AN: Thanks for checking out this story. Please review!

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Chapter 1: Realization

Sirius Black poured himself another shot of Ogden's Old Firewhisky and drank it in one gulp. It burned his throat less than the five before it. He set the empty bottle of liquor down and buried his face in his hands.

Something was going to happen to them.

He didn't know how he knew it. It was just a feeling, lingering in his heart, burning the pit of his stomach, the ever-present thought that James and Lily and Harry were not safe.

Dumbledore had told the young couple that there was a traitor…someone close to the Potters was giving Lord Voldemort information about their whereabouts. Sirius didn't know who the damn spy was, but he promised himself that whoever it was would die.

He had suspected both Moony and Wormtail at one point or another. But every time all four of them were together, like the old days, there was not a doubt in Sirius's mind that they were all innocent and loyal.

A loud bang on the door interrupted Sirius's thoughts.

He stumbled to the entrance to his apartment, tripping over a pair of boots on his way and flung open the door.

"Remus?" Sirius asked. "What are you doing here?"

Remus gave an amused grin. "Looking for you. You didn't show up at the Quidditch game today. I thought something might have happened. Clearly, you had something more constructive planned." He glanced at the empty liquor bottle.

"Damn!" Sirius muttered. "I forgot about Quidditch. Sorry Moony."

Remus shrugged. "It's alright. The match only lasted for six minutes anyway. The Bats' Seeker caught the Snitch right away."

The pair walked over to the couch and sat down. Remus cast a worried look at his friend.

"Are you okay, Padfoot?" Remus asked. "This amount of drinking is odd, even for you."

"Oh, nothing in particular, you know. The most evil wizard to have ever lived is terrorizing innocent people and one of my best friends and his family are known targets, but, you know, nothing to worry about…"

"Sirius, we've done all we can do. You have to stop all this worrying," Moony told him.

"How can I stop worrying? How can I ignore the problem when everything in me says that James is in danger? How can I fall asleep at night knowing that little baby Harry might not live to go to Hogwarts?" Sirius felt a tear slide down his cheek and he swiped at it furiously. "I don't know how you do it, Moony. You're so calm and strong…and I can't take this anymore." Sirius stood and began walking away. He needed to go for a walk….just needed to get out of there.

But at that moment, Remus embraced him and Sirius let himself go. He buried his head in his friend's shoulder and tried to remember a happier time, when they were all romping around Hogwarts without a worry in the world.

Sirius didn't know why he did what he did next. Perhaps it was the amount of alcohol or the nagging voice in his head that told him this was not the time to leave something for tomorrow or maybe it was simply that the onslaught of feelings was finally too much to hold back.

He kissed Remus.

He kissed him on the cheek, and then on the corner of his mouth, and finally their lips met. Sirius could not attempt to describe the pleasure of Remus' lips moving against his own. He only knew that the kiss was long overdue and he wasn't going to hold back for another second.

Remus broke away from him and shook his head slowly. "We can't do this Sirius. You're drunk and worried and distraught. You don't really want this."

Sirius stared at him in surprise. "How can you pretend to know what I bloody want?"

"I know that even you're too drunk right now to know what you want."

"I've wanted this for years."

Remus's jaw dropped in surprise and he took a step back. "What?"

"You heard me."

"What are you talking about?" Remus asked him, clearly flustered. "What do you me-"

"I'm talking about my feelings for you," Sirius said. Now that he had started he couldn't seem to stop the words from flowing from his mouth. "I'm talking about how not one damn girl in Hogwarts made me happy because the entire time I wanted you. I'm talking about how I've tried to tell you a million times about how I feel, but I never do. I'm talking about how I love you."

There was a pause and the only sound that could be heard was the ragged breathing coming from the two men.

And then Remus closed the gap between them and kissed him roughly. His tongue flickered inside Sirius's mouth and Sirius sighed with pleasure. Sirius grabbed Remus forcefully by the arm and led him to the bedroom. The pair collapsed onto the bed.

Both men discarded their shirts and began kissing again. Sirius ran his hands along Remus's stomach, eager to explore the other man's body. Remus gently pushed Sirius down and laid himself on top of him.

Sirius moaned loudly as he felt the pressure of Remus's erection against his thigh. He kissed Remus's neck and bare shoulders and chest. Sirius felt Remus's hand in his hair and closed his eyes to memorize the sensation.

Suddenly Sirius felt himself relieved from the pressure of Remus and looked up to see the other man removing his trousers. Sirius began unbuttoning his own pants and slid them off as quickly as he could.

Remus laid down on Sirius and again and kissed him softly. Sirius explored Remus's mouth with his tongue and ran a hand down the other man's leg. Sirius felt Remus's arousal press into his own and groaned at the friction.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" Remus asked. The question came out as a gasp as the man worked to catch his breath.

"I've never been so sure of anything in my entire life," Sirius said.

Remus smiled.

And for a little while Sirius's pain went away.

AN: Please review! More to come!