divination or Care of Magical Creatures or History of Magic or Defense against the Dark Arts or up in the common room after dinner. The class was working on a potion to turn apples into oranges and donkeys into asses while Snape looked at Play – wizard magazine under his desk. Harry and Ron were working on there potion while Hermione worked with Neville across the room. That's were the trouble started. Ron was adding pickled foot of naked mole – rat when Neville dropped his bottle of snake urine. Hermione being the good hearted slut she was bent down to pick it up. This was a mistake. When she did her bright blue thong showed. This caught Ron's eyes. He stared wide eyed at the small miracle before his eyes and kept pouring in the foot of the naked mole-rat. And kept pouring and pouring until his potion was about the consistency of nitro-glycerin. Green nitro-glycerin. That's the best kind.

"Uh Ron? Ron? RON! I think that's enough of the naked mole-rat. RON!" Harry said frantically as now the potion was bright green, foaming, and making a strange whistling noise. This was much like Ron himself, with the lack of blood flow to his brain.

Harry tried desperately to stop what was about to happen next. The entire content of the jar was in the potion by this time. The red-err- I mean green-hot potion exploded showering half of the class with the liquid, which left large burning blisters, which all had a refreshing citrussy smell.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?" Snape asked standing up and letting his Play-wizard drop to the floor. He looked down at himself and sat down quickly. "POTTER! WEASLEY! BOTH OF YOU DETENTION TONIGHT AT 6 'O CLOCK! Now you two and anyone who was hit go see Madame Pomfrey. I don't need another lawsuit on my hands."

"Damn Ron, what happened in there? You looked like the Chudley Cannons had just one the world cup or something." Harry said as they made there way to the Hospital Wing, both sporting mild burns.

"Lets just say it was something just ass- I mean as nice." Ron said, his eyes starting to glaze over again.

"Ron are you alright? Is something wrong?" Harry asked, sounding a little concerned.

"Yeah yeah she's fine. There's nothing thong." Ron said in a distant voice.

"Umm Ron? You just said that she's fine and there's nothing thong."

"No I didn't"

"Yes im pretty sure that's what you said, in fact I'm positive that's what you said."

"No I didn't…"

"Yes you did now who is fine and wearing a thong? I know Malfoy wears them but I don't see why you'd be staring at him. And stop looking at me like that…" Harry said as Ron slowly etched away from him.

"Alright… I'm not going to ask… and for the last time I wasn't staring at Hermione's ass!" Ron said in a tone of finality.

"Uh Ron? I never said you were. That just tells me that you actually were."

"Oh what do you know Mr. I-see-talking-monkeys?"

"Hey! That was only that one time!" Harry screamed getting the attention of all the other students marching to the Hospital Wing.

"Yeah… anyway what do you think Snape will give us for detention? Hope it won't take to long 'cause we still got to follow Hermione today."

"Can't be that bad… he doesn't want another lawsuit."

AFTER THE DETENTION

Oh how wrong they were. "Was that even legal?" Ron asked after a nasty detention (Scrubbing the entire dungeon and his feet, hair, and back, etc.)

"Well I'm pretty sure giving him a sponge bath wasn't…"Harry said in disgust.

"Yeah I- Harry look!!!" Ron grabbed Harry and pulled him behind a statue of a one armed wizard. Hermione had just come out of an abandoned classroom, her hair askew and her clothes messed up, with a Slytherin fifth year. "Hey it's that Mike kid… I'll tear him limb from limb…" said Ron in a slightly disturbing voice.

They listened intently trying to catch a bit of their conversation.

"No need to thank me for that little ride, Hermione. You were good too. You lack my veteran expertise, but with time you could be great. We should do that again sometime" drawled on the Slytherin boy in a slightly sleazy voice.

"Are you trying to tell me you'd done that before?" said Hermione in an amazed voice.

"What makes you think I haven't?" said Mike, his confidence fading.

"Because," stated Hermione, "I had to explain to you how to do it…and I don't know if you already knew, but you were really bad."

"I…I was?" he said shakily.

"Yea… and you have a really small dick too." Hermione said nonchalantly.

"You… you don't know what you're talking about… it's plenty big!"

"No, no it really isn't. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be leaving now. Don't bother to write."

"But I love you…" said Mike dumbly, hoping this would convince her to stay.

"Well then, sucks to be you."

With that, Hermione made her exit. Harry was struggling to keep run under control until Hermione was out of site. This was quite a task, and it was a miracle he was able to do it. Once she was safely out of site, Harry released the 175 pounds of pure unadulterated fury that was none other than Ron Weasley. What ensued was such a grotesque display of violence that Mick Foley himself would have cringed. Right then and there Harry vowed never to cross Ron… because that just looked so utterly painful.

After Ron had taken out every ounce of his pent up aggression on the life-less blob formerly known as Mike, he and Harry returned to the common room. Hermione was off in the corner doing homework. Harry and Ron sat in two of the empty chairs and started to discuss the problem at hand.

"You were right Harry, Hermione is doing the things you said… I can't believe it." Ron said in a subdued tone.

"Don't look so down Ron, we will think of something." Harry said soothingly.

Harry and Ron were so deep in conversation they wouldn't have noticed a nuclear war break out behind them. Then again… if that did happen they would be dead before they noticed. However they in fact were not dead. Although they still didn't notice Ginny listening to their every word.

"So…" the red-headed interloper interloped. "It seems to me that my dear brother and his good friend Harry are having trouble with a certain brown haired bookish little slut?"

"I have no idea what you are talking about "said Ronn-o the great matter-of-factly.

"Oh please Ron, this is nothing I haven't heard before. Trust me, I everything about this subject that you do." Ginny said, smiling wickedly.

"How?" Ron said dumbly.

"I have my ways of extracting information from certain sources." With this Ginny discretely winked at Harry. "Don't worry big brother I'm here to help. If you want I could try to do a little girl talk with Hermione and see what I can dig up"

"That would be great Ginny! We'd really appreciate it!" Harry squealed.

"Do you really think that's such a good idea Harry?" Ron stated nervously.

"Yes Ron, I think it's a great idea. See what you can dig up, Ginny, and report back after dinner tomorrow."

With that, Weasel and the Stoner went to bed, while Femme-Weasel went to have a heart to heart with the Genius slut.

Author's Note: That is chapter 2. I Promise Chapter 3 and more idiocy soon. Until then I bid you all farewell, and of course, review, or P-Diddy will kill you.

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