Disclaimer:
I do not own Third Watch or any of its characters. Please don't sue. This is just for fun.
A Little Piece of Heaven
Today is the first day of the rest of your life. If you look at it like that, you can see how much life has to offer. How scary. How real. How many different directions are there? I realized today, perhaps for the first time, that my life would go on, even without Fred in it.
To tell you the truth, I had always imagined what life would be like without Fred. Dreamed about it from time to time. I always knew that we would end up divorcing. I tried so hard to keep it together. But the more he drank, the more resentful I became. The more he nagged about my relationship with Bosco, the more angry I got. He could never understand why I trusted Bos and why I felt compelled to always be there for him. I should have realized that Fred didn't understand what a partnership was, and that was the biggest part of what went wrong between us. It becomes so sad when you realize that your marriage has failed because you were married to someone who was completely wrong for you in every way possible. It also makes you feel a little defeated when you understand that you had so much to do with it. Stupidity comes in huge doses sometimes.
I could trace back my life to ten years before and see exactly where I went wrong. It wasn't like I planned to get pregnant. Looking back, I now know that I would have been better off if I hadn't got married. Although, I wouldn't have had Charlie, and let's face it: I love my kids, but did I do them an injustice by letting them have a father like I had? Always drunk and nasty, never having a kind word to say. I tried so hard to get away from my own father that I never realized I had permanently attached him to me when I married Fred. Same man, just a different face.
I didn't realize how much I actually detested my own husband until I looked at someone else's. Seeing a couple who were happy just made me feel worse. What would it be like to be married to someone who you could trust? What would it be like to be with a man who treated you like a lady? One who wasn't drunk every night when you came home from work and who you actually wanted to spend time with and make love to. We'll just leave that last part alone. That subject hadn't been touched in a very long time.
The only part about this whole thing that bothers me is the kids. I know they love their father and I'd never try to hurt that love, but they don't understand that he has a problem. That always makes me the bad guy. What should I do? Just let him take them in the car when he's drunk? That would make me a good parent for sure. Instead, I have the two of them crying for him, as he stands in the doorway, cursing at me for the fifteenth time, about what a lousy person I am. Should I just close the door in his face? Or do I let him in so he can do more damage to us? In the end, I always shut the door and lock it tight, after threatening to call the cops. He usually leaves, but he always punches the door before he goes. Wants to let me know who's in control. Exactly who is in contol here? And why is it that every time he does this to us, that I feel a little piece of me is stretched further? One of these days I know I'll just blow up and really lose it on him. Bosco always told me to hold on to my marriage. That it was sacred. He is one of the believers in the old philosophy about staying with your husband until the end, no matter what he does to you. I know that I couldn't hold on any more.
If it had been anyone else, I would have told them where to go. But with Bosco, it's different. He knows me like no one else does and yet, he knows how to get under my skin the way no one else in this whole world can. He wanted me to come stay with him after Fred left. Me and the kids. I know he was only trying to be nice by inviting us there. What in the world would he do with his partner and her two kids at his house? Go crazy, that's what.
Something has been bothering me lately. I don't know why, but every time Bos talks about this new girl he's been seeing, it really makes me angry. Except this time he is talking about a woman with real respect in his voice. I always bugged him about the way he talks about women and they way he turns them into objects and stuff. But not with her. Never with her.
This one is the real deal. Not only is she pretty, but she's really nice too. Sarah. Her name means 'princess' and she looks like she should be one. All thin and long brown hair, with a killer smile and a pair of legs to match. Even the thought of her makes me angry.
Why am I angry all of a sudden? Why does it bother me that he's happy with her? He's usually in a bad mood at the beginning of a shift, but not lately. No. He's been with her and now he comes to work happy. I realize that it is the breakup of my own marriage that brought these feeling on, because I know that these new feelings arent deep seeded ones. I know I'm being petty and childish because he is my best friend and he deserves to be happy.
So, why am I so miserable?
So, what do you think people? Continue or not? This is an entirely new direction for my stories, so I'd like constructive criticism, please. Let me know! I live for the reviews and that's what makes this worth while!