I wake up in a bed, it's not mine, but there's something familiar about it, the smell. I know this scent: it's Vaughn's. But where am I? The room is dark, and quiet. I try to sit but my head hurts so much that I fall back on the pillow. I listen, trying to hear something that could help me guessing where I am, but I hear nothing. All I can do is wait. Wait and think. First, I need to find out where I am. Second, I need to find a way to get out of here. I'm not at my place, nor in a hospital. I can't be at Vaughn's place, his house is gone. There's only one place left: Weiss's. But what I am doing here, and how did I get here? I don't understand...I'm so tired, I drop off again.

I don't even have the strength to have nightmares, and for the first time since -well, since I can remember-, I wake up by myself. I turn my head to my left, and see Weiss, sitting on a chair near the bed, half asleep.

" Weiss..." I try to speak but my throat is so dry, I can almost whisper. I try again "Weiss..." He opens his eyes and looks at me, relief all over his face.

" Syd, hey, how are you feeling?"

" Water."

" Oh, yeah, I'll be right back." He left the room and came back some minutes later, with a glass of water.

" Here." He holds my head and the glass as I sip some water. But it's so painful, I cough and spit.

" Sorry."

" Nah, don't worry, it's OK." He put the glass on the nightstand and looks back at me.

" Feel better?" I nod, not able to speak.

" You gave us a good scare! What happened?"

" Felt sick...I threw up...and I guess I fainted."

" I already know that, Vaughn told me how he found you." The mention of Vaughn must change something in my eyes, because Weiss notices it.

" Don't worry, he's not here." I ask him with my eyes to tell me what he knows.

" He told me you were upset...actually 'furious' was the word he used...anyway, he told me you ran away after your fight. He tried to catch up with you, and when he finally found you, you were lying on the ground, unconscious, near what seemed to be the contents your stomach." He pauses, looking at me, I nod assuring him that he can continue.

" He carried you here, and called a doctor."

" He...carried me?"

" When he knocked on the door, with you in his arms, he was...I don't know, I'm
not sure he'd like me to tell you."

"Weiss!"

" OK, he was a wreck, literally. Sweating and crying and mumbling incoherent things...he laid you down on the couch, and called a doctor." I panic a little. I don't want anyone to see my like that, and not the first quack he found.

" Don't worry, he's Vaughn's friend, he won't talk to anyone."

" What happened...next?"

" Rick, the doctor, said you were in a state of exhaustion, unbalanced diet, and you were suffering from hypothermia. So Vaughn gave you a warm bath and -"

" What?" I can believe he did this. A saw me, and washed me!

" Come on, it's not the first time he saw you like that Syd! Anyway he was more worried about warming you up than checking you out." I look down, not knowing what to do, or what to say.

" What? You'd like it better if I gave you a bath?" I laugh, Weiss always know how to make me laugh, even when I'm depressed, like now.

" Thank you!"

" You're welcome."

" Where is he?"

" Vaughn?" I nod.

" He's gone for medication." He pauses before continuing. "He's really worried about you, you know."

" That's what he says."

" What do you mean? Syd, he cares a lot about you." I shake my head. How could he care about me while he's going out with someone else? I'm nothing for him now, just the poor girl who spoils everything she has.

" Look, he didn't tell me what your fight was about, but he seemed confused, as if he didn't understand why you were so upset."

" He knows exactly why."

" You wanna tell me?"

" You can ask him."

" Syd...I just want to help you, both of you, but if I don't know what's going on..."

" Why do you want to help us?"

" Because I'm your friend, yours and Vaughn's, and I don't want my buddies to fall apart while all I can do is watch. I love you, both, and I want you to be happy."

" Vaughn's happy."

" No, he's not. Why do you think he is?"

" Because he has someone else in his life."

" What do you mean? He didn't tell me about anyone."

" Maybe because he doesn't want you to know."

" Tell me why you think he's seeing someone?"

" The other day he- "
We hear the front door opening, Vaughn must be back. Weiss looks at me.

" We'll continue this discussion later. For now, rest."

" Weiss- " He nods as he stands up.

" I know, I won't tell him you're awake."

" Thanks."

" Call me if you need anything, OK?"

" OK."

I try to sleep a little, but my mind is too busy to let me rest. About two hours later the door opens slightly. I look up and see its Vaughn.

" Go away." He comes in and sits on the chair.

" How are you feeling?" I turn my head to my right, avoiding his gaze.

" Syd, I-"

" I'm tired." He sighs.

" Tell me at least why you're so angry at me."

" You know why."

" No, I don't."

" I want to sleep. Leave me alone."

" As you want." He's angry, I can tell it by the sound of his voice. He stands up
and put something on the nightstand.

" Here are your pills and some water. You need to take all of them. Now." As I don't reply he sighs again and walks toward the door.

" Sleep well." He adds before leaving the room. A single tear rolls over my cheek, and I fell into a deep sleep a little while after.

I wake up a little later, with a horrible headache. I eventually decide to take some pills: something for my head, and vitamins. But I don't take two of them: the sleeping pill, because I don't want to sleep right now, and the pain pill, because if I don't feel the pain I'm afraid I won't feel alive. When you can't feel the pain in your body, it's like you're dead. And if I take the sleeping pills it will only drive me faster to new nightmares. So I decide to stay awake, and fight against the pain alone, without drugs. Being in pain is the proof you're still alive. And being awake, well, it helps me not having those horrible dreams. At least not too soon. But sometimes I wonder if the real world isn't worse than these dreams...

I wish I had something to do, something to read, but there's nothing here. So I finally close my eyes and try to get some sleep.

I eventually get some rest before waking up screaming, and crying. Like always. I almost forgot how it is just to wake up myself, with the sunrise at the windows. I'd give anything just to make it happen once. Just one time, and I'll remember it when the mornings aren't so easy. Maybe just the memory would give me something to look forward to.

I try to get up, but my head's spinning, so I sit on the edge of the bed first. I feel a little better than yesterday, but I'm not very well. I push on my feet but soon fall on the floor. I can't stand up, everything's spinning around me, I'm in a fog. I climb on the bed and call for Weiss, but as soon as I call for him he's already there and quickly helps me to sit on the bed.

" You're OK? We heard a boom." He checks on me quickly, like a big brother would do.

" Yeah, I was just trying to get up and..."

" Oh. You should have called me. What to you need? You want a drink? Something to eat? What? Ask me an I'll get it."

" I just want to get out of here and go back to my place." He shakes he head.

" Syd, you know you can't. You can't stand up, so how would you take care of yourself?"

" I'm a big girl Weiss, I can take care of myself."

" Yeah, that's why you're here. Because you took care of yourself." I look down, like a child who's just been grounded.

" Syd, you'll stay here until you feel better."

" Weiss, I feel better." He chuckles.

" Yeah, that's what I see. Listen, you can stay here as long as you want."

" I don't want to be a burden-"

" Syd, you'll never be a burden, you know that. You're one of my best friends, and nothing will ever change that. So just rest and feel better. That's all I want you to do. OK?" I nod.

" Good. So now I'm gonna grab you something for breakfast, and I won't leave until you finished it!" With that he leaves and comes back some minutes later, with a huge tray. He puts it on my lap. There's coffee, orange juice, cookies, pancakes, some fruit, milk and eggs.

" Weiss, I can't eat everything!"

" Hey, this is my breakfast too, you'll have to share a little."

" OK, I like that idea better than eating alone."

We eat talking about nothing, just what normal friends do. When we can't eat anything more, he puts the tray on the floor and looks at me seriously. He doesn't do that very often, but when he does, you know you have to listen to what he says and you have to do it earnestly.

" We haven't finished our conversation from yesterday." I look down. As much as I don't want to talk about it, I know he won't leave me alone until it is over.

" I know."

" So, why do you think Vaughn's...seeing someone? "

" The other day when he was helping me with the tree, he was on the phone and..." I look up at Weiss, who's looking at me suspiciously.

" I wasn't listening! We were in the same room, I just heard..."

" Um...go on."

" Well, he said he was happy to pick someone up and to go on a...date with 'her'."

" Is that what he said?"

" Almost, yeah."

" Syd, that doesn't mean anything."

" Oh, so what, what about the 'she' he was talking with?"

" Syd, I know him, and I can tell you he'd have told me if he had a date."

" Unless he doesn't want you to know."

" Why?"

" Because if you knew you'd have told me."

" Syd, don't you think you're reading into it a little too much? You really think he would talk about it in front of you? You're not serious."

" Yes, I am! He told me we were friends, and maybe that's really how he feel about me..." I look down again, playing with the sheet. I feel the tears coming, but I won't let them fall. Not in front of Weiss.

" You know it's not true."

" How do I know? We've been avoiding each other since I came back. And now everything's changed."

" And you don't know what to do, what to tell him."

" I've nothing to tell him!"

" Syd, you're lying to yourself, and you know that. I know at least one thing you're dying to tell him."

" Oh, really? And what is it?" I'm curious to know what I could possibly tell to Vaughn.

" You love him, you still love him, even after everything you've both been through, and you will never stop." How can he read me so easily? Is that so obvious?

" Weiss-"

" Tell me it's not the truth."

" I-"

There's a knock at the door, and Vaughn opens it slightly. He looks at us and smiles apologetically.

" Sorry to disturb you. Weiss, it's your mother." And he gives him the phone.

" I'll be right back." Vaughn quickly glances at me and leaves behind Weiss.

Weiss's right, I still love Vaughn, but what he did when I was missing...I don't know if I'll be able to forgive him. And now that he's seeing someone else...well if it's true, I couldn't forgive him, but if I'm wrong and he's still alone, well, I'll think about it.

About twenties minutes later Weiss's back. He takes the tray back to the kitchen. I hear him washing the dishes and talking a little with Vaughn. When he comes back I'm lost in my thoughts, and I don't hear him coming in and sitting on the chair.

" Hey! Where are you?"

"Oh, just...thinking."

"About what we were talking about?" I nod.

" Syd, if you really want to know where you stand, you have to talk to him."

" But-"

" No 'buts', Syd. You're both adults, and I'm sure you can manage to have this
conversation without killing each other."

" What am I going to tell him?"

" Just listen to your heart. And everything will be fine."

" It's easier said than done."

" Syd, I understand that you're afraid. If you talk to him and learn that he's seeing someone –which is not the case- then you'll know that all your hopes are gone, that you'll never have the life you want, and the man of your dreams. But if you talk to him and you learn that he's still madly in love with you –which is the truth- then you're afraid of what to do then. Should you try again together? What if it doesn't work? Will you regret giving it another chance? Syd, believe me I can understand this better than you think. But we have only one life, Syd, just one, and if you don't live it then what will you see when you'll look back? What do you want to see? I'm sure you'd like to have tried to see if you and Vaughn are made for each other better than not doing anything." He pauses and adds, a little proud of what he just said. " How's that?"

" Not bad, Mister Freud." He smiles.

" Syd, I'm serious, you both need to talk, and then you'll know. I'm sure you won't
regret it."

" What if he doesn't want to..."

" Syd, when you love someone even if you're upset or disappointed or angry, you're still in love. And love can forgive everything. I know both of you, and believe me when I tell you everything will be fine. OK?"

" You're really a great friend, did I ever told you that?"

" Yeah, but you can keep telling me."
After a little pause he continues.

" Listen, you should get some rest, and then talk to him." I nod and lie on the bed again.

I spend most of the day napping, waking up screaming and crying, and thinking about the future. A future where I'm happy, with a normal life, a normal, boring job, the man of my dreams and I buying a house together, our home, with first a dog, and then children. A lot of children. I want a full-of-life house, with children running and playing everywhere. Toys everywhere. A home full of laughter. Love. A family, what I've never had, and what I wish I had. But it's not too late, at least I hope. Because I already know the man of my dreams, the man I want to be the father of our children, the man I want to share everything with, the man I'll grow old with, and the man I'll sleep in eternity with. But for now it's only a dream, another one. And Weiss is right, we have only one life, and I want to live it. I don't want to live to regret my choices. So I'll talk to Vaughn. Tomorrow. This is it. I've made my decision.