Weiss comes in the room later, and looks a little embarrassed.

" Hey!"

" Hey! Feel better?"

" Uhm, a little bit yeah."

" Listen Syd, I...I know you won't like it but...I..."

" What is it? "

" I...I won't be here tonight."

" Oh." That means I'll be here alone, with Vaughn.

What if he wants to talk? What do I do if Weiss is not here? But I'm selfish thinking like that. Weiss won't always be here. I have to be able to stay alone with Vaughn. I'm a big girl after all.

" What are you planning to do?"

" I...I have a...a date." A smile creeps across his face.

" No?!? With who? Clara? Is that it?" He blushes and looks at his hands.

" Yeah."

" That's great!" He looks up at me and smiles slightly.

" Really?"

" Yeah! I'm so happy for you!" With that I give him a hug.

" Thank you."

" Weiss, you really deserve this."

" Yeah, but I think I'll be back soon, don't worry."

" Weiss, I can survive without you."

" I know but..." I know he's thinking about Vaughn, and me, being alone in the same house.

" It's OK, don't worry. Besides, I'm not sure I can fight right now, so you're house won't be totally destroyed when you'll be back."

" Oh, so I'm not worried anymore!" We laugh.

" You should get going, shouldn't you?"

" Yeah. You want me to bring you dinner before I go?"

" If you don't mind..." He stands up.

" I'll go get it."

He brings me some lasagna and an apple, without forgetting a glass of milk and my pills.

" So, see you tomorrow?"

" Yeah. Have fun!"

" I will. Good night."

" You too."

With that he leaves and I start eating.

I've finished my dinner when I hear a knock at the door. Knowing Weiss is not here, it can be only Vaughn. And suddenly my heart beats faster, I start to sweat, my mouth is dry. What's happening to me? I know him, I don't have to be scared of him. After all it's only Vaughn, right?

" Come in." He opens the door and enters slowly in the bedroom, hands in pockets, looking down.

" You...Have you finished your dinner?"

" Uhm...yeah, why?"

" Well, I though I'd bring back the tray and wash the dishes."

" Oh. OK." He takes the tray and starts to leave the room.

" If you need anything, just call me." I nod.

" Vaughn?" He turns and looks at me, his eyes full of hope.

" Thank you." He seems disappointed.

" You're welcome." He smiles slightly and leaves. I don't know why he's disappointed. Was he expecting me to say something? Did Weiss talk to him? Did he tell him to talk to me? Oh no, if he did that I'm gonna kill him! What if I need something? I can't just call him and say what I want. After all I've said to him...Until I know if he's seeing someone else or not, I won't need his help.

I try to sleep, again, but I think I've slept too much today to be tired now. All I can do is think, because there's nothing else I can do. I've no books, no TV, no music. I try to figure out what I'll tell to Vaughn. I think of every possibility. Some hours later I'm thirsty, very thirsty. So I decide to go to the kitchen and drink something. But as I try to stand up I fall again miserably on the floor, with a big noise. My head hits the floor. Immediately Vaughn's here, helping me to get up and sit back on the bed. I feel so scared. But why? Vaughn knows me. I shouldn't be shy in front of him. But as hard I try to be strong, I fail and just seem to be what I am now: a wreck. I'm not the strong Sydney anymore. I'm just lost.

" You're okay?" I look up at him reassuringly.

" Yeah, I was just trying to get up."

" For what?"

" I was thirsty, and-"

" Syd, I told you, you just have to call me." His voice is soft, relaxing.

" I didn't want to disturb you."

" You never disturb me." My eyes are already glassy, and I don't look up, afraid the tears would fall down.

He leans his head, searching for my eyes.

" Syd?"

" I...you..." I sigh. How can it be so hard to talk to him? It used to be so simple, so natural. And now it's like we're strangers again.

"I'll be right back." He leaves and come back with a glass and a bottle of milk. He pours some in the glass and gives it to me.

" Here." I take the glass without looking up, and sip some milk. I put it on the nightstand.

" Feel better?"

" Yeah...thanks." An awkward silence fills the room, as if we were afraid of talking, not knowing what to say. I'm sure he hates me with all I said to him. I'll never forgive myself if I've lost the last chance we had to be together again.

" You wanna talk?" he asks still searching for my eyes. I've never been so afraid in my entire life. It's like what I'll do, or say, would make me die if I do it wrongly. And I will if I he tells me we'll never be more than friends.

" Vaughn...I...What I said to you..."

" You're ready to explain?" I hear the hurt in his voice, I finally look at him and see anger, and pain. Oh no, what have I done to him?

" I need you to be honest with me."

" Syd, I've always been hon –"

" Vaughn...I don't know how to..."

" Just tell me Syd."

" OK." I swallow and take a deep breathe.

"Are you seeing someone else?" God, why did I say 'else'? He wasn't seeing anyone before...

" What?"

" You heard what I said."

" Syd...I..." Oh no, that means 'yes, I've someone in my life, and I'm happy with her.' I feel the tears back in my eyes, and I do all I can do to not let them fall. My hands start to play with the sheet.

" Why are you asking me that?" He doesn't want to answer, so he's definitely going out with someone else.

" Why don't you answer?"

" Syd...why are you thinking I'm going out with someone else?" 'Else'? What does that mean?

" I...I heard you on the phone and-"

" When? " Suddenly he seems to remember when.

" When I was helping you with your tree?" His tone tells me all I needed to know, I shouldn't have heard his call.

" Syd...You're serious?"

" Of course I am! What do you think? That I'm at my absolute lowest because of nothing?" He swallows painfully, looking down.

" Syd, I...I don't know what to say..."

" The truth. Only the truth. Even if it hurts. I want to know." He looks up at me.

" What do you want to know Syd? I don't understand why you're acting like this."

" Because it makes me insane knowing I've lost you! Knowing I've lost you again!"

" Syd-"

" Since I'm back all I've wanted is for you to came back to me! I woke up, and for me it was only hours Vaughn! Hours, not years! And how do you think I've felt since that day? You just told me you were married; you forgot me, and what were you expecting me to say Vaughn? Nice, I'm happy for you? Can you at least imagine how I felt that day? It was like I was slowly dying in this room, like you were ripping my heart away! "
I'm crying, tears falling down my cheeks, and I do my best not to run away. At least I want him to know what he's done to me.

"You were my life, we were so happy, and then after learning that my best friend's been doubled, that she's dead, after finding Will in the bathtub, I woke up and just find out that the only person I loved with all my soul is married, only two years after I went missing! And when I thought we could have a chance to be together again, I learn that you're happy with someone else! That all I was hoping for since I've been back, all I've ever dreamed of having since I was a child, I will never have it! I was so stupid believing you'd come back to me after your divorce. I should have known that." He doesn't say anything, just looks straight into my eyes. His eyes are glassy, and full of pain. But I avoid his gaze and look back at my lap.

" Syd, I..." He moves from the chair and sits on the bed. He tries to take my hands in his but I don't let him and cross my arms on my chest.

" Go away!"

" No. I won't."

" Syd...I'm not going out with someone else."

" I don't believe you. Not anymore."

" Sydney, I am not seeing someone else."

" So who was on the phone?"

" It was my cousin." I shake my head.

" That's all you can come up with?"

" Syd, she..." He moves closer to me and takes my hand, not letting me pull away.

" After you...she lost her husband about a month before...and we've been helping each other. I wouldn't let anyone help me because they didn't know how hard it is to lose the love of your life." Did he just say...he loved me, I've never doubted that, but...

" I was drinking day and night, alone in my apartment, crying, slowly dying...And one night we met at a store, we were both looking for more alcohol, and...we started to talk about what happened. She came at my place and we talked all the night, drinking and grieving. And we decided to see us again, to help each other, because we both knew..." I feel so stupid. Why didn't I listen to him earlier?

" The other day she was asking me if I could give her a ride, because she has a date, and she wanted to have a hair cut, buy some clothes, and she wanted me to help her, like she did when..."

" When you were dating Lauren."

" Yeah." He replies softly, and says in the same tone. It hurts.

" Syd, if I would've known you thought I..." He sighs, and lifts my chin up, looking straight into my soul.

" I would never betray you. I would never...Syd, you're the only person I want to be with, I need to be with. I want to give us another chance. I don't want to lose you again. I can't lose you twice." With that he puts me in a hug and holds me tightly. I close my eyes and get lost in the sensation. His body is warm, a comforting warm, the one I needed for so long. His arms are still strong, enveloping all my body. I bury my head in the crock of his neck, breathing his scent as if it is oxygen. But he's my oxygen. I can't live without him. He's breathing in my neck, his warm breath sending a shiver all over my body. We reluctantly pull back, but he puts his forehead against mine, our eyes still closed. We stay like that in silence, just enjoying each other presence.

"Vaughn..." He opens his eyes but doesn't move.

" Uhm?"

" I...I'm sorry...I'm so sorry..." Tears are back again in my eyes. He moves backs but takes my hands in his again.

" What I said before...I shouldn't..." I take a deep breath.

" I shouldn't have said that, I..." I'm not able to talk, I'm crying and sobbing.

" Shhh... Syd, you don't have to do this, it's OK."

" No...it's not OK! I...I could have lost you and...I...because of me..." He wipes my tears and hugs me again. He holds me quietly, not saying anything, just letting me cry on his shoulder. Like he used to do... After what seems an eternity I eventually pull back.

" Thanks."

" You don't have to thank me, I've told you before. It's my job."

" When you were my handler, yeah, but..."

" I'm more than your handler..."

" You've always been." He smiles, one of his secret smiles that makes me weak. I could spend days just looking at him. His eyes. His smile. Being in his arms. And one day I'll do that again. I hope we'll do that again.

" You should get some sleep." I sigh, not wanting to hear those words.

" That's all I've done these days."

" Yeah, but that's what you didn't do for months."

I nod and lie in the bed. He tucks me in and kisses me on the forehead.

" Sleep well."

" You too."

He leaves the room, letting me rest. But this time I fall asleep with a smile on my face.